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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How do I make it clear to women that I am NOT interested in dating right now?
Q. I'm scarred by a bad breakup. Now, I have a NASTY impression of the dating world. I have 2 questions. First, how do I give the signal to girls in general, that I'm NOT in the mood to date, so that they can look for someone that'll actually be ...
A. 22 October 2012: Yes, really, what difference does it make ? The only difference is if you'd LIKE her to be interested or not.
In this second case, - do nothing. If she stubbornly comes over trying to ply you with other sweets, just say politely and coldly : no... (read in full...)
I feel like he ought to have gone more out of his way for me
Q. Hey, I would like others point of view. My boyfriend lives about 90 mikes away and I see him most weekends. The other day I stayed over his and live about a 20 minute drive from his I currently don't have a car. It was really heavily raining an...
A. 27 September 2012: I got a bit confused about the logistics here, does he live 90 miles away from you or 20 minutes drive ? If it is 20 min. by car, how come it is 1.5 hours by train ?...
Never mind. Anyway, I think that yes, he
could have done better ,but you... (read in full...)
How to figure out men in their late 50's?
Q. I've been seeing someone in his late 50's and I have no idea what sort of mind games he is playing. Sometimes when I tell him I miss him, he would reply my text with a smile icon. Sometimes even though he read my "I miss you" text, he wouldn't reply ...
A. 26 September 2012: I don't think he is playing games , I think it's the generation gap. People 50 and up don't like texting, - they don't understand it, they find it futile, invasive and often annoying unless it is strictly functional ,like SVC says :" ... (read in full...)
Why does he get an iPad? It's not fair!
Q. Today I came home from school and found my little brother with a brand-new iPad. I am so freakin jealous of him! My parents said its only "because he needs a certain app for social skills." (he has aspergers so he needs help) I still don't ...
A. 25 September 2012: Guess what , I think it's fair instead . You got two presents of more or less the same value. You went to summer camp, and he got the Ipad .
..Are you sure that 400 is all it costed ? That absolutely no new clothing or shoes or bathing suits or a... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend changed his relationship status from 'in a relationship' to 'single'. Is he cheating?
Q. I'm in long distance relationship with my boyfriend. He is Australian and I'm Indian. We both are sixteen years old. We met on facebook 2 months ago and he asked me for relationship after 1 month. I love him alot. Everything was going perfect ...
A. 25 September 2012: " Quos perdere vult, deus prius dementat " ( When the gods want to ruin somebody, first they make them lose their mind ) - says the Aunt throwing her hands up in desperation.
You are so hell bent in clinging to this fantasy of " love ", that... (read in full...)
Should I run or is he just insecure from being divorced twice?
Q. I'm frustrated and have told my boyfriend this on many an occasion. He is smart but I sometimes feel he is trying to outsmart me and tries to make me feel it's just in my head that I think he has too many issues and is clingy. He insists I answer...
A. 25 September 2012: You are a brave woman. Your description of your bf's behaviour was enough to give me the heebie jeebies. Massive heebie jeebies. He sounds like some character from a Stephen King's novel , the kind of guy that is so nice and loving in chapter ... (read in full...)
I didn't give him my phone number when he wanted it, but now I like him!
Q. Okay so theres this guy that i like.Last year he asked for my number through my friend. i was not intrestrd at the time but now i am i find that hes so adorable. so should i try and talk to him and aplogize for being rude or should i just leave him ...
A. 25 September 2012: I don't think you need to apologize for having been rude, unless you have actually been rude ,like yelling or laughing at him or something.
Otherwise, you are not the Public Directory and are not obliged to give your phone number out.
Just ... (read in full...)
I've decided not to speak to this guy anymore after he said when he's with me he feels like he's talking to a baboon. Am I right in deciding to do this?
Q. Before I go into details as to why I'm asking this question. Let me first ask the question aha, exactly how right am I for deciding this? You see, I am a sixteen year old girl, you know I'm young but a lot of people, well, grown ups say I'm matu...
A. 25 September 2012: Oh I think he likes you ,instead . I bet he does. He is impressed.
In primary school, if a boy always pulls the braids of a girl, you can be sure he has a crush on her. Now, with all due respect... a few years have passed ( not that many... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend changed his relationship status from 'in a relationship' to 'single'. Is he cheating?
Q. I'm in long distance relationship with my boyfriend. He is Australian and I'm Indian. We both are sixteen years old. We met on facebook 2 months ago and he asked me for relationship after 1 month. I love him alot. Everything was going perfect ...
A. 25 September 2012: This must be the same lovely boyfriend that few days ago asked you to send him your naked pics " as a proof of your love ".
Today , he loves you so much that has become single again.
Wake up , darling, this guy is hooking up on line , and pr... (read in full...)
Younger b/f ended relationship because of my face book friends?
Q. hi! am march 40 yrs and had a perfect relationship with a young man at 23. just 5 days ago this perfect relationship ended just because he discovered that i had a new account at fb. and i have male friends there too. we had been living-in together ...
A. 25 September 2012: I think only you can answer your own question , after considering what happened in the past leading to the current break up.
Pardon me if I doubt that the perfect relationship was really perfect.
Because, if we accept his explanation as good,... (read in full...)
Is it ok for a friend to sleep with your FWB?
Q. My very close friend slept with a fwb of mine and has not come out and told me herself. I am so hurt by this, but other people who I have spoken to don’t understand why I should be as bothered as he is only a FWB and therefore he doesn’t mean ...
A. 25 September 2012: Technically your friend did not do anything wrong. This guy is not your bf, you are not even dating, you are just having sex together. Your relationship is for entertainment purposes only , so from this point of view it's like you were bitching ... (read in full...)
How to handle my disrespectful daughter?
Q. Hi all I need some advice on my daughter and I we stay in to it as a child growing up I had no problems out of her soon as she got her period at 14 she started to hate me .Now she is nineteen going out with this young punk he's twenty no job stays ...
A. 25 September 2012: I think even a better idea than telling her to make him do for her, would be teaching her to do for herself.
Crummy boyfriends come and go, and parents ( very reasonably ) get sick and tired to support financially their kids forever- so the kids... (read in full...)
How can I be falling for someone 40 years older than me?
Q. Is there something wrong with me? I am 21 and I believe I am falling for someone 40 years older than me! How is that possible? ...
A. 25 September 2012: Oh it's possible. Smart is not , but it is possible.
How ?
Well, you may be a lucky exception of curse, but in general it is rather predictable.
Your usual daddy issues ( good old Freud ) in girls that have grown up without a strong, prot... (read in full...)
GF doesn't want friends to know about relationship.
Q. Ok, so i've dated my gf for almost 2 years now. Only people that know we're in a relationship is her family but not her friends. I asked her why she doesn't want other people to know about our relationship and she said that if we break up she ...
A. 25 September 2012: I would not bother to salvage anything, if I were you.
If a woman can stay 2 years without ever mentioning, oh btw I 've got two kids, she is capable ( and used to ) hide anything and lie about anything. How can you trust her anymore, and how ... (read in full...)
Handling school and jobs -- we're growing distant, how do I deal with it?
Q. Hey guys! My boyfriend used to be a lot closer to me and always wanted to talk to me and be with me. He got a job and he has to balance school and now our relationship seems soo distant. I do understand now he has less free time and he must be so ...
A. 25 September 2012: Sweetheart, welcome to grown up world.
Use your imagination and think how will you feel, maybe a few years from now, if you 'll have to be in school or college AND hold a job AND of course you don't want to neglect your friends and family, and ... (read in full...)
Am I bound by this contract?
Q. I live and am employed in California. When we were hired, we signed a contract stating we must give a 1 months notice before quitting. I want to leave as soon as possible because I have a new job offer but I still have to stay an extra month. Do I ...
A. 25 September 2012: I know nothing about workplace laws in California, but I think a bit of " don't do unto others " is always appropriate in any circumstance.
If you had to be fired, what would you prefer : being given a month's notice so that you can look for anot... (read in full...)
Long Distance to Married w Kids?
Q. I've been dating a man for 11 months now. It is a long distance relationship but we see each other every two weeks for four days at a time or more and we talk every night. It didn't take long after we first started dating to start talking about a ...
A. 25 September 2012: I agree with C.Grant ,there's no such thing as " being selfish " at 49 once you have raised your own family. Chances are that you have already been giving so much, that now you are fully entitled to " take " a little for yourself only : some ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time hoping he will change?
Q. I met this man almost five years ago. At the time I was 20 and in between relationships. We went on a couple dates and agreed to keep it "low key and simple". Then I met someone that I wanted a relationship with and cut it off with him. That r...
A. 24 September 2012: Yes, I think you are wasting your time. 4 or 5 years and nothing has changed... if anything could have changed, I guess it would have happened already. This guy found his groove, he likes it the way it is with you, if it ain't broke don't fix it.
I... (read in full...)
We're both attracted to one another but I'm concerned I may be rushing her
Q. There's a lovely girl I am interested in, and she in me (she has said so before). Problem is that her last boyfriend cheated on her. Things haven't been going well between us lately, and I realise that I might be pushing her, when she isn't r...
A. 24 September 2012: The rule of thumb would be that when somebody say they are not ready for a relationship, what they actually mean is that they are not ready for a relationship WITH YOU.
Nothing is ever etched in granite, but I have seen many,many ,many more appl... (read in full...)
How can I convince my parents that not getting another dog is the right choice for me?
Q. My rat terrier is 15 years old and I got him when I was 12 years old. It was great having a dog growing up but after he dies, I do not want another dog. My problem is my parents are making a big deal about me not getting another dog after he die...
A. 24 September 2012: Pardon me, but it does not sound to me like something to be antsy about.
You just tell your parents calmly and politely what you have told us - you don't want any more pets because : a) you are already around pets all day long -b ) you want... (read in full...)
After one month of college I still don't have a boyfriend
Q. hi, I am a 22 year girl...doing post graduation.In my past life I get 3 relationships, but all broke. now in my new college I wanted to start new.....I want someone in my college to be my boyfreind. but here no body takes intrest in me, though I ...
A. 24 September 2012: Relax ! Take it easy. Rome wasn't built in one day.
ONE month , and you are already panicking... ? Calm down. Don't believe that any bf is better than no bf at all, - 99% chances that life is going to disabuse you bitterly of this silly noti... (read in full...)
Did my comment scare him off?
Q. Okay so I was having a Facebook conversation with this guy who I like but he has a conversation and we were joking around when I says " it's weird we haven't talked in ages, I kind of miss you" because we used to be close but then we stopped talking ...
A. 24 September 2012: I am not a guy but I don't see anything scary in your comment and I doubt he got scared. I can't see " I kind of miss you " as heavy romance or a pushy advance. One can miss a person as a friend, because they miss his conversation and ... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend asked me to share my naked pic, I refused to share and now he is sad. Should I send him my naked pic?
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We both are of same age, 16 years old. He is Australian and I'm Indian. We met 2 months ago on facebook and he proposed me after 1 month. I love him a lot. I strictly follow what our holy book ...
A. 23 September 2012: People who can't learn from their mistakes are bound to repeat them.
So you found a boyfriend on line... just to find out that he was married - so he was never your boyfriend to begin with, because married guys already have ( duh ) wive... (read in full...)
How do I make it clear to women that I am NOT interested in dating right now?
Q. I'm scarred by a bad breakup. Now, I have a NASTY impression of the dating world. I have 2 questions. First, how do I give the signal to girls in general, that I'm NOT in the mood to date, so that they can look for someone that'll actually be ...
A. 23 September 2012: Thanks OP and.. just go with your guts .
Dating is not necessarily as complicated and fraught with danger and heartbreak as you make it , but if you do not feel like inviting/getting invited, asking out / being asked out , that's perfectly fine... (read in full...)
How do I make it clear to women that I am NOT interested in dating right now?
Q. I'm scarred by a bad breakup. Now, I have a NASTY impression of the dating world. I have 2 questions. First, how do I give the signal to girls in general, that I'm NOT in the mood to date, so that they can look for someone that'll actually be ...
A. 23 September 2012: OP, you are getting me all confused .
But, do you want to go out on dates, or do you NOT want to go out on dates, and focus on your studies instead ?
Do you want to ask girls out ( and kiss them and what not ) or do you NOT want etc.etc.... (read in full...)
Fiance's world revolves around his 16 year old daughter with asperger's
Q. Hi This is quite hard for me. My fiances daughter is nearly 16 and she has aspergers. I'm finding this very hard to cope with. Its like she's 10 always something wrong with her and when there is my partner has to drop everything and run for her,its ...
A. 23 September 2012: She is his daughter, and she has a big problem, Asperger's. Of course she comes first, what do you expect ?! The needs and demands of a child with issues always come before those of an adult fiancee' or of other less troubled, happier, better ... (read in full...)
When they discover my religion guys take a step back!
Q. I always get a lot of attention from guys and have never felt insecure about anything. But recently I've realized that guys start looking at me differently as soon as they find out I am a Muslim. I live/study in Christian society so pretty much ...
A. 23 September 2012: Well, it could be out of sheer prejudice , of course.
But it's not just that - things are objectively difficult between a Christian man ( I don't know about the Jewish guys ) and a Muslim girl.
To begin with, you are supposed to keep your vir... (read in full...)
Is he like this around me because he might feel something for me, or because he's not interested in the least?
Q. I used to have a crush on one of my brothers friends, J. At one point he showed signs of liking me (I caught him looking at me all the time, he'd be talking to a group of people but looking at me, jump on me to wake me up, ask my parents about me, ...
A. 23 September 2012: Does it have to be so either/ or , so black or white ?
Either he has a big crush on you, or he hates you ?
The truth is probably something in between.
He used to be somewhat attracted to you, and possibly he is still somewhat attracted t... (read in full...)
Where should I break up with my boyfriend of 3 years?
Q. Hello Cupid I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. This is the first serious relationship for both of us. Sadly the feelings aren't the same for me and so I've decided to end the relationship. I live far away from anywhere so breakin...
A. 23 September 2012: After the update, I agree with the others.
I simply meant that a relationship should be terminated the same way it has been conducted. If two people meet every day, or once a week, or every ten days, why the IRL communication should stop all ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's behavior has changed, I need some advice.
Q. Hi Everyone, Hope you can help, Ive been seeing my girlfriend for about 18 months - we will live an hour from each other - plus for a long part of this I used to work away so seeing each other was not easy. But at the weekend I would try ...
A. 23 September 2012: Well, you said it yourself : if she is , or was ,on a dating site everyday it's not just a harmless one time curiosity, she must be either looking , or dating, and either way it's not good.
There's a lot of people who does not like to jump with... (read in full...)
This picture pops up on Facebook of my boyfriend and this girl looking like a couple....is it reasonable for me to have a problem with this photo?
Q. Hi, so my boyfriend just came back off holiday, we've been quite rocky for a while but since he came back we've been really happy havnt argued once until this photo was uploaded on facebook. I just want advice on whether I'm being in reasonable with ...
A. 23 September 2012: Honestly, I don't know if you can stop it. This kind of things is best nipped in the bud- you should have set boundaries, and stated clearly what you accept and what you don't at the beginning of the relationship. I suspect that you have let this ... (read in full...)
I've been caught stealing and my employers know about it, they have given me 2 options, so what do I do now?
Q. I have been working for my company as a new business rep for 4 and a half years and always been good. I normally get my lunch from a supermarket down the road from my office but about a month ago, i had some fraud done on my bank and while it got...
A. 21 September 2012: OK, no insults, but... did it ever cross yor mind that you could have easily gone to lovely Mike and lovely Sally , explained how and why you were in a financial pickle , and ask if you could have an advance on your next salary ? Who is the ... (read in full...)
Should I transfer to another college to be closer to my boyfriend?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now, and I'm in my freshman year of college. Some background information: Before I moved here I basically lived with my boyfriend over the summer, and before that we did everything together and are ...
A. 21 September 2012: First of all, did you ask your parents' opinion ?... If they are funding your education, their opinion definitely counts - and even if they are no, hey they are your parents, they know you, they love you and they want the best for you : it can't ... (read in full...)
This picture pops up on Facebook of my boyfriend and this girl looking like a couple....is it reasonable for me to have a problem with this photo?
Q. Hi, so my boyfriend just came back off holiday, we've been quite rocky for a while but since he came back we've been really happy havnt argued once until this photo was uploaded on facebook. I just want advice on whether I'm being in reasonable with ...
A. 21 September 2012: Hi Rebeccaa, to get a helpful answer you should always give the general picture, not just the single episode. You seem to ( or you try to ) consider this a single episode, but actually there's some history behind it, isn' there ?...
I think most... (read in full...)
He's all over me but he has a girlfriend
Q. Okay so I started highschool 3weeks ago and I met thIs guy he's really nice and he's a big flirt well about a week ago we started talking and getting close just a week ago he got a girlfriend but he still all over me and everything but I don't bow ...
A. 21 September 2012: I see where you are getting at :). You want us to say , but if he used to flirt with anybody , and since he's got his gf he stopped with the others , but not with me , that must mean he must really like me right ?...
WRONG.
First, you are not... (read in full...)
Where should I break up with my boyfriend of 3 years?
Q. Hello Cupid I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. This is the first serious relationship for both of us. Sadly the feelings aren't the same for me and so I've decided to end the relationship. I live far away from anywhere so breakin...
A. 21 September 2012: I don't get why you can't break up at your place. Unluckily, he'll be hurt and sad anyway, and if he has to be hurt and sad walking home , or sitting or standing, in a bus or in a cab, I don't see the difference. If you break up by phone or ... (read in full...)
I earn double what my boyfriend does so he expects me to pay for everything
Q. Hi all. I earn double my boyfriend's salary and I'm a bread winner At home. He always ask for money and when he bring it back he doesn't bring the full amount. He's very stingy and he expect me do everything for him like give him money to go to ...
A. 21 September 2012: I agree, if you have separate households and you are basically just dating, you should not give him any money. At all. If you feel like giving him a gift once in a while ( better not in cash, though ) because YOU want to and you can afford it, ... (read in full...)
Do you believe in 'if you love them let them go'?
Q. This is just a random poll question: You know how in movies or TV there's always the theme of "if you love him/her, you'll let them go and be happy"... do you agree with that? Given that the relationship in question is pretty good but not ...
A. 21 September 2012: How can the relationship be "pretty good" if either one is unhappy being in it ??
A relationship that makes one the partners unhappy is a relationship that's not working, and whether you let them go or you try to keep them with you, sooner or l... (read in full...)
With so many men who claim to need porn should I even bother with a relationship?
Q. I don't even really know how to begin this but, here we go, I am confused about relationships. Mainly about if I am good enough. Everyone always says guys like to look, many of them watch porn, have nude magazines, some like strip clubs. I know ...
A. 21 September 2012: Of course you won't measure up :). But, do you think your future husband , at 45 or 55, will measure up lookswise to all the hot young hunks you can happen to see and compare him with ,at the beach, the gym, the pool , the bar etc ?
As a matt... (read in full...)
Truly love my wife, only been with her, want to try another woman though.
Q. Hello there, I married my high school sweetheart. We have been together for near 15 years, married only about 5 years. We had kids "really" young. I have only ever slept with her and she has only ever slept with me 100% fact. So in technical ter...
A. 20 September 2012: What's all this business about forgiveness ? You don't need any forgiveness in your case. If you are 100% certain that your wife would be ok with an one-night stand of yours, and 100% certain that you 'd be OK with an one night stand of hers, just ... (read in full...)
2 months of dating..... is it too soon to start talking about future plans?
Q. I am a 33 year old just separated 5 months ago (see my previous questions) with a kid that has started dating a girl about 2 months ago and has fallen for her. Since break up I have been getting together with a few wonderful women without getting ...
A. 20 September 2012: If your objective was to SLOWLY find a girl with whom to ty and set a family...then I must say that you failed the objective. 5 months that you separated, and you have already dated several women, then fallen in love with this one after just two ... (read in full...)
After 3 years of a FWB relationship, I broke it off. Did I do the right thing?
Q. I guess what I'm really looking for is affirmation that I did the right thing. I think I did, but it takes one varying opinon to make me reconsider what I did. Anyhow, I've been seeing this guy (not seriously for 3-years). I have dated and "...
A. 20 September 2012: Of course you did the right thing, and I am surprised you need confirmation, after 3 years. It's a bit like you asked " My feet hurt, and I figured out it must be because I was driving a hammer to my toes, so I stopped. Did I do the right thing ? ... (read in full...)
How do I make it clear to women that I am NOT interested in dating right now?
Q. I'm scarred by a bad breakup. Now, I have a NASTY impression of the dating world. I have 2 questions. First, how do I give the signal to girls in general, that I'm NOT in the mood to date, so that they can look for someone that'll actually be ...
A. 13 September 2012: I am perplexed. No offence, I am totally willing to believe that you are attractive, nice, intelligent and full of qualities, but, unless you are a rockstar or a tycoon or anyway someone quite exceptional , I don't think you'll have much of a ... (read in full...)
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