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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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So, what are your opinions on the self control of men?
Q. Hey everyone! I've been going out with my BF for nearly a year now. Our sex life has always been very good. We were both completely new to all things sexual before we met each other, but we've explored a lot together which has been nice. Th...
A. 8 December 2012: Fair enough, you warned him and he underestimated the consequences. I still think though that he is getting short shrift , since you are the one, again not by your fault, that can't deal with all the aspects of a balanced relaionship .Frankly, as ... (read in full...)
So, what are your opinions on the self control of men?
Q. Hey everyone! I've been going out with my BF for nearly a year now. Our sex life has always been very good. We were both completely new to all things sexual before we met each other, but we've explored a lot together which has been nice. Th...
A. 7 December 2012: Simple- cut down the cozy intimate nights at home , and meet in public , with friends. Go out to movies or restaurants or take walks or what not . Do what you would do if your relationship had not reached an intimate level yet.
You will say,... (read in full...)
So, what are your opinions on the self control of men?
Q. Hey everyone! I've been going out with my BF for nearly a year now. Our sex life has always been very good. We were both completely new to all things sexual before we met each other, but we've explored a lot together which has been nice. Th...
A. 6 December 2012: I think there's a problem with both, his self control and your level of shared intimacy.
Sure he should not grope you, if he accepted no sex for a few weeks, or till further notice, he accepted and should not try to renegotiate the agre... (read in full...)
How to break it to my boyfriend's traditional family that there will be no wedding?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years. We’re both over 30, at a good place in our jobs/ finances, and happy together; so marriage seems like the next step to both of us. I am not a traditional girl, and although I’m fai...
A. 6 December 2012: But what do you exactly mean by " a big wedding " or " a traditional wediing " ? If you only mean they want to invite lots of people and throw a big dinner, yes I guess it's difficult to weasel out of it.
If they want to have a formal, reli... (read in full...)
Is he a player if he's busy on the weekend?
Q. Hi, I just met a lovely guy, he's South American and seems like the perfect guy. He's sweet, attentive, funny, complimentary etc. We met only 3 days ago and slept together on the first night - there was so much chemistry and we were both pretty ...
A. 6 December 2012: I don't think either it is " wrong " to sleep with someone on a first date.
But it may not be the wisest choice if you want to achieve a certain result.
Same as there's nothing morally " wrong " if a tourist wants to reach his hotel by crossing... (read in full...)
I just found out that my boyfriend got another girl pregnant (before we got together) and dumped her.
Q. I just found out today that before I was with my boyfriend, he had sex with other girls, got them pregnant, told them he would marry them If he had too then left them. I'm so confused this is the first guy that I have really seen having a long ...
A. 5 December 2012: Oh he even wrote sweet things on your Facebook page, how impressive. That's probably what he did with the other girls, before having unprotected sex with them, getting them pregnant, promising them to stick around then reneging on his promise and ... (read in full...)
Is he a player if he's busy on the weekend?
Q. Hi, I just met a lovely guy, he's South American and seems like the perfect guy. He's sweet, attentive, funny, complimentary etc. We met only 3 days ago and slept together on the first night - there was so much chemistry and we were both pretty ...
A. 5 December 2012: I don't think that women who sleep with guys at the first date are whores or easy, and I don't think they are any worse or different than men who do the same.
I think they are gambling, so if they can't lose a bet with aplomb and indi... (read in full...)
My soon to be sister in law used to be my friend but now she hates me!
Q. I was friends with this girl for ages and if i do not talk to her she doesn't communicate with me, 3 yrs ago i ddn't speak to her for a year because i was the only one visiting her and doing most work so i left her we only reunited on this party but ...
A. 5 December 2012: Oh boy. Talk about foot in the mouth. Don't you know better than to talk about dead babies to a pregnant girl ? I know you did not wish her any harm, and I know that it was a passing comment without malice, but..if these is your being bubbly, ... (read in full...)
Is he a player if he's busy on the weekend?
Q. Hi, I just met a lovely guy, he's South American and seems like the perfect guy. He's sweet, attentive, funny, complimentary etc. We met only 3 days ago and slept together on the first night - there was so much chemistry and we were both pretty ...
A. 5 December 2012: It is really early to say. He might really have guests over the weekend, why not ?. Or he might have filed up under " irrelevant drunken hook up ". Quite possible too. You'll have to wait and see what happens the following weekend(s).
If you ... (read in full...)
What's the difference between sexual attraction and love?
Q. Hi, Anybody out there that can tell me What the difference is between sexual attraction And love? And doesn't it go hand in hand? Thanks...
A. 5 December 2012: Always is a long, long time... no, it does not last "always ". Let enough time pass, and when you bump into someone you were physically attracted to , often you ( and they ) find yourself thinking " Omygod, what was I thinking of ?! How could I ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my mistress, but can't divorce my wife.
Q. Hi all. I just registered to this forum after googling to see if I'm alone. I am in the same situation as many of you and I'm completely devastated. I have been married for six years and have two wonderful kids with my wife. over the past six yea...
A. 5 December 2012: Sorry , I can't muster much compassion for you,other than the vague general one I would extend to any human being in pain.
But to me there is a big diffreence if they caused their own pain themselves and most of all if they'll do nothing to alle... (read in full...)
Is it too early for me to be honest to her?
Q. Hey. I am a newbie at relationship things. There's this girl that i feel attracted to in my class. I have only started talking to her since 3 days and it's the last day that I'll be seeing her. I KNOW, i chickened out too much, but i don't thin...
A. 5 December 2012: I think it's superfluous you tell her anything at this stage, just ask her out. She knows that you like her, if you ask her out on a date after knowing her for 3 days , and if she says yes, .. she must like you at least a bit too.
BUT : an offi... (read in full...)
I'm having a few weird issues with my boyfriend, and they are making me feel boring to him
Q. My boyfriend and I had a really rocky start, he constantly said there would be no relationship etc, but then finally asked me out 2 weeks ago, it's been really awesome, but since going out with him, I've noticed some weird things that are starting ...
A. 5 December 2012: In part I agree with the anon reader, it may be that you are not compatible because you are at different level of maturity, with different expectations in terms of communication and closeness. Which is not that strange if he's your age , in fact ... (read in full...)
I feel so stupid for falling in love with someone who doesn't feel the same
Q. I hate myself for falling in love with this guy. He told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship from the beginning. I was ok I thought it would be ok because he wasn't my type. Low and behold I fell for him hard. Now he makes excuses not to ...
A. 5 December 2012: It is hard because you yield too easily to out of controlimpulses and keep pestering him with unwanted communications. Obtaining the only result to feed your attachment , when you should starve it, and to annoy him and force him to be more and ... (read in full...)
Why did this girl look irritated when I looked at her?
Q. I was walking down the hall at school and a girl was coming my way. At first i didn't notice her because I was looking down when I was walking, then I looked up and saw her looking at me and when I started looking back she looked away like she ...
A. 5 December 2012: I think you are being totally paranoid.
Lots of people have trouble making eye contact , particularly with strangers. Maybe she is just shy. Maybe she was embarassed at having been caught looking at you. ...Maybe you did not even realize it, but ... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend hasn't spoken to me in 2 weeks and I'm slowly losing feelings for him, how can I find out what is going on?
Q. I'm confused. He hasnt talked to me like almost for 2weeks.. I'm scared i might loose him. He's the one that always made me smile. He was the one that made my heart beat faster.. Now idk anymore... He's my long distance boyfriend and he hasn't ...
A. 4 December 2012: No, of course he did not mean it. Actually, he probably DID mean it and believe it there and then , atm, but , if he is in your age range, do not take anything he said too literally, feelings and moods change sort of fast. 99,5 % of teens do NOT ... (read in full...)
Why does he keep changing his mind?
Q. so my boyfriend of two years broke up with me i was totally wrecked apart i kept texting him and calling him n he said we need time off we cant get back together right now so i stop texting and calling n send him a letter telling him it was fine ...
A. 4 December 2012: He did not keep changing his mind. He told you ONCE that he missed you ( which anyway does not mean " we should get back together " ,one can miss a person and realize he's better off without that person ) and he told you when he was DRUNK, which ... (read in full...)
Who do I choose, my second cousin whom I love, or my family? They will never accept us if we get married....
Q. I love my second cousin and we want to get married but i am a hindu girl and my society does not allow this, Im really very much confused what shall i do as after marrying him my family will leave me. or I can say that if they come to know about ...
A. 3 December 2012: I am afraid you won't like my answer, but I'd say follow your head , not your heart. Don't marry this guy.
You belong to the same gotra, right ? and carry the same last name ?. Then you know how it is, this kind of marriage is considered abso... (read in full...)
B/f is making up every excuse possible to not meet my family
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and because of our financial situation we were never able to go from upstate New England to Florida to visit my mother and little brother. I've been promoted and I'm now full time and I have paid ...
A. 3 December 2012: Kudoos to him for not wanting to take your money if it is not really an emergency or an absolute necessity ( which the visit to your family is not , for him ).
He MAY be making excuses, but at least he found very good ones.
Most people m... (read in full...)
We lost our first baby and now he is reluctant to talk about trying again, should I just go ahead and get pregnant anyway?
Q. Last summer i fell pregnant with our first child, however sadly i lost the baby a few weeks later. Myself and my boyfriend didn't handle it very well and we constantly fought and at one point we broke up due to the constant pressure from everyone ...
A. 3 December 2012: I hope you are kidding.
Imagine if the roles were reversed. You are the woman that is not ready to try again, for reason of yours, and he is the guy who can't wait to be a dad. He writes us " You know, I thought that I can make a little hole... (read in full...)
My 16 year old son is in love with a woman who is 24 years older than him!
Q. My 16 year old son is in love with a woman 24 years older than hisself, he met her when he was in a Subway with friends, he's told me theyve been secretly dating for over a month now and that the relationships not based on sex but proper love. She's ...
A. 3 December 2012: Wow. This is a seriously screwed up lady. She is 40 and not only she is fucking a CHILD ( I don't care if he is of age legally or physically. Emotionally and intellectually he is a child ) but she also want to meet the parents . what for, ... (read in full...)
Would you commit to someone who treated you like this?
Q. Hello -- I've been with a girl (30) for 15 months now. Initially everything was great, but as the months wore on, some issues have came to light. She's pushing hard for commitment; living together, marriage, kids eventually, etc, and is threatening ...
A. 3 December 2012: Yes, and you know why ?
Because you should not be " cautious ", you should have already have broken up big time.
Verbal abuse. Drama. Ultimatums. Infidelity. Physical threats !
Come on, this is a very fucked up relationship and you should n... (read in full...)
Would you commit to someone who treated you like this?
Q. Hello -- I've been with a girl (30) for 15 months now. Initially everything was great, but as the months wore on, some issues have came to light. She's pushing hard for commitment; living together, marriage, kids eventually, etc, and is threatening ...
A. 3 December 2012: Yes, and you know why ?
Because you should not be " cautious ", you should have already have broken up big time.
Verbal abuse. Drama. Ultimatums. Infidelity. Physical threats !
Come on, this is a very fucked up relationship and you should n... (read in full...)
I am dating this girl she is 31+ and still a virgin!! will this bring any difficulty on ever becoming pregnant??
Q. Hey, I am dating this girl she is 31+ and still a virgin!! will this bring any difficulty on ever becoming pregnant??...
A. 3 December 2012: No.Her current virginity has got nothing to do with her future reproductive potential.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I come from two different religious backgrounds that might throw obstacles in the path of our future together (marriage)
Q. hello. i'm a 21 year old girl, currently pursuing my studies. 5 months ago, i met this guy in school and we became friends and we soon developed feelings for each other and 2 months ago we became a couple. he is my first boyfriend. unfortunately we ...
A. 3 December 2012: Yes and not.
Meaning, in part I agree with you : happiness is NOW, it's today, nobody knows what tomorrow will bring, ... they say that December 21th this year will be the end of the world, lol !, what if they are right ?...
Then again, it all d... (read in full...)
I won't see her in person for at least a year. Could it work?
Q. So my friend just confessed to having feelings of wanting to be with me. And to be honest, I'm considering it. But the thing I'm taking into consideration is that it would be long distance. She's working in another country and lately I've only been ...
A. 3 December 2012: No. LDRs are difficult and only last if people are willing to MAKE the time and the committment to keep them alive and strong. This is not your case, unluckily.
Frankly, I am even skeptical that she is SO interested. You hear from her every thre... (read in full...)
I'd just like to have be married before 30 and start having kids around 30?
Q. well here is my situation. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 and 1/2 years and we are very happy together. We have been living together for a little over a year now. He's got a 4 year degree and I'm just about done with mine. The thing is, I'm ...
A. 3 December 2012: I can see his point . What's the point of an official engagement, ring and all,... that lasts 5 years or so ? Well, not that it's forbidden to stay engaged even 10 years if so you wish, but engements means " I mean business,so I am announcing to ... (read in full...)
My Ex took my daughter to meet his new "friend" and they stayed the night at hers!
Q. Hello. I desperately need to get this off my chest and see what other people thought. my ex has our 4 yr old daughter every other weekend, and yesterday was one of them. Today i found out he took her to London to meet his new "friend" and they stay...
A. 3 December 2012: Well,it depends. I agree that it sounds like the OP went ballistic out of sheer jealousy, but I am old fashioned in this, I think that children ( and so young too ) should meet their parents' partners when these have actually become steady ... (read in full...)
My long distance girlfriend (another country) won't move to be with me for two and a half years. I don't think I can wait that long.
Q. im in a ldr with an awesome girl, we both love each other very much, im in america in she is in europe. we have been together for 6 months only but i miss her so much that is painful. she has just told me she wants to finish school in her country ...
A. 2 December 2012: It would be easier for her to relocate ?? Not really, unless you are rich and generous, and willing to pay for her education.
How much is it now a year of college in USA ? 20.000 ? 25.000 ? maybe more ?...
In Europe she can study in excellen... (read in full...)
What would you think if your other half seeks emotional support from the opposite sex?
Q. I have a boyfriend (tgt about 3 years) and everything seems to work out ok between us. I don't know about other ppl, but I always need to feel "connected" to the one I love by having deep conversations, I love sharing deep thoughts, ideas......
A. 2 December 2012: I am glad if I could offer you some food for thought , OP ( not that you need too much encouragement to chew on thoughts, I guess :).
I think you should keep in mind 2 things that only apparently are in contraddiction- I think they comp... (read in full...)
I don't want or feel like having sex EVER!! My husband gets grumpy & moody, and keeps dropping hints about sex.
Q. Ok,.. here is the deal,.. and I know I'm not alone here. I don't have a sex drive anymore, I don't want it, don't need it. Of course my other half says he'll be patient,... NOT! About once every month or 2 I'll give in, and even though I'm not in ...
A. 2 December 2012: If you don't want or feel like having sex EVER,- and you are not going to attempt anything to change that - then you can't stay married, simple. A marriage is a physical as well as emotional union, without the physical part ( unless BOTH freely ... (read in full...)
What gives girls the right to be angry with men who did not respond to their advances and rejected them in the past?
Q. A little over a month ago I moved back to my hometown after many years of absence. Since returning I have had a few "blast from the past" encounters (in the shape of eye contact and non-verbal communication only, mostly over the frozen chicken isle ...
A. 2 December 2012: I think you are waaay overthinking this. These women would really have to be pitied if they really were still so hung up about some sort of rejection which not only happened back in the 1990s but also, and most importantly, when they were ... (read in full...)
Why has he contacted me after 5 months? Does he want me back?
Q. Hello everyone, I have had no communication with the guy I was in a friends with benefits (FWB) relationship with for the last 1yr 4 months - now 5 months later I receive an email from him out of the blue saying 'Hope you are fine. Tell me what is ...
A. 2 December 2012: He is still interested... in setting up his booty calls during Xmas time .And the closer the holiday season will get, the more persistent he'll become :).
Come on, he was your FWB, not your partner. And he lives abroad now ! Do you really thin... (read in full...)
I have three guys I'm interested in and don't know which one to choose
Q. Dear readers, I have some trouble with love. There are 3 guys in my life that caught my attention. 1 texts me alot keeps in contact his name is Ryan he also shows that he likes me. The second one is called Patrick he has trouble with emotions si...
A. 2 December 2012: Actually, you don't seem too smitten by any of the guys, if there was one who you'd really like, you you'd not be here asking this question... I think what you mainly like is the fact that these persons seem interested in you and can give you a ... (read in full...)
My father-in-law scolded me for something I didn't do. and my husband didn't come to my defense.
Q. hii...i am from a cultured family... today mu husbands father scolded me infront of him for the mistake which i have not done....he didnot give me chance to explain my version...my husband remained silent through out this topic...later he...
A. 2 December 2012: I think , that, if you come from a culture / family where it's acceptable/normal for a man to scold her daughter in law in front of other people, in fact in front of her own husband, - then it's also normal that your husband might have seen ... (read in full...)
I let her go so she could move on, like she wanted, and now she's upset.
Q. So my ex-girlfriend and I broke up about a year ago, and since them we remained friends. Her reason for breaking up with me was because she had to concentrate on school and she didn't want to struggle with choosing to give her time to her family or ...
A. 2 December 2012: Absolutely,if you ask me. Your ex sounds extremely self-centered, it 's all about her and what's best for her- you were like an afterthought.
She put you on the shelf, out of the way but conveniently ready to be retrieved at her leisure, - what... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 15, nearing 16.
Q. First off, I'm well aware of the age of consent and such, and neither of us plan to have sex with each other any time soon. (Well, we haven't talked about anything sexual and I fully intend to wait until he is of age before anything like that ...
A. 1 December 2012: The laws about age of consent do not only refer to having sex = intercourse, but to ANY kind of sexual contacts. Just saying :).
People will most probably not see this as " wrong " in the sense of morally evil-, but as odd, strange , or some... (read in full...)
The guy I'm just starting to date may have given me strep throat. Should I tell him?
Q. I have this crush on a guy who I think gave me strep throat about a month ago when we hung out. How do I tell him? What if I'm wrong? I met this guy this past summer at an event. He body painted me and we became friends on facebook and I finally got ...
A. 1 December 2012: I would not tell him, since you are not sure your strep throat came from him. Actually, it is very improbable, since it is a bacterial infection that you can catch from microparticles of saliva in the air, e.g. , from people coughing in the bus ... (read in full...)
What's the difference between sexual attraction and love?
Q. Hi, Anybody out there that can tell me What the difference is between sexual attraction And love? And doesn't it go hand in hand? Thanks...
A. 1 December 2012: Careful:) You may be a strong believer FOR YOURSELF that love and physical attraction go hand in hand, and that you can't have sex without also having feelings . But the other person may very possibly not share your beliefs, so do not just ... (read in full...)
I'm starting to wish I was single again. Should I attempt counselling to try and heal?
Q. I am starting to wish I could be single more and more. I am really regretting to marry my wife. I wish this could be turned around. Last night I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. What I mean is to honor my commitment t...
A. 1 December 2012: I agree with anon male poster - what, frankly, bothers me in your post(s) is not that you don't follow our advice - we give advice, then what you do with it is no skin off our noses. And it's not even that you are always bringing up the same ... (read in full...)
What would you think if your other half seeks emotional support from the opposite sex?
Q. I have a boyfriend (tgt about 3 years) and everything seems to work out ok between us. I don't know about other ppl, but I always need to feel "connected" to the one I love by having deep conversations, I love sharing deep thoughts, ideas......
A. 1 December 2012: OP, the point I was trying to make is : it will work if you want it to work. If you'll do something to make it work, some adjustment, some compromise.
OP, tell us sincerely : do you love this guy, do you CHOOSE to be with him,... or are you look... (read in full...)
How do I shake off this feeling that he does not love me? Could be be using me for something else?
Q. I am seeing a man from Africa. I don't know how he feels about me nowadays. Nor if he loves me. We only see each other once a week. I am american and am used to a lot of attention when I am in a romantic relationship. He works and goes to sc...
A. 1 December 2012: Sure he could- never say never - but we can't say that just based on the few infos you gave us.
Is he a legal immigrant, does he need a Green Card ? Is there a big difference in your incomes and earning potential ? Is he in the USA to stay, or j... (read in full...)
What would you think if your other half seeks emotional support from the opposite sex?
Q. I have a boyfriend (tgt about 3 years) and everything seems to work out ok between us. I don't know about other ppl, but I always need to feel "connected" to the one I love by having deep conversations, I love sharing deep thoughts, ideas......
A. 30 November 2012: Honestly ? honestly honestly ?
I think that it's because you think too much , and most of all, you talk too much.
Up to a certain point of your post , I was actually inclined to say that yes, you might have having this kind of problem because ... (read in full...)
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