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... Send *usan Strict a private message | | | *usan Strict's profile:Writer and publisher of fiction, including books for children and young adults, science fiction, horror, mystery, and some strictly adult fantasy novels.
Married with three children, living south of London in the UK.
And what qualifies me to help people? Many things, I guess, but not least because I had many tempestuous (I like that word) relationships before I finally settled with my permanent partner and realised how fulfilling a long-term relationship can be. |
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Why do people think first night sex is cheap and the girl lacks self respect?
Q. Ok guys why do ppl think it is cheap and the girl lacks self respect if they have sex on the first night? I mean after going out on a date and lots of talking? What is the difference between waiting for the second date as some ppl think it is more ...
A. 29 April 2008: Who are these people who think that? Not me. I think that a boy or girl who expects sex on a first date or a second date or a third date or on any date before their new partner is absolutely ready for it has issues that need to be sorted out. ... (read in full...)
I'm the perfect guy for her, but she thinks she doesn't deserve me!
Q. hey to all.. Im a bit down. Yesterday i asked a question on how to ak a girl out to be my girlfriend.. Well thanks for all the advice i got from my family.. Thats now you guys!!!! Uhm i did ask her out, although i didnt the answer thati wanted but ...
A. 29 April 2008: Well, I guess that was just about the nicest let-down she could have done if she didn't want to go out with you.
Don't give up completely with her, but don't push too hard either. Ask her again in a week or two - something like "Have you changed ... (read in full...)
After 4 years of not having sex my bf has difficuilty in maintaining an erection-any tips?
Q. my boyfriend is 37 years old.he has not had sex in 4 years.we just started seeing one another and he cant keep his penus hard.whats wrong...
A. 29 April 2008: It may be a medical problem. It may be a psychological problem. In either case a visit to a doctor is a good idea.
However, it may be more simple. If he hasn't had sex for 4 years then quite probably he has become very familiar with the DIY ... (read in full...)
Help! I lost my erection!
Q. I have recently started seeing a girl, this is the first girl i have been dating for several months now. She is extremely nice and sexually stunning. After seeing her a few times we decided to make the next step to the bedroom. Unfortunately ha...
A. 29 April 2008: Have you tried asking her to put the condom on you rather than put it on yourself? And try different condoms - avoid the "novelty" ones because they don't always give proper protection or reliable contraception. There are a range of perfectly good ... (read in full...)
Should I tolerate his porn watching based on the fact it is harmless visual pleasure compared to actual cheating? Your thoughts?
Q. Girls, here's one for you, or maybe I should be asking the boys, cus maybe they just might understand better. Anyway this is it. My husband has a thing for porn. At first I wasn't happy about it because it was all done in secret, and when I trie...
A. 29 April 2008: Where does he come from? Very odd. Anyway, it's no excuse to say "it's a culture thing". It's not a "culture thing" for you.
I think your greatest difficulty is that he doesn't want to share it with you, and that I find unusual. Men usually ... (read in full...)
Should I get back with him or better to forget about him because he is going to the army?
Q. how do i kno if my ex-boyfriend still likes me?? well my exboyfriend is 17 and im 14, he broke up with me 3 weeks ago, and we went out for about 3 weeks. the reason why he broke up with me was because he is going to the army. but i still have ...
A. 29 April 2008: He will change a lot during the time he spends in the army, and he will be a completely different person when he returns.
Don't "forget" him. He's obviously special to you and there's no reason he shouldn't remain special. Be his friend, ... (read in full...)
Can a woman get an infection from overproduction of vaginal fluid?
Q. i know a friend (female 23years old) who suffers from vaginal discharge that caused an infection. can a woman get an infection from an overproduction of vaginal fluid. she says that the vaginal fluid is quite alot and may be because of lack of ...
A. 29 April 2008: It is remotely possible that yeast infections (like Candida - Thrush) could be made worse if there is a lot of fluid that is allowed to remain and stagnate. I don't know of any case of lack of sex causing it and I've done some research and can't ... (read in full...)
Husband watches porn, no matter how I dress or what I do sexually I cannot receive his attention!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 5 years this summer, but together for 7 and we have 3 and one on the way. He wont quit looking at the porn and he has even saved pics of these women on his side and added them as an avatar on a game he plays. ...
A. 28 April 2008: I think the difficulty is more his attitude to you than the fact he's looking at porn.
Computer sites are addictive - and yes, it's not like porn but since I found the DearCupid site and started writing replies a few weeks ago, my partner has been... (read in full...)
Is it appropriate for a married man to be in touch with an ex from long before?
Q. is it appropriate for a married man to still be calling an ex from 15 years ago?...
A. 28 April 2008: Yes, sure. Why not?
A break-up of a relationship doesn't have to be the loss of a friendship. And there is absolutely no reason why friends of the opposite sex should be a problem.
Unless you have real, solid reasons for being concerned ... (read in full...)
I like my GF's best friend. How will I get over her?
Q. hey im 14 have a girlfriend that is great im doing well in school and just have a good life in general. One problem i like my gfs bestfriend. I know i would never stand a chance with her because im ugly. Basically im asking for any advice on how t...
A. 28 April 2008: Um. Ugh. I have several answers for you, but I'm concerned that the ones that matter will confuse the ones that don't.
Oh well. Try to follow ALL of my thoughts here, because if you go off with a half-formed idea then it might be a disaster... (read in full...)
Woman on top advice needed!
Q. Ok my boyfriend of 9months asked me about 3 months ago would i go on top during sex just for a change, i said no cause i havent a clue what to do and he was ok with that.but personally i tried it with my ex and it just didnt work for us. I would ...
A. 28 April 2008: Go for it. Just do it. It's great. You don't need to be told what to do - just do what comes naturally.
Also, consider, when you are on top you are "controlling the action". You can go as fast as you like, as slow as you like, at whatever... (read in full...)
How do I get her number without looking desperate?
Q. Hi, i ask a somewhat similar question a few days back, but i added on to it. I know handing a girl your number is a bad thing, makes them think your desperate or whatnot but what if the only time you see this girl ,its only for a minute each day....
A. 28 April 2008: It's not a matter of "looking desperate", it's a matter of looking keen and enthusiastic.
So what do you have to lose? Just ask her out. Maybe she will say yes, and maybe she won't, but there are very few girls who object to being asked - it's a... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend bi-sexual?
Q. I think my b/f may be bi-sexual. Last night when we were partying together, he told me that when he was 14 years old he bullied another boy into taking his pants off and fondling himself while my b/f watched. Then another time, he said he let a ...
A. 28 April 2008: It doesn't mean that he's bisexual just because he did those things when in his teens. Many people, boys and girls, have same-sex experiences and desires before their hormones have settled down properly.
It's more unusual for anyone who has had ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to put a golf ball in your girlfriend's vagina? Just throwing that out there....
Q. is it ok to put a golf ball in you girlfriends vagina and the have sex with it still in there and when your done swollow it?...
A. 28 April 2008: It's not QUITE as daft as it sounds - but nearly.
No you can't swallow a golf ball, and trying to swallow it will probably kill you.
As for balls in other orifices, golf balls are a little too big for most and other smaller balls may well b... (read in full...)
Why does it hurt me when she is on top?
Q. why am i experiencing pain in my penis when i have sex with my girl on top. when i am on top i dont have any pain - only when she is on top. could the womans discharge entering the penis cause this. do any other aunts know of this or had any ...
A. 28 April 2008: Penetration is usually deeper when the girl is on top.
Discharge might cause the problem, but I think it's very unusual and normal discharge certainly shouldn't do it. I have heard that sometimes menstrual discharge can cause discomfo... (read in full...)
How do I ask my boyfriend to touch me "down there"?
Q. I have gone down on my boyfriend multiple times. He asked if he can touch me but I was uncomfortable at the time so I said no, but now I'm ready. How do I ask him?...
A. 28 April 2008: If the words are too difficult/embarrassing (they usually are) then at the right moment just hold his hand and put it there.
(A few moans of pleasure... a "Go ON!" and "Yes!" and "Please!!!" and definitely "Don't stop!!!" - hey, that's enough o... (read in full...)
I feel trapped in this marriage. But don't want to hurt his feelings so what can I do?
Q. I married my husband thinking he is a man I can live with and lead a confortable life. When I was young I used to secretly love a friend who always considered himself just a friend. I had hopes until he got married with somebody else. I never fel ...
A. 28 April 2008: When you marry someone, you make a promise to stay with them for life and ideally that's what you do. When things go wrong, it's always worth trying to keep that promise - and work out just what's going wrong and why, and then try to put it right. ... (read in full...)
I have a tendency to react to my anger violently. How do I stop hitting my boyfriend?
Q. Though I am too small to hurt someone like my boyfriend physcially, I have a tendency to reacte to my anger physically. I have a tendency to slap, push and punch him when I fight with my boyfriend. I want it stop, but I don't know how to change it. ...
A. 28 April 2008: Go back to the doctor. The way you describe it, that's not depression that's mild manic depression or mild bipolar disorder.
Don't become panicky about it, because that will make it worse. You're not alone. Something like one in every hundred ... (read in full...)
I never learned how to give fellatio as my ex never asked for it... how will I surprise him?
Q. I'm seeing this guy and I havent had sex with anyone other then my ex for 5 years....I wanna wow him in bed!how can I be a good lover but not come off as too nasty...I can tell he's not as active as me and my ex were. So I want it to be great like ...
A. 28 April 2008: Are you sure that's what he wants? Yes, I know that most men do, but there are some who think oral is an unpleasant thing to do.
Oral is not really something you learn, it's just something you do (or not, depending on your particular preferen... (read in full...)
He feels so angry about his erectile dysfunction, I DO accept him the way he is but this problem has a huge psychological impact on him. How to support him?
Q. I would really appreciate some advice. I have been in a relationship for 4 months now with a great guy. He is 30. Problem is he has erectile dysfunction after an accident 8 years ago. This has had a huge psychological impact on him. I accept him the ...
A. 28 April 2008: Show him how he can give you pleasure. That may be far more important to him than anything else once he realises that there are plenty of ways he can satisfy you physically. Inevitably he will have feelings of being useless and "not a man", but ... (read in full...)
He has a habit of planning our date than change his mind to go out with his friends. What should I say/do?
Q. I recently started dating this guy. We have been together 4 2months and he has already started thinking long term. However, he has recently moved into a flat with three other girls, one of which he had feelings for at the beginning of the year. I'm ...
A. 28 April 2008: If that's how he's behaving at the beginning of a relationship then it's really not working.
After 4.2 months you should both still be at the stage where everything is wonderful and you want to spend every possible minute with each other.
... (read in full...)
I just can't find my girl. I've never even had a first kiss and I just get so depressed every time I think about it!
Q. Hello, I'm new here and was just looking for some advice. I've just turned 28 and am seriously worried because I've never had a girl friend. I just feel like everyone around me is able to move on with their lives but I just seem to be stuck at the ...
A. 27 April 2008: When it happens (and it will) the waiting will make it twice as good - and that's a promise.
Now - read this carefully: if you are twenty-eight then quite definitely without a shadow of a doubt there will have been girls who have seen you, met... (read in full...)
I miss my wife. I just do not know what to do!
Q. My wife has told me that she wants to separate and get a divorce. This came after many years of emotional abuse from my bipolar disorder. This is now no longer a problem due to accepting Jesus back into my heart and medication. During our last ...
A. 27 April 2008: How does she feel about you finding God?
Also, why does she seem to be in so much of a hurry to get a divorce? If you have changed so much, then surely the logic would be that separation and a rather more distant friendship is good for the mome... (read in full...)
Sleeping with a married man and jealous of his wife and baby..what should I do?
Q. Im sleeping with a maried man and i thibnk i might be falling in love with him. Im jealous of his wife and i cant handle that he has just had a baby with her. what should i do?...
A. 27 April 2008: Stop sleeping with a married man?
Life is complicated enough, and yet there is no shortage of willing partners who are unattached if you make the effort and find them.
It's all going to get very messy - it always does. You'll be hurt one way ... (read in full...)
Is holding your pee a fetish?
Q. Is it a type of fetish to hold your pee? Since I was young I've found the act of holding my pee arousing. It is not just arousing to me but the sensation is so. . . I can't explain. Is this some type of weird fetish or is it just a weird trait...
A. 27 April 2008: That's a new one on me, and I thought I knew them all.
I wonder whether it's related to the fetish of being forced to hold it - something unpleasant happening if you let it go? That one is quite well known, but it's usually between two people a... (read in full...)
I got drunk and cheated on my long distance partner
Q. I've made a huge mistake. I'm in a long distance relationship, haven't seen my bf for a few months now though we talk on the phone quite a lot. Last night I got very drunk and had a one night stand with some guy I met in a club. I didn't actually ...
A. 27 April 2008: If your relationship with your boyfriend was good, solid and possibly permanent before this happened, then you won't be doing him or yourself any favours by telling him about it.
It sounds awful to be so "dishonest" about something like this, bu... (read in full...)
I trust him, I just don't trust the actions of his female friends.
Q. This'll sound like an overreaction from every angle, but my b/f has a lot of female friends. He is also close friends with his ex, which I find rather intimidating. His ex lives in the US (he and I are in UK), so I know I shouldn't be threatened... ...
A. 27 April 2008: Yes, you are over-reacting. And yes you are over-reacting from every angle, ridiculously, insecurely... and it's OK. Be jealous, and tell him you are jealous of all these female friends of his, but don't ever get yourself worked up over it or ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin, should I shave down below for my first time?
Q. ok so im 13 and this will be my first time having sex me and my b/f are want to have sex and i just dont know if i should shave "down there" or not. and i dont want to be emberessed...
A. 27 April 2008: I'm not going to go on and on about whether you ought to be thinking about having sex at your age. Just accept that it doesn't seem to me to be a good idea until you are a little older.
Now, to your question:
The answer is to shave if you want ... (read in full...)
I feel so guilty that I betrayed my girlfriend -how can I forgive myself?
Q. i am a betrayer.i betrayed my girlfriend somewhat 2 weeks back. Actually, i had a girlfriend in india some 7 years back.i came back to my country(nepal) to continue my college.We couldnot maintain regular communication in middle but got 2-3 letters ...
A. 27 April 2008: Very few people manage to go through life being completely faithful in all ways in all relationships, and very few people manage to go through life without causing emotional upset to someone at some time.
You cannot expect to behave perfectl... (read in full...)
Should stay with her and forget about her past, even though alot of my friends know about her past and make fun of me for it?
Q. Hello I am in a situation which i myself do not know what to do and need some help. I met this girl a couple months ago and we started dating and shes amazing, the thing is her past shes been with alot of guys and alot of them are messed up an...
A. 27 April 2008: Whether you stay with her or not is a decision entirely for you and for her. Most importantly, DON'T let anything your friends say put you off her - and, equally, don't be with her just because you want to prove them wrong.
Your relation... (read in full...)
Will it be different to have sex with a white girl since my new girlfriend is coloured?
Q. hi i've been going out with this girl for about 2months now and we'eve agreed to have sex together pretty soon. but will it be different to have sex with a white girl since my new girlfriend is coloured? is it any better having sex with a coloured...
A. 27 April 2008: Different races tend to have different attitudes, likes and dislikes even when living in the same country for generations, but the answer to your question really is that it shouldn't be any different whatever her race.
Some races tend to have sli... (read in full...)
Why does the fact that I have big boobs make guys assume they can treat me like a slut?
Q. Hi Im 16 and am a 5"3 size 8-10, very curvy, G chested female. I have always hated my figure so thats nothing new, but recently I've felt particularly shite because everytime I go out to enjoy myself around people my own age, for instance at part...
A. 27 April 2008: A good slap across the face usually puts them off. Or, the more unladylike approach is, as you say, a knee to the groin (or grab and squeeze hard, but I'm not recommending that, I'm just saying - from personal experience - it works).
There... (read in full...)
Is my reaction due to inexperience or is there something wrong with me?
Q. I'm 18 and with my first boyfriend. I had never done anything when we started going out 4 months ago, never even kissed a guy, but he has had tons of experience. We haven't had sex but we have done a lot of other things (fingering, oral sex...) ...
A. 27 April 2008: Just because he has had "tons of experience" doesn't mean he is any good at it!
You probably know exactly what sort of touching does it for you - and if it works perfectly when you do it to yourself then most certainly there's nothing wrong wi... (read in full...)
Should I become a meaner person... or louder and outspoken just to be loved??
Q. So i am the sweetest person anyone can meet..evryone who i have ever encountered tells me that i am nice and i am really kindhearted. I am willing to be devoted to someone, care about them and be faithful...so i dnt understand why guys wont make me ...
A. 27 April 2008: Be yourself.
If he loves you for something you're not - something you are trying to be just to please him - then sooner or later it will all go wrong and you will lose him.
A lasting relationship will only happen if he loves you for what you... (read in full...)
How do I buy a pregnancy test or ask someone to buy it for me without being judgemental? How does alcohol affect pregnancies?
Q. I feel that I'm pregnant. By reading a lot of questions and answers to those who do think they are pregnant, I know that I should consider taking a pregnancy test... I had sex in February, February 12 to be exact. I have been having my period...
A. 26 April 2008: I think you need confirmation of this from someone in Canada, I can only answer for the UK but I think it won't be very different.
To buy a pregnancy test you go into a chemist (pharmacist?) shop and buy one. Simple, cheap, straight... (read in full...)
How do you deal with someone who wants more from you, without being mean?
Q. When growing up one of the hardest distinctions to impose is between love and a fumble. I have both been involved in sexual encounters that I wanted to pursue further (but they didn't), or ones that they wanted to take to the dating stage (but I ...
A. 26 April 2008: Hmm. Yes, OK, you sound at least as level-headed as most young men in their early twenties! What I was really getting at is that I think sex should be the pinnacle of a loving relationship, not a start point. I think there are few people who can ... (read in full...)
I don't have a boyfriend, it's not because I don't want one, it's because I hate men!
Q. I am a high school student of 17 years, but still do not have a boyfriend, not because i don't want to - but that i hate men, and partly because my friends are the same as i am. So i feel strong in that decision, but sometimes i fear i might just ...
A. 26 April 2008: Why do you hate men?
What do you hate about them?
What is it about men that makes them so different from women that they deserve your hatred?
If you hate men and don't want men, why do you fear "ending up like this"?
Please let us ... (read in full...)
Confused by the way a teacher acts.
Q. If one of your teachers makes constant eye contact with you during class and outside of class whenever you see him what could it possibly mean. He blushes whenever you are with him or say hi to him and turns really red even though your behaviour is ...
A. 26 April 2008: It most likely means that you are imagining something that's not there. If it were as you describe and imply, then half the class would have noticed it and rumours would be circulating like a fire in a tank of petrol.
Also, teachers are really g... (read in full...)
How do you deal with someone who wants more from you, without being mean?
Q. When growing up one of the hardest distinctions to impose is between love and a fumble. I have both been involved in sexual encounters that I wanted to pursue further (but they didn't), or ones that they wanted to take to the dating stage (but I ...
A. 26 April 2008: "Hey! Yeah! That would be real nice. I'll give you a call some time. Bit busy at work right now. Maybe in a few months? You're really great. Love ya lots."
And, seriously, consider whether "one night stands" are going to make it far more ... (read in full...)
Pregnancy risk in case of anal sex?
Q. My boyfriend is 22 years older than me and I am 29 year old female and underweight but healthy. We had anal sex and he ejaculated in me without a condom. He did not ejaculate anywhere else. Is there a pregnancy risk here?...
A. 26 April 2008: Almost zero.
There's no internal connection between that part of you and the bits that get pregnant. Sperm would have to survive (which is unlikely - the anus isn't a good environment for sperm survival), drip out, dribble round, find the way ... (read in full...)
Survey: how many of you (women) have climaxed during one night stands?
Q. Non Scientific Survey Etc But how many of you (women) have had an organism on a one night stand - with someone you literally met for the first time on that night - .. not with someone you have known casually for a while - or a friend with bene...
A. 26 April 2008: Why do you want to know?... (read in full...)
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