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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I broke up with him because he made me feel worthless! So why does it hurt so much?
Q. Sorry about the length but... Hi Everyone, I'm so sad right now... I just ended a 10 month relationship with a guy that i actually thought i loved. We said we would never leave or walk out on each other.. I had to end it because i was left wit...
A. 13 January 2013: ... But history is not made by what if and if only.
It is what it is, and it happened what it happened, and what ifs only take you so far .
Ted Bundy , the infamous serial killer, would have been anybody's dream guy IF ONLY . He was handsome... (read in full...)
How do I get my friend back? At least to talk to me?
Q. I'm scared, lost and feel really down. This is basically one of those "how do I get my friend back" questions, however this is a little more complicated. My friend (male) wont speak to me. He cut me out his life with no explanation. We ...
A. 28 December 2012: You raise an interesting point : what kind of a friend just ditches you etc. etc. ? .. Maybe, the kind of friend who was less invested emotionally in the friendship than you were. Have you ever considered that , if a new girl popping up on the ... (read in full...)
Been having an affair. If I don't tell his wife she may be ruining her own life with a cheater!
Q. I've been having an affair with a man who's wife doesn't currently live with him because of their jobs. I am also not sure he's even married to her yet. They live in two different states. She has decided to keep her job because of seniority and ...
A. 28 December 2012: OP, maybe by now you have already sent your closure e-mail, but if you haven't, you should really stop and think before you do it.
In your updates you confirm what I had imagined, that your wish to contact him has very little to do with clos... (read in full...)
How do I get my friend back? At least to talk to me?
Q. I'm scared, lost and feel really down. This is basically one of those "how do I get my friend back" questions, however this is a little more complicated. My friend (male) wont speak to me. He cut me out his life with no explanation. We ...
A. 28 December 2012: I am afraid I have to agree with Aunty Bim Bim.
You seem not to realize that you may have crossed boundaries for him to the point of no return.
He was perfectly legitimate in not wanting to come out with you one on one. After all, you were a f... (read in full...)
Ruined meal! I am disappointed with my friends and I don't know how to tell them how much. What can I do?
Q. I know there are people on here with real problems but if you could please take a minute to read my post I'd appreciate it. I feel really let down and annoyed by my so called friends. The 4 of us were trying to arrange a meal out before Chr...
A. 27 December 2012: If they were so far good friends under other respects, I'd give them the benefit of doubt. Maybe they aren't just cheap or natural -born moochers, and they did not mean on purpose to take advantage of you. Just not thoughful, a bit careless, or ... (read in full...)
I want a relationship with trust and honesty!
Q. I have caught my boyfriend on dating sites 5 times this year. He has promised to stop doing it from now on. He said that all the other times too. I find all i do lately is look for evidence of him doing it again. Just like i have done in the past ...
A. 27 December 2012: Then you can't have it with this guy.
5 times is too much. It's Ok giving a second chance , ... maybe a third in some rare cases... but whoever has ever heard of a sixth chance ? Only if you like to be made fun of. ... (read in full...)
I want to get back with my wife. I know deep inside she wants to give me another chance!
Q. Hello, I am looking for advice to help me get back together with my wife. We were married for 8 years, knew each other for 15 probably, we have two boys 8 and 11. As people know that have kids, the intimacy in a relationship goes out the the door...
A. 27 December 2012: Let her be, you are probably driving her nuts and forcing her to a big effort to be polite to you as the father of her children .
She is not doing anything strange, she is acting as it is normal and correct for two spouses who are de facto sepa... (read in full...)
Everyone I know is married, has babies or is in a settled relationship except me! Am I behind and missing out?
Q. Hi, I'm having a little age crisis I guess haha. I've just turned 20, and I don't have one friend that doesn't have a baby or isn't married. Everyone I knew from school is married, had a baby or has been with the same guy/girl for a couple of years. ...
A. 26 December 2012: Everyone is NOT acting really quickly. In UK the average age for first birth is 28 or 29 ! , so it is just in your particular , limited circle of friends or in your subculture that everybody's got a raging baby fever.
If this is good or bad,... (read in full...)
Been having an affair. If I don't tell his wife she may be ruining her own life with a cheater!
Q. I've been having an affair with a man who's wife doesn't currently live with him because of their jobs. I am also not sure he's even married to her yet. They live in two different states. She has decided to keep her job because of seniority and ...
A. 26 December 2012: OP, it's normal that you feel bad having been rejected, who likes being rejected ?! but, since you are aware it's a matter of wounded ego, I'd let it go. Your ego will self repair in time ,and the sooner, the less you strive to get a reaction, ... (read in full...)
My fiance said her ex was a better lover.
Q. Hello everyone, sorry for the long post,this is the first time asking a question, although I have been reading many posts here trying to come to terms with something that happened to me recently. I have just recently come back from Europe where I a...
A. 26 December 2012: Op, you are a lucky man .You love , you are loved back, and you have agreed to keep loving each other and living together the rest of your life trying your best to make each other happy. That's awesome and something you should be thankful for.
... (read in full...)
Do I try anal sex or not?
Q. My boyfriend wants to try anal sex with me but I just don't know about trying it. Do I let him have his way or what? and anyone that has tried it can you please explain it like what do you have to do and how does it feel? I only really care about th...
A. 26 December 2012: " Letr him have his way " ? What are you , the heroin of an Harlequin novel ?
Girl, sexually you only do what you want and desire to do when you want to do it. If you don't feel like doing it yet, or at all, if you have doubts or hesi... (read in full...)
Been having an affair. If I don't tell his wife she may be ruining her own life with a cheater!
Q. I've been having an affair with a man who's wife doesn't currently live with him because of their jobs. I am also not sure he's even married to her yet. They live in two different states. She has decided to keep her job because of seniority and ...
A. 26 December 2012: As for me, the point of my post was not to remind you that you have cheated in case it had escaped your notice, nor to try and make you feel guilty.
It was simply a defense of sheer logic. If there's an oblivious woman that should be warned and ... (read in full...)
Three months of dating. And still have not met his family and friends? Is this normal? Or weird?
Q. My guy and I have been together for 3 months now and I haven't met any of his friends or family nor him mine... Am I jumping the gun to soon or does that seem weird to anyone else, I don't even think his friends know about me but he will talk to m...
A. 26 December 2012: I think more or less like IAmHereToHelpYou. I don't think it's strange you haven't met his family yet , because, once you are out of teen yers, "meeting the parents " sort of gives a serious, very official turn to things, whether you want it or ... (read in full...)
FWB offends me. Is FWB just a cheap way to get easy sex instead of paying a sex worker? Does FWB stand for anything else other than sex?
Q. FWB I don't really like this game because what if the other person start to have feelings? To me it seems to be basically about money. Where does one draw the line and say this is not what I want? I really think FWB is a trade off for free sex. I c...
A. 25 December 2012: I don't think it's about money, because there are thousands of men who would not dream of paying for sex anyway , no matter what.
The freedom is about being free from obligations, promises, committments and monogamy. Of course that's not a reci... (read in full...)
Women's perspective on a guy's height please.
Q. Ladies, I'd like to hear from you how you feel about height as it relates to attraction. Is it a non-negotiable for you that your man be taller than you are? What about when he's taller than you, but not taller than you in heels? I'm 5'8" and l...
A. 25 December 2012: I am one of those short ( 5'3" ) women who like them tall :) With all due respect to Staceily... enough please with this shallowness thing. People are entitled to have visual and esthetic preferences. Tryng to find a partner that also appeals to ... (read in full...)
Been having an affair. If I don't tell his wife she may be ruining her own life with a cheater!
Q. I've been having an affair with a man who's wife doesn't currently live with him because of their jobs. I am also not sure he's even married to her yet. They live in two different states. She has decided to keep her job because of seniority and ...
A. 25 December 2012: What about your husband ? Does he not deserve too that someone would tell him the truth and that he is has been living in the illusion of having a faithful committed partner ?...Sure he is not uprooting himself with financial sacrifice .Still, if ... (read in full...)
Was he over the top to break up over this after 2 years together? Was he looking for an excuse?
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up in April of this year. He had found out I was on dating sites again. I did not want to meet anyone, because I was in love with him. I used to go on dating sites to tease the guys on them and had no intention of meet...
A. 24 December 2012: I disagree, I don't think he was over the top. A person in a committed relationship has no business being on dating sites , unknown to his partner. ( If you saw it like just an innocent, fun passtime, you could have told him ) Even worse if she ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he is 50% happy with me but I don't satisfy him sexually like his ex did. Should I have a threesome with them to make him happy?
Q. I purposed an idea to my boyfriend a couple of days ago. The idea having a threesome with him and his ex. Sounds bizarre, good thing I slept on it and really thought about how it will impact the relationship and everyone involved lives. Question ...
A. 24 December 2012: I think your idea is close to insane and to have conceived it,you must have let this guy suck out of you the last speckle of self respect and self esteem you had.
So he thinks you are only 50% of what he looks for in a woman ? fair enou... (read in full...)
He makes me wet and it makes me uncomfortable.
Q. Okay so I'm 16 and so is my boyfriend. Were both Virgins and we do want to wait till marriage for sex so instead we Dry Hump. Im usually in leggings or sweat pants and hes usually in gym shorts. But he says he wants to try to do it with pants off ...
A. 24 December 2012: The wetness is totally normal !, and it is precisely what makes intercourse possible and enjoyable. Try -( in future ,OK :) ? doing it without the wetness, and tell me if it does not feel like being sandpapered.
Yours is a healthy, invo... (read in full...)
He's not sure if he's ready for a relationship, should I wait?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks now, he's stayed at my place once and me at his three times. We met online and he gave me his number and suggested we meet up. He said he was excited but nervous to meet, and when we finally did, it couldn't ...
A. 24 December 2012: That's not so mysterious, he told you where you stand and what you can expect for him. It's not that " he is not interested ", he is interested up to a very precise extent, which includes the occasional sleepover, cuddling fondling and, I suppose, ... (read in full...)
He said his son was conceived in a toilet stall, I can't stop thinking about it.
Q. I am 28 and my boyfriend is 49. He told me something yesterday that has really upset me. I don't even know why he told me ( maybe it was because he was drunk when he told me ). He said that he and his ex wife conceived their son in a toilet cubicle ...
A. 24 December 2012: Oh there's lots of people having sex in clubs bathrooms, and , although for myself I have always preferred more romantic and comfortable settings , ... kids get conceived on the back seat of a car, on the basement stairs, in unattended building ... (read in full...)
He expects so much. Gives back nothing. Am I not supposed to feel appreciated by my boyfriend?
Q. Dear cupid My bf of 3 years never appreciates me even for things I do for him. However much I do for him and the lengths I go to do things for him, he just treats as if it's my duty to serve him. Am I not supposed to feel appreciated by my b...
A. 24 December 2012: Just stop doing things for him! Stop serving him. Stop catering to his needs above and beyond etc.etc.
And , I don't want it to sound like I am reproaching you for being a helpful, caring person, but, in theory this problem of feeling unap... (read in full...)
Does he really not have any feelings for me anymore?
Q. Hi my name is angel and im 18. Well i just moved to my home state an my mom hand picked a guy out that i should date. Well to get to the point i fell head over heels for him. Well we moved in with his dad becase we both don't have the finances to ...
A. 23 December 2012: I'd say the answer is rather obvious : because you are there, handy, convenient and available for sex. One can have sex also without having feelings for their sex partner.
You fought a lot, you broke up, you are both talking to other people, and ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend let me touch him?
Q. I don't understand, but my boyfriend will touch me anywhere,(lying on my bed with clothes on!) but when I try to touch him, he moves my hand. I've mentioned it a couple of times: why don't you let me touch you and he says that he will "but not yet " ...
A. 21 December 2012: WHY can't you stop something that's already happenong just instantly ?
What do you mean ? Of course you can . Unless the other person is armed and dangerous. ... (read in full...)
I need help understanding what hes wanting...or why he's acting like this.
Q. So my ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. He said that he just didn't have "time." But stil liked me..even said he "loved" me as a gf but didn't want a relationship. Of course I was hurt but we agreed to be friends. We continued texting for ...
A. 21 December 2012: He is tryng to be nice and "stay friends " because it sounds like the PC thing to do when the break up was not acrimonious, and maybe because he feels a little guilty , since he knows nobody likes to be dumped and he can imagine you aren't ... (read in full...)
I can't get past the fact that my husband had lap dances from strippers before we were married.
Q. I have known my husband for abt 10 yrs now, married for 6 and we both are very happy, committed and loving to each other, expecting our first baby now. But just the other day, I was talking of pregnancy stretch marks and he goes - dont worry ho...
A. 21 December 2012: I think it's just the pregnancy hormones doing their trick on you and clouding your judgement, otherwise you'd realize you are applying the most blatant of double standards here.
He had fully nude sexy women on top of him , ( and he had his clot... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to get married anymore and he says he meant his proposal "at the time"
Q. I will try and keep this brief...... My boyfriend ask me to marry him over a year ago, however whenever i try to talk about the wedding he says that he doesn't want to get married and he meant the proposal " at the time"!! He has met all my...
A. 21 December 2012: He means that when he proposed he just got caught up in the moment, and then he regretted it. He is literally saying " it seemed a good idea at the time, but ".
I have to agree with the other Aunts, what happened is that he took his promise back... (read in full...)
He won't make it official
Q. i have been on a few dates with this guy. we had something before the summer and also just about 2 months ago however this did not work out because of my parents. me and him have had sexual intercourse and like each other very much, however he...
A. 21 December 2012: He does not make you official..because he does not want to. You said yourself that his are " excuses ".
You are being used. I think what he likes is your availability and convenience. Said brutally, he can have sex with you, while he pretends behi... (read in full...)
Thoughts regarding retrograde jealousy....is a person's past really not any of the current relationship's business?
Q. An observation from a straight guy: I CALL BULLSHIT on people who claim that lovers are not accountable for how their sexual past is non of their current relationship's business. What if you only ever had one girlfriend, and before she met y...
A. 14 December 2012: My input is that the promiscuous girl did not hold you at gun point to make you date her then marry her.
If you are the kind of person for whom is paramount that there's balance in the number and type of sexual experiences , one threesome for ... (read in full...)
I want my mom to know that I'm sexually active
Q. Hi I have a little bit of a dilemma... I am 16, nearly 17 and am sexually active (I live in the UK) I have been with my boyfriend with 10 months and we have only ever had sex with eachother and we only did it after about 7 months.We did it...
A. 14 December 2012: Of course it is great to have an open truthful relationship with your mom. The problem is that apparently you don't have one, and that your family is not as open as you say.
Otherwise what the big deal would be ? You are of legal age, you are ... (read in full...)
Is it cultural thing that guys in the USA like to make girls wait because it's supposed to be a power play/dominant thing?
Q. I have a date with an American guy next week (I live in the US by the way), what should I expect? Dating looks so coded here... We met on a casual hang out (with common friends) a few days ago and i notice that he was very attracted to me....
A. 14 December 2012: Frankly I am not much up to date with the current American dating codes , and I hope that some American Aunt or Uncle may give you more helpful answers.
Personally, I think that it has got to do, more than with dating codes, with current TEXT... (read in full...)
I broke up with him because he made me feel worthless! So why does it hurt so much?
Q. Sorry about the length but... Hi Everyone, I'm so sad right now... I just ended a 10 month relationship with a guy that i actually thought i loved. We said we would never leave or walk out on each other.. I had to end it because i was left wit...
A. 14 December 2012: I am sorry that you ( and your neighbours ) had to go through his nightime drunken shenanigans, but.. it must not hava come as a total shock. You could have seen it coming, I guess ? " When he is drunk he is so abusive and calls me every name ... (read in full...)
Can chemistry be built up over time??
Q. I currently have an intimate relationship with my best friend, but when I bring up being in a relationship, she says the chemistry isn't there. I really think it's just because im not a big muscle tatted bad boy. We already get along great and ...
A. 14 December 2012: She is simply telling you that, will all the good qualities that you have and that she enjoys in you as her friend and temporary partner-in-crime, she does not see you as relationship material. It's not that she does not want to be in a ... (read in full...)
What will I do if he ends up in Jail? What I should do right now given the situation?
Q. To start off with, I'm a nineteen year old girl dating a nineteen year old male. We've been dating a little more than ten months now. There has never really been a fight between the two of us either, we get along quite well. Anyways, like all rela...
A. 13 December 2012: " This did not seem like a red flag at all " ? " This is the first time he got in trouble with the law " ?
Honey are you serious ? He is NINETEEN, how many times do you want him to have been in trouble with the law already ?? Imagine that... (read in full...)
I get very upset when my partner sees his child from a past relationship! How do I deal with this?
Q. I have been with my partner for 15 months. We love each other very much. However, 7 months into our relationship I discovered that he has a child with his last partner of 2 years. I was skeptical throughout these 7 months as I had heard roumors, and ...
A. 13 December 2012: The part that scares me most is not the fact that he is a single dad and you don't like children , it's the timing.
This child is 12 months old, and you have been dating for 15 months. So this means that when you got into the relationship , the ... (read in full...)
How faithful can a girl can be in a LDR when temptations are everywhere?
Q. Hi, im in a ldr for about 7 months and we both are in love. due to our job and school compromises we wont be able to move together until in 2 years or so. so far we have been seeing each other every two months and will be on the same basis, maybe ...
A. 13 December 2012: Same as you , OP. The distance is the same for both, how many chances are there that you will cheat ? If you are in love , and serious about honoring your committment , close to none. If you are not in love and not that serious , many.
I get ... (read in full...)
Out of control PMS, I've tried EVERYTHING, please help me!
Q. I'm at my wits end here and really need some advice. I am a 25 year old woman. I'm generally a happy person who enjoys life. But the week (sometimes 2 weeks) before my period I feel as though I go absolutely INSANE! I'm extremely angry, depr...
A. 13 December 2012: What you describe sounds like PMDD, pre-menstrual disphoric disorder , a severe , debilitating form of PMS which affects about 3 % of menstruating women.
The generally prescribed, and generally effective, treatment, is SSRIs, which you are alre... (read in full...)
I want my mom to know that I'm sexually active
Q. Hi I have a little bit of a dilemma... I am 16, nearly 17 and am sexually active (I live in the UK) I have been with my boyfriend with 10 months and we have only ever had sex with eachother and we only did it after about 7 months.We did it...
A. 13 December 2012: One more " why do you want her to know " .
Yes maybe it would had been nice if you had the kind of mother / daughter relationship where you could tell her anything and confide in her and ask advice about sex,- but since you don't, and in fact... (read in full...)
In a troubled relationship should I tell him I had a miscarriage?
Q. First of all, please don't judge my relationship. I'm not asking a question about how to "win his affections" or anything, I'm asking if I should tell him about a miscarriage. My boyfriend and I are in a complicated situation right now. He's abo...
A. 12 December 2012: I would not tell him , also because you don't know for sure if it was a miscarriage. With all due respect for Planned Parenthood, a miscarriage is what has perhaps happened, not " most likely " happened. Pregnancies don't go by symptoms and hints ... (read in full...)
FWB: I've been in one before. But why is my new FWB guy so into cuddling afterwards?
Q. Dear Cupid, So lately i've been in a friends with benefits sort of situation. I know this sounds really weird but I met this guy online and we had talked about getting together for a couple months now... well we finally we made time and we have...
A. 12 December 2012: I see it differently than the other posters. When it starts as FWB, 99% of times so it stays, I think it's very improbable - albeit not totally impossible- that his affectionate demeanour means he wants more or he's falling in love.
That's simp... (read in full...)
Best Friends that have turned into something else, without willingness to commit..
Q. Sorry this is somewhat lengthy, but I am in desperate need of good advice so I want you to know as much as possible. Thanks in advance!! My best friend and I have been basically dating for 7 months. As in we had sex regularly, went on dates, h...
A. 12 December 2012: This is a very unbalanced situation you put yourself in, and the " shall I call her shall I not ? " is a false problem, because unluckily whatever you do, you have made yourself quite vulnerable and not by her doing but by your own choice.
Ther... (read in full...)
My girfriend is pregnant and treats me badly!
Q. what should i do? im 27 my girlfriend is 23 i've been with this girl 3 years. somedays are easy some are hard. for my birthday i always get a card and kiss and told i love you but thats it i always say " your not gonna say happy bithday " an...
A. 12 December 2012: I think that you are already tired of her and looking for excuses to dump her. Well, you actually admit it, I would have dumped her if it was not for the pregnancy. So I don't think that there's much we can suggest , if you are not willing to ... (read in full...)
How do I feel confident when my crush said I was unaatractive?
Q. I'm not pretty and i don't think any guys will love me because i'm ugly. Every girl that i've have known who had a boyfriend were pretty and then there's me who wants a boyfriend and to know what it feels like to be loved. People find me ugly ...
A. 11 December 2012: My answer will be frivolous. Other Aunts have already told you and will tell you that that guy is a jerk whose opinion does not count, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it's only skin deep, etc.etc.
So, I just want to talk abou... (read in full...)
My FWB says that he's not cheating on his girlfriend with me because apparently I'm not a service , I'm just a girl who he likes in lust
Q. I am 19 years of age and now is in an affair with a man who is 29 who has a girlfriend he has been dating for 8 years. He says shes his best friend, with her he has a so called life , clean clothes to wear. But he is unsure if he wants/or is going ...
A. 11 December 2012: You are just naive . And you are becoming attached to a man that thinks so highly of you ,that he would prefer to pay you, if you accepted the money, to make your deal even more business-like and casual than it already is . That in itself should ... (read in full...)
My fiance said her ex was a better lover.
Q. Hello everyone, sorry for the long post,this is the first time asking a question, although I have been reading many posts here trying to come to terms with something that happened to me recently. I have just recently come back from Europe where I a...
A. 31 October 2012: I'll admit right away that I am one of those women that CAN'T feel your pain and would tell you to " just get over it ". But I'll try to explain why.
It always blows me over the privileged, intense, intimate relationship that men have ... with... (read in full...)
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