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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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To Contact Or Not To Contact. Dumped And It Was All My Fault.
Q. Hello! Thinking about breaking no contact by leaving chocolates at her door on vday. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago because I pestered her for a non committed relationship to test if she really loves me because before we started dating, she said ...
A. 21 February 2013: If you ask me, she might have posted a whole book of quotations, but, she's over and done with you, and you need to realize it. She canceled the meeting and there won't be another one. She told you she understand, she forgives, it's ok, but ... (read in full...)
I love her but she's ready to settle down and I'm not sure that I am. What should I do?
Q. I am 25, she is 30. We got together when I was 22. Our relationship has come to the point where she is ready for engagement, marriage and kids (completely understandable). I love her with all of my heart. She is the one I want to be with for the ...
A. 20 February 2013: Simple : you don't "truly" love her. Truly as in : she is the one, I think of being with her for the rest of my life as a privilege and not as a sacrifice.
You like her a lot, you appreciate her a lot, you lust after her, you are grateful to h... (read in full...)
Incredibly drunk guy called me gorgeous. Did he mean it?
Q. The other night I went to a party. One of my good friend's roommates was there. He was actually the one who texted me and told me to come party. Anyway, we both got incredibly drunk and started dancing together. It's all a blur now, but we kissed a ...
A. 19 February 2013: No. Drunk people on the pull are notoriously effusive and prodigal with compliments, plus "bear goggles " make them more appreciative of any woman, even of very modest attractiveness .( Not to say that you aren't gorgeous and beautiful- I bet you ... (read in full...)
After taking him back again I found out my boyfriend cheated. When confronted he never even replied back!
Q. A week ago I found out my boyfriend cheated on me after only 4 days of getting back together. We had been off and on since November (we were bf/gf from June through November then he broke up with me in mid-November, we spent a week or so apart, then ...
A. 19 February 2013: I guess what you are complaining about is that he did not fight for you. He did not say I am sorry, forgive me, it was a mistake, please take me back. Or even : I am sorry, it's over , I never meant to hurt you, it just happened, I hope that some ... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend has 20,000.00 he borrowed from me. Will I get it back?
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 2 years broke up with me few days back, he was very abusive during the last 1 yr. Im still under depression and i did all things like begging, sending him mails, calling him to take me back. He didnt repond to anything, i gues...
A. 19 February 2013: My sympathy and best wishes to you .
In my country you would have to have proof that you gave him the money ( a signed receipt for cash , a cashed cheque ) AND a written document aknowledging it is actually a loan and he is indebted to you for ... (read in full...)
What happened here on Dear Cupid, guys? What's so bad about trying to fix a relationship rather than just jumping immediately to divorce?
Q. I've been coming on this site since I was 16 and used to get great, friendly advice on how I should handle my relationship problems. I came here looking first solution to fix things. I don't know what happened in the past three years, but friendly ...
A. 19 February 2013: So you are annoyed,basically, that you don't hear the suggestions that you want to hear ? You ask for opinions, but they have to be the same that you already have in mind ? ...
Not fair to the poor Aunts, who get to be the meanie just for expr... (read in full...)
Husband's phone has a name as "buddy" who turns out is a girl! Should I be worried?
Q. So the other day while my husband was in the shower, he asked me to find a number in his cell phone (a friend of his that we were meeting later) and call him to confirm the time. When I was doing that, his recent call history showed up, and I ...
A. 19 February 2013: I am not as optimistic as CMMP because to me he JUST gave you a reason not to trust him. Why on earth putting a female friend under a generic and gender neutral " buddy " if this woman 's name is Jennifer or Mary or Diane ? does he call her "buddy ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to finally snap and publicly humiliate and insult someone who had been talking trash about me for over a year?
Q. Hi. I am looking for advice on whether I did the right thing or not. My boyfriend has this girl friend, who I have only met a handful of times, who has a lot of animosity toward me. I had always been really nice to her the times I ran into her. When ...
A. 18 February 2013: I think that what you did was certainly understandable , due to the provocation , but still wrong. It was unclassy - you stooped at her level. And, in a way, you gave her the satisfaction to know that she had really hit you hard and ruffled ... (read in full...)
I thought we had a good time, he said he'd call but he didn't. Why?
Q. I have been casually dating this guy for a couple of weeks, we met on a dating site so I know he wants a relationship. Our dates have been great (at least I think so) consisting of dinner, drinks, and cuddling or making out while watching movies. I ...
A. 18 February 2013: Hehe. " We met on a dating site so I know that he wants a relationship ". This is sort of funny. Like saying, " I met him in New York, so I know he must be born in New York ". Honey , dating sites- and New York - are big places where people go to ... (read in full...)
There's a thief in my house and my parents won't help me pin them down
Q. Okay, so i have a paper round every weekend i get paid £18, and i have been saving my money for ages, basically on Friday i had 5 £20 notes for sure positive certain and a £5 note i counted it all and i definitely did not spend it. So i had £100 ...
A. 18 February 2013: Don't keep cash at home, in an unattended purse . Go open a bank account or savings account at the post office, and deposit your money there. Get from the ATM machine the very minimum you can in cash every two or three days or so , and keep it ... (read in full...)
Caught in the middle of manager and co-worker. What do I say now?
Q. on friday one of my co workers"a" asked me to text my manager to see if he wants me to come in on sunday. i text my manager to ask him and told him "a" asked me to check with you in the morning. when i did he said a" did not work yesterday. i told ...
A. 18 February 2013: Well, I am not sure I understood correctly but if I did you have not done anything wrong at all and there is nothing that you have to fix.
A asked you on Friday to text the manager.
Sunday morning you texted the manager and he was surprise... (read in full...)
To Contact Or Not To Contact. Dumped And It Was All My Fault.
Q. Hello! Thinking about breaking no contact by leaving chocolates at her door on vday. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago because I pestered her for a non committed relationship to test if she really loves me because before we started dating, she said ...
A. 18 February 2013: I am a fool for even answering, seen how any advice is appreciated AND promptly ignored ....
If the 85% came from your heart... I don't know , may be a heart transplant :)?
You are bothering this girl. You are harassing her . With all your nic... (read in full...)
Where is the line between deceit and harmless white lies?
Q. I would appreciate some opinions please, and thank you. There are TWO parts to my problem. I believe I have met my soulmate. I have only felt this way once before, so I know the feeling. I knew it immediately. We have been together nearly a y...
A. 18 February 2013: I agree with bronzed adonis. He told you two lies, nice and black, not white.
You asked him if HE had been in touch with that particular woman, and he said : not since a long time, when he had contacted super-recently.. I think the anon fema... (read in full...)
Do good looking girls get put on a pedastal?
Q. Are men more likely to put you on a pedastal at the beginning of a relationship if they find you very good looking? ...
A. 18 February 2013: What do you mean ... if beauty helps you get attentions , a better treatment ? Oh yes, there's no denying it, as unfair - and maddening for average looking people - that's how it works. If a beautiful girl trips and takes a nosedive on the ... (read in full...)
What did my ex mean "sorry means nothing to me" ?
Q. My best friend said he saw my ex out last night and we didn't end it in the best way to say the least, i feel terrible about how i ended it. Point is, he went and spoke to her and he said apparently she said she didn't want to talk about me. And ...
A. 18 February 2013: It means literally what she said ! That you can be as sorry as you want, but that she does not care. Your being sorry does not change what already happened, or the way she feels about it, so that you are sorry, or aren't, makes no difference to ... (read in full...)
Does he want to date me just because I'm different?
Q. I met someone at work. He'll be leaving to work somewhere else in about 4 months time. He seems into me but I am very hesitant to develop this any further. He'll be leaving in months so why even start? He's been touchy and I am afraid he's after the ...
A. 17 February 2013: Exactly : if he's leaving in 4 months, why even bother ?
If it is a relationship you are looking for. If you aren't looking for anything serious, or at least you would not be heartbroken if it does not pan out as serious, and you'd be fine als... (read in full...)
I don't want kids!
Q. I'm a 23 year old male with a 23 year old girlfriend. We have been together since we were 17ish, had 1 or 2 breaks, but now were serious and committed. I live with her mum dad and sis, and have done for a couple of years now. We are happy and ha...
A. 17 February 2013: I had read your question properly, but just in case I re-read it today.
It still says that you told her " I think I don't want children ". Which it is quite different from " I am sure, positive , certain that I don't want children ". Or just from... (read in full...)
Should a man pay support if the ex wife is working?
Q. Hi everybody.... If Somebody aware of this answer my question. my relative age 30, married to a woman and got divorced with 2 year daughter. child is with her mother. she had put case to provide some amount monthly. but she is working.... no...
A. 17 February 2013: In short , yes. Until the daughter is 18, or 21 in some Indian states or circumscriptions or what's-their-name.
Check sec.-125.Cr-PC , a guy can go to jail if he does not pay the child maintenance ordered by the Court.
Also check section ... (read in full...)
Is he messaging me because he is bored? Or is there more to it?
Q. J and I were friends for 2-3 years. He was moving out of town so we met up, and had a fantastic 13hrs together, unexpectedly. Unfortunately he had a gf and I had a bf and he was moving away. Soon after that I broke up with my bf, and though he was ...
A. 17 February 2013: I think he is keeping you on the back burner. Just in case.
Saying " I and my gf, or wife, etc. - are having problems " is a cunning way to tell a lie even when telling the truth.
Because most couples have problem at some point, and , if the... (read in full...)
Please remember to be kind when you give advice on the site!
Q. I have been on this site for years,I sometimes come in as a person who needs advise or sometimes to give one..but recently I have been noticing quite a change in the attitude of some agony aunts,down right mean and cruel,I think you need to remember ...
A. 17 February 2013: Tell 'em , TrancedRythm Ear ,LOL !
This is a free site where people voluntarily asks for opinions, which are generously and ,in general, thoughfully and competently provided by the Aunts and Uncles, to the best of their abilities and expe... (read in full...)
Should I try to initiate a relationship with him even though he isn't a fan of such?
Q. I have always had a thing for my best friend and he recently told me that he likes me. He isn't a player but he doesn't like having a girlfriend because in the past they have always gotten clingy and caused drama. I feel a really connection between ...
A. 17 February 2013: I tend to agree with Ihavetoomanythoughts. If someone tells you they are not into relationships, listen to them. They mean it, and there's a reason why they bring it up, it's a conscious or subconcious disclaimer. It's a " don't even go there " just ... (read in full...)
After all these years should I try to apologize for my behavior?
Q. I would appreciate some advice regarding an ex 'girlfriend', over whom I have some feelings of guilt. She was the first girl I ever kissed, when I was 15 and she was 14. We went to the same school and although we didn't know each other there, I'd...
A. 16 February 2013: SVC, no, we don't really disagree on this ( although , we are surely allowed to break occasionally our " brilliant minds thinks alike " policy,LOL ). I agree that asking forgiveness is for the asker's benefit, not the forgiver's , and I agree that ... (read in full...)
Is there anything wrong being naive?
Q. Is there anything wrong being naive? I am 34y old, and I do believe in people. I said naive because things happened to me and my friends and people that i know told me how is this possible... Is not just about guys and dating stuff..is with ev...
A. 16 February 2013: This is a naive question :)
Yes, being naive is wrong, - because it's wrong for YOURSELF. It's really nothing to be proud of , because as sweet,likeable, personable, and endearing it may make you, ultimately it means that you aren't eith... (read in full...)
After all these years should I try to apologize for my behavior?
Q. I would appreciate some advice regarding an ex 'girlfriend', over whom I have some feelings of guilt. She was the first girl I ever kissed, when I was 15 and she was 14. We went to the same school and although we didn't know each other there, I'd...
A. 16 February 2013: Leave it alone . After 20 years ?? She'd think you are hitting on her, or that you have severe OCD.
You'd be really making a mountain of a molehill. You were a shy goofy 15 y.o. kid, and you acted as it is not unheard of, in fact it is quite typi... (read in full...)
Why don't men realise they are being disrespectful when they use porn in a relationship?
Q. Why don't men realise they are being disrespectful when they use porn in a relationship? My ex just says I think it matters more how I treat you when we're together, I don't understand what he means because the way I see he's still in a relationship ...
A. 16 February 2013: Yes, it would help if you could elaborate. If he's your ex he's your ex, which means you are NOT in a relatiosnhip together, whether on paper, on rock or on scissors.
If your EX uses porn, ...that at most could be an issue for his current gf if h... (read in full...)
To Contact Or Not To Contact. Dumped And It Was All My Fault.
Q. Hello! Thinking about breaking no contact by leaving chocolates at her door on vday. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago because I pestered her for a non committed relationship to test if she really loves me because before we started dating, she said ...
A. 16 February 2013: You want, you want... it's all about what you want and you need. What about her ? She indicates she wants to be let alone, maybe to lick her wounds, maybe to move on, maybe to think if this " relationship " is worth being salvaged, whatever. So ... (read in full...)
I'm in a relationship I don't know how to get out of!
Q. So this is how the story goes, I met my boyfriend off of Facebook about 2yrs ago, we live close by so we hit it off started talking on Facebook, then it continued onto the phone and then meeting up and eventually dating. He was amazing, nothing like ...
A. 15 February 2013: Why would he do these things, just for a few bucks here and there ?
Quite possible. Why not ? It's not like this kind of guy has millionaires queing around his block, fighting for the privilege of being the lucky one who gets to take care of h... (read in full...)
Do women date guys they have only met once or twice?
Q. Is it reasonable to date women if you have only met them once or twice? I ask this because I'm tired of "hanging out" in mixed sex groups and making friends with women instead of pursuing a relationship. I find this form of courtship useles...
A. 15 February 2013: Why not ? Lots of women even go out with men they have NEVER seen before- from dating sites or other Internet venues.... (read in full...)
I'm in a relationship I don't know how to get out of!
Q. So this is how the story goes, I met my boyfriend off of Facebook about 2yrs ago, we live close by so we hit it off started talking on Facebook, then it continued onto the phone and then meeting up and eventually dating. He was amazing, nothing like ...
A. 15 February 2013: " I am a bit of a pushover " is an understatement, no disrespect meant, but you are the dictionary definition for a pushover !
And, for a gullible, naive girl. Oh come on, do you really believe that he loves you ?... How do you know ? because he s... (read in full...)
To Contact Or Not To Contact. Dumped And It Was All My Fault.
Q. Hello! Thinking about breaking no contact by leaving chocolates at her door on vday. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago because I pestered her for a non committed relationship to test if she really loves me because before we started dating, she said ...
A. 15 February 2013: Terrible idea. You pestered for weeks to get the kind of relationshipo she did NOT want ( who cares if it was some silly love test ? ), you did not gave her the space she needed, you did not leave her alone for weeks.... and now you want to ... (read in full...)
Makimg out w/his new gf while standing right next to me: not classy!
Q. I became romantically involved with a friend I've known for close to 20 years at a time when we were both available and really lonely. We had a ton of fun, shared a very close emotional and physical bond, but since I wanted a boyfriend and he...
A. 15 February 2013: I might agree to some degree about the PDA at a concert, perhaps it is a bit "unclassy " in general. This is not a couple of teens at a OneDirection concert, and in general adults at a concert should focus their attention on the performance and ... (read in full...)
Was I being shady or is he overreacting?
Q. My boyfriend and I got in a big fight tonight and I need some advice. So he's seemed a little distant for the last few days, even though he told me nothing was wrong. Maybe he just needed some space, I don't know. Anyway, I was supposed to ...
A. 14 February 2013: Shady maybe not, but surely inconsiderate. If you know someone is waiting for you , and you get caught up in something else ( which, is alreday rather indelicate, because if you have an appointment with A then you meet B, getting in time to A ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he want to kiss me?
Q. I have been out with this guy a few times. He seems like a really good guy and I hope something further will develop. The first two times we went out, we had a few drinks with dinner and ended up kissing a lot on his couch. We then went out dancing ...
A. 14 February 2013: Where did you want him to make out with you, at the restaurant ?... at lunch time ?!...
Just so I don't sound like a relic of the Victorian age, let me assure that I have lunch fairly often in places mostly patronized by college students,yet I neve... (read in full...)
Is my weight putting boys off?
Q. I am 17 and i am 5'7" and nearly 160lbs. i have always been bigger than my friends but now its really getting me down. right now all my close friends and sister have boyfriends and i really want one. is my weight putting boys off? it makes me feel ...
A. 14 February 2013: 160 pounds = 72 kgs for 5'7" =170 cm. is neither fat nor huge nor dangerously unhealthy, If we want to nitpick, yes, I guess you are a bit on the chubby side, and probably you'd look , but most of all feel, more attractive with 10 pounds less or ... (read in full...)
Would you help your ex raise a child from another woman? He says we can't get back together except as friends
Q. ok, has anyone ever encountered this before? my husband, well ex now once asked if he went and got someone pregnant would i help him raise it? i told him no im too old i have already raised my children. oh we could not have any together because of a ...
A. 14 February 2013: Heck no ! Why should I - if I were in my right mind ?
I would help raising another woman's child with a CURRENT partner, if he had had the child before meeting me. And, perhaps,... just only perhaps, I would help him raise the child that he coul... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't really ejaculate, he says that's normal for him but I don't think so?
Q. My boyfriend and I have just started getting really intimate and I have noticed that he doesn't ejaculate.. not really anyways. Like I'll keep doing things to him and he will get really hard and talk about how good it feels and that I give him like ...
A. 14 February 2013: I don't quite get from your post whether he never ejaculates ( anejaculation ) or if he just does not ejaculate much. It 's different.
The first generally is not a good thing, it could just depend from psychological blocks, excess of self cont... (read in full...)
Is she just being friendly or interested?
Q. I got to know this girl when i was in my previous company and while i was interested in knowing more about her, i was about to quit and she was taking over my duties so i did not feel it was appropriate and i left it at that. But a few months aft...
A. 13 February 2013: Some can- otherwise we would not get so many letters from guys upset about having being " friendzoned ".. or ,strung along, as they see it.. Apparently ( rough generalization but with a reasonable base of truth ) if a guy bothers befriending a ... (read in full...)
How important is a mans height in society
Q. I have an acquaintance who is a few centimeters from being 6 feet tall and he believes he is short and worthless because of it. He brought up a lot of articles and facts about how being short is the worst thing a guy can be and that being 6 feet ...
A. 13 February 2013: But they aren't disrespected or underestimate or sidelined socially , because of their height!
The French ex- President Sarkozy is very short . The Italian ex Prime Minister Berlusconi ( who's also one of the richest guys in the world ) is very... (read in full...)
Is she just being friendly or interested?
Q. I got to know this girl when i was in my previous company and while i was interested in knowing more about her, i was about to quit and she was taking over my duties so i did not feel it was appropriate and i left it at that. But a few months aft...
A. 13 February 2013: It sounds like a brush off to me . If she likes all kind of movies, BUT , strange coincidence, the one you suggest... and when you suggest another movie, she is too busy with work... to me it means : that she hoped her first refusal was enough to ... (read in full...)
Am I doomed for a lonely life because I am fat? Are all the good men shy? And can men see beyond the weight?
Q. I am fat, and I think that is why men don't notice me. I dress up, take extra precautions to be presentable, and work hard to not be a turn-off and seem friendly in general. I am pretty well educated, usually non-controversial, and can carry a ...
A. 13 February 2013: No, you are not doomed to a lonely life. You can marry a guy who's fat too. Or, a skinny guy who's into big beautiful women. Every body shape has its admirers.
But, let a few decades pass, and you are doomed to back ache, inflammed, crea... (read in full...)
Are my fears valid? I am afraid that if I lose weight, I will get noticed just as a person up for sex and they will take no notice of my personality.
Q. Is anyone having a hard time losing weight, because they fear that they will attract guys/girls for the wrong reasons? I am significantly overweight, and am invisible to the opposite sex. I am perfectly presentable, and kind, and likeable othe...
A. 13 February 2013: Not really. Fat is only a detector of people who have, or don't have, tolerance , for that kind of physical imperfections.
Even the saintliest and most spiritual person ever needs to feel some physical attraction to want to be with a woma... (read in full...)
My boyfriend married someone else a few weeks ago. Should I listen to his words that we could be together?
Q. my boyfriend got married to some other person few weeks back. He says they are not staying together, and he still tells me that he loves me and want to be with me forever and will marry me. i am not getting what to do I am not able to go away ...
A. 12 February 2013: How is he going to marry you when he just got married ?
Sure, there's divorce, but , in a country where there still such a stigma on divorce... and the divorce rate is around 1% ... it means that this has a 99% chance of NOT happening, does... (read in full...)
I don't want kids!
Q. I'm a 23 year old male with a 23 year old girlfriend. We have been together since we were 17ish, had 1 or 2 breaks, but now were serious and committed. I live with her mum dad and sis, and have done for a couple of years now. We are happy and ha...
A. 12 February 2013: Be honest. Stop deceiving her. Now she is under the false impression that you have agreed on having one child. Tell her the truth, and don't tell her" I think that I don't want children " but "I am sure that I don't want children ".
Sure, peop... (read in full...)
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