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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I had a sneak-peek at his email. I found out he's buying things for himself on line he's not told me about. Why the secret?
Q. I've just found out that my boyfriend secretly spends a lot of money behind my back as he left his email account logged in and i had a sneek peek. He even bought lots of stuff on my b'day for himself! When talking about what he buys, he obvi...
A. 6 February 2013: Frankly yours is a difficult position to be in. Apparently , you are having the concerns of a wife ( or maybe of a mom, as other posters have suggested ) , without having the status or the clout of one.
I am not implying that he does not like you ... (read in full...)
He re-arranged my furniture because his kids wanted it that way! They were guests, surely they should have left it alone?
Q. Please help. I have stayed over at boyfriends place before, when his two kids of 9 and 7 were visiting as well. (They live with their mum.) There were no real problems. He had some time off to look after them when they had a couple of days off ...
A. 6 February 2013: @ Serpico: that may be true, at least to some extent, but what's this got to do with basic manners and respect for other people's belongings ?
I have a son, and I guess ,all in all, is true that he was and is my emotional investment no.1 , befo... (read in full...)
What do we have together? He will not confirm if we are in a relationship.
Q. Hi cupids any chance of a little help?? Been seeing a guy for 5 months now, it’s been ok-ish. I've began to fall for him and I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing allowing myself to as he's so complicated. He’s got a lot going for him, he ...
A. 6 February 2013: You must be a patient type, I'd think that 6 months of quickies, naps and ..nothing much else would have bored to tears everybody.
In general, if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck.... if he does not show enthusiasm and interest, it must... (read in full...)
Why did he go out of his way to NOT mention that he has a Gf when he talked to me so often, and more recently flirted with me?
Q. I went out with my coworker two years ago. Things didn't work out between us, and we both (especially him) moved on... but lately we'e been flirting a lot again. [Please don't tell me it won't work out because we work together. If he had expresse...
A. 6 February 2013: Because if he wants to flirt with you , the mention of a gf would most probably would cramp his style , interfere with the flirting and dampen the enthusiasm of your response. How long do you keep interested and titillated a girl , if you start ... (read in full...)
I had a sneak-peek at his email. I found out he's buying things for himself on line he's not told me about. Why the secret?
Q. I've just found out that my boyfriend secretly spends a lot of money behind my back as he left his email account logged in and i had a sneek peek. He even bought lots of stuff on my b'day for himself! When talking about what he buys, he obvi...
A. 6 February 2013: Unwise it may be, but weird , why ? I'd say it's very common instead . All the Western society , at the end of the day, is based upon buying things you don't need with money you don't have. Why do you think they have invented credit cards for ?
H... (read in full...)
He re-arranged my furniture because his kids wanted it that way! They were guests, surely they should have left it alone?
Q. Please help. I have stayed over at boyfriends place before, when his two kids of 9 and 7 were visiting as well. (They live with their mum.) There were no real problems. He had some time off to look after them when they had a couple of days off ...
A. 6 February 2013: @ Chigirl, well, sure, put in these terms it's hard to contraddict you, - it's surely better to have a good relationship with a good guy who moves your furniture around than a bad relationship with a bad guy who does not touch anything.
N... (read in full...)
Why do I care so much about girls noticing me? As soon as I stop caring a girl will notice me then I get too happy and go back to square one!
Q. Whenever I'm at school I'm always hoping for a girl to see me and think "Hmmmm I wonder who that is" and just want to talk to me. I'm always hoping some girl will see me and think I'm cute (To be honest I'm average looking-to cute to some people). ...
A. 5 February 2013: Nothing is wrong with the girls. If we have to find something wrong, we might as well say , what's wrong with you OP ?. Why do you sit on your butt , and sigh : Oh I hope they'll notice me ... I hope some day my princess will come... - like some ... (read in full...)
He re-arranged my furniture because his kids wanted it that way! They were guests, surely they should have left it alone?
Q. Please help. I have stayed over at boyfriends place before, when his two kids of 9 and 7 were visiting as well. (They live with their mum.) There were no real problems. He had some time off to look after them when they had a couple of days off ...
A. 5 February 2013: @Chigirl -perhaps yes, such an argument would cause more trouble. The focus of my answer was just on the OP's main question : They were guests, surely they should have left it alone ? To which, IMO the answer is : You bet that they should have ... (read in full...)
What can I do to make my parents be okay with this relationship? Or break up with him because they say he is no good for me?
Q. Hi Guys, So me and this guy are in a relationship since a month now. I really love him a lot and he says he loves me too. I'm pretty sure he's telling the truth. We have know each other a long time and it's amazing what is happening now. ...
A. 5 February 2013: You can't make your parents be OK with your relationship , because you 'd be asking them to be bad parents. What parents can be happy that their daughter is dating someone involved in drugs ?.
If you want to keep the bad boy , keep the bad boy ... (read in full...)
He re-arranged my furniture because his kids wanted it that way! They were guests, surely they should have left it alone?
Q. Please help. I have stayed over at boyfriends place before, when his two kids of 9 and 7 were visiting as well. (They live with their mum.) There were no real problems. He had some time off to look after them when they had a couple of days off ...
A. 5 February 2013: Yes, but it isn't the kids' fault, it's the dad's. I know well that when you've got kids you've got to be flexible ,don't sweat the small stuff and don't waste time in pointless arguments , but, it's not small stuff and there was NO room for ... (read in full...)
Should I keep my ex as a friend or not?
Q. Hello, my ex broke up with me last summer and we spent quite a while not speaking to each other! I really want to get over him now we speak as "friends but I still have feelings for him and feel very sensitive and jealous as we speak I realized...
A. 5 February 2013: You can't have him as a " friend " because you don't see him as a friend , you see him as someone whom you have romantic/sexual feelings for , which definitely do NOT belong to a frendship.
Until these feelings persist, tryng to be friends is g... (read in full...)
I'm not convinced the girl I'm dating feels the same way about me.....
Q. Been seeing this girl for the last two months and even though we get along very well and I am quite fond of her, I'm not that convinced that she feels the same. She always tells me her troubles or drama going on in her life and I patiently listen as ...
A. 5 February 2013: I'd say you are overthinking it , and, while it is quite possible that your gf is a self involved type ( all the rambling tales about her friends,urgh ) ...well, you aren't exactly joking either , right ? , when it comes to what it's important to ... (read in full...)
He's a real person. Met him on the Facebook. So why am I feeling So very nervous about meeting him?
Q. I met this guy on Facebook, from what I can tell by his pictures he's a really good looking guy. We've been talking for quite a while now and we are finally going to meet each other for the first time on Friday, we're going to see the new movie ...
A. 5 February 2013: Stage fright :). I think it's normal if you are a little nervous. This is a first for you , your first Internet date, always a bit awkward. And , regardless of how you found him, it is a first date , with someone whom you sort of like and, I ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wont get engaged to me unless I get her a 20 000 euro engagement ring
Q. Hi, I ve posted on this website before and I ve found the answere really helpful so I am hoping for some more advice please. I ve been agonizing over this for some time, would be really interested to hear what others think.. My girlfriend w...
A. 5 February 2013: Op, I don't know how to put this delicately, but...are you nuts ?? Dear OP, if all you have reported here is true, you don't need a jeweller , you need a shrink ; some counselling , at least.
After 4 years of on/off, and lived like yours, with... (read in full...)
I broke up with my boyfriend over this situation. Was I wrong?
Q. If you get confused about the situation, please ask me to clarify. I need as many opinions as I can get. My boyfriend's aunt never met me before, so she told him to invite me over to her house for the super bowl. When we went to her house, they ...
A. 4 February 2013: I think you did not handle this properly , and you created a lot of unnecessary drama.
You had been offered the choice to leave , you did not leave out of courtesy , not to look like you hated them or something, I get it. By the same prin... (read in full...)
I got drunk and missed my personal tranining session, how do I apologise to my trainer?
Q. What have I done? I've really hurt him:( how do I apologise? So I got drunk last night and I'm the kinda girl that never drinks. (I'm a good girl, i dont party or anything) But I was bored so I drank last night and woke up with the biggest...
A. 4 February 2013: Of course he was mad, what did you expect ? You did not cancel , not even last minute, if I got it right , - you just showed up in no conditions to work out. So, he founds himself with an unpaid hour to twirl his thumbs at the gym , while if he ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should be patient and understanding or just stop this relationship?
Q. Hello, I have reached a point where I am at a lost and I don't know if I should continue this relationship. Well, I agree that he's having serious money problems as he has borrowed money from the bank as well as from friends that he cannot repay. A...
A. 4 February 2013: OP, good for you if you stick to this decision and this time follow the Aunts' advice. You seem to be very perturbed by his coldness and silence, but, if this is the same guy of your previous posts, even being more affectionate would not make him ... (read in full...)
Will my married lover ever leave his wife?
Q. I've being dating a married man for a year now and initially I thought he was single because he is a young guy. After 3 weeks of getting to know him and fallen for him, he told me he had a wife and they got married because the lady was a girlfrie...
A. 4 February 2013: Time will tell, and luckily, it will tell real soon. If when you met him he had been married 5 months with a pregnant lady, that means that 2 or 3 months or so after you met, this baby was born, so now the baby will be 9 or 10 months right ? It ... (read in full...)
Should I marry my long term bf despite lack of physical attraction & chemistry? please help.
Q. hello, i am in emotional dilemma right now. to be honest that is an understatement. i am in hell because everything that is going on with my life is in turmoil. i don't know if i should marry my bf for 10 years. i don't know what to do? i only ...
A. 4 February 2013: I second Sensitive Bloke. If you don't feel any physical attraction for him, then , for you, he's not a diamond- he's a rhinestone at best. ... (read in full...)
Am I doing the right thing in deciding not to get back with my ex?
Q. Ive written questions on this board before and I really appreciated the help. Im at a different stage now and I would be grateful for some advice again. I am currently divorcing my second Husband, the relationship was terrible. I have one child ag...
A. 4 February 2013: It sounds like the right decisison, an unavoidable one, in fact . You broke up with the first husband because of èroblems ( moods, too much drinking ) that haven't changed at all and are still there. You could not cope with these things the first ... (read in full...)
Who should I show loyalty to in this tricky situation? My BF or my ex?
Q. Hello everyone, I have a problem. My ex wants to apologize to me "for everything," and I want my boyfriend to be in the know when my ex and I meet up to talk about it. The problem is that I feel like I'm disappointing my ex if I let my boyfrien...
A. 4 February 2013: The current one. The ex is an EX, he is out of your life, you don't even need to be in touch with him, and least of all to go out on a quasi-date with him for the sake of letting him do his "personal " stuff . What is there to " talk " about ? ... (read in full...)
Is she too young for me to be doing more than flirting?
Q. Hi, So before people start calling me things please read everything. I'm currently married but me and my wife are looking to go our separate ways. We had our first child when we were 18 and got pressured into marriage(her family felt very strong...
A. 4 February 2013: You don't know that she is not happy in her relationship- in fact, I'd assume she is happy enough - until they break up. She is single and 19,no kids, - if she were THAT unhappy,breaking up with the bf would not be such a big deal ,she'd do it. ... (read in full...)
Please, somebody help me. I found out about my boyfriend's affairs and I don't know what to do.
Q. Hey... well, I couldn't be in worse shape right now. My "boyfriend" and I are in a very dark place. At first, I would defend him whenever people would talk bad of him. And I would just like to say now that my friends have always said that my ...
A. 4 February 2013: Do you really need help to figure this out ? ..
What you should do, is moving on. With or without BC, this is not the love story of the century, this is something that has always wobbled but for the first 3 months. In just one year you broke up t... (read in full...)
Is she too young for me to be doing more than flirting?
Q. Hi, So before people start calling me things please read everything. I'm currently married but me and my wife are looking to go our separate ways. We had our first child when we were 18 and got pressured into marriage(her family felt very strong...
A. 4 February 2013: Are you sure you aren't the one being led on ?
She is 19, she is pretty, she likes to flirt, she laps up the attention. She has a boyfriend- and now a married older guy who makes googly eyes at her , thing which gives her some clout with her ... (read in full...)
If I'm pregnant how do I tell my boyfriend its not his?
Q. Hey Cupids, got my self in a little bit of trouble and need some Help and advice. I had a one night stand January 26th early morning January 27th. The guy i had the one night stand was without a condom. We were both having a few social drink...
A. 4 February 2013: You can't feel pregnancy symptoms after 5 days from fecundation . Breast tenderness and soreness usually appear not before the 6 week of pregnancy,( so, 4 weeks from conceiving ), frequent urination even later. You would not have even ... (read in full...)
Feeling comfortable with anal?
Q. im 16...me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year have the best sex imaginable...but we rarely have it...we look up many positions,lubes, handcuffs,etc...we try it all...he wants to try anal now...im very scared to even attempt to do it ...
A. 4 February 2013: Aren't you the girl who never uses condoms and already got pregnant and miscarried ?.. then I'd say you are already doing a lot to please him and make him happy, you are already risking your health and future just to give him better sensations. ... (read in full...)
I want love. But my mother is nagging me to get married asap. Is what I want too much to ask for?
Q. I'm 26 and single. My mom has been constantly telling me to just find someone and get married. As long as he's nice and I can tolerate him then that's good enough. Anyone would do. Anyone is better than no one. I'm 26, it's time, soon it'll be to...
A. 3 February 2013: Your mother is probably around my age, ...and also I never discount mom's wisdom, mom really knows best many times.... but no, definitely not this time. Your mom is plain wrong . Big mistake believing that anyone is better than no one.
In fact... (read in full...)
How do you get someone to make a fuss over your looks?
Q. This is a bit of an unusual questions. One of the things I want from a relationship is I want to feel sexually special and I want a fuss made of my looks, but I am losing them and I am concerned you would have to be good looking for them to fuss ...
A. 3 February 2013: Don't waste your time, no amount of fuss would be enough to appease you . You could meet someone who is fussing over your looks two hours in a row, and you'd say " yes, but, if he really liked me, he'd fuss THREE hours ". Ho do I know ? because ... (read in full...)
Are relationships that exist with absolutely NO violence towards one another?
Q. Aunts and Uncles... Have any of you (honest answers please) had a physical fight with your current spouse? I just want to know if there are relationships that exist with absolutely NO violence towards one another. Again, please be honest. Th...
A. 3 February 2013: Congratulations for having eventually found the courage and the smartness to extricate yourself from an abusive relationship, and having kissed goodbye to your days as a human punching ball. If this is all you ever have witnessed, it took you ... (read in full...)
Are relationships that exist with absolutely NO violence towards one another?
Q. Aunts and Uncles... Have any of you (honest answers please) had a physical fight with your current spouse? I just want to know if there are relationships that exist with absolutely NO violence towards one another. Again, please be honest. Th...
A. 3 February 2013: Yes, of course there are marriages and relationships without any physical violence at all, in fact, maybe I have been lucky, but I'd say it's the norm,- the violent ones are the exception - and I think it is very sad and troubling that you have to ... (read in full...)
I am interested in a man that bakes alot o f cookies. Is he Gay?
Q. I have a wonderful life. I have everything bit cannot find love. I have been very unlucky in my search for love. M question is , I met a man that works at my gym. I am attracted to him. Everytme , I goto the gym he comes over and talks to me ...
A. 2 February 2013: Martinis are a gay drink ? But what about James Bond, then ? :)...
I don't think that drinks and cookies are a reliable indicator of sexual orientation. I know several straight males, who are into cooking and baking and making cakes and stuf... (read in full...)
Does she have the right to ignore me like we were strangers even though I pushed her away and ignored her because I was scared of a relationship?
Q. There was this girl who I had been seeing for quite a while, but I felt it was getting too serious for my liking, we were growing a lot closer far too quick and I knew it wasn't what I wanted. Because I'm not a relationship person, i'd be a terrible ...
A. 28 January 2013: As for your first question, you felt what you felt, there's no point in judging it. I guess in theory yes, it would be better and nobler and wiser if you would be happy for her and thrilled that apparently she is doing fine without you , but , if ... (read in full...)
Does she have the right to ignore me like we were strangers even though I pushed her away and ignored her because I was scared of a relationship?
Q. There was this girl who I had been seeing for quite a while, but I felt it was getting too serious for my liking, we were growing a lot closer far too quick and I knew it wasn't what I wanted. Because I'm not a relationship person, i'd be a terrible ...
A. 28 January 2013: As for your first question, you felt what you felt, there's no point in judging it. I guess in theory yes, it would be better and nobler and wiser if you would be happy for her and thrilled that apparently she is doing fine without you , but , if ... (read in full...)
Is looking at porn the morning after you've slept with your girlfriend, a bit odd and uncalled for?
Q. Would anyone else agree with this? Looking at porn the morning after you've slept with your girlfriend is a bit odd and uncalled for? Why would they want to look at someone else that soon?...
A. 28 January 2013: 36 is still not over the hill :). The refractory time ( the length of time it takes them to be physically ready for round no.2 ) is longer than at 18, but, as far as I know, a 36 y.o. guy can definitely be very horny at night - and very horny ... (read in full...)
How do I make sure my friends don't judge me for having sex?
Q. Okay before I begin please dont judge me. I know a lot of you are going to and I dont come here to be judged I come here for advice. Okay so my boy friend and I are both the same age and we were both virgins. We both decided that we were ready an...
A. 28 January 2013: I see that lots of people apply the term " judgemental " to anybody having an opinion and I don't think this is correct.
People are entitled to have opinions, you can't prevent them from having opinions. You could prevent them from EXPR... (read in full...)
He said he'll start seeing me again if I'll do a threesome
Q. From the beginning he was already involved with this older lady. And there was one more other girl staying at his place for a week just to travel around. And there was me. So it was more of a friends with benefit thing. And I know it was immature or ...
A. 28 January 2013: Is that even a question ? ..
No, it's not normal. No, it's not love not even by a long shot. Yes, you will be most definitely used if you say yes ( but, no, you did NOT gave him a good reason, or any reason for that, being that you are not a coup... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants me to sell my house and move with him.
Q. I've been with my bf for nearly 4 years. Before i met him, i started building a house and after a few delays it was finished 2 years ago. I have lived there since but he has remained living at home. We are on the verge of breaking up beca...
A. 28 January 2013: And if you sell the house now, get less than what you paid for it, move somewhere else with him, without the guarantee btw to find an equivalent job to the one you have now, and then , after a year or so, it does not work out with your bf,- which ... (read in full...)
Is looking at porn the morning after you've slept with your girlfriend, a bit odd and uncalled for?
Q. Would anyone else agree with this? Looking at porn the morning after you've slept with your girlfriend is a bit odd and uncalled for? Why would they want to look at someone else that soon?...
A. 27 January 2013: " That soon " ? But it's not that soon at all ! Particularly if he is in your age range.
Of course a young man can feel sexual urges at night, - and more sexual urges the morning after ! In fact , probably he was not even fully awake ...when exci... (read in full...)
New boyfriend, new problems.
Q. A couple of months after I was dumped by my ex, I began a relationship with Mr New. He's tall and handsome, but the thing that I was attracted to first was how we could talk to one another. This relationship started about a year ago... beginning of ...
A. 27 January 2013: " It's hard to know what to do with Mr. New..." Echoing Patches 242 : SERIOUSLY ? I'd say it 's nice and clear cut , instead : there's only one thing to do. Dump him.
Unless you are such a glutton for punishment that you lap up psychological abus... (read in full...)
Why isnt he making any steps for us to live together?
Q. Hey dearcupid.org,this is what bothers me...I ve been with this guy 4 long in distance relationship,and this year it will be 4 years that we re doing it... Last year we were supposed to start living together,n me to move to his country,...
A. 27 January 2013: I am not sure I understood your question properly, but... what do you want him to do ? How do you want him to " fix " it ?.
He is a flat owner and has a good job ( for getting which, I suppose , he had to earn a degree / other credentials / prac... (read in full...)
Porn haters, what would you do in this dilemma?
Q. Hi I am female who hates porn in a relationship first off but I have a dilemma.... Porn haters what would you do in my situation... Go back to the guy who was viewing artistic porn with the sound off and didn't give it up until I ask for a ult...
A. 27 January 2013: A dealbreaker is a dealbreaker. If you hate, like really HATE porn, you should not be dating a porn watcher, of any kind or description.
It the same for everything, I don't know, cigarette smole for instance. If you really hate smoke and it goes... (read in full...)
Does anyone else have to pay board to their parents?
Q. Hi, just a quick question! I am 20 years old, and have just moved back home. My parents have asked me to contribute $100 a week, for rent/bills/food. I work full-time, making about $600 (aus) a week. I also have my phone bill to pay, as well as ...
A. 27 January 2013: In euros it would be around 70 -75 euros a week. Extremely cheap. More like a symbolic contribution than a real help- just so you don't get too comfy and don't take everything for granted and as due to you.
As for " having " to pay board when... (read in full...)
He didn't tell me I was his stop gap live in lover!
Q. We lived together for about 7 months. He had an old friend. He slept with her once, if he's not lying, and she got pregnant. Then she left to her country which is Russia. He's divorced 33 year old guy and he always wanted a baby but didnt grt one in ...
A. 27 January 2013: Leave god out of this, if there's a god, I bet he's got way better things to worry about than the love skermishes between you and your Russian rival.
Yes, he's been bullshitting you. Yes, he has very probably been using you . Anyway, if he hasn... (read in full...)
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