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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Did I give the impression that I was just too Easy?
Q. Did I come off as easy? I went over to the house of a guy I like and gave him oral (I was on my period) after he started making out with me. We never had any proper dates, but we had been flirting over the past couple of weeks and we hung out a fe...
A. 9 March 2013: Perhaps, but I don't think that NOW he does not want you anymore because you came off as easy.
I think the deck was rigged from the start and this guy just wanted a booty call anyway.
Otherwise, he would have properly asked you out, took you... (read in full...)
I cheated on my wife but now she is getting close to a male friend
Q. ] Okay. So i kind of messed up. I had cheated on my wife 2 years ago. She got pregnant within a month of us meeting. I cheated on her when she was 6 months pregnant, again right before the birth and when our son was 2 months old but it was all with...
A. 9 March 2013: And I have known people who went to doctors and ended up dead anyway :).
Some situations are beyond repair and no professional can modify the outcome .
That's not a good reason to neglect your health, or your marriage, when there's somethin... (read in full...)
Did my Ex really care about me?
Q. I was in a relationship for 8months we lived together and everything. We split up about a month ago three days later he was seeing somebody else. When people ask him about me he say that we were just friends and that he was just renting a room from ...
A. 9 March 2013: Using is a strong word, and it only would apply if he was living with you and OFF you, freeloading board and lodging. If not,- it may have been , for him, a transitional relationship. If he felt that you weren't the one, or that the emotional ... (read in full...)
Why is he being so unkind? How can I get over this? He met to tell me that I'd been 'replaced' by the 'perfect girl'.
Q. I've been with a guy since February 2012. We went to college together but he dropped out as his course was too much for him, he visited me regularly during the college year and over the summer he was the best boyfriend I could have, we were jus...
A. 9 March 2013: Why don't you start by stopping talking to him ? You really don't need to be " friends " with this guy, it is preventing you from moving on, plus , he is such an idiot that you really don't need to count him among your friends. ... (read in full...)
I've made my mind up to change my name, but I feel awful because I'm hurting my mom's feelings
Q. I'm getting a name change in a couple of months. Problem is, my mom is against the idea. But I know, I'm positive, 110% sure that this will be a good thing for me. My past has been filled with so many troubles (abuse, bullying, depression, horrors, ...
A. 9 March 2013: Personally I never advised you to change your mind, ( and btw I can't see any plausible reason why my post should have been removed !). All I said, and I will repeat , is : do change your name, - and let your mom call you by the old one if she ... (read in full...)
Dating a gynecologist is bothering me!
Q. I've met this guy recently through friends I like him very much. We've been on couple of dates but my problem is that he is a gynecologist! I can't seem to see through that. I cannot imagine what that is like for a young man. It bothers me to think...
A. 8 March 2013: Funny, I used to wonder the opposite. How come all the gynos do not turn gay after a while.
First, a vagina is one of those things like..a ballet dancer ? Much more fascinating when it is in motion and in action, if you just stare at it betw... (read in full...)
My boyfriend smokes a lot of weed...should I be bothered by this?
Q. Hello, I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half now. Ever since I met my boyfriend about 2 years ago, I have known about his marijuana use. He is high pretty much all of the time, and he smokes it through out the entire day, ...
A. 8 March 2013: Eventually, Cerberus, eventually. Right now , it is only legal for recreational purposes in two states , only up to an ounce, and only for people over 21 . In other 18 or 20 states or so, it is legal for MEDICAL purposes only. At federal level ... (read in full...)
I don't want to have sex anymore or be touched by my boyfriend! How do I tell him?
Q. I'm stuck on how to tell my boyfriend I want to stop having sex for good. The thing is.. he grosses me out so much. And, I've also recently finally realized (through therapy) I have never enjoyed sex. I am very uncomfortable, I think about other th...
A. 8 March 2013: Got it, 18 :). It still applies. Sex is not everything not only at 18, but always. It is important... but not everything.
Ditch the bf, it's not just the sex that you are not going to give him, you are not available for any kind of inti... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong? I seem to easily make my fiance irritable with me
Q. Just the other day my fiance snapped at me. It was regarding the current political climate. He said to me did you hear that the White House tours were cancelled due to the sequesterian? He was sitting at his computer looking at the news. Curi...
A. 8 March 2013: " This is how I communicate, this is who I am. If some people can't handle it, too bad ". OP, I am afraid it's not exactly in these terms.
You can't say " I am the type of person who crosses the street with a red light, this is what I am, if peop... (read in full...)
I want to get a tattoo but I know my mother won't understand. How can I explain to her how important it is to me?
Q. I'm at this point in life where I have a lot of things on my heart and mind. In spite of that I really need advice about one of the ''little'' things. I want very badly to get a tattoo, even though I am well above the age of consent I am ups...
A. 8 March 2013: It's nice that you care about your mom's feelings, but, really, you don't need your mom's blessing on every menial mundane detail of your life. If it is something big , like, I don't know, moving abroad , getting married, adopting a child, ... yes, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend smokes a lot of weed...should I be bothered by this?
Q. Hello, I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half now. Ever since I met my boyfriend about 2 years ago, I have known about his marijuana use. He is high pretty much all of the time, and he smokes it through out the entire day, ...
A. 8 March 2013: If all he does all day , every day is getting high ,it sounds like a full blown addiction, and yes, you should be concerned. I'll completely skip the whole debate marijuana is innocuous- no, marijuana is dangerous, it does not matter. You should ... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong? I seem to easily make my fiance irritable with me
Q. Just the other day my fiance snapped at me. It was regarding the current political climate. He said to me did you hear that the White House tours were cancelled due to the sequesterian? He was sitting at his computer looking at the news. Curi...
A. 7 March 2013: Ok, now I am going to get in trouble , because you, and the other posters, will feel I am ganging up with your husband on you, so, disclaimer first : I do not condone, and do not practice if not under exceptional provocation, verbal abuse. I too ... (read in full...)
Money isssues between my partner and me
Q. My girlfriend and I are having issues over finance.The circumstances are as follows: I run my own business, which has suffered a lot in the recession.I still make a profit, but not vast amounts.I probably earn just above the national average ...
A. 7 March 2013: I think that what she asks is perfectly reasonable.
This woman is broke, she cannot afford to pay for your upkeep. You practically live at her place !, and all meals plus the 2 - 3 days a week of heating and electric make a far from irre... (read in full...)
Should I move to be with him in a culture that will stifle me?
Q. Dear Cupid I was living abroad the last 5 years and only this year i came back to UK, when i was abroad I met an Arabic guy and we developed a friendship, he is unlike the majority or Arabs he is kind of wild, out going and he loves a party as ...
A. 7 March 2013: Intrigued 3000, with all due respect, easy for you to pursue evolution... from Canada.
If you had contracted an Islamic marriage in Jordan, spiritual evolution would not be the first of your concerns, you'd have other stuff to think about firs... (read in full...)
Old fashioned parents will not be thrilled to meet my boyfriend. How do I tell him?
Q. How do i explain to my parents that my boyfriend is half black? I'm from a very strict Russian family,and my parents are very old fashioned. We are not racist at all, it just my parents arent very good with changes. Church every sunday, and nothing ...
A. 6 March 2013: But there is nothing out of the norm in being black or half black in USA. Afro-Americans and Black Hispanics are more than 40 millions people and live all over USA.
While Russian Americans are less than 3 millions and practically absent from... (read in full...)
Why am I moving so slow in our relationship?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend going on 18 months. We've had our ups and downs but at the moment the concern is lack of progression in our relationship. She feels that we should be close to moving in together by now, like all her girlfriend friend's ...
A. 6 March 2013: Because basically you don't want to ?
People always end up doing what they REALLY want to do, and in your case, you don't even have such big hurdles in front of you.
What's so hard in saying " Mom, dad, I'm thinking to bring Megan over wit... (read in full...)
What can I do about his awful uncle?
Q. i have been married for nearly 2 years. only have 1 big problem and that is my husbands uncle. he is an extremeley manipulative and jealous person. he is so spiteful and i know my husband does not like him to much. he has tried to do everything to ...
A. 6 March 2013: Ok, mine is probably a stupid question , but, if your husband does not like his uncle, why does he go visit and stay with him ? There are people who cut off their parents too ( not that it's a good thing, it's a sad one, yet it happens ) so why ... (read in full...)
Does anyone else have problems when they text?
Q. I'm a foreign girl living in the U.S.. I'm originally from Former Yugoslavia. I have been here for about 9 years now, and it's very different from my country. I don't mean that in a negative way, in fact I love it here. Anyway, I've been in a ...
A. 6 March 2013: Don't worry, stay who you are and express yourself in the way that's most congenial to you. You don't have to mimic all the American mannerisms.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing anti-American in me, and I too lived there and totally loved it, ... (read in full...)
How do I escape this tradition of naming the first born son after their father's father? I don't like the name!
Q. I am pregnant, 7 months in and its a BOY! I am very happy but at the same time a little sad because my in laws want me to name my son my husbands fathers name because its a Lebanese tradition for the eldest son to take after his fathers name in his ...
A. 6 March 2013: I am afraid that you can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs, so while , as the mom of the baby and the one who is physically going through the effort to MAKE this baby come out , the choice of the name should not go over your head and ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend brought up a boy's night out and I wasn't thrilled. We never talked it all out, do I bring it up again?
Q. my boyfriend and i are in our almost late twenties and have been dating for about 6 months..everything is going great and it's the best relationship i have been in. We both truly love each other and he treats me very well and vice versa.I can ...
A. 6 March 2013: I'd suggest you ..to relax your grip.
I know that a woman in love does not see it this way, but every friday night to monday morning is a lot of time together !, it's a full immersion ! And opening occasionally your " me and you " space is heal... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's change of password and conversation with friend has made me uneasy. Am I overreacting?
Q. Hi aunts/uncles. I dont know if I am overreacting or if this is something I should be concerned about... First I should clarify, we have had trust issues in the past regarding him chatting with women sexually on the computer, joining dating/sex ...
A. 6 March 2013: I don't think you are overreacting, this are red flags.
Exactly, why changing his password right after you found the message from the sex site ? ... Most likely answer : because it wasn't spam, he had tried to join and forgot to confirm or send... (read in full...)
Should I move to be with him in a culture that will stifle me?
Q. Dear Cupid I was living abroad the last 5 years and only this year i came back to UK, when i was abroad I met an Arabic guy and we developed a friendship, he is unlike the majority or Arabs he is kind of wild, out going and he loves a party as ...
A. 6 March 2013: Only dissonant voice in the choir , I'd tell you , no, don't do it. At least,look long and hard before you leap.
Muslim countries aren't exactly the best place for a "wild ", freedom loving girl, and Jordan isn't exactly socially forward on wome... (read in full...)
Is he no longer interested after the last awkward phone call?
Q. What has happened? I'm in medical school and it's really difficult to find guys that i'm interested in and that are also interested in me, not just for sex. I met this guy online and we were talking for a while and then I met him in person. ...
A. 6 March 2013: Well,saying " never mind , I'll talk to you later " and hanging up immediately is quite abrupt,and sort of rude, even for two mothertongue English speakers,lol ,no wonder he was annoyed. It would have gone down better if you had said " This is ... (read in full...)
Should I interfer in the way my boyfriend and his ex wife handle their daughter? She's a spoiled brat!
Q. My boyfriend has a 17 year old daughter from his ex wife,he has introduced me to her and now that I know her I feel she's quite the brat!she has a very expensive taste just like her father!at the age of 17 she has been gifted a mercedes,an iphone ...
A. 5 March 2013: I think you should back off , pronto. It's not your job disciplining or educating somebody's else kid - in your current position of dad's " girlfriend " and a rather recent one, I guess, since you did not know the girl till recently . If you ... (read in full...)
Husband is in love with younger woman but want's to work on us.
Q. Help! My husband (22 years together, married for 18) recently confessed he had been having an affair for 18 months with a younger mutual friend. He says he thinks he had been suffering from depression for 2-3 years as he was unhappy with our...
A. 5 March 2013: Yes, of course you want to fight for what it's yours - but are you sure it's a thing, or person, that's WORTH fighting for ?
Depression ? Must have been a very mild one. One of the main symptoms of depression is the loss of sexual interest , and ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my boyfriend and our future he's cheated and I don't trust him!
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we are both 24. He's caring and patience. I've been thinking for long time about our relationship as things doesn't go right lately. He cheated on me twice in the first year when we were on long dis...
A. 5 March 2013: But, are you sure you want to be with him ?-
.. Leave alone the trusts issues, which are no minor deal anyway because no relationship can survive without trust. The way you describe him, it does not sounds like you like him a lot : immature, chil... (read in full...)
How is this for a profile on an online dating website?
Q. I am a member of a dating site, however I never know what different things to say in a reply that is mentioned in my profile. Here is my profile (is this too bland?): I am a happy-go-lucky guy with one life motto: Live life to the max! My f...
A. 5 March 2013: The revised version is good, but I would not use the word " happy-go-lucky " , I'd seek for another word.
It's not your fault, but by now personal ads parliance has generated some easy to crack codes ,like :
" curvy " = fat
" classy " = I... (read in full...)
Boyfriend constantly belittles me during arguments!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating off and on for two years but he seems to belittle me in every arguement we have. I think when Im right in the arguements he feels like thats what he can do to make me feel bad. I love him so much but its getting ...
A. 5 March 2013: I know this is not the answer to your question, but : call it quits.
Your bf does not know how to fight fair, apparently, but that's more a symptom than the problem. The red flag is in the on and off per se - there's no reason for a rela... (read in full...)
After 5 months he says he's not ready to be a boyfriend and would wind up cheating on me!
Q. sorry this is pretty long but i appreciate you reading. i need your help. i've been seeing this guy for a little over 5 months now but we're not official. when we first met, he had just broken up with his long-term girlfriend and it was still ver...
A. 5 March 2013: What do you do ?... Jeez, my friend, only 19 and already so desperate ? So eager to settle for the crumbs ? Why ? what happened to you ?
I bet he's decent !, he gets free board and lodging, you dance attendance around him, and he gets sex on t... (read in full...)
Is there more to this relationship?
Q. So I made friends with this girl last year, and everyone in the school thinks that we like each other. And a part of me thinks we do to. The two of us will bicker on and on, we will insult each other to no end, but all in good fun. We never try and ...
A. 5 March 2013: Nothing ventured , nothing gained. Why do you guys always want to play it so 100% safe ? Ask her out and see what she says. If she is not interested at all ( but it sounds she might be interested, with all the verbal sparring and stuff ) she'll ... (read in full...)
Is he just using a line to finish things?
Q. I have been seeing someone very casually for a month, I was not looking for a relationship when we first met (coming out of a bad breakup) so suggested not getting too involved which he was ok with. We have slept together a few times but now he says ...
A. 5 March 2013: It COULD be a line, very possibly, one of the most cliche', time - honoured ones. It could also be the truth. sure, but. somehow, I doubt it.
This " fear " thing... always heard it mentioned, never actually seen it in action. Love-or lust :)- make... (read in full...)
My guardian wants me to lie in my driver ed's log
Q. Hey everybody I'm 17 turning 18 in June, I have a problem with my guardian, she doesn't take things seriously like I do. Ok so I'm almost 18 and still don't know how to drive, I take drivers Ed class but the teacher wants us to drive with an ...
A. 4 March 2013: Tell the truth , first, sure they can tell if you never drove, or you had only minimal experience !, second it is even dangerous , for yourself, the instructor and the vehicle. They need to know exactly at what level you are .
I think you need... (read in full...)
All my boyfriend does is sleep, and I'm getting upset?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. I'm a senior and he's a college freshman. We spend time together, but most of that time is spent sleeping. For example, we'll be skyping at 10pm usually, but he'll go to bed around 11-12...
A. 4 March 2013: The heck is normal.
When people sleep way more than average for their age, it is called hypersomnia. Hyper means " too much " and anything which is too much is not such a great thing by definition.
Hypersomnia may be primary, or idiopati... (read in full...)
How do tell my mother that I'm dating a man 18 years older than me?
Q. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 39. We've been dating for almost two months and very few people in my life know about him. Just my sisters and a few coworkers from my job. (they know him because he stops by every once in a while) My mother has no id...
A. 4 March 2013: Well, I am all for parent-child communication, but, after two months that you see a guy, do you really need to come up with an official statement ? I mean, I don't want to jinx you and I wish you a long happy relationship, but, really, two months, ... (read in full...)
I don't think my friend wants to be friends anymore he doesn't seem to care about me now
Q. hi, i have a friendship problem. recently ther were many difrerences and problems with my best friend followed by a big quarrel but everything was sorted out by a mutual friend. but still thing are not the same, recently i had been in two accident...
A. 4 March 2013: Be patient, put this friendship on the back burner for a while and see how things develop. Do not invest all your emotional energies on ONE friend, try to see other people, or cultivate other hobbies on your own. You are just friends , not love ... (read in full...)
My partner won't say he was breaking up with me but told his friend I was stalking him.
Q. My partner just upped and left and I don't know how to deal with it. We never lived together and the last few months had been hard as he had to move away for work - only 150 miles away though so we went from seeing eachother 4 or 5 times a week to ...
A. 4 March 2013: Some guys are coward like that, they'd rather take a beating than officially break up, they just don't " do " break ups. They figure out that , by the third unanswered message or so, you'll get the hint and leave them be ( and , I must say, as ... (read in full...)
Will my married lover leave his wife? Or just keep me holding on to hopelessness?
Q. I have fallen in love with a married man. He has not divorced her. Our relationship has been 3 yrs. I want to end the relationship but things keep getting better between us. She was in an accident last year and still in recovery. I am unsure i...
A. 4 March 2013: Statistically speaking, no, it's not very likely to happen, just a small minority of married man end up leaving their wives for their mistresses.
Of course your married man could belong to this minority, but I don't think he does. Seen the recu... (read in full...)
I made a mistake by cheating and boyfriend met someone. How do I get him back?
Q. Hi all. Two years ago today I was dumped by my ex. We both did things to each other. I accept I made him insecure by constantly flirting with attractive guys when we went out, and by flirting on dating sites (which he always found out about). I did ...
A. 4 March 2013: Well, actually your question is not even exactly a real question, because, what does it mean " how do I go about telling him how I feel ..."- ? you go about it the same way as you do in life every time you want to communicate something , from your ... (read in full...)
Is my friend's way of dealing with a break up the right way? Or could she be making things worse for her?
Q. I know it's an odd thing to ask, but my friend is trying to deal with a really bad break up and she's going about it in a really unusual way! She said instead of thinking what she did wrong, or wondering what happened and missing him and thinking...
A. 3 March 2013: It may not be the right method for everybody, but I think is a very good and effective one. It's not even a ruse , or a tactic , most times- it's just something called " facing reality ". If more people adopted your friend's approach, here at DC ... (read in full...)
Suddenly he's started drinking and he's not like the Bf I know. How can I stop him drinking and getting out of control?
Q. Hello, I need help with my boyfriend. Let me please explain Few days ago he went to the club with his friends and he texted me that time and spammed me with kisses. He told me he got drunk with his friends that some girls gave him alcohol and his ...
A. 3 March 2013: I don't think you should take him so literally, I mean, I don't think that even if he's been drinking for the past 3 days he would be affected by amnesia - and I don't think it would be selective amnesia, i.e. recognizing the other people and ... (read in full...)
For mothers -- would you appreciate this sort of heartfelt message?
Q. This is more of a personal question than relationship wise. If there are any mothers on this website, this question would be for you! It's mothers day this sunday coming and I wont be home for it because of university, so instead I want to send s...
A. 3 March 2013: Yes, she'll love it ,I'm sure . Well, being your Mom she'll appreciate ANY card or message anyway , but this one with your pic together is a nice, intimate, personal touch. Very good idea. Mother's day in March ? It must be an UK thing, I guess. W... (read in full...)
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