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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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What would you think if your other half seeks emotional support from the opposite sex?
Q. I have a boyfriend (tgt about 3 years) and everything seems to work out ok between us. I don't know about other ppl, but I always need to feel "connected" to the one I love by having deep conversations, I love sharing deep thoughts, ideas......
A. 2 December 2012: I am glad if I could offer you some food for thought , OP ( not that you need too much encouragement to chew on thoughts, I guess :).
I think you should keep in mind 2 things that only apparently are in contraddiction- I think they comp... (read in full...)
What would you think if your other half seeks emotional support from the opposite sex?
Q. I have a boyfriend (tgt about 3 years) and everything seems to work out ok between us. I don't know about other ppl, but I always need to feel "connected" to the one I love by having deep conversations, I love sharing deep thoughts, ideas......
A. 1 December 2012: OP, the point I was trying to make is : it will work if you want it to work. If you'll do something to make it work, some adjustment, some compromise.
OP, tell us sincerely : do you love this guy, do you CHOOSE to be with him,... or are you look... (read in full...)
What would you think if your other half seeks emotional support from the opposite sex?
Q. I have a boyfriend (tgt about 3 years) and everything seems to work out ok between us. I don't know about other ppl, but I always need to feel "connected" to the one I love by having deep conversations, I love sharing deep thoughts, ideas......
A. 30 November 2012: Honestly ? honestly honestly ?
I think that it's because you think too much , and most of all, you talk too much.
Up to a certain point of your post , I was actually inclined to say that yes, you might have having this kind of problem because ... (read in full...)
Our relationship is falling apart since he moved away, is it even worth trying anymore?
Q. My boyfriend went away for college to play baseball and our relationship is falling apart, is it even worth the heart ache to continue trying? We dated for 2 years in high school, then all of a sudden he broke up with me the summer before we...
A. 30 November 2012: @ Fatherly Advice : actually, I agree with you , or at least, I don't disagree :) . The whole point of my post is : he hurts you- don't let him hurt you anymore, period.
The point that I can't really blame is for him not being sure yet , at 18-2... (read in full...)
Our relationship is falling apart since he moved away, is it even worth trying anymore?
Q. My boyfriend went away for college to play baseball and our relationship is falling apart, is it even worth the heart ache to continue trying? We dated for 2 years in high school, then all of a sudden he broke up with me the summer before we...
A. 30 November 2012: Move on, and as fast as you can.
I don't think it is worth the heartache to keep tryng. First, it was broken already, you glued it back somehows, but, like when you glue the pieces of a broken vase, the vase stays somewhat together, but the crac... (read in full...)
My Bf claims I'm not a REAL girlfriend. Is he right, wrong, or something else?
Q. I have been with my bf for 2 1/2 years. I'm 22, his 23. He was a sweet guy and totally loveable in the beginning. I'm studying full time and I'm working part time and I currently live with my parents. I pay rent and bills and I'm getting my car s...
A. 30 November 2012: Well, strangely enough, I must say I see where your bf's is coming from.
Mind you, if you where my daughter ( or son ? that's not clear because your post says male 22-25 but then you define yourself a girlfriend ) I would not countenance your... (read in full...)
Was she testing to see if I'm actually interested? Should I ask her out? Or was she just bored?
Q. I have been talking to this girl I have known for two years. We have been chatting a lot recently and she has been asking me to meet her. I have been busy so have not been able to. She has been texting me a lot and hints she wants me to take her...
A. 30 November 2012: I think this is just crossed wires, and probably now she is wondering why you stood her up without a word of explanation :).
Why are you so ready to second guess ? Monday at 7 in my book, means Monday at 7, with no need for further conf... (read in full...)
Is my behavior my fault, or the fault of the person who caused me to behave this way?
Q. SIMPLE QUESTION: if i tell someone (in this case a family member) not to do or say a certain thing b/c it'll get me really angry, and then they go ahead and say or do what gets me angry anyways, and i blow up and get mad, am i at fault, or ...
A. 30 November 2012: Anon reader, you must be a really nice person always ready to see the good in other people 's words, actions, and intentions. I commend you, but I can't share your opinion, in fact I think the OP sounds incredibly self centered and entitled, in a ... (read in full...)
Honesty, porn -- how do I process my boyfriend's behaviour?
Q. Hello everyone. I have a problem which i would really appreciate it if you helped me out. My problem has been on going on 4 months and i want some clarity as i don't know what to do anymore. My problem first started when i found porn on my boyfr...
A. 30 November 2012: I won't tell you that all men watch porn, because my personal experience denies that. Of the 3 important relationships in my life ( a long marriage, and two LTRs ),two never had any interest for porn and never watched it , and one did watch it ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for my boyfriend to not take my shirt off when we are getting frisky?
Q. Is it normal for my boyfriend to not take my shirt off when we are getting frisky? He loves touching and sucking on my breasts but he will not take my shirt off.Is it because I am unattractive? I asked him about it and he claims he has no idea why ...
A. 30 November 2012: Probably because at his age he is simple, basic, no frills and very horny. He zooms right on his target, no time for the fine points of a refined seduction with slow, tantalizing stripteases, LOL.
You've got nothing to worry, IMO, and it has ... (read in full...)
Why is breaking up like this?
Q. So the other day my girlfriend broke up with me. So far I have tried to at least be slightly friendly with her and she has treated me like she doesn't even remember the good times we've had. We share a few mutual friends and they have treated me ...
A. 30 November 2012: Because of your age :) In your age bracket, generally people has not developped a lot of social skills and haven't mastered yet the art breaking up civilly, smoothly and compassionately ( some never will ).
She has a point, though, in givi... (read in full...)
Unemployment and relationship finances...who buys dinner?
Q. My bf and I have been dating about 8 months and this is the first serious relationship for both of us. When we met we both had good jobs, he still has one but I'm a contractor and so once my last contract ended about 4 months ago I have been ...
A. 30 November 2012: Simple solution : speak up. No hinting or casually mentioning, spell it out for hin. It's uncanny how often some things that are evident and self explanatory for us, need instead a detailed explanation in other people's eyes.
Personally I can'... (read in full...)
My daughters are jealous of the time I spend with my boyfriend.
Q. Ok, here is one for ya. Been in a serious relationship with a wonderful man and things are great except for my two girls (ages 19 and 20) from a previous marriage. I thought it would be his 11 year old daughter that would be a problem, but no... My ...
A. 29 November 2012: Yes, I am sure you can work out something that can please everybody ( or , at least, not displease anyone) and I think that once these girls realize they are have nothing to worry and that no man will ever chase them from their place in your ... (read in full...)
My daughters are jealous of the time I spend with my boyfriend.
Q. Ok, here is one for ya. Been in a serious relationship with a wonderful man and things are great except for my two girls (ages 19 and 20) from a previous marriage. I thought it would be his 11 year old daughter that would be a problem, but no... My ...
A. 29 November 2012: Interesting. When your daughters told you to leave your husband , you listened. When they told you to start dating , you listened. But when they tell you ( even if not in so many words ) that you are lavishing on this guy too much time and ... (read in full...)
Adult girl and 16-year-old guy.... Could it work? Is it going to get us in trouble?
Q. Hello everyone. Thank you in advance for taking time out of your busy lifes to help with all of our problems and for reading my problem too. Well the main problem is that i am in love with a great guy (all these months he has helped me through ...
A. 29 November 2012: If you are in Greece as your flag says, I think legally you are OK , the age of sexual consent there is 15 ( but please do check, don't just take my word for it :), you never know ).
This does not mean that his mother can't prevent him from dati... (read in full...)
Is my behavior my fault, or the fault of the person who caused me to behave this way?
Q. SIMPLE QUESTION: if i tell someone (in this case a family member) not to do or say a certain thing b/c it'll get me really angry, and then they go ahead and say or do what gets me angry anyways, and i blow up and get mad, am i at fault, or ...
A. 29 November 2012: SIMPLE ANSWER : It's your fault. Actually, I strongly dislike the word " fault ", I prefer " responsibility ".
It's your responsibility ,as an adult, to learn to deal with your emotions and control your reactions, independently from what othe... (read in full...)
My daughters are jealous of the time I spend with my boyfriend.
Q. Ok, here is one for ya. Been in a serious relationship with a wonderful man and things are great except for my two girls (ages 19 and 20) from a previous marriage. I thought it would be his 11 year old daughter that would be a problem, but no... My ...
A. 29 November 2012: Oh wow a whole Tuesday night for mother/ daughters time , no doubt they are overjoyed being showered with all this attention ! They must feel suffocated, almost !
Look, you are a mother , and being a mother is not about " fair " . Is it fair that... (read in full...)
I have so many questions and so many concerns about whether or not I can trust him.
Q. part of my boyfriends job is to drag women into traps. he makes them think he loves them so they fall in his love and then he tests their real emotions towards some stuff. he promised to stop this job in a week, after the last file he is deali...
A. 29 November 2012: LOL, Who is he working for, " M "? Judi Dench ? ....Never - James Bond would never be so unclassy to frame normal citizens to know their sexual secrets :)
Yeah right- all spies go around telling they ARE spies to their employees, so that said... (read in full...)
I'm 14, am I ready for sex?
Q. I am a 14 year old girl...i am from india...the question i want to ask is that am i ready for sex?...i know this guy since 8 months..we are pretty much good friends...we share everything with eachother..no secrets...he wants to have sex with me...so ...
A. 29 November 2012: I always feel like an arrogant idiot when I find myself attempting to explain life in India .. to Indian posters, but, I must say, you girls amaze me, you are SO unaware at times, it seems that you never talk with your friends or relatives, or ... (read in full...)
I'm so confused. I feel so bad for his son and wish he cared about him more but I don't want to be unsympathetic to my boyfriend.
Q. Hi. I wrote before about my boyfriend who has no contact with his son and there was a pretty clear response from you counties and uncles, that his behaviour is no good. Especially moving were responses from those of you whose fathers were absent. ...
A. 29 November 2012: Nonsense. The child has no fault if his mother was a lying bitch- and as for that, the liar could be your bf, you only have his version, and , to me, a man who is capable of such porcine egoism is also capable of telling all the lies that would ... (read in full...)
I have so many questions and so many concerns about whether or not I can trust him.
Q. part of my boyfriends job is to drag women into traps. he makes them think he loves them so they fall in his love and then he tests their real emotions towards some stuff. he promised to stop this job in a week, after the last file he is deali...
A. 28 November 2012: I agree with Immortal Princess, you are being fed total BS by some scumbag with a lot of nerve and a very active imagination.
Come on, which job on earth could possibly entail this kind of assignment ? ... Dragging women in traps ? ..maybe if h... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend wants nothing t do with me.. What do you think??
Q. So i haven't talked to my boyfriend in about 3 weeks.. and i feel as if he's ignoring me.. i don't know what to do.. this isn't the first time. He usually dosen't talk to me for a week or two then just calls or texts me and acts like nothings ...
A. 28 November 2012: To me, it means that you call him bf, but in fact what you have is only an FWB type of situation. OP, are you kidding ? he disappears for two or three weeks at a time, then he pops up like nothing, fresh as a daisy ?
And you call this a bf/ gf r... (read in full...)
We don't like her, so we bully her. I think she's going to report us, any advice?
Q. in my friendship group there are 20 of us and we're all really close. since about yr6 we've been friends with this other girl,bertha, in yr7 we had a fall out. i felt really bad so i apologised to her face she accepted it, but did not apologise ...
A. 28 November 2012: @EWO- you are very right, I have precisely shivers down my spine reading this post. It was on yesterday 's newspaper in my town, a 15 y.o. boy committed suicide just because of this kind of mindless ostracizing.
I do hope you all do get repo... (read in full...)
Any advice on ways other then oral sex or girl on top, to get my girlfriend to orgasm?
Q. I am in a loving an monogamous long-distance relationship. It's been going swimmingly even though we're both in college. When we do get to see each other (about 5 out of every 30 days) we generally have a lot of sex and its been amazing. The only ...
A. 28 November 2012: Why should she get bored ? You can try all the positions of Kamasutra for fun, until she is on the verge of coming,then she can finish on top, where's the problem ?
Do you ever tire of coming through masturbation ? :) Still, it 's always the same... (read in full...)
Will I ever have children?? :(
Q. I had been on the depo injection for 5 years until may 6 months ago. There's still no sign of a period. Myself and my husband are trying for a child but to no avail. My doctor never warned me of any dangers involving depo. I have recently read of ...
A. 28 November 2012: Normal, and nothing to worry about just yet. Depo shot effects are long lasting, it may take up to 10- 12 months after the last shot for your body to be able to conceive again. For this reason it's not the right contracception for those who are ... (read in full...)
Is our hight difference causing our problems with some sexual positions?
Q. hi, im 5ft3 and my this guy im seeing is 5ft11, we havent reached the bf and gf step yet as we're both working non stop and meet only for 1hr or 2 sometimes. there's a substantial height different between us, we stuggle to have sex because of the h...
A. 28 November 2012: I don't know why you are having sexual difficulties, but I know for sure it can't be because of height difference. You 5'3 and he 5'11 is a very common, normal height difference, but even if it were more.... I am 5'3 myself and all my partners ... (read in full...)
I showed my online boyfriend a fake picture. Now I'm afraid he wont accept the real me.
Q. 3 years back i met this sweet guy through online.Hes very sweet, after 3 years of chatting i never expect i will fall in love with him and he told me he fall for me too. he always say im the sweetest gal he ever met he has my number and we talk and ...
A. 28 November 2012: To be honest, if somebody would play me a trick as you did to this guy,no I would not forgive him. I'd take it as a red flag and the sign that the person is insincere and manipulative, and very willing to lie in order to get what he wants. Oh ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex girlfriend do this?
Q. I'm very disturbed by an action my ex girlfriend did. Why I don't like her in any way is because, when she dumped me, she lied to me, and wanted to be friends. This is why I don't like, nor do I trust her. However, this action isn't what d...
A. 27 November 2012: OP, similar sounding posts is an euphemism , there was a guy your age posting about the very same situation ( liar ex gf, new bf, stalking allegations, anxiety attacks etc. ) and the details- as well as his choice of terms ,were very, very ... (read in full...)
Did things change, where did I go wrong?
Q. 'so i finally had a romantic moment with the person i have feelings for ages and everything was good, we laughed, he smiled, we kissed, we were just in that perfect moment when u feel like u want to stay like that forever. His 21, were friends for ...
A. 27 November 2012: It sounds more as if it could have been a moment of closeness, a moment of tenderness, than a romantic moment.
I'd say this guy is surely fond of you, but perhaps not romantically.
Then again, .. officially you are friends, friends can talk... (read in full...)
Did things change, where did I go wrong?
Q. 'so i finally had a romantic moment with the person i have feelings for ages and everything was good, we laughed, he smiled, we kissed, we were just in that perfect moment when u feel like u want to stay like that forever. His 21, were friends for ...
A. 26 November 2012: It would help if you tell us since when you have been waiting for his text. I mean, if that " romantic moment " just happened, like yesterday or the day before , no need to freak out ! If , instead , the romantic moment was ,say, 15 days ago and ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex girlfriend do this?
Q. I'm very disturbed by an action my ex girlfriend did. Why I don't like her in any way is because, when she dumped me, she lied to me, and wanted to be friends. This is why I don't like, nor do I trust her. However, this action isn't what d...
A. 26 November 2012: OP, you have posted again about this girl and her bf, and I'd say that for your own good , it's really really time that you STOP giving so much time and interest to what she does thinks or says. You have Asperger's , not OCD, right ? - so , do ... (read in full...)
What were his motives? Why did my ex ask me out, thinking I had a new Bf? But then get all upset after he realised I wasn't dating?
Q. My ex boyfriend started texting me last week. He thought I was still seeing someone but when he mentioned it I replied saying that I wasn't. Well it turns out he never got that text and asked me out anyway thinking I still had a boyfriend. Wel...
A. 26 November 2012: It makes sense to me. He was taken aback.
He just wanted to get into your pants again. Maybe on a regular, on-demand basis. It's much better and much simpler , in these cases, if the woman that you want to shag, and who still carries a torch for ... (read in full...)
Am I insecure about her sexual connections with other guys?
Q. Hi guys, hope someone can help me on this one? So I've been with my GF for 11 months now and living together for 6 months. We dated on and off for 7 months owing to her going through a divorce at the time and me not wanting to commit to someon...
A. 26 November 2012: I too don't see the point of staying in touch with an ex shag buddy- once the shagging is over , what's there left to be " friends " about ?! NOW they feel this urge to have meaningful exchanges, have deep conversations, and show an interest in ... (read in full...)
Should I tell the friend to stop the stares and the compliments? My husband is becoming uneasy with what is happening
Q. What to do? Here is the situation. I know this guy for probably 12-13 years. He is a friend of a friend. He doesn't live in a same city, but comes to spend week end at his vacation house here once a month. He has a wife, and 2 young children. I ...
A. 25 November 2012: Ah but you don't have to be friendly just because they want to be friendly with you, or to have all day long conversations just because THEY want to engage you in conversation.
You don't necessarily have to mirror other people's actions. If they... (read in full...)
How much do you normally spend on Christmas gifts for in laws and parents?
Q. I have a question regarding Christmas gift giving. How much do you typically spend on parents and in laws for Christmas? I can only really use my own family and my husbands family as examples and we do things pretty differently so I'm curious what ...
A. 25 November 2012: Call me extravagant, but personally I don't see how pitching in 200 for your in laws gift would be so insanely over the top. It's two people, father and mother, so it's like 100 usd each. Plus, you and your husband are two also, so it's 50 bucks ... (read in full...)
My relationship's been ruined by my boyfriend taking drugs. Advice?
Q. I've broken up with my first boyfriend of 9 months today for the second time. I lost my virginity to him, he was my first proper love and i planned to have a future with him. We first split up 2 months ago shortly after he...
A. 25 November 2012: Good:. We trust you ,Almighty Duck- don't disappoint us :).
...See it this way... you've lost a ( lousy )bf, but you've gained an Ipod ,lol... (read in full...)
Help me to be reasonable and rational about this matter please? My Bf wants me to use Birth Control Pills but I think it's risky.
Q. I have been seeing this guy almost for a year. We are thinking about starting to have a future together soon. We are no longer use condoms every time after we became exclusive and came clean to each other about STD history and all. We sometime...
A. 25 November 2012: I think you should discuss your concerns with your GP, or OB/GYN. He might be able to reassure you... or to confirm you in your decision not to take the pill. At least it will be a more informed decision.
Most women do not experience side effe... (read in full...)
Help me to be reasonable and rational about this matter please? My Bf wants me to use Birth Control Pills but I think it's risky.
Q. I have been seeing this guy almost for a year. We are thinking about starting to have a future together soon. We are no longer use condoms every time after we became exclusive and came clean to each other about STD history and all. We sometime...
A. 25 November 2012: There are a lot of side effects in pregnancy too you know :) If you are afraid of nausea , weight gain, hair loss, breast soreness, depression, moodiness.... heartburn, constipation, joint aches, insomnia ,....legs cramps ,vomit,bladder problems, ... (read in full...)
Family dinner with the guy I'm dating. How do I make it less awkward?
Q. I would like feedback and advice to my issue because I seem to be stressing over this more than I need to. I am a 25 year old female and about to graduate with my Masters. I have been dating this man who is hardworking and has a big heart becaus...
A. 25 November 2012: Oh well, if I were your parents I'd be much more concerned about his having got in trouble in the past and also gotten a DUI , than about his height. Sure it was in the past, but, from a parent's point of view, with so many trouble free and DUI ... (read in full...)
Should I propose for a second time? Thoughts please!!
Q. What a god damn cliche I'm about to spew, but it's the truth and I need guidance. Girl moves next door in 5th grade, boy befriends girl. They become best friends by the summer before 6th grade and continue this sexually frustrating relationship ...
A. 25 November 2012: I don't think at all she was selfish! She was sensible. She just wanted to go to college , and to get a Phd , and she would have been totally stupid if she had sent this belly up for the sake of an 18 y.o. boy that she had kissed once, and later ... (read in full...)
My friend is coming to me with advice, and I don't know what to say to her?
Q. My friend split from her first boyfriend a month ago, they were together for 15 months and she is obviously finding it hard to deal with. She has recently said she is starting to feel abit better and realising she can move on, however she messaged ...
A. 25 November 2012: Tell her to move on, offer her your shoulder to cry on, and help her distracting herself doing something new or fun.
There is nothing to be confused, it's a well known fact that " I don't want a relationship atm " actually means " I don'... (read in full...)
My relationship's been ruined by my boyfriend taking drugs. Advice?
Q. I've broken up with my first boyfriend of 9 months today for the second time. I lost my virginity to him, he was my first proper love and i planned to have a future with him. We first split up 2 months ago shortly after he...
A. 25 November 2012: So much for the once off drug use uh ? He changed league ,in fact. From weed to Meth, that 's all another ,and very dangerous ,story.
Of course you have done the right thing !, not only because at your age you have no business being involved with... (read in full...)
Two guys and me. I love them both. But how can I handle this situation when school resumes?
Q. ok....so i am i guess your could say in love(just for the sake of simple words) with two guys. one guy i have dated about three or four times but i have broken up with him after a week or so because my best friend likes him. so i dated one guy ...
A. 24 November 2012: Glad to hear that everything got sorted out, good luck!... (read in full...)
Two guys and me. I love them both. But how can I handle this situation when school resumes?
Q. ok....so i am i guess your could say in love(just for the sake of simple words) with two guys. one guy i have dated about three or four times but i have broken up with him after a week or so because my best friend likes him. so i dated one guy ...
A. 24 November 2012: Does guy 1 knows that you are dating guy 2 at the same time ? . Because in this case you can tell him that you relized how wrong it is what you have being doing and are not going to continue - but you hope you can stay friends anyway.
Or, actu... (read in full...)
Two guys and me. I love them both. But how can I handle this situation when school resumes?
Q. ok....so i am i guess your could say in love(just for the sake of simple words) with two guys. one guy i have dated about three or four times but i have broken up with him after a week or so because my best friend likes him. so i dated one guy ...
A. 23 November 2012: Why should he hate you ? if he is not a complete idiot he won't- he will understand that you have two excellent reasons for not dating him : 1 ) you don't want to hurt your best friend's feelings 2 ) you already have a bf, and, well, you temporary ... (read in full...)
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