Like what
she writes?
... Add *indyCares to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
|
| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
|
Sexless marriage driving me crazy !
Q. Dear Cupid, I love my wife very much but I am going insane. We have sex once in three months. I feel a physical disconnect even though I try to cuddle kiss and initiate love making. I believe that in life if you do not want something to hap...
A. 13 June 2013: MB 129, I think you did not bother to read all my post, or you read it and missed the point of it.
Also pulling out a tooth at the dentist's takes less than 30 minutes, - do you look forward to do it ? do you CRAVE it ? Or, do you do it just out ... (read in full...)
Is he sticking around for sex or he genuinely likes me?
Q. Met this guy online. First date was at his house, and yes ended up making out in his bed but no sex. Second time i was drunk and lonely. He texted and ask if i want to go over to "cuddle". again i agreed, and i ended up at his house. No sex as ...
A. 25 February 2013: You certainly did not come across as too keen, since you blew him off for the third time. But he does not sound so keen either. He was supposed to have a " quiet one " ( week ) a month ago, and talk to you soon, then.. silence. He could not call ... (read in full...)
He didn't tell me I was his stop gap live in lover!
Q. We lived together for about 7 months. He had an old friend. He slept with her once, if he's not lying, and she got pregnant. Then she left to her country which is Russia. He's divorced 33 year old guy and he always wanted a baby but didnt grt one in ...
A. 27 January 2013: Leave god out of this, if there's a god, I bet he's got way better things to worry about than the love skermishes between you and your Russian rival.
Yes, he's been bullshitting you. Yes, he has very probably been using you . Anyway, if he hasn... (read in full...)
Why does my BF keep going on dating sites if he loves me?
Q. My boyfriend swears down that he loves me. For the past year or so we keep on arguing because he wants to keep talking to girls on dating sites. I dont think he is going there with the aim of meeting any of them. My question is this. He is very ...
A. 26 January 2013: Because he does not love you enough to not secretly aspire to an upgrade and drop you like a hot potato as soon as he finds it.... (read in full...)
Out of the blue he says he loves me but can't be with me. I don't know what happened!
Q. i met this guy on a dating site.we are talking by mails and on the phone before to meet 5 mnths ago.was a romantic trip.after that we met few more times.he wanted me to be a part of his life and share everythings with me.met me with his friends and ...
A. 26 January 2013: He wanted you to be a part of his life... another part is much probably filled by another woman, or other women, that eventually found out about your liaison and wasn't cool with it.... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend controlling or normal?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for just 4 months now but we have been seeing eachother since last July. He is honestly, the most caring, loving, gentle man I have ever come across ( and I am not saying that because he is my boyfriend ). I have just ...
A. 25 January 2013: I'd say he's VERY controlling. In fact , I am surprised you haven't had to call the paramedics yet to save you from the danger of dieing asphyxiated. ... (read in full...)
Am I too small to have sex?
Q. I know this is gonna sound weird but me and my friend got into this really weird conversation about sex (we're both virgins which would explain the constant giggles and blushes) which led to me wondering about how deep my vagina was inside. I actu...
A. 25 January 2013: You are perfectly normal. A vagina in a state of " rest " is only 3-4 inches deep in average, but it's extremely elastic and during intercourse can expand and dilate both in widht and depth.... (read in full...)
He was in an open relationship previously and my friends don't approve of our relationship
Q. My boyfriend and I started seeing each other a year ago. He was in an open relationship at the time but that ended last May and we have been exclusive since so officially we've been together about 8 months. My problem is my friends are still so...
A. 25 January 2013: But you friends ARE letting you you go on with your relationship, and can't " make " you do anything with your bf that you are not willing to do. They can't "make" you doubt anybody, unless the seed of doubt is already in you.
If their affi... (read in full...)
My father won't get rid of a POS oven! Should I have my friend sabotage it?
Q. I know this question isn't the sort of question that this website's created for, but I want some opinions on what I should do about this. For about 16 years my family has used the same oven. At one point it was a pretty good oven, but overtime...
A. 25 January 2013: No, of course it is a bad idea, because it is not your oven, it does not belong to you, you did not buy it. Damaging on purpose somebody's else property is a crime- even if yes, I imagine that your dad would not press charges .
It's the same... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my best friend/boyfriend? Or end things?
Q. Hello, I am a 21 year old female and have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. When I first met him, we had a wonderful relationship...about 8 months into it, he started drifting away. He wanted to spend more time with his friends and not ...
A. 25 January 2013: There's nothing to work out, he clearly is not that much into you, you are something convenient to fall back on... till the next time .
Not only you should break up with your love and best Friend, but you should reconsider your very concept of "... (read in full...)
How do I help someone get better at their hobby without being perceived as critical?
Q. I have a friend who is just starting (a year ago) to get into a hobby that I have practiced since I was a kid. I am 39 now so it's been over 30 years since I started. A lot of things are not going right for her and she asks me for advice. ...
A. 24 January 2013: It's a hobby ,not a career. Let her be. Being watched and always waiting for the shoe to drop , the shoe of the next criticism, no matter how justified, spoils the fun and ruin the experience for most people.
I also personally do not see anyt... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lost her virginity at 16 and it makes me extremely jealous of her
Q. I've been going out with my girlfriend for months now, she is my first proper girlfriend and the first person I have sex with, I am 22 and she is 20 , she lost her virginity at 16 and it makes me extremely jealous of her , I cant stop picturing her ...
A. 24 January 2013: May I ask, if you value virginity so much, why didn't you keep yours ? ... (read in full...)
Why cant my boyfriend tell me that he loves me?
Q. i have been going out with my boyfriend for 21 months hes 45 I'm 44 I'm divorced, he never married no kids. Last year after a scuffle and a very emotional deep conversation he mentioned that the only reason he never said I love you is because he ...
A. 24 January 2013: Well, yes, it could be that he likes you a lot but honestly isn't there yet. And there are quite a few people who can, and will, stay in a relationship without feeling the " butterflies in the stomach, OMG I am in love " sensation, and without ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has no endurance to be on top during sex
Q. My boyfriend can't be on top during sex. He's about 220 lbs and he's around 6 feet tall, so he's a little overweight but not obese or anything, anyways he gets tired really easily and can't last on top at all. Like 5 to 10 minutes and he either has ...
A. 23 January 2013: Let's face it , your bf is not " slightly overweight ", he is remarkably overweight, in fact he is a hairbreadth from being clinically obese. Sex is physical exercise, and he puffs and pants after 5 minutes of staying on top, the same as he'd puff ... (read in full...)
Is this fair? I do so much for him and he does so little for me. What should I do?
Q. Well my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and lets just say I'm getting tired of being taken advantage of. He doesn't have a car so yes I drive him around and I pay for dates and I helped him get a job and yes he still asks me ...
A. 23 January 2013: STOP driving him around. STOP paying for dates ( he's got a job now, right ? So you can go Dutch ) . STOP "lending" him any money. Just stop. Cold turkey.
So a) you won't feel you'll be doing TOO much for him, because you WON'T be doing too much... (read in full...)
The ex factor
Q. ex has been talking to me for almost a year now. He is now married. I only talk to him when he's working. He's retiring soon. I won't be able to call him because i won't know his schedule and he gives this to me so I know when to call him. What ...
A. 23 January 2013: He is married, do you even have to ask ?... not only married, but also clearly very protective of his free time and marital life, and very wary of anything that could rock the boat at home. Let him be, there's nothing in this for you.... (read in full...)
Is he sticking around for sex or he genuinely likes me?
Q. Met this guy online. First date was at his house, and yes ended up making out in his bed but no sex. Second time i was drunk and lonely. He texted and ask if i want to go over to "cuddle". again i agreed, and i ended up at his house. No sex as ...
A. 23 January 2013: Yes, he means he wants to have a quiet one (s) for the next few days before his trip, and you'll catch up once he is back.
Does not sound too smitten. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's parents really hate me!
Q. My boyfriends parents hate me! they tried to tell him lies about me and saying stuff they knew will hurt him. when they realised he didn't buy anything they were saying they decided to keep him away from me which means holding him hostage, then they ...
A. 23 January 2013: OP, if you are not Muslim, but HE is, that's exactly the problem, according to his parents. Don't take this too lightly , in some ( note I said SOME ) Muslim communities that's an unsormountable hurdle, kids are not even allowed to make friends ... (read in full...)
Is it silly to think he might like me?
Q. On the weekend I went to a house party and a boy who in close was there and we had a past but we have never actually been together! At the party one of my girl friends was following all the boys around and this boy was the one she stayed with for...
A. 22 January 2013: I would not buy those wedding rings yet :).
From your submittal I don't think we have enough to say that he DOES like you ( nor to exclude it definitively ).
Meaning, the guy may have said he wasn't interested in the other girl... but he ended... (read in full...)
We have been going out but she is still on website every day where we met. What's up with that?
Q. I have a met this woman on Match. She is divorced, same age as me. We have been talkling on the phone everyday, texting, emailing. I spent this past weekend at her house. We have been going out for a month. She told me that I am so different than ...
A. 22 January 2013: Well, if she is STILL shopping around, yes, it's quite possible that , to put it like you say, she is hanging on till something better comes up.
Then again, since you have just dated a bit , casually, and haven't talked about becoming a coup... (read in full...)
We have been going out but she is still on website every day where we met. What's up with that?
Q. I have a met this woman on Match. She is divorced, same age as me. We have been talkling on the phone everyday, texting, emailing. I spent this past weekend at her house. We have been going out for a month. She told me that I am so different than ...
A. 22 January 2013: You met her on Match.com, she is shopping around. In fact , probably doing comparative shopping. Not that strange. In fact, that's what sites like Match are for, or at least how people use them.
You told her you were going to hide your prof... (read in full...)
She made me wait for her for 4 hours then I found out she lied about where she was! Shall I end it now?
Q. My girlfriend of 9 months told me she had to meet up with her girl friends for lunch, I had no objections to this. I was at a hotel when she went to lunch, I checked out of the Hotel at 1:30 pm, she was supposed to meet me around the check out time ...
A. 22 January 2013: I can understand how you'd be tempted, if I were you I'd be absolutely fuming.
Considering she could have texted you, " sorry, running late , get a cab ". I mean, you know how it is with these things, at times you have trouble disentangling your... (read in full...)
My mother doesn't like my choice. How do I deal with this situation? I am extremely stressed!
Q. I find myself in a very stressful situation. I habve found the guy of my dreams. He is caring, respectful, and loves me to death. We've talked about a future together and what not. But the thing is that my mom doesnt exactly aprove. She thinks he's ...
A. 22 January 2013: Ok, I'll jump on this thread to risk a word in defense of all the so called " overprotective " or " jealous " moms and dads of this world.
Often on DC we only get the daughter's version, not the parent's one, and the daughter's omissions or m... (read in full...)
Do relationships develop from sleeping with someone you have just met?
Q. Do relationships develop from sex? I’ve always been the type of person who hasn't slept around and would never let myself be used by a fella for sex. By doing this I think I have kept men at arm’s length and therefore have never developed any long...
A. 22 January 2013: Very very seldom. And not only because of the old " if I've already won the prize why should I run the race ". That too, because , as sexist and close minded as it is, ...it is what it is, and it's a mentality which exists and you have to reckon ... (read in full...)
Should my husband go to the funeral of his ex girlfriend's father?
Q. My husband's x-girlfriend's father passed away. They have two children together. She tried to trap him into marriage.. Didn't work. She has also tried to cause many problems between us.. She hates me.. Should he attend her father's funeral? I ...
A. 21 January 2013: I think he should, the deceased was still his children's grandfather .Regardless of how the children's mother behaved .... (read in full...)
I can't cry. Is this normal after a break up?
Q. I can't cry. That might not seem like an issue to most people, but before I broke up with my boyfriend last year, I cried about everything. I always have. Every emotion I have used to get so overwhelming i'd cry. If i was really happy, slightly sad, ...
A. 21 January 2013: Well, let's look at the half full glass- at least this shock has cured you of an annoying habit.
As my acting school teachers always used to say, there's a big difference between expressing emotions and just " emoting ". It is impossible that... (read in full...)
Why did he come back to ignore me again?
Q. Hello, so me and my ex boyfriend broke up in 2010.. He had a gf as soon as we broke up but that didn't stop us from sleeping together.. We stopped talking for 8 months then he decided to email my cousin on facebook so she can give me his new number! ...
A. 21 January 2013: To have casual sex.... (read in full...)
An affair that I never wanted to begin ended badly. I am shocked to the core at how he could do this to me!
Q. I understand that I will be judged for what I am about to ask, but please understand that nothing that can be said is comparable to the guilt and pain I am putting myself through. I had a male friend for about 2 years with whom I went to school. ...
A. 21 January 2013: That's married men for you , darling. That's why it's not a good idea to take up with one of them before the papers have been actually signed . There is always the very distinct possibility of a last minute change of heart- or chickening out.
... (read in full...)
His asexuality doesn't match my high sex drive! Can it possibly work?
Q. Hi everyone! I am currently dealing with an issue I need some advice on. I have been in a relationship for several years and and my partner and I had always had an active sex life. I was always satisfied, though he could never reach orgasm. I ...
A. 21 January 2013: I would leave him in a nanosecond, with no regrets. And notice that not even at the peak of my sexuality I was the half as frisky as you.
Simply , you cannot deny and suppress such a big part of who you are , your sexuality, your natural wish... (read in full...)
Boyfriend claims that I just want a ring as a prize!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years and I have been talking about marriage. Please note that I am a grown woman with a degree, a job, my own home, car, pay all of my own bills, am completely self-supprting. I am generous in relationships in general with my ...
A. 20 January 2013: Probably, you should accept that "respecting " your views about not living together before marriage does not mean embracing them, and does not mean you'll be able to make him change his mind and propose to you.
I think that maybe the problem is t... (read in full...)
Sexless marriage driving me crazy !
Q. Dear Cupid, I love my wife very much but I am going insane. We have sex once in three months. I feel a physical disconnect even though I try to cuddle kiss and initiate love making. I believe that in life if you do not want something to hap...
A. 20 January 2013: FOUR kids ?... Then I think that not having time, or being too tired, is a good excuse, because it's most probably the truth.
Spicy fun ? Role play ?... He he. The only role play I was up to when my son was little, was with him. He was Batm... (read in full...)
I'm of Indian descent. Why do white guys want a relationship with me but ask for it to be a secret? It hurts me.
Q. Why is it that so many of the white guys I know that want a relationship with me wants one in secret? I'm tired of a guy saying I have a thing for Indian woman but no one can know about it. In public they would much rather be seen with someon...
A. 20 January 2013: I am surprised that you are surprised, don't you live in South Africa ? Did you move there recently ?
Of course it's because of your race.
South Africa, according a research done by their own Capetown University !, is one of the top most rac... (read in full...)
I asked my ex to meet up and she totally ignored me. What does that mean?
Q. Me and my ex girlfriend are back in touch in after 3 months. I asked jer to meet up and she completely ignored the question and changed the subject. What does this mean!?!...
A. 20 January 2013: It means that she is your EX and such she wants to stay.
She may be OK with occasional contact ( did you get in touch with her first, I suppose ? ) out of politeness, natural extroversion, boredom , to show there are no hard feelings, or anot... (read in full...)
Would I be a horrible wife if I found another home for this terrible dog?
Q. I don't know what to do about my husband's dog! He found the dog wondering the streets and took him in when no one claimed him. This was before we even started dating. I quickly realized why no one wanted to claim this dog... He was not potty ...
A. 20 January 2013: I don't know, but I know you would be a horrible mother if you didn't !... (read in full...)
Do people somehow get a free pass to behave less well because they have an ex and kids? While those without an ex and kids are expected to come second?
Q. Hi aunts. Can I have your opinion on this: If one partner in a relationship is divorced with kids and the other never married no kids, what responsibility does the divorced partner have in the relationship? Is it less than if he had no kids or ...
A. 20 January 2013: You can disagree with her, and stay away from divorced dada with kids. If you take up with a divorced parent, you know and accept that his / her top priority will always be his children,to an extent. I say to an extent because there's people who ... (read in full...)
What to do with this fake friend? Whats wrong with her now? Help
Q. HI, there is this friend,i am close with her since the first day of college, and we used ot see each other every day,etc. Then after 4 months lets say, we kinda got bored of each other. And she always kept on inviting me to go out with the other...
A. 19 January 2013: But why do you want to keep hanging out with her ?
You say you got bored with each other. Plus, you think she is slutty and gossipy, and anyway you don't like the way she acts when you are around . She may not like you anymore, but you don't like... (read in full...)
4 year relationship falling apart. I feel stuck stressed and drained and I hate feeling this way!
Q. Ok, so here is the thing. Me and my boyfriend just celebrated our four year anniversary and we have several issues that I need help on so I would greatly appreciate anyone who takes the time to read all of this and respond and I am really sorry its ...
A. 19 January 2013: Oh boy. If this man is the best guy in your town, I am not moving there anytime soon.
Your attachment is not rooted in love, but in fear. It is very revealing that you say " he's the only one who's able to put up with my crap "- which means you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't financially stable. After 3 years should I accept that I would be the breadwinner? Or leave?
Q. Hi dearcupid, I am not sure what to do in my relationship of 2 years. When I met my bf he presented himself as a financially comfortable insurance salesman and of course I didn't ask deeply personal questions. Then as time passed and we enjoyed ...
A. 19 January 2013: From what the OP says, I can't conclude that her bf is being financially irresponsible or a bad money manager. Maybe he is not doing anything "wrong ", he just hasn't got the same income, and the same earning potential, as the OP.
Yes, in a coup... (read in full...)
A friend wants to date me but I only like him as a friend. He's become quite annoying!
Q. I know a guy who just got back from boot camp for the marines. We didn't really talk much before he left. He had texted me a couple of times telling me Im beautiful, and that he had liked me but I never had feeling for him, he's just a friend.I ...
A. 19 January 2013: You have been stringing him along. Maybe the guy is particularly thick, and a sharper guy would have got the hint already and understood that you are not into him, - this does not change the fact that " I am not coming out with you because I am ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's children are not invited to my family's events. How can I handle this?
Q. I have a small predicament that I could do with some help with. Myself and my fella have been together over 18 months. He has 2 kids and we all love each other to bits. My parents took a long time to accept it but they have now. The only prob...
A. 19 January 2013: @female reader anon- without any particular biase about who's right who's wrong ( if I were the OP's mom I would not have a problem in inviting her bf's kids , yet I can see how and why other people may think differently ), I must say that the point ... (read in full...)
When my husband wants sex, I'm always available, but when I want it, I have to wait till he wants to
Q. I've been with my husband 11 years. We both enjoy sex very much and now I'm pregnant with our 4th child. He wants sex all the time and usually when he wants it I give it, however, when I want it I have to wait til he feels like giving it. I feel ...
A. 19 January 2013: First of all, my compliments and admiration for a lady that can be so frisky with 3 small kids at home and a fourth on the way .
If your husband " wants sex all the time ", well, it should not be such a big problem, right ? , like, if it's not ... (read in full...)
Husband obsessed with teenage girls, trying to be ok now but I feel depressed I keep getting images in my head
Q. I am 28 next month, my husband is 30, we've been together 13 years, we have 2 children and he has constanly cheated on me!, all of them much younger, mostly teenagers!, I have gone through his phone and emails and facebook and found out there's ...
A. 19 January 2013: No no no, you don't need to be more positive, you need to be more realistic !. 13 years that he has been cheating on you and perving on teens, and you are still waiting for the big romantic gesture ?
You may love him- but alas he does not love you ... (read in full...)
Why is it that straight men don't take two gay womens relationship seriously?
Q. so i have a very sincere question that i've been wondering for years. it's troubling me greatly. i have been out of the closet for over ten years now, and have dated nothing but really feminine women who don't "look gay" (despite being VERY MUCH ...
A. 19 January 2013: Because some men ( most ? ) deeply believe that there can't be any "real" sex if there isn't a penis involved .All the rest is a curiosity, a passing fancy, a whim, a mistake... but, a feminine looking woman ? naaah... what she "really " wants is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's children are not invited to my family's events. How can I handle this?
Q. I have a small predicament that I could do with some help with. Myself and my fella have been together over 18 months. He has 2 kids and we all love each other to bits. My parents took a long time to accept it but they have now. The only prob...
A. 18 January 2013: I don't think your mom hates kids and I don't think she hates or has anything personal against these kids. Simply, she is organizing a family event, and while these kids are your bf's family, they surely are not, and don't feel to her, like hers. ... (read in full...)
| *indyCares's friends
These are mutual friends, so *indyCares has
added them and they have added *indyCares!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
