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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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After dating he said he wanted to be friends but he ignores me. Why?
Q. I am so confused by this mans actions and hoping someone can shed some light on it. I was in a relationship with a man for 9 months, we mutually decided we could not be together long term but he was adamant he wanted to stay friends. I couldn't...
A. 18 November 2012: Because he did not really mean it, at least not literally. "Let's stay friends " is a catchphrase, in the order of "it's not you, it's me " , it's a civil platitude said to look good and to defuse resentment and bad feelings. It basically just ... (read in full...)
Is this LDR viable? He assures me he loves and adores me. I'm having second thoughts.
Q. I met online in January a doctor in Mexico and we became friends over email, he is intelligent and interesting and was Good company. I have been going through many very difficult and unusual family Challenges and I wanted to get away for a little...
A. 18 November 2012: Big red flags all over the place.
He is a doctor... and he lets you pay for his airfare ? And cover the costs of his visits to you ??
Ok, maybe, while in Mexico, like in most countries, what a doctor earns is way above the average worker's... (read in full...)
I do think he's cheating on me again. Should I believe him and trust him still?
Q. I have no clue what to do. In August my now boyfriend went of to college - the same one that I used to go to. Before he left we were together for 3 months and he said that he loved me and I loved him back. So anyways a week or two after he left...
A. 18 November 2012: I'd keep my eyes and ears wide open, if I were you.
It's not just because " once a cheater , always a cheater " - I happen to think precisely that, but every rule allows for exceptions.
In your case though, there are two things to consider... (read in full...)
Do you think I should ask her if we could chat online sometime?
Q. So there's this girl I met on a religious retreat last weekend. I instantly took a liking to her, and we talked a few times. After the retreat ended, we became facebook friends. A few days ago, we started sending messages to each other. I know that ...
A. 18 November 2012: Sure it's OK,why not. You are already communicating somehow , so it's not like approaching a perfect stranger on the streets asking her, hey I want to chat .... (read in full...)
I feel ashamed that I have let him have such power over me. Please help me!!!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. I know he is probably a good person, but he makes me so sad most of the time. He literally critiques almost everything I do. Just to make sure I wasn't crazy, which he frequently tells me I am, I started ...
A. 18 November 2012: I don't know about wisdom, but simple common sense says , in fact, screams :leave . Just leave.
There is a situation of emotional abuse goung on, but, that would be more fluid, depending on personalities and circumstances, maybe it could be fixe... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has become aggressive since we had a baby. Do I leave him or find out what he's acting this way?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years...hes been a rock in my life..but since our baby arrived 18 months ago his shown me an aggressive side to his nature and recentely that aggression has gone on me...what do i do ...hes becoming a monster ...
A. 16 November 2012: F..k the route to his sadness. Let that for his shrink to find, you are no shrink or social worker or spiritual counselor. You are a mom. If he takes his aggression out on you, you leave, today. If you don't care about yourself enough to protect ... (read in full...)
I get sick when I give blowjobs and swallow but husband wants me to do it!
Q. My husband wanted me to try swallowing when i give him a blowjob. Ive tried before but the thought makes me feel really sick and when i tried it i was sick which was pretty embarrasing/horrible. Its nothing personal to my husband its just not ...
A. 16 November 2012: I can't see that there's an actual problem here. You did your best,- you tried-it's not your thing, it makes you sick. End of story. Sex should not be about suffering , (unless you are into S/M games) and a BJ can be an excellent, fulfilling BJ ... (read in full...)
We've known each other two months and he's already relying on me financially
Q. Hello friends, It's only about 2 months that I am in a relationship with this guy. Since, we are coming from different countries and I know how hard it is for such kind of relationship to work, I did not take our relationship seriously. However,...
A. 16 November 2012: ...Let's give him the benefit of doubt, and say that maybe he is the one who is being scammed. Or, that he is an impractical dreamer whose dreams are way,way too distant from his current reality.
Anyway, the gist of the question is the same: a) no, ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say she missed talking to me?
Q. Hi, everyone. I am baffled as to why an ex of mine has said that she missed talking to me. I honestly have no idea, as all I can say is, when she dumped me, she and I agreed to take quite a bit of time away from each other. We were both ok wit...
A. 16 November 2012: I don't think you should exactly "run ", that would be a rather quaint overreaction.
I think it would be enough if, in case she approaches you, you'd be coldly polite and cut it short. " Hi, good morning to you too- gotta go now ".
Snubbing... (read in full...)
Do you think a girl that sleeps with every boyfriend is a whore?
Q. Hi!! The other day I was talking to my mom, and somehow she ended up telling me how she thinks that a girl that sleeps with all of her boyfriends is a whore. She didn't say strangers, or guys you have only known for a week or so, she meant real rel...
A. 11 November 2012: Anon male, do you think that 50000 years ago men were buff and athletic ? Do you see them like Hugh Jackman types, with a sexy leopard loincloth over powerful thighs ? Sorry, it is not so.
Just to quote ONE example, the " man of Flores ", a male... (read in full...)
Help. I'm doubting whether he means it when he says he loves me, or feels the way I do about staying together for the rest of our lives.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and eight months. He was my best friend for about a year and a half beforehand, and I love him with absolutely all my heart. We have a fantastic relationship, and tell each other everything. I want t...
A. 11 November 2012: I think he loves you, here and now, but he is being a realistic, sensible kid.
He knows that "forever" is too big a word for a person in your age range. You both are going toward years of very momentuous and rapid transformations, and in gene... (read in full...)
Should I worry about my boyfriend's desire to have sex with another guy?
Q. My boyfriend is a wonderful guy and I love him so much and I know he loves me too. He isn't gay or even bisexual, guys themselves make him uncomfortable sexually, but he's really attracted to penises. Which probably seems weird. I know he's ...
A. 11 November 2012: Why should you allow him to try ? Sex is sex, whether he has it with a male or with a female. If you don't "allow " him to have sex with another woman just to satisfy his curiosity or his whim, then you should not allow him to have sex with a man ... (read in full...)
Shouldn't people know each other for more than three months before deciding to marry?
Q. I'm not asking this question because I'm in a situation to get married. I'm waaaay too young for that, so don't mention anything like that. I'm just wondering, does anyone else think that knowing each other for too short of a time means you s...
A. 11 November 2012: Sure one should, theree months is nothing , you don't even start to scratch the surface of a person- and of a relationship in 3 months.
I admit that I know someone who met a guy in September and they got married in December, and twenty years late... (read in full...)
We've known each other two months and he's already relying on me financially
Q. Hello friends, It's only about 2 months that I am in a relationship with this guy. Since, we are coming from different countries and I know how hard it is for such kind of relationship to work, I did not take our relationship seriously. However,...
A. 11 November 2012: Oh no- you again. This is the moocher from China that wants you to get a 20.000 USD from your bank, so that he can win a big contract - school uniforms, was it ?
It is a scheme that has SCAM written all over it ,and every respondent, EVERY one ... (read in full...)
Whenever I try to flirt with him, he stops replying to my texts!
Q. Hi! It's me, an aunt that hasn't been on in quite some time! (Oops, sorry!) And now I have a problem... I've never been good at flirting. In fact, you could say I'm even pretty clueless when it comes to flirting. I don't normally flirt, bec...
A. 10 November 2012: Ah well, yes that's sort of a relevant information that you omitted, it did really sound as if you were chasing after someone not too well disposed toward you, lol.
Then , I guess it's more my second guess- he is used to be the proactive one ,the... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say she missed talking to me?
Q. Hi, everyone. I am baffled as to why an ex of mine has said that she missed talking to me. I honestly have no idea, as all I can say is, when she dumped me, she and I agreed to take quite a bit of time away from each other. We were both ok wit...
A. 10 November 2012: I wouldn't think you have gotten her to any particular breaking point and I think she is and was exactly at the point where she wants to be : with her new bf, and the ex ( you ) available for when she needs a distraction or an ego boost.
If you ... (read in full...)
Will I get the sack?
Q. I have just started my first job in a serious role in social services. I am 22. However it has been my first week , no contract yet the admin are very slow and it has been a hard week. Just realised my lunch isn't included in the hours so bas...
A. 10 November 2012: The sack ? No,why ?
It was just a misunderstanding -in your very first week of work. You pointed it out yourself,-good move- and you have already been told that it's Ok and that you can make time up.
You'll talk about it monday- just to figur... (read in full...)
My friend and I are jealous of one another. Does that mean anything?
Q. Me and my friend When we don't hang out together and we are texting If I tell her that I'm hanging out with a girl she gets jealous and calls them skanky whores when she hangs with a guy I automatically get pissed and I wanna punch the guy in...
A. 10 November 2012: Same as you like her.
I.e. : not much. If you really liked each other, you 'd make an effort to hang out and spend time together, and / or either one would have asked the other out on a date.
As it is, I have to agree with Chigirl, it just sou... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to want an online sex buddy?
Q. Is it wrong that I want an online sex buddy? I'd like to have someone friendly to have regular cybersex/webcam sex with, but is it wrong that I want this? I'm a little unsure....
A. 10 November 2012: No, it's not wrong, if the other party is a consenting willing partecipant over 18.
If you ask me, - I know you don't hehe - is just .... lame. It's exactly like masturbating - well, it IS masturbating- only pretending to yourself that it is s... (read in full...)
I'm very disheartened by my boyfriend's thoughtless birthday gift! Would you be upset?
Q. I wonder if I should be upset? My bday was two days ago. I turned 25, everyone was very lovely to me and I am alive, healthy and happy. On the other hand for my birthday my boyfriend wrote me an email congratulating me. His gift? A lingerie set from ...
A. 10 November 2012: I think the last question in oldbag's post is the most important.
I mean, if this is the only and first slip up, let it go, after all he did remember to give you a gift, even if not of your liking, and to send you birthday wishes . Who knows, mayb... (read in full...)
Whenever I try to flirt with him, he stops replying to my texts!
Q. Hi! It's me, an aunt that hasn't been on in quite some time! (Oops, sorry!) And now I have a problem... I've never been good at flirting. In fact, you could say I'm even pretty clueless when it comes to flirting. I don't normally flirt, bec...
A. 10 November 2012: Well, if any time you start flirting he freezes on his tracks and stops answering you... it sounds logic that he does not want to be flirted with. At least, by you.
Either that, or - less likely, IMO - he is an old fashioned type who feels unco... (read in full...)
I'm confused, some advice please!
Q. I'm still a virgin,but sometimes last month,i and my boyfriend had anal sex and he said he didnt come and i didnt see any sign of blood that my hymen is broken but i've been expectin my period for almost a week now,do you think i'm still a virgin or ...
A. 9 November 2012: How could you be pregnant if so far you only had ANAL sex !? How could you have broken your hymen by having ANAL sex! ?
This question is so absurd, that there are only two possibilities : 1 ) you are clowning and having a bit of fun at our ... (read in full...)
How can I try giving b/f a rim job?
Q. How do I know if my boyfriend wants a rim job and how do I do it? We have a great intercourse relationship we always change things up, but sometimes when I give him blowjobs I get The feeling that he wants me to lick his ass he has done it to me...
A. 9 November 2012: Why do you want to try if you are not crazy about it ?
Sex is supposed to be pleasurable for both partners, what you like or dislike counts too, so if you are not keen , why even try ?
Ok, I get it, for him, to be a generous, giving lover. O... (read in full...)
My wife wears jewelry another man bought her and it makes me uncomfortable
Q. My wife made a new business acquaintance whose family owns a jewelry store. As part of celebrating a milestone he gave her a silver and amethyst necklace and an amethyst ring, which she sometimes wears. To be fair, he also gave a gift to my wife'...
A. 9 November 2012: OP, it's a matter of opinions, if YOU feel that giving jewelry or flowers is a no-no, and a gift only allowed from lovers, fine, - but maybe the jewelry guy does not feel the same and it did not even cross his mind that you could take it this ... (read in full...)
Do I have a chance of taking him away from his girlfriend?
Q. Me and a guy at my job has been having a secret relationship for about a year during this time the relationship is a secret everyone knows. He has a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend(me and my boyfriend broke up for un-related reasons) now im singlr ...
A. 9 November 2012: I agree with person 12345, it has been one year, plenty of time to make his mind up if he really had had a change of heart. Instead, probably he is one of those guys who can juggle two or more women, in fact thrive on thet, makes them feel more ... (read in full...)
Is having sex at this point in our relationship stupid? Slutty?
Q. I just need some advise. lately ive been thinking strongly about having sex with my boyfriend. we are bother turning 18 in a month and we are both smart and mature for our age. I know he loves me and I love him with all my heart. also, we have been ...
A. 9 November 2012: You are both ready , you love each other, you have been dating one year, and you are nearly 18. Wait one more month :), and everything would be allright.
" Would be " . How do you work the Christian angle into that ? Aren't you supposed to abst... (read in full...)
Is it normal to find others unattractive even if you find only one person attractive?
Q. I asked these kind of questions in many different ways but i could't get satisfying answers so i'm asking in an easier way to understand.believe me or not i only find my husband attractive and beautiful and my husband says he feels the same way. But ...
A. 8 November 2012: I confirm my previous answer:
Yes, I think it is possible that he only sees you as beautiful, and the other women either as normal/regular, or as unattractive.
Beauty, after all ,is in the eyes of the beholder, he is the one who aasigns beauty m... (read in full...)
My mother went through and cleaned my room without any warning. I feel violated, my dad says "get over it"!
Q. DearCupid Aunts, I need your opinion on something. I came home the other day to find that my mother had gone through my entire room, and cleaned it out. My drawers, all my laundry, several of my purses/backpacks, and private papers, had been...
A. 8 November 2012: Whoa, what a bulldozer of a mom. I have a 22 y.o. son at home, and it must be at least 8 years or so that I don't even darken his room's threshold if not expressely invited - actually, he's very tidy, probably tidier than I am, but , that makes ... (read in full...)
Why Does He Feel He Has to give love up to protect his daughter from his ex?
Q. I was in a LDR for almost 8 months when he finally said he had to end it because it would prevent the pain from being worst. I met this man online...and I only had agreed to even chat with him because he was suppose to be relocating to the city I ...
A. 8 November 2012: I think Jonas might be mistaken, in joint legal custody of minors both parents share decisions about the child's upbringing . Both parents have to communicate with each other and come to a common decision on such issues as schooling , medical ... (read in full...)
He's making me choose, him or my dream, what do I do?
Q. Hey there guys/gals. I am in need of help :/ Let me explain: I am 18 and have a boyfriend of a little over a year and known him for about 6 years. We both have dreams and aspirations as many others although he's not very fond of mine. My dream is...
A. 8 November 2012: If it's your dream , and not just a fancy or a whim, ...
your dream wins hands down. Over Steven and over any other guy.
Steven may be a wonderful bf, but, let's face it, how many are the odds you'd still be with your teenage years bf 20 years... (read in full...)
I think my behavior is what really ended the relationship, but I want a second chance with him.
Q. Dear Cupid, Almost 3 weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend due to his issues with comitting to a relationship because he feels he's too busy (but secretly I think it's partly because towards the end I was so stressed I became a real nasty piece...
A. 8 November 2012: Well, it's worth a try. Tell him the truth : that you want a second chance. That you realize you sort of scared him off by being a real pest and taking out your stress on him, and you realized that you have a problem in handling correctly stressful ... (read in full...)
I need some general dating advice on courting an "alpha female"
Q. Cliff note: I need some general dating advice on courting an "alpha female" - you know, the independent, ambitious, and career driven woman. Let's also compound the challenge by throwing out most conventional dating wisdom because she is in medici...
A. 8 November 2012: Since it's early days yet , it's too soon to make absolute assessments, so , I'd try a bit more to see how it goes , and if she still keeps remorselessly flaking out, or strives to find some balance between her personal and professional life.
In g... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's mom criticizes my natural/healthy lifestyle. Should I stand my ground? If so, how do I do it respectfully and graciously?
Q. Hello, Please excuse me in advance for the length of this message. I am in a 4 year relationship. I am 24 and my boyfriend is 29. We currently live separately, each with our parents. We plan to move in together as soon as I finish university t...
A. 8 November 2012: You and your bf's mother are squabbling over his health and care as if he was a toddler. He is an adult and has both the right and the capability to make his own decisions as to how he wants to look after himself.
She pitched her pills only regi... (read in full...)
Was I rude or was I justified in saying what I did?
Q. Told a guy he was too busy to date - was I unreasonable? I met a guy online (He's 35, I'm 30) and we exchanged a few emails but he would always take a couple of days to reply, saying he was really busy. Not a problem really, but it does colour m...
A. 7 November 2012: Rude, why ? you simply know what you want ( a guy who has , or makes, time for you ) and you told him that, in fact very diplomatically, ( maybe even too diplomatically according to my personal tastes ) -in order to save you both misunderstandings ... (read in full...)
My best friend wants a marriage of convenience!
Q. hey aunts and uncles urgent advice needed please. My close male friend and i are both creeping closer to 30. Neither of us is with anybody and we get on very well. We were having a meal at his house, together the other night and got talking about ...
A. 7 November 2012: I thought these things only happened in sit-coms... the two buddies who agree " if we don't find anybody by age 30, then we shall marry each other "...
It's funnier in sitcoms than in real life, though.
In real life ,being married and stay mar... (read in full...)
What the hell is wrong with my rich celebrity brother? Have the drugs affected him so badly that he has lost his ability to be rational?
Q. Its ridiculous the way my brother lies. He has become a complete lying machine. He is extremely rich, handsome and a celebrity. His marriage with his wife is utterly awful. Since they dated, he cheated on her openly. He did drugs and weed and his ...
A. 7 November 2012: Yeah, I too remember a post just like this some time ago, sent by a sister worried about her gruggie celeb brother, same story.
Plus, curiously enough, a couple of days ago there was another post about the very same thing- only sent by the " ex... (read in full...)
He wants me as a booty call, what should I do?
Q. I got a friend that has lost both of his parents. We were giving an affair.after the lot of his parents he then divorced his wife. He stop calling me. Then later told me he hookup with another female. He said his relationship is great but his girl...
A. 7 November 2012: So, the guy has steady gf, the gf has intimacy issues due to health reasons, and he wants to use you to supplement his sex life.
I don't understand what you are actually asking - are you asking if it's a good idea to be the part time fuck... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is always out partying
Q. I have been with my boyfriend now for 1 year. Im 22 and he is 30. I feel that he partys way too much were always arguing about it and it just doesnt seem to stop him. I dont want to stop him having fun but we have i trust issues with him ove...
A. 7 November 2012: Eh, if by 30 he has not outgrown the most of his party boy phase , he won't even in future. That's what he is and that's what he does . He knows perfectly that this is bothering you, because you have argued about it several times, yet he does ... (read in full...)
My wife wears jewelry another man bought her and it makes me uncomfortable
Q. My wife made a new business acquaintance whose family owns a jewelry store. As part of celebrating a milestone he gave her a silver and amethyst necklace and an amethyst ring, which she sometimes wears. To be fair, he also gave a gift to my wife'...
A. 7 November 2012: Absurd. This was a professional , thank - you gift, and what counts it is the intention of the giver and not the given object per se.
Jewelry is a personal gift... unless the donor is a hewelry shop owner :). If he had been a butcher he woul... (read in full...)
Will a few days of no contact help him figure out his feelings for me?
Q. My boyfriend and I have choosen to kind of see if we can handle being apart for a week with no comunication except on facebook ,but only in silly post or something like that . Do you think it's health for us to do this ? I guess I am not an expert ...
A. 7 November 2012: I think it's a rather futile experiment, since it's not really total no contact, and it is only for a week. Not enough for him to find out if he really misses you , and if the thought of life without you is intolerable for him, which, I suppose, ... (read in full...)
I was my crush's first kiss but he says he doesn't even fancy me!
Q. First kisses are a big deal for everyone, right? I'm just wondering, my crush kissed me but did not fancy me, and I was his first kiss? Surely you wouldn't just kiss a random person you have no feelings for as your first kiss?...
A. 6 November 2012: Because he felt that it was time for him to have his first kissing experience, and you served him the opportunity on a silver platter, without him having to sweat it and , and romance a girl and do all that pursuing that young , unexperienced ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say she missed talking to me?
Q. Hi, everyone. I am baffled as to why an ex of mine has said that she missed talking to me. I honestly have no idea, as all I can say is, when she dumped me, she and I agreed to take quite a bit of time away from each other. We were both ok wit...
A. 3 November 2012: People don't stay mad forever...a heated confrontation, in a moment when emotions are out of control, does not mean lifelong hatred....
Anyway, you don't need to have any heated confrontation :) or no confrontation at all , either with her or with... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say she missed talking to me?
Q. Hi, everyone. I am baffled as to why an ex of mine has said that she missed talking to me. I honestly have no idea, as all I can say is, when she dumped me, she and I agreed to take quite a bit of time away from each other. We were both ok wit...
A. 2 November 2012: Your update introduces another " maybe "- maybe she is a liar, and does not mean what she says. She says it just to look good , because it's the PC thing to say, , or to make herself feel good and get read of any sense of guilt for having treated ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to find others unattractive even if you find only one person attractive?
Q. I asked these kind of questions in many different ways but i could't get satisfying answers so i'm asking in an easier way to understand.believe me or not i only find my husband attractive and beautiful and my husband says he feels the same way. But ...
A. 2 November 2012: I think your husband may mean what I mean, only he says it in different words...
I guess it's like this ....
he can see that lookwise there are above average people, average people and below average people.
You : average or above averag... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say she missed talking to me?
Q. Hi, everyone. I am baffled as to why an ex of mine has said that she missed talking to me. I honestly have no idea, as all I can say is, when she dumped me, she and I agreed to take quite a bit of time away from each other. We were both ok wit...
A. 1 November 2012: Couldn't she be simply telling the truth...? she missed talking to you- AND she does not want you as a boyfriend .
Why, do you only talk to your SO ?...
Maybe you are a great conversationalist , or you have a great sense of humour, or you a... (read in full...)
Is it normal to find others unattractive even if you find only one person attractive?
Q. I asked these kind of questions in many different ways but i could't get satisfying answers so i'm asking in an easier way to understand.believe me or not i only find my husband attractive and beautiful and my husband says he feels the same way. But ...
A. 1 November 2012: Pardon me, but if there 's something that does not make much sense ,... IMO is what you say,- your husband is the " normal" one.
Ok, suppose whe have a guy who is very much in love with his wife , and thinks she is the most physically attr... (read in full...)
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