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... Send *indyCares a private message | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My boyfriend's children are not invited to my family's events. How can I handle this?
Q. I have a small predicament that I could do with some help with. Myself and my fella have been together over 18 months. He has 2 kids and we all love each other to bits. My parents took a long time to accept it but they have now. The only prob...
A. 19 January 2013: @female reader anon- without any particular biase about who's right who's wrong ( if I were the OP's mom I would not have a problem in inviting her bf's kids , yet I can see how and why other people may think differently ), I must say that the point ... (read in full...)
Why is it that straight men don't take two gay womens relationship seriously?
Q. so i have a very sincere question that i've been wondering for years. it's troubling me greatly. i have been out of the closet for over ten years now, and have dated nothing but really feminine women who don't "look gay" (despite being VERY MUCH ...
A. 19 January 2013: Because some men ( most ? ) deeply believe that there can't be any "real" sex if there isn't a penis involved .All the rest is a curiosity, a passing fancy, a whim, a mistake... but, a feminine looking woman ? naaah... what she "really " wants is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend creates all my present. Is he cheap?
Q. My boyfriend has a strange attitude toward gifts. He has never bought me anything, but rather creates all his presents for me himself. I don't have a problem with handmade things. They are wonderful and thoughtful. My problem is, the quality of m...
A. 18 January 2013: Yeah he is cheap : and lazy.
There's nothing wrong with homemade presents, IF they show care and effort.
I dabble in oil paintings, I made one as a present , I could only work on it a couple of hours a week ,..it took me about 8 months t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's children are not invited to my family's events. How can I handle this?
Q. I have a small predicament that I could do with some help with. Myself and my fella have been together over 18 months. He has 2 kids and we all love each other to bits. My parents took a long time to accept it but they have now. The only prob...
A. 18 January 2013: I don't think your mom hates kids and I don't think she hates or has anything personal against these kids. Simply, she is organizing a family event, and while these kids are your bf's family, they surely are not, and don't feel to her, like hers. ... (read in full...)
Is my new Bf asking too much? He's upset because I don't want to sell my old wedding ring.
Q. I am currently going through a divorce. My ex and I have been separated for a year and a half. I started dating my boyfriend 6 months after my separation started. I have recently fallen on hard financial times and lost my job. My current boyf...
A. 18 January 2013: The problem is that when you are broke and borrowing money to get by, you can't afford to be " sentimental ". Your sentiments get in the way of a prompt repayment of the money you borrowed. It's not fair that your bf should patiently wait until ... (read in full...)
Do I get out of my troubled relationship now or stick it out till August?
Q. Hello, I've been dealing with some issues lately and I've decided to turn to the internet for help. I've been dating this guy for nine months as of the 17th of January. Let's call him Ted (that's not his real name). Ted and I have known each ot...
A. 18 January 2013: Aside from the physical stuff ?? Stop right there. The rest of the story is terrible too, but never mind, there's no " apart from the physical stuff ". This is not a relation, this is a massacre, this is a train wreck waiting to happen, and you ... (read in full...)
First time seeing the college psychologist and I don't feel like I go anywhere, how can I ask for another psychiatrist without hurting her feelings?
Q. Ok, so I've never went to see a "professional" about anything before...I have slipped into depression lately after leaving my ex boyfriend and I just felt a little pathetic so I decided to make an appointment with a licensed psychologist at my ...
A. 18 January 2013: A licensed clinical psychologist CAN assess and treat mental, emotional and behavioural disorders, including depression. " Can " both in the meaning of being able to, and of being allowed to.
What they cannot ever do is to prescribe meds, for ... (read in full...)
Can anyone pls explain how someone can be in love and then just lose feelings overnight?
Q. Can anyone pls explain how someone can be in love and then just lose feelings overnight? I joined on line dating. Not to date, not to cheat, but because I was bored because he would rather be out football training, than be home with me. He doesnt ...
A. 18 January 2013: Yes, probably it's fair to say that he did not really love you , or did not love you anymore, but I don't think it really evet happens " overnight ". It happens imperceptibly, day after day , a little at a time , until something comes up that's a ... (read in full...)
Why does my opinion mean less to my GF than others?
Q. My girlfriend and I are coming up on our first year, and we began living together about eight months through. I'd have to say in all honesty that we are as opposite as night and day....I spend a lot of time in intellectual pursuits and (just to make ...
A. 18 January 2013: It may be that you don't even realize it but perhaps the question " Can I make a suggestion ? " comes up TOO often, no matter how politely. When people really want opinions, they'll go ask them. If they don't, the most helpful, polite suggestion ... (read in full...)
Ex sent me dirty pictures says its because of me that he's hard. What do I do?
Q. Well, my ex messaged me out of the blue saying he missed me, then he ended up sending me a dirty picture saying I'm the reason that it's well hard. I'm pretty sure he only wants one thing . Should I just ignore him or what?...
A. 17 January 2013: Is this even a question ? ...
Ignore him.
99% he only wants one thing.
In the 1% chance that he really thinks the best way to rekindle feelings and win back an ex's heart , is to send her out of the blue a pic of his erection...then he needs to ... (read in full...)
Can an antibiotic prevent pregnancy?
Q. Can ampiclox prevent pregnancy...
A. 17 January 2013: No. Antibiotics cannot prevent pregnancies.
In fact, if you are on Birth Control pills and take antibiotics, they can interfere with the effectiveness of BC pills, so , in this sense, they even facilitate pregnancies...
... (read in full...)
I'm afraid I'm going to ruin my internship because I'm so tired all the time!
Q. This is not really a relationship question, but about job performance (or lack thereof, in my case.) Since most of you have jobs or had one, I would really appreciate your advice on this. Right now I'm finishing up my studies at uni through an i...
A. 17 January 2013: I suppose that as a dutiful Aunt I should encourage you to be strong and hang in there, in fact the only thing that cames really from my heart is : Quit . This is crazy. You are going to ruin your health, or have a nervous breakdown or a car ... (read in full...)
I don't want to move on, I think my ex and I might have something going on??
Q. Okay a little background on me and my ex...we dated in high school..we were 14...it only lasted about 3 months...he broke up with me cause I was too clingy. Fast forward 6 years later. We are 20. And we've been best friends since we were 13. And the ...
A. 17 January 2013: What we unboudtely have going on, is a horny guy, who does not mind accepting the hospitality of an attractive girl. Although, maybe it is also to be noticed that he does not miss a chance to clarify that you two are not a couple, and that he lives ... (read in full...)
Is he talking to me out of pity, or does he want me back?
Q. Hello Everyone, I have never done this before but I will try my best to describe my situation. So I met this guy about 8 years ago and we were going for an arranged marriage. We thought we weren't ready as yet so we calle...
A. 17 January 2013: Don't wait. He is married now, and the very fact that as a married man he is romancing an ex flame, make him a shady character, regardless of his presumed unhappiness.
Presumed, because if he was really that unhappy, ...he would have left his wife... (read in full...)
First time seeing the college psychologist and I don't feel like I go anywhere, how can I ask for another psychiatrist without hurting her feelings?
Q. Ok, so I've never went to see a "professional" about anything before...I have slipped into depression lately after leaving my ex boyfriend and I just felt a little pathetic so I decided to make an appointment with a licensed psychologist at my ...
A. 16 January 2013: Honey, if you want practical advice," do this do that" , - you are better off writing to Dear Cupid, because therapy does not work this way and it is not supposed too. Although there are different therapy schools and types and some are quite more ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend never replies to my messages on time and it really bugs me!
Q. there is something that bothers me so much about my girlfriend and is that she does not reply my messages on time, if i text her she takes even hours to text me back and if i send her a fb message she reads it and then until next day replies. at the ...
A. 16 January 2013: What's wrong is that you are imposing on their time and schedule and expecting they drop everything they are doing or breaking they are concentration to say " hi " or " talk you later " . Sure, it is polite to aknowledge personal ... (read in full...)
What to say? Can't stand fathers beliefs
Q. My father is conversative and doesn't want to know anyone else's opinion. I can't stand how he is. He thinks having children out if wedlock is "ruining The family". This makes no logical sense to me. It's not like his family is close. How canyou ...
A. 16 January 2013: It's not exactly that he lies that women have to be married to leave home. Only, that he BELIEVES that women have to be married to leave home.
But you don't need to believe exactly the same things he believes. ... (read in full...)
The mental images of my wife having sex with other men from the past are killing me!
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me. Like many other 'askers' on this site, I have trouble accepting my wife's sexual past (though I am truly getting better and better). I am in the process of starting therapy again to help me get through these intense ...
A. 16 January 2013: OP, I think perhaps you should focus more on the big picture ( your RJ ) and less on the details ( Facebook and the debate about whether it is appropriate or not to Facebook-friend your exes. Sort of pointless, as you say yourself, it's about ... (read in full...)
I can't stop masturbating even though as a Christian I know its wrong
Q. I really need help, i am a 15 year old Christian girl and i have a serious masturbation problem, i try to stop because of beliefs in my religion but when the urge is present i just cant stop i find that i like to watch porn while i do it and i know ...
A. 16 January 2013: I don't know about Protestants, for Christian Catholics masturbation is definitevely a sin,( when a young person go to confession is one of the first things they get asked about ). Although it is considered a venial sin, ( minor ) I guess, not ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and want to keep the baby but I have some doubts and my BF wants me to have an abortion. Any advise?
Q. I am 8 Weeks pregnant but I am only 20 years old. I have no clue whether or not I am going to keep this baby. I know that there are plenty of younger mothers these days, but I never intended in being one of them. When I was younger I always ...
A. 16 January 2013: @anon female reader : that's not what the law says. I don't see why any woman should be more " moral " than the laws of her country.... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and want to keep the baby but I have some doubts and my BF wants me to have an abortion. Any advise?
Q. I am 8 Weeks pregnant but I am only 20 years old. I have no clue whether or not I am going to keep this baby. I know that there are plenty of younger mothers these days, but I never intended in being one of them. When I was younger I always ...
A. 15 January 2013: I'd say yes. And in general I am not enthusiastic about unplanned pregnancies, young single moms, etc.
It does not sound though like for you keeping this baby would be a totally selfish, reckless decision. The interest of the child, as well... (read in full...)
Friend? FWB? Love?
Q. A couple years ago I was in an intense friendship with my best friend. Throughout our friendship it was always difficult. But I was always his friend. The second year we were friends we became friends with benefits. Apart from that we shared a lot ...
A. 15 January 2013: Not love. But not because it does not hurt enough, I am sure that hurts more than enough for your tastes .
You can call it love if you want, after all it's just words and definitions,maybe in your definition that's love.
In mine, surely not. May... (read in full...)
I always ignore the red flags because I think I can change them! How do I stop this?
Q. I can't seem to stop picking "fixing upper" guys...they're always already broken somehow. My first boyfriend had family issues and subsequently could not have feelings in a relationship. My most recent boyfriend felt like he wasn't good enough for ...
A. 15 January 2013: Read " Women who love too much " by Robin Norwood . And " Codependent no more " by Melody Beattie. I think they could offer you a couple of useful insights about your attraction for fixer-uppers. ... (read in full...)
Trying to work things out with the ex but I'm giving him enough rope to hang himself. How long do I give him to change?
Q. My ex boyfriend and I have decided to work our relationship out. In 3 years, we've broken up twice and have been through a lot together. Our breakups centered around him basically not having enough time for me, and by that I mean literally seeing ...
A. 15 January 2013: I don't know if you are doing the right things.
Perhaps it would be right, if you could let go without doing the mental note. But the mental note means that it still bothers you , that you still feel your needs are unmet and you suck it up not ... (read in full...)
Texting, coming over, then ignoring me! Why?
Q. me and my bf broke up he couldn't handle a gf at the moment ignored me for about 2 weeks finally came over had a great night then a couple days later ignored me again. came over again everything was perfect between us slept over and then I mentioned ...
A. 15 January 2013: I think you are under the impression you got back together, and he is now being a bad boyfriend.
But he sees it differently, I suppose. He told you he cannot handle a gf. Obviously though he can handle casual sex at his convenience. He is just... (read in full...)
My brother's fiancee won't invite my boyfriend to family events!
Q. My brother is getting married. I have been dating for over 2 yrs the same man who has been to all our holiday dinners. There is an engagement dinner for the close family and fiends to meet with invitations via interenet. It will be appx 20 people. ...
A. 14 January 2013: Yes, I guess the occasion allows for a little white lie . You show up,greet everybody, toast the happy couple and wish them well, but, alas , previous, pressing committments prevent you from joining the dinner table. Diplomacy : the art of saying ... (read in full...)
My brother's fiancee won't invite my boyfriend to family events!
Q. My brother is getting married. I have been dating for over 2 yrs the same man who has been to all our holiday dinners. There is an engagement dinner for the close family and fiends to meet with invitations via interenet. It will be appx 20 people. ...
A. 14 January 2013: Ah, just as I thought. Nothing personal. It's only HER parents paying , so basically they invite the closest to them . Obviously THEIR own son' s partner gf feels more intimate then their daughter's fiance's sister's partner. Can you see the ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my housemate's partner who almost lives with us, but won't pull his weight?
Q. Need honest advice.. I've lived with my boyfriend in a small 3 bedroom share house for over 2 years. Just under a year ago, we found a third housemate who was great. I introduced her to one of my male friends and they soon started dating. Sin...
A. 14 January 2013: Couldn't SHE clean up after her bf , and do HIS share of housework, and pitch in for the toilet paper , toiletries and whatnot that he consumes ? ...If she wants to baby and spoil her bf, *shrug* is no skin off your nose . As long as YOU don't ... (read in full...)
He cheated and I continuously gave him grief. How do I let him know that I am sorry?
Q. Hi guys Little advice please. 7 months ago i found out my parnter had been cheating on me at the beginning of the year. i knew he was up to no good and my suspicions were confirmed when she contacted me months down the line telling me she h...
A. 14 January 2013: The last anon reader would be correct , if we should assume that there is any valid reason for cheating, or a better-than-others reason.
But, for many people , is : who the f .. cares why ? He /she STILL cheated . Deal broken, and possibility of r... (read in full...)
What to say? Can't stand fathers beliefs
Q. My father is conversative and doesn't want to know anyone else's opinion. I can't stand how he is. He thinks having children out if wedlock is "ruining The family". This makes no logical sense to me. It's not like his family is close. How canyou ...
A. 14 January 2013: OP, you are 25 . He can say what he wants, you don't have to believe him. In fact, you don't , you call what he says " lies ". So , if you keep living a lie, you should resent yourself , not him.
Obviously , your father does not approve of unma... (read in full...)
My brother's fiancee won't invite my boyfriend to family events!
Q. My brother is getting married. I have been dating for over 2 yrs the same man who has been to all our holiday dinners. There is an engagement dinner for the close family and fiends to meet with invitations via interenet. It will be appx 20 people. ...
A. 14 January 2013: Yes, I noticed that, and I am not saying it's RIGHT. But if she is totally in charge of the invitations ( I wonder why, btw,has your brother no say at all over his own engagement party ? ) and if she has a limit of 20 people who can attend, it's ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me because my promotion/job took over my life. I still want him and the job!
Q. Hello Everyone, I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible so please bear with me. I am a 27 year old woman who is a self confessed emotionally unavailable wreck. I am incredibly independent, I need my space from the men I date, and d...
A. 14 January 2013: I don't think is a matter of "time ", of how many hours exactly you can give him. Particularly, coming from a country and culture that has deep respect for overachievers, ambition, and success in the job field. Otherwise no doctor, lawyer, ... (read in full...)
How can I satisfy her needs during sex?
Q. I am the first to admit that I'm not the best in bed, I can never seem to last long at all, with or without a condom. I'm worried that the lack of ability to satisfy my girlfriend's needs may be grating her the wrong way (tho I always make a point ...
A. 14 January 2013: Sigh...no matter how many stats extensive studies from the most reputable and trustworthy research institutions on sexuality crank out,- and no matter what WOMEN say, after all they should know what they feel down there, no?- apparently some ... (read in full...)
I don't believe I can satisfy my girlfriend physically. Should I leave her?
Q. Appreciate any answers. I believe I can't physically satisfy my girlfriend and as a consequence believe I should leave her. I want to leave her if as I don't want a gf I can't please and I worry that this may be a reason for her leaving me so t...
A. 13 January 2013: You " believe " you can't physically satisfy your gf, but...is that a fact ? Did she say so, did she complain about something specific ? If not, where did you get this idea from ?
I don't know but I've got the feeling this is another of thos... (read in full...)
I broke up with him because he made me feel worthless! So why does it hurt so much?
Q. Sorry about the length but... Hi Everyone, I'm so sad right now... I just ended a 10 month relationship with a guy that i actually thought i loved. We said we would never leave or walk out on each other.. I had to end it because i was left wit...
A. 13 January 2013: ... But history is not made by what if and if only.
It is what it is, and it happened what it happened, and what ifs only take you so far .
Ted Bundy , the infamous serial killer, would have been anybody's dream guy IF ONLY . He was handsome... (read in full...)
They stop caring after a short time. I think that I DESERVE romance! Is it too much to ask?
Q. I'll start by saying this: I've never been overly obsessed with romance, like I've never chased it, if it happens then it happens. I'm 19 and I've never had anything romantic, I've never even been on a proper date, the guys I go for get comforta...
A. 13 January 2013: Well, of course you deserve romance, but you've got to ask it from the right source . Like, if you accept to date a pig, or a pig in human shape like your bf, the best you can get is grunts and snorts , not love poems . The trick is in the ... (read in full...)
I feel uncomfortable about our little argument.Was I wrong, or was he, or were we both wrong in some way?
Q. I need help, I might as well explain the whole story... Okay on Friday night me and my bf were texting quite late and he didn’t reply for a while so I said 'g2g night love you xxxx' and he still didn’t reply so I guessed he fell asleep which is ...
A. 13 January 2013: Oh please let it go, it was just a banal misunderstanding, and further evidence , if any was necessary, that's kind of insane expecting to carry on a romantic r/ship fearuring healthy effective communication, by text.
Yes, seeing OMG LOVE YOU, all ... (read in full...)
Can I continue as his wife? How could he preach to me about principles? When in reality he was continuing with his best friend's ex partner?
Q. Am 34.I have been married for a year and half. My husband cheated on me three months ago with his best friend's ex. I WAS REALLY HURT. But believing he was really sorry, I decided to forgive him and we moved on. This was the THIRD time he wa...
A. 13 January 2013: Yes, you'd be really foolish and no, this is not a normal way of life ( meaning, it may even be frequent, it may even happen often, but.. is it mandatory, is it inevitable ? Heck no ! ) And you know what you should do, accept that you married the ... (read in full...)
Since I am a virgin, is this normal that I cannot face ever having sex for the first time with a woman unless she is a virgin too?
Q. I feel like it's not right to date a woman who already has dated and had sex with another person. I can't imagine having sex with her if someone has already had intercourse with her. I'm thinking and hate imagining that i'll be somehow touching...
A. 13 January 2013: I suppose then you also need a never-been-kissed girl. Otherwise, wouldn't it be as if your tongue was touching with the tongue of the other guy who's been there before you ?... (read in full...)
The mental images of my wife having sex with other men from the past are killing me!
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me. Like many other 'askers' on this site, I have trouble accepting my wife's sexual past (though I am truly getting better and better). I am in the process of starting therapy again to help me get through these intense ...
A. 13 January 2013: If you suspect you have an anxiety disorder with OCD traits, then go to a psychiatrist, have yourself professionally- and officially evaluated and diagnosed , - then follow the treatment recommended for your diagnosis, whether it's talk therapy or ... (read in full...)
Why does he only phone me from work? Why doesn't he answer when I call him? Could he be playing me?
Q. Okay PLEASE HELP. So I am 19. Keep in mind I have always had a very old soul and countless people have told me this. I am not your average teenager I should probably be older I act like it... Anyways. I have always liked older guys. Recently, ...
A. 13 January 2013: He does not need to be married to be living with somebody, or even just having a girlfriend / other girls he spend his time with , who are not supposed to know about you.
Regardless, the fact he only calls from work is a bad sign ( One hour chat... (read in full...)
Truly, should I forgive her? She claims she still loves me despite all her actions?
Q. I've been in a relationship with my fiancee for 5 yrs. She moved into my apartment 2 years ago. l love her deeply and she means the world to me but am beginning to wonder if my love is not being reciprocated. August 2011,she asked some boy out on ...
A. 12 January 2013: Forgive me, but your gf sounds crazy- at least, boy-crazy if not plan, looney bin crazy .
Wanting to get pregnant by a perfect stranger met through Facebook- ANY stranger, basically? Too weird. That nothing happened is not very relevant, it did ... (read in full...)
What to say? Can't stand fathers beliefs
Q. My father is conversative and doesn't want to know anyone else's opinion. I can't stand how he is. He thinks having children out if wedlock is "ruining The family". This makes no logical sense to me. It's not like his family is close. How canyou ...
A. 11 January 2013: Eh Op, what can you do. By now your father will be stubborn and set in his ways, nobody is going to make him change his mind, and actually I don't even know if they would be entitled to. After all, everybody has the right to express and defend their ... (read in full...)
My brother's fiancee won't invite my boyfriend to family events!
Q. My brother is getting married. I have been dating for over 2 yrs the same man who has been to all our holiday dinners. There is an engagement dinner for the close family and fiends to meet with invitations via interenet. It will be appx 20 people. ...
A. 10 January 2013: Why are you blaming only your brother's fiance', and not your brother too, for the missing invitation ? Aren't they giving the dinner together ? ...
Anyway, if this is not the case and she is the one hosting ( and paying for ) the party, or at leas... (read in full...)
What to say? Can't stand fathers beliefs
Q. My father is conversative and doesn't want to know anyone else's opinion. I can't stand how he is. He thinks having children out if wedlock is "ruining The family". This makes no logical sense to me. It's not like his family is close. How canyou ...
A. 10 January 2013: OLd fashioned he may be , but I don't see why you call him a hypocrite.
It would be perfectly consistent and coherent for a man with very conservative beliefs, to cut off his children if they openly defy those beliefs.
Anyway, it's all to be se... (read in full...)
I broke up with him because he made me feel worthless! So why does it hurt so much?
Q. Sorry about the length but... Hi Everyone, I'm so sad right now... I just ended a 10 month relationship with a guy that i actually thought i loved. We said we would never leave or walk out on each other.. I had to end it because i was left wit...
A. 14 December 2012: I am sorry that you ( and your neighbours ) had to go through his nightime drunken shenanigans, but.. it must not hava come as a total shock. You could have seen it coming, I guess ? " When he is drunk he is so abusive and calls me every name ... (read in full...)
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