A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a date with an American guy next week (I live in the US by the way), what should I expect? Dating looks so coded here... We met on a casual hang out (with common friends) a few days ago and i notice that he was very attracted to me. After that, we have been exchanging 1-2 sms daily for small talk and to set a date. Now that we have finished making the arrangements, I feel he is taking so long to answer my sms! Is it cultural thing that guys in the USA like to make girls wait because it's supposed to be a power play/dominant thing? He is also a little shy, so i am wondering if maybe because we already finish arranging practical details he is unsure of what to put as small talk in his messages. It's driving me nuts to have to wait when he seemed so eager to see me again and when we had so much chemistry.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 December 2012):
 Not cultural. It's individual.
My husband hates texting and rarely texts. Maybe this guy is just matter of fact and figures you will make small talk on your date.
You have plans for a date... if you are concerned they will not be kept you could verify with him the morning of or the day before the date via text but other than that I'd just wait till the date and see how it goes.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 December 2012):
 Frankly I am not much up to date with the current American dating codes , and I hope that some American Aunt or Uncle may give you more helpful answers.
Personally, I think that it has got to do, more than with dating codes, with current TEXTING ( sms ) codes, which IMO are totally demential, ( more so in a younger age bracket than yours, tbh ). First, texting is not a proper way to conduct a meaningful conversation or a courtship, it only leads to a lots of misunderstandings and crossed wires. Do you want to get to know a person ? then talk to them in person,or at least call them by phone.
Second, and most importantly, a text is not a royal summons from Buckhingham Palace, you don't have to immediately drop everything you are doing to answer .
Maybe your texts reach him when he is working, or hanging out with other people ( and it's really rude to text other people when you have company ! ) . Reading a good book, taking a shower, doing his laundry,thinking how to solve some complicated situation. Or, simply, as much as he likes you, atm he is not in the mood for a chat.
Well, I guess if he was a man in love he'd jump at any chance to communicate with his love object , right away.
but, poor guy, you haven't even gone out yet , and you want him to be crazy for love yet ? ...
So, personally, I think he is not playing hard to get, he is being normal and communicating in a less compulsive way than lots of people, American and not.
But, hey, that's just me. I am curious to see what other posters say.
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A
female
reader, Jovian Erinys +, writes (14 December 2012):
 I don't believe it's a cultural thing but an individual thing. Like you said, he's a little on the shy side so trust your instincts that maybe he doesn't know what more to say. Be patient and allow this friendship (or more) to blossom on its own. Remove your expectations and try to go with the flow :).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2012): I came from a different country too, and also live in US. When I was giving my phone number to guys hardly anyone would call me. That was very strange to me, because in Europe they ask you out right away.
Also, to my greatest surprise I was offered to split the check at the restaurant. That was number one cultural shock for me, as in my home country it was a big shame for a guy not to pay for a girl, especially if he invited her.
In general American guys seem to me vey much more aloof than in the rest of the world.there is not much courtship is going on. I ended up marrying a guy from my homecountry.
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