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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My FWB says that he's not cheating on his girlfriend with me because apparently I'm not a service , I'm just a girl who he likes in lust
Q. I am 19 years of age and now is in an affair with a man who is 29 who has a girlfriend he has been dating for 8 years. He says shes his best friend, with her he has a so called life , clean clothes to wear. But he is unsure if he wants/or is going ...
A. 11 December 2012: You are just naive . And you are becoming attached to a man that thinks so highly of you ,that he would prefer to pay you, if you accepted the money, to make your deal even more business-like and casual than it already is . That in itself should ... (read in full...)
Do most couples start having sex at 18?
Q. When couples turn 18 in highschool do they usually have sex? whether they already were or start to. ...
A. 11 December 2012: Statistically, yes.
My source is the Kinsey Institute for Research at Indiana University - generally, those guys really know what they are talking about and base their searches on very extensive representative samples. In 2010, they say that... (read in full...)
I've been married 8 months and am still a virgin. Should I tell my parents?
Q. Hi just thought of finding solution to my problem here .i am 25 years old girl and my husband is 31. I am confused. That my husband is gay or impotent because we are married for 8 months now and till today we have not had sex. He doesn'ttouch me ...
A. 10 December 2012: There's another problem too, I am not quite sure that you can file for divorce on the grounds of your husband's impotence . The Hindu marriage act , 1955, only accepts five specific reasons for filing for divorce ,and non-consummation of marriage ... (read in full...)
Something feels off - should I trust him?
Q. hi, everyone, just sumthing im worried about but in a way not that worried... about just over to yrs ago i met a guy off plenty of fish the dating website, and kinda just hit it off from texting and ringing anyway last early december we finall...
A. 10 December 2012: I think you DO have a lot to worry, and , frankly, I think maybe your friend was drunk when she said this is normal and not to worry.
Come on, he's only 45 miles away and you haven't seen him ONCE since August ... because he needs to watch foot... (read in full...)
Anxious about first time sex with my B/f. Any advice?
Q. Me and my bf are talking about having sex, we discussed it and I want to be the 'passive' one of the two, if you get me, but I have seen him naked and I am worried because he is really big! I haven't had sex before and he said it hurts the first ...
A. 10 December 2012: @ You Wish - ahem, the poster is male, so I think he and you don't have in mind the same orifice. The one he refers to, is surely less elastic and stretchable than a vagina, so I guess his fears may be justified. As a matter of fact, I think the ... (read in full...)
How do I convince my traditional parents about my choices without hurting them?
Q. hii im from traditional indian family where in marriages will be mostly arranged... and i was totally ok with what my parents suggest.. but from past 2 years im committed to a friend... now i wish to marry him... i cant accept anyone else a...
A. 10 December 2012: I am glad for you , then it can't be THAT much of a problem ! if 1) they are not strictly following the rules of caste system in its most rigid aspects 3 ) they would not feel they do anything bad by mingling socially with your new family 2 ) you ... (read in full...)
If he knows I love my partner and my child then why did my ex NOW reveal that he loves me?
Q. i was seein a guy for a few weeks and started to fall for him, when things started to get serious he backed out. We then had a sexual relationship on and off for the best part of a year then i moved on and found my current boyfriend whom ive been...
A. 10 December 2012: Let's start with the fact that your ex is not really your ex as in ex husband or ex boyfriend- he is an ex FWB, so ,per se, a rather superficial relationship, based , at least on his side , on physical attraction only ( he is the one who backed off ... (read in full...)
How can I get my girlfriend to be more accepting of my cannabis use? She's gone from being a nice loving woman to a total nag!
Q. I am 28 and have been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I recently made new friends and they have introduced me to smoking cannabis again. This is something I have not done since I was about 18. My girlfriend hates it though and has gone from a nice ...
A. 10 December 2012: Do you have the right to do what you want when you want ?
Certainly not. In your country cannabis possession consumption of drugs are illegal in most States, and driving under the influence of drugs, both prescription and illegal, is against the ... (read in full...)
I know I'm going to break up with him. But am I right to wait until after Christmas? Should I return his Christmas presents after we break up?
Q. Something has snapped in me this week and I have finally decided, after a lot of heartache, that I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. He is no longer making any effort with me, and despite me bringing it up several times and him prom...
A. 9 December 2012: Do it now, - ultimately acting and pretending that everything is fine, when it's not, for 3 more weeks is more cruel and manipulative than getting over with it , as for his Xmas plans if you tell him now he's got over two weeks to get organized ... (read in full...)
I got pushed and want to know..if there could be any damage to my unborn baby?
Q. I was just wondering if any damage would be done to my baby. Im 31 weeks pregnant and i got pushed and hit my back. my whole body is sore and my baby's movement has decreased im scared and worried i need help. ...
A. 9 December 2012: Go immediately to the E.R., and I mean immediately. When you are pregnant, the motto is better safe than sorry. In any occasion, for any little change you notice. Go NOW.
At the same time, do not panic though, babies are very resilient . My moth... (read in full...)
How do I convince my traditional parents about my choices without hurting them?
Q. hii im from traditional indian family where in marriages will be mostly arranged... and i was totally ok with what my parents suggest.. but from past 2 years im committed to a friend... now i wish to marry him... i cant accept anyone else a...
A. 9 December 2012: Ah then,but if you are marrying "up ", in a superior caste, rather than down, then it's not just a matter of prestige or losing face, it is a matter of observing a very strict,uber- traditional Hinduism. I take it that your parents won't even ... (read in full...)
Should I dump a sucker like him?
Q. Since I met my boyfriend, I have constantly been spending and spending because of him. First of all, he wanted to come and visit me in my country. Unfortunately, he had no money to pay the ticket. So, I agreed to pay the ticket including the rent. ...
A. 9 December 2012: See ? He did not really want or need to buy a mobile for his friend ( not that it would have make sense for you to pay for HIS gifts to HIS friends ), he just wanted to squeeze some cash out of you.
Thanks God that at least you did not take out ... (read in full...)
Am I being used? I want more than to just be his FWB
Q. So there's this guy I've known since high school. We are the same age. Both came out of really bad relationships. We are friends. I went over to his house one day we ended up doing things. Then afterwards, he says "I'm not sure what this means ...
A. 9 December 2012: Technically he is not using you, he is doing exactly what he said he was going to do since day one, he is having some casual sexual fun with a consenting partner, who has been warned it's just about sex, and not to get attached.
He could not have... (read in full...)
Why would a guy just disappear? What did I do to make him lose interest when he never even got to know me?
Q. I met a guy at a bar a few weekends ago and we ended up making out. I went back to his place but I told him I didn't want to have sex (I'm not opposed to one night stands but I had my period and I don't like having sex until it's over). He was fine ...
A. 9 December 2012: If a guy takes you home from a bar, it does not mean he is " interested " , as in curious to get to know you better, it may also just be that he finds you fuckable material- if it happens soon, and does not take too much effort, contact and ... (read in full...)
What can I do? My husband focuses on details in an argument to avoid answering questions! Drives me nuts!
Q. My husband and I just got married in September, after being together two and a half years. We were driving home from his friends house the other night and talking about relationships and how funny people can get when they notice one small thing ab...
A. 9 December 2012: It is a touchy subject for him, precisely because he knows he is in the wrong and he has to climb on mirrors to prove his point. Which he is willing to do and he is doing, because he does not like to be put on the wrong side, but , it costs him ... (read in full...)
Am I texting too much? Do my old classmate and I have a budding LDR or not?
Q. I recently saw an old classmate on FB. He graduated 79 and I 80. So he sent me his number and I called well at first it was merely to just chat with the guy that caught my eye way back when but I was with my boyfriend who later became my husban...
A. 9 December 2012: No no, I had got that. You reconnected with an ex classmate and were communicating with him in view of a possible LDR that should / could have started after spending a weekend together. My question is : is the weekend still on, after a text ... (read in full...)
Am I texting too much? Do my old classmate and I have a budding LDR or not?
Q. I recently saw an old classmate on FB. He graduated 79 and I 80. So he sent me his number and I called well at first it was merely to just chat with the guy that caught my eye way back when but I was with my boyfriend who later became my husban...
A. 8 December 2012: So you have concerns about a LDR,but... a LDR with whom ?..
Your last paragraph was a bit confusing, at least for me, anyway I got that somebody said to the other " I thought it could be more, take care and I wish you the best in life ". That... (read in full...)
Should I dump a sucker like him?
Q. Since I met my boyfriend, I have constantly been spending and spending because of him. First of all, he wanted to come and visit me in my country. Unfortunately, he had no money to pay the ticket. So, I agreed to pay the ticket including the rent. ...
A. 8 December 2012: Oh no , OP, don't dump him just yet . Be nice, wait a little more, give him time to eat you out of house and home, and to squeeze your last cent out of you, so he can immediately dump you and move to another target, with the satisfaction of having ... (read in full...)
How do I convince my traditional parents about my choices without hurting them?
Q. hii im from traditional indian family where in marriages will be mostly arranged... and i was totally ok with what my parents suggest.. but from past 2 years im committed to a friend... now i wish to marry him... i cant accept anyone else a...
A. 8 December 2012: You can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs.
And you can't expect to go against their wishes , and they to be happy and patting you on the back for having disobeyed them !
You already know you are supposed to marry in the same cas... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didnt invite me to go see the movie and went with his friends instead! Am I overeacting?
Q. my bf recently shifted to my city.its been 4months since he is in my city.earlier we were in a long distance relationship since 3 years.my bf planned out for a movie with his guy friends and he didnt invite me! this was really shocking for me.when i ...
A. 8 December 2012: So, if you hang out with guy friends , and he does not object and leaves you your space, ...you really have no justification for making such a big fuss when he wants to see a movie with his friends.
The abuse is a different issue, and abus... (read in full...)
So, what are your opinions on the self control of men?
Q. Hey everyone! I've been going out with my BF for nearly a year now. Our sex life has always been very good. We were both completely new to all things sexual before we met each other, but we've explored a lot together which has been nice. Th...
A. 8 December 2012: Fair enough, you warned him and he underestimated the consequences. I still think though that he is getting short shrift , since you are the one, again not by your fault, that can't deal with all the aspects of a balanced relaionship .Frankly, as ... (read in full...)
How can I possibly break up with him and start to move on?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend July of last year. For the last 5 months we've been on-and-off. I'll start with saying that he is the only person I've ever met that I've been able to be my 100% self around. I do love him and I love how silly and open ...
A. 8 December 2012: Pardon us , OP, personally I had been influenced by the text of your post into thinking the title was a rhetoric question. Meaning " How can I dump etc.. " = I know I should dump him, but I am not confident/ strong enough to do it ".
A... (read in full...)
Although I'm getting an abortion, hiding the pregnancy is taking its toll on me
Q. Last week I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend's child. I'm 5 weeks in, and I've been going out with my bf for just over 9 months. I'm to say the least.... totally devastated. This was a complete accident and neither of us ever had any ...
A. 8 December 2012: Hang in there. Only 3 weeks left. They'll pass somehow.
And, do talk to your bf and best friend, that's what partners and friends are for .Not just to laugh with us during the good times, but also to support us through the bad ones. You won'... (read in full...)
I've never met my long distance boyfriend, and lately I've been feeling insecure and having some trust issues.
Q. Hi everyone sorry this might be long but im really desperate and need adivice, ive been dating this guy for about two years now. we are in a long distant relationship and havent met yet( but we are planning to see eachother soon) and and , bu...
A. 8 December 2012: Good luck, OP, and I hope this visit will give you the clarity and the answers you are looking for.
If it does not, and you still smell a rat, .. don't be afraid to give up and save yourself trouble. LDR are very difficult per se to carry on, ... (read in full...)
Is he being too needy or am I just wrong?
Q. Hey all! I always have received amazing advice from this site and I really need some now. There is this guy, let's call him S. S and I have been friends since a few months. We were introduced through common friends. I found him to be nice and dece...
A. 8 December 2012: No, poor S, don't settle, you'd do wrong to yourself and to him-
He is quite full on, and he is in love. But the reason why it bothers you so much it's not some principle affermation " people should maintain their independence within the coup... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's future stepmom complains all the time. And seems to dress inappropriately for her age. Is she after my boyfriend?
Q. I need advice! So, my boyfriend's stepmom just came here recently from another country about two days ago and she's already complaining about america (She will also be getting citizenship through this marriage, so I still don't know why she comp...
A. 8 December 2012: You don't have to like her, as long as you can stay civil and polite. You may want to try and give her a chance and see if she improves once you know her better, or you can decide it's not worth the trouble and you'll go by your knee jerk ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated...should I take him back?
Q. My boyfriend of 1 1/2 yrs has cheated on me with another woman that he said he knows for many years. He said is nothing serious, he helps her out when she needs him and he can count on one hand how many times he had sex with her while we been ...
A. 8 December 2012: I would not take him back, regardless of his word, it does not sounds to me that he realized how big and hurtful is the mistake he made.
Counting on one hand,... it's still 4 times too many, a one time slip up, a moment of yielding to impu... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my anxiety over this science teacher? She puts me on the spot, I want to run from the room.
Q. Hi... Okay this is going to sound proper weird but recently we got a new science teacher for chemistry... me and my bf are in the same class and he said he is good at chemistry because he has chemists in his family. Thing is we met in science li...
A. 8 December 2012: Well, lame answer, maybe, yet...do all you can to know the answers. Try harder, study harder, pay more attention,take more notes, - if chemistry is your worst class, it does not have to stay like this, school after all is just for improving our ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didnt invite me to go see the movie and went with his friends instead! Am I overeacting?
Q. my bf recently shifted to my city.its been 4months since he is in my city.earlier we were in a long distance relationship since 3 years.my bf planned out for a movie with his guy friends and he didnt invite me! this was really shocking for me.when i ...
A. 7 December 2012: Yes, it's a bit of an overreaction.. Unless it was a movie that you had planned to see together,... or the kind of movie he knows you are crazy about and can't miss.... otherwise , so for once he organized a movie nights with guy friends, big ... (read in full...)
How do users and abusers live with themselves?
Q. Dear Cupid I have a generic question, the abusive boy friends or the ones who use people for their purpose and throw them away like dirt, how do they live with themselves, knowing that they hurt several people. I have a bf I believe soon to ...
A. 7 December 2012: They sleep very easily, because they had no concerns to begin with for the possible feelings of the people they used. If they had the least qualm about hurting these people... they would have abstained from doing something that was going to ... (read in full...)
Would I be right to tell anyone I meet in the future that I'm a virgin because I feel like I am, despite having tried to have sex a number of times?
Q. Dear cupids, I do not know how to explain how I feel at the moment. I am disgusted with myself. After I experienced bleeding, I still tried to have sex again like a month after. I bled again and every time I bleed. I believe I am still a virgin cos ...
A. 7 December 2012: No, it is not right, because you are not. You had vaginal intercourse , although with partial penetration, plus your hymen most probably is broken, since, as another Aunt mentions, is not placed that deep, in fact is just there by the vaginal ... (read in full...)
My friend is crossing friendship lines and I'm uncomfortable with that
Q. Let me start by saying that English is not my first language, so I'm trying really hard to express myself correctly. And please keep in mind through my text that I'm really really shy and always afraid that my friends will leave me. So... I have ...
A. 7 December 2012: I think you must realize that you probably will end up losing this friendship anyway. Because , apparently, this guy does not want friendship from you - he is courting you, he wants more. So he is being " friendly " just as an excuse to be close ... (read in full...)
How long before you know you're in love and he/she is "the one"?
Q. If you have been in a good relationship for over two years, is that enough time to know whether or not you are "in love" with someone? Is that enough time to know whether or not this person is "the one?" ...
A. 7 December 2012: Yes, two years are more than enough to know if you are in love. Not to know if it is true love, or if it will stand the test of time, maybe, but if you are in love, I'd say you know it well , after 2 years. Also because researchers say that the ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wont have sex or go anywhere near my "man parts" when she's on her period.
Q. Is it wrong for me to be extremely frustrated at the fact that my girlfriend won't go anyone near my genitals when she's on her period? We can be hooking up and it will get intense and she'll stop us and tell me she "doesn't want to get too horny, ...
A. 7 December 2012: Obvious reasons ? Ill? Gross ? Dirty ?...Whoa !! Lots of menstrual taboos still around , uh ?... never mind. Got it , this is a personal sexual choice and there's no right or wrong.
So, apparently your gf does not feel comfortable having inte... (read in full...)
So, what are your opinions on the self control of men?
Q. Hey everyone! I've been going out with my BF for nearly a year now. Our sex life has always been very good. We were both completely new to all things sexual before we met each other, but we've explored a lot together which has been nice. Th...
A. 7 December 2012: Simple- cut down the cozy intimate nights at home , and meet in public , with friends. Go out to movies or restaurants or take walks or what not . Do what you would do if your relationship had not reached an intimate level yet.
You will say,... (read in full...)
I've never met my long distance boyfriend, and lately I've been feeling insecure and having some trust issues.
Q. Hi everyone sorry this might be long but im really desperate and need adivice, ive been dating this guy for about two years now. we are in a long distant relationship and havent met yet( but we are planning to see eachother soon) and and , bu...
A. 7 December 2012: Eh OP... some times DearCupid is like the ancient oracles... or the Tarot cards..... you ask a question, and what comes out is the answer to the real,most relevant yet unexpressed question , which in your case could be " Is this love or ... (read in full...)
My "no strings attacked" sex partner wants to take our relationship out of the bedroom.
Q. hi there i met my guy on line as nsa buddy but he wants us to take our relationship as he calls it out of the bedroonm. i been seening him 6months now im unsure to take this step as i not sure if i want a relationship again whats more is i have a ...
A. 7 December 2012: I think you are not sure you want a relationship WITH HIM. Generally people are not against relationships on principle, only they want to be in the right ones... and if you have hesitations, either you only like him strictly for his sexual ... (read in full...)
How can I possibly break up with him and start to move on?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend July of last year. For the last 5 months we've been on-and-off. I'll start with saying that he is the only person I've ever met that I've been able to be my 100% self around. I do love him and I love how silly and open ...
A. 7 December 2012: OP, I mean, seriously.
Lack of trust and control issues ( albeit, I regret to say, apparently totally justified, since you ended up cheating on him ) , cheating , and cheating urges. Verbal and physical abuse !, that's serious, it's not just " one ... (read in full...)
"I love her as much as I could" What does that mean?
Q. What does it mean when a man says "I loved her as much as I could.?" I ask, because, an associate of mine cited that he cheated and left an ex girlfriend over twenty something years ago, but he claims that while she "loved him more than he loved ...
A. 6 December 2012: It means that, while he was not indifferent to this girl and while he had SOME feelings for her, his feelings weren't strong enough to prevent him from cheating, and to moving on to other women at some point.
Yes, if someone tells you love them... (read in full...)
Did I take my daughter's happiness away? I think her and my new stepson have feelings for each other
Q. Summer 2012, I got married for the first time at age 52 to a 37 year old woman. We met on eHarmony Spring 2012 and things just clicked. She was married once before for two years and has a 20 year old son. I have a 19 year old daughter. My issue is ...
A. 6 December 2012: How did you take her happiness away ? They are not blood related, they can date and even marry if they want.
I would understand that it could be a big uncomfortable deal if they had been step- siblings growing up together under the same roof... (read in full...)
So, what are your opinions on the self control of men?
Q. Hey everyone! I've been going out with my BF for nearly a year now. Our sex life has always been very good. We were both completely new to all things sexual before we met each other, but we've explored a lot together which has been nice. Th...
A. 6 December 2012: I think there's a problem with both, his self control and your level of shared intimacy.
Sure he should not grope you, if he accepted no sex for a few weeks, or till further notice, he accepted and should not try to renegotiate the agre... (read in full...)
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