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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Can masturbation interfere with a relationship?
Q. If a man masturbates 5 or 6 times a day when he is single and then gets in a relationship and almost never wants sex could this be a problem? How? Is it possibly that he maybe masturbated too much? I am just wondering....
A. 5 September 2012: Well,of course it must be a problem if he almost never wants sex ( regardless if the cause for lack of desire is masturbation or something else ). Unless his partner has a similarly low libido and agrees with almost never having sex. Otherwise, the ... (read in full...)
I am worried about him financially. Am I wrong??
Q. Hi aunts and uncles :) I will try to make this short. My bf moved in with my two children and I about three months ago. He has helped us out with rent,cable, electric AND food. Hasn't missed a week of payments. A few weeks ago he called me a...
A. 4 September 2012: I agree with Aunty Em.Donüt lend him any more money, and, if he keeps paying his share of bills etc according to your agreements,... the rest is his problem, let him handle it his own way in his own time. He is an adult and you are his partner, not ... (read in full...)
Should I just ignore her?
Q. Hi guys.. I'm having this issue with my boyfriend right now.. I've been with him on-off for a year or so.. and he's got 3 girls on facebook that has a crush on him.. and he even admitted that.. And now, one of the girls added me and said th...
A. 4 September 2012: Ignore her. But, I would ignore him too. On and off never bides well for the future of a relationship. In fact, often "on and off " means for at least one in the couple, " you are on as long as I cannot get a better offer..then you are off". And if ... (read in full...)
How do I end this babysitting arrangement without things becoming awkward?
Q. I've been babysitting on and off for a couple (I'll call them J and B) with a little boy of two years old since October 2011. They didn't used to call me often, maybe once a month, but since around April of this year they've been in touch more ...
A. 4 September 2012: Awkward? Why ? This is a regular business transaction - money in change of a professional performance. The moment that you, for any reasons of yours, ( well, sure, no need to tell them : I am not going to babysit that awful pest anymore) feel that ... (read in full...)
Why does my Ex talk about coming home, but he can't make his own mind up to do so?
Q. I talked to my ex today for a long time . We laughed about old and new events in our lives even though we live so far apart we still have feeling for one another.We went our own way I moved and he stayed. So now he is giving little hints on coming ...
A. 4 September 2012: I think that you answered your own question. as long as there is doubt, it is better that you stay apart.
Then, exes are exes for a reason, in general. I am not surprisded that he is hesitating. I am sure you too miss each other, and there stil... (read in full...)
He was like my dream guy. But I feel wounded by his actions. How should I handle this situation?
Q. I met this guy at a club. I liked him at first sight .I thought he liked me,too. he thought I am good looking and show me off in front of his friends. He was like my dream guy. I am afraid I can never meet someone just like him again. He...
A. 13 August 2012: Just ignore him if you come across him, and don´t sweat it. Don´t sweat it at all. You made a bad judgemnt call, it happens, and it will be useful to you in future, in order to become more discriminating and distinguish nightmare guys from ... (read in full...)
I'm five months pregnant but he made me walk 8 miles plus home. I love him but he stresses me. Should I give him up?
Q. Hello everyone. I am 17 years old and I'm pregnant. I am 5 months pregnant and the boy who got me pregnant was my boyfriend of a year. He has now decided to choose alcohol and drugs over me and my little girl. I'm not really sure as to what I s...
A. 13 August 2012: " My little girl is going through so much because of him "- only because you allow it. A boy with alcohool and drugs addictions, and not the faintest intention to change, as of know, is not the kind of father that your baby, any baby, should ... (read in full...)
Ladies why date a man first if he asks you to marry him right away?
Q. This question is especially for young single women. If a young single man who has everything going for him financially and career wise decides to settle down and approaches you but doesn't want to date you but asks you to marry him. Would you ...
A. 13 August 2012: I am not a young single woman , but I am still a woman, with a couple of ounces of common sense too , and, sorry pal, but any normal single girl would probably call the paramedicsfor you, presented with an offer like you mention.
You seem... (read in full...)
I've never been turned down for sex in the middle of the night, I feel hurt! Am I over reacting?
Q. I'm so hurt it's unbelievable. I live with my boyfriend but went away abroad with my mum and sister for a week and got back last night. everyday we called and texted a lot, he told me all the time how he missed me and couldn't wait to see me. I've ...
A. 12 August 2012: You are way over reacting ! What is he, a mechanical puppet, that you press the button, and he must react /perform at any time, in any mood, state and condition?...
It was 4 a.m. He was sleeping. He was tired. He had cycled 20 miles. And, he had ... (read in full...)
Is it enough to want a divorce because my husband won't be intimate with me?
Q. Is it enough to want a divorce because my husband won't be intimate with me? It has been this way throughout our 25 years of marriage. He is a wonderful man and every one loves him, my friends, family, our two 20 something children. He would do ...
A. 6 August 2012: Is it enough, from which point of view ? Legal, social, religious, spiritual,emotional,...?
For the law, it is more than enough, it is plenty. In my country you could not only file for divorce with imputation of fault ,, but, if you happen into... (read in full...)
Friend with benefits didn't show up when he said he would?
Q. Hi so my fwb and I didn't intend on being fwb well I didn't anyway and we have not spoken for 3 months. now I saw him the other day and tried to ignore him but he kept shouting at me so I waited for him to come over and he aksed how I was and why I ...
A. 6 August 2012: Yeah,let him go and let him be. He never showed up because he never actually meant to, or at least he was not much interested. He had disappeared since over 3 months- obviously he has moved on to newer greener pastures, or just simply moved on ... (read in full...)
At the end of my Rope and Running out of Hope
Q. Not real good at this but I will try . I am 46 and just got a divorce after 30 yrs of Marriage . my ex left me in 2008 and I have been seeing this man who is 50 and retired . I work 5 days a week and then I come home and that is it. he stays with me ...
A. 19 July 2012: As Sageoldguy says.... what's the question ???? You are miserable with this loafer around to disrupt your peace of mind - and your sleep! You ARE still young, and you want to live. Then do that. Kick him out, and do it.... (read in full...)
Why does my 50 year old boyfriend sleep with his mother?
Q. Is it normal fort a 50 some year old guy to choose to sleep in the same bed with his Mom when there are other beds/sleeping arrangements available? My boyfriend makes a habit of doing this and I find it creepy....
A. 19 July 2012: What's your boyfriend 's name ? Norman Bates ?...... (read in full...)
My LDR ex and I are reconnecting. He wants me to visit, should I ask him to buy the ticket?
Q. Long story short. My long distance ex who is four years older than me has decided to pursue his masters degree at my university. He emailed me with the news and we began chatting via smartphone texting app. He made many hints that he still has ...
A. 19 July 2012: I wouldn't hold my breath, people's characters do not alter too much in different surroundings. If he did not communicate enough , or enough for your tastes, I think his communication needfs and patterns would stay more or less the same even if he ... (read in full...)
Study tips? I have trouble concentrating and staying focused. Help!
Q. I can't study. Ever since I was young I've always been smart but I can't focus on studying. I'm constantly distracted even when there's nothing to be distracted by and I have no patience. Every subject bores me and as soon as I finish the class I ...
A. 18 July 2012: Have you ever been tested for Attention Deficit Disorder ?
If you have ADD , it can be helped both by taking meds and / or learning special coping tecniques. Consult a professional.... (read in full...)
She chooses the one to lead the program, but she never attends. It's not going well. Should I try to give her advice? And How?
Q. A fellow christian who is in-charge of appointing who will lead the morning prayer programme doesn't come to the programme anymore.. As she had no knowledge of who is coming and who is also absent, she appoints people who don't attend the prayer prog...
A. 18 July 2012: Make it as if you were ASKING advice, rather than offering it. " I have noticed that often the people who is appointed for leading the prayer does not show up last minute, I was tryng to figure out a way for this not to happen ,or to happen much ... (read in full...)
How do you stay friends after breaking up? Is it possible?
Q. i was with my boyfriend for 1year and 9 months, yesterday he broke up with me, we agreed to stay friends, i havent seen him since but i think that it is doable, but others say staying friends is impossible, what can i do to make it easier to stay ...
A. 18 July 2012: It's not possible until either one has a lingering romantic attachment . So, not now, because " I can't lose him " suggest there's more at play emotionally than just a normal friendship.
In future, maybe yes, when you'll have completely move... (read in full...)
Its all a bit of a mess really and I don't know what to do
Q. I've been with my current girlfriend now, for, we both reckon, at least 2 years now. We never really both recall the exact date our relationship began, but it doesn't overly matter to us. At first, it was nice. I like how we started out (wit...
A. 18 July 2012: Personally,probbaly I would not even bother with the last ditch effort, I'd just colour her gone. And why the last ditch effort, to make something work... that never worked that much to begin with. ? I don't know, but if you ask me, when it's all a ... (read in full...)
My husband is very critical of my friends, what should I do?
Q. My husband doesn't understand why I keep on being friends with some of my girlfriends. More, he developed an attitude of not liking them, because of their actions. He makes negative remarks about them all the time, and with some of them I agree bu...
A. 16 July 2012: I think your husband is jealous .Maybe not jealous that you might be up to some mischief when you are out with these women, but jealous that he is not anymore the one and only focus and supply of companionship and social life for you, or that you ... (read in full...)
To rebound or not to rebound?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about 3 weeks ago because I cheated on him with my guy friend (over a month ago). I didn’t break up with my boyfriend because of guy friend though- I did it on my own terms and this incident just made me ...
A. 15 July 2012: Call me cynical, but... curious isn't it, how he said the nice things (you are the only one I can talk to etc.etc. ) BEFORE hooking up, and AFTER he prefers to lie low. Interesting timing.
I may be wrong of course, but I think that he is not too ... (read in full...)
How do I not appear to be the stereotypical blonde to my bf's family anymore?
Q. Hey guys, I dont know what to do in this situation my boyfriends little brother (hes 14) thinks im a idiot no matter what i do and i want him to like me but i dont know what to do? I have been with my bf over a year and we have been spending time ...
A. 15 July 2012: Oh for Pete's sake, the guy is FOURTEEN ! I bet that either A) he has a secret crush on you and that's the way he shows it, like the child he is, and children always go pull the braids of the little girl they like BEST or B) he is jealous ... (read in full...)
Is this relationship worth all the pressure he is putting on me to have a baby and move in with his parents?
Q. Here is my story. My bf and I are in a slump and a lot of crap has happened between us and now I'm being pressured by him. I feel super lost right now. I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 2 1/2 years and before all the trouble began, we had ...
A. 14 July 2012: Oh great. He's only 20, minimum wage, drinks too much, cheats on you, his family hates you, and he incarnates the worst outdated oldfashioned macho Mexican stereotype (, of the kind one hopes it only still exists in some lame sitcom ). And, you ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex say hello in person and then block me on facebook?
Q. My ex and I broke up a few days ago. I ran into him at the mall today. He came up to me to say hello and how are you, then we said bye. Then tonight I logged onto Facebook and saw that he deleted me. What is this conflicting behavior? ...
A. 14 July 2012: It's not conflicting, it's just polite. Making a major production of purposedly ignoring someone you used to be close with, when you meet him /her somewhere, would be an unwarranted, rude display of passive aggressivity. How your ex acted is civil ... (read in full...)
Is he just making excuses? Or is there something I can do to make this work?
Q. I met this guy while I was looking for no one {still burnt after the last one}- we were both waiting to take an exam at our Uni, he started talking to me and we got along well, so he left me his email. For the following couple of months, we wrote ...
A. 14 July 2012: Sure it makes sense , OP. That which you wrote, and also , probably there 's a bit of " treat them mean keep them keen "... on the receiving side. Meaning - you like him BECAUSE he did not ( quite ) want you and made clear he 'd rather do without ... (read in full...)
What can we do to prove to my boyfriend's parents that we aren't just another high school relationship and that we have a real future?
Q. Okay, so I am 19 and my boyfriend just 20 last week. We have been together since we were 16 and have been through so much together. Last year he, and his family, moved 1,200 miles away and we made the choice to break up. His parents, who claimed ...
A. 13 July 2012: I don't understand how his parents can factually prevent you two from meeting up considering that he is 20 and that you will pay your own ticket fare. What can they do, prohibit you access to their town ?...
If you mean that they are not will... (read in full...)
The man I'm with love with said ,"I care about you more than you know". Does that mean he loves me too? If yes then why doesn't he just say that?
Q. Help please Aunts, I am having trouble trying to understand what this man i'm in love with is trying to say to me. He knows how much i care about him very much,and he has said he cares about me.but we had a little tiff and i challenged him a...
A. 13 July 2012: This does not sound like a riddle to me . He says he cares about you. " More than you know " because in your tiff, or in the general course of your relationship, you might have accused him/ implied /conveyed to him, verbally or not, that he does not ... (read in full...)
My abusive ex owes me stuff worth up to $3000 which he refused to return and now he wants me to give him another chance
Q. Hey, I'm 20 years old , from France and i go to school in US i met a guy from Ohio , we had been together for 2 years. After he proposed to me last Christmas( We've in distance relationship for 2 years)i moved and transferred co...
A. 13 July 2012: I second You Wish's advice, plus I'd like to add that if for any reason you decide not to proceed with the lawsuit, or legal ways don't bring the expected result... just chalk it up to the cost of ...tuition. Valuable lessons in life usually come ... (read in full...)
Is he just making excuses? Or is there something I can do to make this work?
Q. I met this guy while I was looking for no one {still burnt after the last one}- we were both waiting to take an exam at our Uni, he started talking to me and we got along well, so he left me his email. For the following couple of months, we wrote ...
A. 12 July 2012: Dear OP, come on, you guys are in college right ? All you write is still too middle school. Way too much thought and interpretation of subtext and hidden meanings where there aren't any- but even IF there were.. who cares, OP, it's over, it was a ... (read in full...)
I don't want to date a man with kids. Am I expecting too much?
Q. So I have a son who is 16 months old. And for some reason I don't think dating a man with a kid is an option. I find that men with kids tend to have a lot of baggage; child support, baby mom drama, and no money.. I simply don't want a guy who is ...
A. 1 July 2012: Well... honestly, yes. For the simple fact that, while I am sure your child is your pride and your joy and the best thing in your life... for most men that child would be a liability , non at an asset, and will reduce your value on the dating ... (read in full...)
I got a friend to test him and now he has shut me out!
Q. i feel really bad, my on off partner of 18 years and i were in the process of what i thought trying to work things out. he has always been there for me until i messed up, i played a silly trick on him and now its kind of back fired and he refuses to ...
A. 1 July 2012: I have to agree with our super young but already very wise Auntette IAmHereToHelpYou.
You suffered a terrible tragic loss,- but most often real couples are brought together by losses and adversities, after all isn't it what a COUPLE is abou... (read in full...)
Should I tell this guy how I feel? He seems to like me, but I am being cautious. Should I be so cautious?
Q. I've gotten to know this guy well over the last few months. He asked me to go to the ball with him and I said yes, but before that I asked if two people can go as friends.. (I DIDN'T like him like that back then!) and he said "Oh. Well that's even ...
A. 1 July 2012: Oh yes, he likes you. What else could he do , poor kid , to show you that he likes you ?...
Yes, well, he could ask you on a date. Or just grab you and kiss you already !
I think he is just shy. And, he's your age, he can't be that suave an... (read in full...)
It makes me mad they weren't interested before I lost weight!
Q. I have lost alot weight over the past few months and have really changed my look and how I dress. One of my motivations in losing weight was that I was hoping to meet someone, and sure enough now I have started to get a bit of attention from guy...
A. 1 July 2012: Maybe what you feel is inevitable, yet, personally,I could never relate to this brand of moralism by which all that's pertaining to the "outside " is evil and shallow and to the " inside " virtuous and noble.
We are made by body AND mind, look... (read in full...)
He left his wife for me but misses his children
Q. I fell in love with a married man. We are right for each other. He left his wife and children and moved in with me, but told his wife it was a trial separationn and she has no clue what he has been doing. Now a few months in, he has become depre...
A. 1 July 2012: He would not return home if he loved "someone else ". He may be infatuated , he may be in lust ... but if really loved you, last thing he'd do would be going back to share a home, and a bed, with his wife.... (read in full...)
My guy says he will be dating another girl ...
Q. One day my guy told me he doesn't want to hide anything from me so i should ask me anything. i then asked him what he has been hidding from me and he said a girl asked him to date her so now he's dating her even though he doesn't love her. He said ...
A. 1 July 2012: Ok. Make him your EX boyfriend.... (read in full...)
She took the only thing my Dad left me
Q. Hey everyone I know this is not a relationship question but I need serious help from you guys. Ok 2 months ago my dad passed away and he had a car he was paying for but he didn't finish the payment, my dad's friend took custody of me and she fini...
A. 30 June 2012: OP, it's normal that you see it this way , and if actual, formal promises have been given and then taken back , ( like she actually told you she was going to take the car from your stepmom FOR you )... well, this is bad, of course. But , still, ... (read in full...)
I got a friend to test him and now he has shut me out!
Q. i feel really bad, my on off partner of 18 years and i were in the process of what i thought trying to work things out. he has always been there for me until i messed up, i played a silly trick on him and now its kind of back fired and he refuses to ...
A. 30 June 2012: I have to disagree with Aunt BimBim. 18 years with you, you've got KIDS- the first girl who chats him up , he says he has no women and he is SINGLE ???
Yes, the game you played was silly, childish and disrespectful. But, obviously the prob... (read in full...)
Asian guy with hot white girl. Never seen it in real life
Q. You rarely see a very hot caucasian girl with an asian guy (I'm not asking whether you've seen it. It happens, but it's rare). I've read that the best looking girls TEND to like more masculine guys, whereas more average girls TEND to like a bit less ...
A. 30 June 2012: Couldn't it simply be because Asian guys TEND to be rather cliquish and not to date outside their race/community ?
Close to where I live there's a town, that used to have a population of about 50.000 all white people. That area got a mass... (read in full...)
She took the only thing my Dad left me
Q. Hey everyone I know this is not a relationship question but I need serious help from you guys. Ok 2 months ago my dad passed away and he had a car he was paying for but he didn't finish the payment, my dad's friend took custody of me and she fini...
A. 30 June 2012: Even if the car were legally yours, you could not sell it without your tutor's or guardian 's consent. You are a minor and as such you could not sign a legally binding contract, or bill of sale.
You say that this car has an affective value for ... (read in full...)
Is there a such thing as a monogamous loyal man or is that a rare animal?
Q. A male older friend of mine and I had a conversation about infedility and marriage etc...My question to all you men and or women is do you agree with my male friend that ALL men if given the opportunity for SEX will take it married or not because ...
A. 30 June 2012: Recent American studies ( Indiana University, NorthWestern Chicago , and others ) concur in placing at 20 % to 25 % the percentage of cheating men .
But, another recent study commissioned by an Italian lawyers' association called AMI says that... (read in full...)
The fact that I'm completely flat chested is really starting to affect me and my relationships
Q. I'm an 18 year old female and I am completely flat chested...and i am not exaggerating when i say this for effect, i am being completely honest, i have the chest and nipples of a 7 year old boy. I have been on birth control pills for over 2 years...
A. 30 June 2012: I'll skip instead the " you are more than your breasts " and " small breasts can be very sexy too ".
That's true, of course, and I'll take it as a given.
BUT : small breasts ( barely filling an A cup ) are not a health problem.
A total underd... (read in full...)
He broke up with me after 5 years, so now we are roomies.
Q. ** This is a very long, detailed story** Less than a week ago, my boyfriend of 5 years ended our relationship. We had a good relationship and seldom argued. We enjoy most of the same things and overall we get along great. Saturday, we w...
A. 30 June 2012: First of all, yes, you can definitely miss the things you don't want any more. You miss the comfort, the easyness, the habits, the security. You miss knowing you've got someone who's got your back ( even if now you don't want specifically THAT ... (read in full...)
Its all a bit of a mess really and I don't know what to do
Q. I've been with my current girlfriend now, for, we both reckon, at least 2 years now. We never really both recall the exact date our relationship began, but it doesn't overly matter to us. At first, it was nice. I like how we started out (wit...
A. 23 June 2012: It does not sound so messy to me, IMO it's pretty straightforward. You went off her for some reason, or for no reason at all- i.e. the reason being probably that you are both young and that young people get infatuated and they take this ... (read in full...)
Is he just making excuses? Or is there something I can do to make this work?
Q. I met this guy while I was looking for no one {still burnt after the last one}- we were both waiting to take an exam at our Uni, he started talking to me and we got along well, so he left me his email. For the following couple of months, we wrote ...
A. 20 May 2012: OP,what makes this confusing for you- and for us Aunts - is that it was all about a kiss, one wonders , but would a kiss be such a make-it-or-break-it element ?
let's make the scenario a bit spicier and it will become more understandable. Guy meet... (read in full...)
Is he just making excuses? Or is there something I can do to make this work?
Q. I met this guy while I was looking for no one {still burnt after the last one}- we were both waiting to take an exam at our Uni, he started talking to me and we got along well, so he left me his email. For the following couple of months, we wrote ...
A. 19 May 2012: I am afraid that Cerberous is actually quite right. You are focusing on the fact that you he did the chasing.Well, the story would make more sense if he had done the chasing because he was very into you , then unluckily you did or say something ... (read in full...)
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