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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Two guys and me. I love them both. But how can I handle this situation when school resumes?
Q. ok....so i am i guess your could say in love(just for the sake of simple words) with two guys. one guy i have dated about three or four times but i have broken up with him after a week or so because my best friend likes him. so i dated one guy ...
A. 24 November 2012: Glad to hear that everything got sorted out, good luck!... (read in full...)
My cousin loves me and even though I fight her off, know its wrong, I'm afraid one of these times I'm going to give in!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am in a bit of a pickle concerning my relationship with my cousin. I am 25 and she is 20. I am single and am not interested in pursuing a love life at the moment as i am focused on my career. My cousin is single and is in university...
A. 24 November 2012: It does not sound though as these advances are unwelcome to you . Far from it.
First," she might as well love me rather than other males till she graduates" is completely f....d up. She can't love you, and she should move on, and you should want... (read in full...)
I had a fling with a married co-worker now he's seeing another worker but he treats her so much better than he did me! WHY?
Q. I am so mentally messed up over someone and i don't know what to do about it! I can't stop dwelling on him! And I am driving my own self crazy!! So here is the story...... I started a fling last year with someone at my work. It was mostly sexual. ...
A. 24 November 2012: Why is treating her differently, well, one is a very lame but still very possible answer : because he likes her more than he ever liked you ( looks are not everything ). But even more possible, I think, is because she is maried too: He knows she ... (read in full...)
I am in love but he doesn't want to commit!
Q. I'm in love with someone who at the moment doesn't to commit to a relationship. Right now, we both are good friends, we help each other, hang out, text and call each other regularly. We have grown to trust each other and have each others'backs. When ...
A. 24 November 2012: I don't see it as very complicated either. It's pretty straightforward. You want a serious relationship with him, he does not want a serious relationship with you. You want two different things.
If he were a player he would have no qualms in slee... (read in full...)
Two guys and me. I love them both. But how can I handle this situation when school resumes?
Q. ok....so i am i guess your could say in love(just for the sake of simple words) with two guys. one guy i have dated about three or four times but i have broken up with him after a week or so because my best friend likes him. so i dated one guy ...
A. 24 November 2012: Does guy 1 knows that you are dating guy 2 at the same time ? . Because in this case you can tell him that you relized how wrong it is what you have being doing and are not going to continue - but you hope you can stay friends anyway.
Or, actu... (read in full...)
Age 21 and neverhave I asked out a girl?
Q. I turned 21 years old earlier this week and it's been dawning on me lately that I've never asked out a girl ever. I'm trying to figure out if I should feel bad about this or not. In high school, I was seen as different from a lot of the other kid...
A. 23 November 2012: I feel I want to smack you in the back of your head. Motherly , of course :).
No, there is nothing to feel particularly bad about, I mean, things could have been different, but, it is what it is , and you haven't massively screwed up and dama... (read in full...)
Ladies only please: My partner makes stupid remarks about age and offends alot of our customers. Am I just being too sensitive?
Q. I m pissed. Ladies opinions please, as I understood that in this question men are no help, sorry. My business partner who is a guy makes stupid in my eyes comments and asked out customers questions that simply inappropriate. For example, 2 older w...
A. 23 November 2012: Uhm, I don't know. Yes , I guess you have a point insofar nobody is happy to be told they look older or fatter , or to realize that people see them as way less attractive than they see themselves, so if you are in business , I agree it's more ... (read in full...)
My small boobs are spoiling my relationship !
Q. Hi everyone. I am in a very confused situation and I need help. Please take time to read and any help would be appreciated. My bf and I are in a relationship for the last 4 years. We both love each other madly and deeply. We want to get married. ...
A. 23 November 2012: Pardon me, but I think that part of the problem is in your selection criteria too. I mean, you chose as a mate , and you want to marry... a man whose conversation consists 75 % in talking about boobs ! Sooo boring. One would think that in 4 ... (read in full...)
Two guys and me. I love them both. But how can I handle this situation when school resumes?
Q. ok....so i am i guess your could say in love(just for the sake of simple words) with two guys. one guy i have dated about three or four times but i have broken up with him after a week or so because my best friend likes him. so i dated one guy ...
A. 23 November 2012: Why should he hate you ? if he is not a complete idiot he won't- he will understand that you have two excellent reasons for not dating him : 1 ) you don't want to hurt your best friend's feelings 2 ) you already have a bf, and, well, you temporary ... (read in full...)
How do I break the news to my Very Conservative Indian parents that (a) I am pregnant and (b) he is determined to marry me because he loves me.
Q. Dear Cupid, I am kinda in a sticky situation. Took a home pregnancy test twice and both turned out positive. I am an Only child to my highly emotional, overprotective, highly opinionated Indian Parents from conservative background. ...
A. 23 November 2012: Eh, I am afraid there's no denying it, your Indian conservative overprotective parents are going to have a fit. They'll go berserk, at first, at the surprise you spring on them.
But, that plays totally in your favour: they'll be so terrorized at t... (read in full...)
Minimized our "social circle." Now have only a couple of close friends. Is this common?
Q. Four years ago I had quite a large group of people who I considered my friends. I met my boyfriend (now fiance) through these people. Around the time that we met, I think I realized that I want to distance myself from these people. There have been...
A. 23 November 2012: I think you are just being unfair to yourselves, if you subject yourselves to the trouble and boredom to attend social events you don't enjoy with people you dont' like or care for. For doing what, to be nice, to be polite ? you can nicely and ... (read in full...)
Is this an orgasm or not?
Q. I get to the part where I feel like I have to pee but can't go past that is it still an orgasm or no cause I don't get past that part?...
A. 23 November 2012: Rule of thumb is, if you have to ask yourself, was it an orgasm or not... then it's not :), the orgasmic sensation is quite unmistakable, when it happens you know it.
Anyway I'd think you haven't got an orgasm yet. It's very difficult to decide abou... (read in full...)
My crush knows that I like him and says he'll treat me normal. What does that mean?
Q. Hey agony aunts and uncles; I hope that you're doing fine. Anyway, it has been really awkward recently as long story short, my friends told my crush that I like him. It's terrible; apparently he knew all along. (Kind of) However, he promised...
A. 23 November 2012: It means that your interested is not requited , but he is going to be a gentleman and act as if had not been told anything, and not say or do anything that may embarass you.
You can go to the party as though nothing is wrong, because nothing is w... (read in full...)
Ex and I are going on dates, but no title now. Is he using me while looking around?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. We were together every single day living together. Then we broke up cause we were fighting alot. He has asked me back in his life but not as his official girlfriend. He wants to take things slow and go on ...
A. 22 November 2012: Yes, OP, that's exactly what we mean- stop the free dates and the no strings ,no title sex- and see what happens.
At this point, it's a very necessary , I'd say mandatory,experiment. ... (read in full...)
Why would he be sending me such mixed messages?
Q. There is a guy I know who I like a lot, and a while ago I plucked up the courage to let him know. At the time he was adamant that he wasn't interested in that way but was fine about it, and said he still wanted to be friends. Recently, though, I ...
A. 22 November 2012: Totally false. Well, maybe it can be true for goofy teenagers . But for adults, if a man blows hot and cold, you may be sure that the interest is non existent or lukewarm at best. Probably when he blows hot is because he thinks you may be worth a ... (read in full...)
I'd like to get this man out of my heart, his actions confuse and hurt me
Q. I had a 'phone relationship' with an old college friend (I was somewhat involved with back in 1984) which lasted 5 months. Back in May he was supposed to visit me (first time we would have seen each other in 30 years), when he canceled at the ...
A. 22 November 2012: Look, this is going to sound so disgustingly maudlin that I am blushing while I type, but it's absolutely the truth.
The BEST Xmas Eves of my life have been those I spent answering calls at a suicide prevention hotline. I have family, and plen... (read in full...)
Would you date someone who is mentally ill, more specifically bipolar?
Q. Would you date someone who is mentally ill, more specifically bipolar? I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder, and in my googling I have read many, many warnings from people who have dated bipolar people to steer clear of us. I have al...
A. 22 November 2012: I agree with the last female anon. Ideally, I would not either. Not out of lack of empathy, ignorance or prejudice- again, it's not a moral judgement , it's a pragmatic one.
Relationships are already complicated enough when both partners are bagg... (read in full...)
Ex and I are going on dates, but no title now. Is he using me while looking around?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. We were together every single day living together. Then we broke up cause we were fighting alot. He has asked me back in his life but not as his official girlfriend. He wants to take things slow and go on ...
A. 22 November 2012: Ah well, so now we have the answer regarding WHY he would want to have you back in his life while ( maybe ) he looks around for someone else : because he is pennyless ,carless and jobless, and you pay for dates. he gets to eat out, drink, go to the ... (read in full...)
Was she trying to hint that I should ask this girl out asap?
Q. I met this girl early september and we were friends from the first week really. We see each other every few days as we have classes together and we do spend a fair bit of spare time in between together too just chatting etc. I did feel as if she s...
A. 21 November 2012: Yes, it sounds like the friend was hinting. Not too subtly, too:).
What do you want to do with the hint, of course it's up to you.
I think you like the girl, but not terribly so- not as romance material. You like her because she is attracti... (read in full...)
I don't like the way my elderly parents treat my Bf. What can I do?
Q. My parents are in their 80's. Although my BF of 2 1/2 years is loving, successful, employed, and financially secure yet they act very cold and aloof around him. My guess is because he has long hair (IT/science guy). They NEVER ask about him an...
A. 21 November 2012: Dear OP,... what do you want to do ? They are in their EIGHTIES !, they must be set in their ways by now, and also have developped their quirks and preferences. Plus, regardless of age,... they don't HAVE to like your bf only because you do.
Thes... (read in full...)
He's still with the other girl. I told him I can't be with him if he's still with her. Should I stick to my words?
Q. hey everyone.. i recently started seeing my ex boyfriend again.he has been dating another girl since the breakup he said that things have not been good with them for a long time and that he want's to breakup with her but he doesn't know how to gent...
A. 21 November 2012: Oh that's an easy one :
yes. Absolutely. Stick to your words.
Is not your problem that he can't let the other girl down gently. For what you are concerned, he does not even have to do it gently, he can do it suddenly or brutally or cruelly.... (read in full...)
I need help badly. I'm emotionally torn. Missing my Bf after his father said things that put him into a boys home. My health's been affected. How can I cope better?
Q. Well, me and my boyfriend are very serious. I know I'm in love. Well my boyfriend's dad and him always fight and sometime fist fight. When they do his dad usually hits first, this time my boyfriend hit first because his dad called me a "fat...
A. 21 November 2012: I am sure this is not the advice you want, but honestly I can't find anything to say else than : forget about this boy , he has ,apparently, a lot of issues that you are too young and inexperienced to deal with, and even to evaluate with ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting? How can I deal with this issue? He regards his family as a higher priority over our relationship.
Q. I am in my late twenties and my boyfriend is in his mid thirties. We have been together for 4 years and discussed getting married. One of the issues I have, however, is his relationship with his family. Every Tuesday, he has dinner at his paren...
A. 21 November 2012: I, instead, think that you are overreacting, and , believe me, I am no big fan of family get togethers and hanging with the in laws.
But, come on, is ONE night a week . For something he cares about and enjoys and has always being doing even befo... (read in full...)
Is it common for people to be in a relationship and signed up to online dating sites?
Q. I have noticed this kind of question comes up a lot on this website. Is it very common for people to be signed up to dating websites whilst in a relationship. I have found my boyfriend to be doing it and lying about it. when he is not able to lie, ...
A. 21 November 2012: As for common, I guess it is somewhat common. For people who are not serious about their current relationship.
They love the ego boost of seducing and being seducted by strangers, the novelty and excitement it brings in a life often not too stim... (read in full...)
All the girls go for my good looking friend instead of me!
Q. A friend of mine is the total opposite of me. He is 6'2 with blond hair and has stunning looks and he works out. I'm 5'8, work out and play sports, but don't look stunning like he does. I've been told I am handsome by older family and that is it. ...
A. 21 November 2012: Good,OP. This thread is very long and I admit I have just skimmed it, it seems that you have several issues with dating / approaching girls, but at least on ONE count you can rest easy : even belonging to a conservative community, you won't be ... (read in full...)
All the girls go for my good looking friend instead of me!
Q. A friend of mine is the total opposite of me. He is 6'2 with blond hair and has stunning looks and he works out. I'm 5'8, work out and play sports, but don't look stunning like he does. I've been told I am handsome by older family and that is it. ...
A. 20 November 2012: OP,... where do you live ? Mind you, I say that out not ironically or confrontationally, just out of genuine curiosity. I am tryng to understand if you actually live in an environment where most girls get married and have kids early, or if this is ... (read in full...)
Not for revenge but for my own pleasure I'm thinking of cheating, nothing serious just a one night thing. Opinions please!
Q. My partner and I have been together for 5 years up until recently we were engaged, have 2 children and were trying for a 3rd. During this time he has cheated on me twice that I know of. The first was for the first 12 months we were together...
A. 20 November 2012: Op, I don't think that we are not reading or not understanding, it's just that different people have different deal breakers, and many people draw the line at cheating- even just the first time.
So it's natural we don't get too impressed when... (read in full...)
I deleted my LDR guy, did I do the right thing?
Q. Well, I started to like someone long distance on skype and he used to get upset if I was not able to speak to him for a while or was too busy and seemed to care. Well recently he had been distant with me, one word answers and really cold if lucky, ...
A. 20 November 2012: Then...pfeew! Imagine if you had gone ahead with your plans in secret, and sprung on him your surprise... chances are you'd have found him into the arms of some other girls, and that would have made for a quite embarassing moment .Pat yourself ... (read in full...)
Not for revenge but for my own pleasure I'm thinking of cheating, nothing serious just a one night thing. Opinions please!
Q. My partner and I have been together for 5 years up until recently we were engaged, have 2 children and were trying for a 3rd. During this time he has cheated on me twice that I know of. The first was for the first 12 months we were together...
A. 20 November 2012: Sorry,my bad. He only cheated twice,... so technically we can't call it a pattern yet. Not to nitpick, though, but the first time... lasted a whole year , so we can't either call that an adventure or a moment of weakness, right ?- Or a "mistake ". ... (read in full...)
Friend who can't think for herself!!!
Q. Hi, im soo annoyed right now. Where to start? A couple of months ago i fell out with people i used to call my 'best friends' long story not going into detail about why we fell out. While i was friends with one of the particular 'friends' she co...
A. 20 November 2012: Naah, don't get paranoid now . It may be a coincidence, you have no copyright on fringes and highlights, and I guess you have taken this idea for a new hairstyle somewhere, magazines, tv shows, .... being the same age, it's quite possible you ... (read in full...)
Not for revenge but for my own pleasure I'm thinking of cheating, nothing serious just a one night thing. Opinions please!
Q. My partner and I have been together for 5 years up until recently we were engaged, have 2 children and were trying for a 3rd. During this time he has cheated on me twice that I know of. The first was for the first 12 months we were together...
A. 20 November 2012: ... But, do you HAVE to start over, with your partner , I mean ? ... This is what you may want to do, or think you want to do, but it can be ( I'd say it must be ) out of fear of loneliness, fear of the unknown....not out of love , I guess. So, ... (read in full...)
I deleted my LDR guy, did I do the right thing?
Q. Well, I started to like someone long distance on skype and he used to get upset if I was not able to speak to him for a while or was too busy and seemed to care. Well recently he had been distant with me, one word answers and really cold if lucky, ...
A. 20 November 2012: Of course you did the right thing, what else could you have done ? You are planning to move for him,... and he is dating other people ! You want contact and companionship, and he gives you cold one liners. Obviously here wants needs and expectations ... (read in full...)
Is it unusual for married spouses to travel alone?
Q. Just want to get some opinions on that. I m In my 40s with grown children that are independent. I finally got in a stage of my life where we are comfortable with money. I help my husband in our business, but during summer it's slow, so I have ...
A. 20 November 2012: What is socially unacceptable clearly depends from which society you live in. As for that, there are groups and commmunity where is still nowadays " socially unacceptable" that the wife goes grocery shopping alone !
Apparently, you deal with a ve... (read in full...)
Trusting him isn't easy because I'm afraid he's trying to get into my pants
Q. Just started talking to this guy approx. 2 weeks ago and after a few days we got flirty. He came home Friday for Thanksgiving break and was completely excited to meet me.. so he drove over and we hung out and kissed a bit. During that he kept ...
A. 20 November 2012: Well, he IS tryng to get into your pants, and he is laying it on pretty thick to get there- in a very clumsy way. Yes, keep your guard up, and your pants on,- and, honestly, be prepared to see his " love " and " promises " disappear like snow ... (read in full...)
Trusting him isn't easy because I'm afraid he's trying to get into my pants
Q. Just started talking to this guy approx. 2 weeks ago and after a few days we got flirty. He came home Friday for Thanksgiving break and was completely excited to meet me.. so he drove over and we hung out and kissed a bit. During that he kept ...
A. 20 November 2012: Well, he IS tryng to get into your pants, and he is laying it on pretty thick to get there- in a very clumsy way. Yes, keep your guard up, and your pants on,- and, honestly, be prepared to see his " love " and " promises " disappear like snow ... (read in full...)
Is this guy in to me? Does he want to meet? I'm always the first to text.
Q. I met this guy online he is 20 and I an 17 and yeah I know I should not be chatting to guys online. So after a few hours of chatting we swapping numbers and chat on whatsapp. I told him my age, he does not min, he says I am stunning and how can ...
A. 18 November 2012: There is nothing strange in never having had a bf at all of ...seventeen , so it does not mean that you are " meant " to be alone, and there's nothing to " accept ". There's just something to learn, i.e. choose carefully, based on actually knowing ... (read in full...)
LDR is causing problems and I don't know where my boyfriend stands
Q. After a relationship with a jerk I got this amazing bf.He is everything I wanted him to be. Unfortunately we are in 'your sunset my sunrise' far away places. Earlier it was fine but now with 6 months of LDR and things are getting ugly.We didn't h...
A. 18 November 2012: It's still not enough time , if you only have been dating 6 months, part of which long distance. It's normal that everything feel fantastic at the beginning of a new relationship. It does not mean that it can 't STAY fantastic, maybe even ... (read in full...)
LDR is causing problems and I don't know where my boyfriend stands
Q. After a relationship with a jerk I got this amazing bf.He is everything I wanted him to be. Unfortunately we are in 'your sunset my sunrise' far away places. Earlier it was fine but now with 6 months of LDR and things are getting ugly.We didn't h...
A. 18 November 2012: No, he is not acting weird, he is acting normal and prudent. He does not even know you basically, you just have been corresponding for the last 6 months , and writing to each other may very easily be all different from LIVING with each other. It is ... (read in full...)
He told me I may not be the one he wants but I'm the one he needs!
Q. The title says it all. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months and we've been recently having fights about the direction of our relationship. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me and is in love with ...
A. 18 November 2012: Oh boy. Foot in mouth ? Your bf put in his mouth a whole dance company, ballet shoes doing pirouettes and fouettes all around.
I am a bit ambivalent about this. Sure, of course the poor guy is young and still a bit inexperienced in rela... (read in full...)
He went from wanting to date me to not wanting me at all in just a few days??
Q. I am just so confused at the moment. I met this guy a few weeks ago while at an event I was working at and he was attending. We got talking and at the end he gave me his phone number as in his words if I was interested I could contact him and he ...
A. 18 November 2012: If ever you hear a man stating " I am not the type who plays games ", just run for cover, because he actually IS :) The others, those who really don't play games, don't feel the need to announce it officially, they simply .... don't play games ... (read in full...)
After dating he said he wanted to be friends but he ignores me. Why?
Q. I am so confused by this mans actions and hoping someone can shed some light on it. I was in a relationship with a man for 9 months, we mutually decided we could not be together long term but he was adamant he wanted to stay friends. I couldn't...
A. 18 November 2012: Because he did not really mean it, at least not literally. "Let's stay friends " is a catchphrase, in the order of "it's not you, it's me " , it's a civil platitude said to look good and to defuse resentment and bad feelings. It basically just ... (read in full...)
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