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... Send *usan Strict a private message | | | *usan Strict's profile:Writer and publisher of fiction, including books for children and young adults, science fiction, horror, mystery, and some strictly adult fantasy novels.
Married with three children, living south of London in the UK.
And what qualifies me to help people? Many things, I guess, but not least because I had many tempestuous (I like that word) relationships before I finally settled with my permanent partner and realised how fulfilling a long-term relationship can be. |
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Weird bumps on my private parts. What's going on?
Q. I have these bumps on my private part.i have never had sex,so I couldn't have an STD.What's going on?...
A. 3 June 2008: I can't reply to the message you sent me giving more details.
The answer is that you MUST go to the doctor as soon as possible. It probably isn't anything to worry about, but it sounds as though it requires treatment and may become somethin... (read in full...)
Weird bumps on my private parts. What's going on?
Q. I have these bumps on my private part.i have never had sex,so I couldn't have an STD.What's going on?...
A. 2 June 2008: Describe the bumps.
Do they itch? Do they hurt? Do they hurt if you press them? What colour are they? Are they hard? Soft? What part of your private parts are they on? Have you got them on the tops of your legs too? Or anywhere else?... (read in full...)
My husband is changed on 180 degrees, acting cold and odd towards me lately. As I mentioned this to him he said I'm making things up!?
Q. Looking for advice to become a stronger and wiser person. Here's my prob: I do believe that my husband of 1yr is cheating on me. Like any other couple, we have the ups and downs but things seem more of a down right now. He's been act...
A. 2 June 2008: It sounds as though he has other problems that he's not telling you, and he's taking it out on you.
It's very unfair on you for him to behave this way, but assuming there's nothing you know of that you might have done to account for his changed ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 7 months lied to me about his age . . .
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months now. We have been completely in love. It is passionate and intimate and we have talked about long term and how we are what the other hoped to find. He has been divorced for 3 years, was married for ...
A. 2 June 2008: Oh good grief, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
He's 49 and he told you he was 45. So what? If every relationship broke up because of a silly and insignificant untruth, then most of us would be on our own.
Far more important is whether you can fully accept... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how to treat him after he said 'At the moment, I just can't be bothered.' Thoughts?
Q. Hi, well, a guy asked me to go out a couple of times, so we went on a few dates, but never got into anything serious, and it was all very innocent-nothing more than holding hands. I wasn't too sure whether I liked him or not, but I had a lot of t...
A. 2 June 2008: You might be reading far too much into what he said.
We all have bad days, or even bad weeks or bad months. Whether it's sex, or doing the ironing, or going to the pub, or making the effort to be nice to someone, there are times when everyone... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't know I have another child, but I'm sure knows about my cheating. She has MS and I don't want to cause her or the ex gf any more pain!
Q. I've been married for 13 years, we have a 14yr old daughter and my wife has had Mutiple Sclrosis (MS) since 1996 and I had a 3 year affair with a woman that just ended and we have a daugther who turns 2yrs old soon. At the time of the affair, my ...
A. 2 June 2008: I would suggest that whether or not you tell your wife depends on her condition. You will already know this, but for those reading this who don't, MS is a condition where the worst of the symptoms tend to come and go. For some sufferers it may ... (read in full...)
How do I create an e-mail that sounds flirty?
Q. Other than in person, this guy I am kinda seeing and I mainly communicate via e-mail because he doesn't like talking on the phone. Our e-mails used to be a lot more flirty but the last 2 or so were short and not flirty at all. I'd like to get it ...
A. 2 June 2008: Innuendo is good. You don’t have to be quite as blunt as Mae West’s infamous line “Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
See if there’s anything in this (perfectly innocent!!) e-mail that you could use - but some of it m... (read in full...)
I want to sleep with my sister in law!!
Q. I want to f**k my sisterinlaw, but I don't know how to proceed. It's just that she's so sexy!(and sweet) Everywhere she goes she wears a thin, low cut shirt of some time and no bra. I can see her nipples through her shirt. Her boobs are huge. I've ...
A. 2 June 2008: Uncle Sneaker!!!!!!!!!!!!... (read in full...)
I'm a 15 yr old guy and I cant stop masterbating???
Q. how do i get myself to stop masterbating? im 15 years old and im a guy i have problem. ive been masterbating for a long time. i mean a real long time about 3 years and some months. i cant stop idk know y i jus cant help like when i try to control ...
A. 2 June 2008: If you stop masturbating altogether you are probably at a much higher risk of prostate cancer.
There is significant medical evidence confirming this.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3072021.stm
http://www.newsci... (read in full...)
Try Jesus, 9 out of 10 jews can't be wrong.
Q. Good Evening London. Theres times when i come to this place and i lose all hope and faith in mankind. It seems to be that time of year where the birds and the bees are at it.. how they manage that i'll never know. And everyone if meeting n...
A. 1 June 2008: I think it has everything to do with the original post.
But, unfortunately, on this occasion I reluctantly find myself leaping to the defense of the wicked Doctor.
The point, that I have a feeling he is trying to get across and that the last fe... (read in full...)
Puzzled, perplexed and a little paranoid...
Q. How best to put this? I'm 28 and I'm unsure about my sexuality. I've always loved girls/women but I've had no success in attracting them. I'm still a virgin (although apparently, I'm told, not unattractive). Over the last few years however, I...
A. 1 June 2008: Probably...
Not gay. Not bi. Not screwed up. Just incredibly frustrated.
When your sexuality can't find an outlet, it's only natural if your urges are strong that you would look in other directions that might be easier.
It's quite poss... (read in full...)
Am I confusing girls by being "That Nice Guy"?
Q. When I read your article, it really hit me hard. I am that nice guy that you discribed. The only thing is that I am not afraid to approach females. In my life, I have appoach many women in bars, clubs, book stores etc. My problem is that for one, I ...
A. 1 June 2008: You're confusing "nice" with "not capable".
Strength, or leadership, or being a provider, or even forcefulness doesn't exclude "nice".
You don't have to be nasty to be sucessful with women, or in your career, or to be socially successful, or i... (read in full...)
Confused about money morals....
Q. Hello I dont know how to tell you my problem but here it comes, my new boyfriend of 6 weeks earns £30,000 more than me a year, as i earn alot less than him i cant afford to have beauty treatments or have my hair done when it needs to be done, my b...
A. 31 May 2008: Be absolutely blunt. Tell him in words that he can't possibly misunderstand: It would be very nice, but you can't afford it and you can't afford to pay him back. Then leave it to him to make the decision whether he wants to pay for it or not.
... (read in full...)
Is this very suspicious or am I being paranoid?
Q. i was on the phone with my boyfriend yesterday afternoon..while talking i heard something so i asked--you have another call and he said yeah but it can wait..after a minute or two i said why didn't you take it? and he said it wasn't his brother or ...
A. 31 May 2008: Yes, you are being paranoid.
If there is nothing more other than what you have told us, then you are being unreasonably suspicious. Has he given you reason not to trust him? Unless there is something else then your total lack of trust is very ... (read in full...)
I want closure on this! He's making me out to be the bad guy to mutual friends. Help!
Q. Hi everyone. I'm hoping that someone can help me with this issue that has been hanging over me for a while. Sorry it's so longwinded but I feel I have to tell the whole story, and if someone would take the time to read the whole story and help, I ...
A. 30 May 2008: Now come on and get a grip. You say "you asked your ex for closure and he won't give you definite answers". What on earth are you doing? If he is behaving towards you the way you say he is behaving, then you end it.
You say it is going ro... (read in full...)
Any advice on dealing with my unreliable mother?
Q. I hope you guys can help me out with this. My mother is really upsetting me! Not only is she one of those nagging mums, who get on your nerves and interfere with EVERYTHING you do! But it seems as though she doesn't care about me anymore. ...
A. 30 May 2008: Oh yes, mothers of teenagers are really weird. Which is odd, because they mostly think their teenagers are really weird.
It's communication that's the problem. We don't listen to each other half the time. She hasn't got a clue what's really i... (read in full...)
How do you lose resentment and stop being angry with someone?
Q. How do you stop feeling angry towards someone? I lent my ex some money when we were together, before anyone says how stupid, it was suppose to be for 2 weeks until some money came through, i believed him when he said it was definitely on its way,...
A. 30 May 2008: I don't think I'm supposed to make financial or legal suggestions (not being a qualified financial adviser or solicitor, and this site isn't licensed for such things) but...
You have a small claims judgement against him? Enforce it. If it's obv... (read in full...)
I'm feeling neglected...is he being a bit selfish?
Q. I'm dating older guy (47), I'm 39. Things are somewhat ok. Lately, I feel neglected. It seems like all I do is play taxi/chauffer to him. All we do is go to stores and out to eat. How do I tell him I need more excitment than just going out to ...
A. 30 May 2008: You mention sex and I wonder whether this is as much a sex thing as it is a "we don't go out anywhere interesting together" thing?
So let's keep it simple. If he won't, can't or simply doesn't, then it's up to you to put the spark back into the... (read in full...)
I met my GF 6 years ago and to this day she is unaware of my real age!
Q. alright i have been with my girlfriend for 6 years,problem is when we met she was 20 and i was 14 but i told her i was 16 it was still young but not as bad i knew if told her my real age she wouldn't take a second look at me.im now 18 and she's ...
A. 30 May 2008: Assuming you have a good, solid relationship with her (after all, it's lasted 6 years) then most likely she will laugh once she has recovered from the shock.
And, as GothPod pointed out, she might suggest you go back to school for some lessons ... (read in full...)
How do you lose resentment and stop being angry with someone?
Q. How do you stop feeling angry towards someone? I lent my ex some money when we were together, before anyone says how stupid, it was suppose to be for 2 weeks until some money came through, i believed him when he said it was definitely on its way,...
A. 30 May 2008: You don't stop feeling angry. You try to deal with the anger and, above all, don't let it take over your life.
Try to separate it in your head from the relationship that went wrong. It was a bad investment - like you bought shares and the stoc... (read in full...)
My best friend likes a girl and I'm playing cupid to find out if she also nurtures feelings for him. Any suggestions?
Q. hey, ok my mate(a lad) really likes this girl he's at college with. She seems like nice girl, i've spoke to her on the odd occasion but now we've started talking more i've got her msn. Thing is we are becoming beter friends and talking more so what ...
A. 30 May 2008: The problem with playing cupid is that your aim might be off.
It's all very well (continuing the metaphor!) to fire your cupid's arrows if you know exactly where they need to go and you've had plenty of practice at aiming them accurately. The tro... (read in full...)
Is cybersex classed as cheating?
Q. when i was with my boyfriend i was having cybersex online with another man, is it cheating? ...
A. 30 May 2008: It's "cheating" if you don't tell him about it and/or he wouldn't approve.
Cheating, in a sexual/relationship context, is quite simply doing something sexual without the knowledge and consent of your partner - so what constitutes "cheatin... (read in full...)
Can a boy really change for a girl? Stop smoking, drinking, doing drugs etc?
Q. Can a boy really change for a girl? not look wise, but habbit wise, such as stop smoking, drinking and doing drugs and start trying to get a good education? i met a boy who i have known for 3 weeks, we are both 15 and he has told me he loves me a...
A. 30 May 2008: You already asked something like this, didn't you?
He can change his habits and his actions, and some boys do if the incentive is great enough - in other words if he really wants you badly and that's the only way he is going to get you.
What he... (read in full...)
Does his porn preferences mean he is gay or bi?
Q. My husband, Does mean he is gay or bi? Been married for a few years and have kids together. He often watches porn and masturbates. I know he likes to watch 2 girls or threesomes. He really loves going down and swears he is a p...y man. But lately ...
A. 30 May 2008: No it most definitely doesn't mean he is gay.
It simply means that he has an interest in exploring sexuality that goes a little further than "conventional" sex - and you already know that from the recent experiments you say you have tried recently... (read in full...)
We're too different but he wants more than friends. drugs, smokes and drinks at 15.
Q. I am 15 and went on holiday a couple of weeks ago for 4 days, whilst away I met a boy who was also 15 and lives 10 minutes away from me. We both hit it off and spent the last night just cuddling etc. However I am a total good girl, never smok...
A. 29 May 2008: It's not going to work. You are much too different. Sure, opposites attract - and that's what you have right now. It's not the drugs, drinking or smoking. He might change those, but it's the attitude that is all-important in any relationship at ... (read in full...)
In my case, I hope curiosity doesn't kill my pussy......cat.
Q. Just out of curiosity, please tell me if what I'm feeling is normal. I'm 51, by the way. This past year I've been feeling so very horny, I mean, I want sex all the time!! The slightest thing seems to turn me on. It could be triggered by som...
A. 29 May 2008: It's not unusual to get a burst of sexual energy just before the menopause. It's your body's way of telling you this is your last chance to get pregnant! And it doesn't necessarily stop afterwards.
It sounds like you've got it bad (or good?!).... (read in full...)
Should I forgive him after his drunken cheating?
Q. Hi, I caught my boyfriend on cheating. We were at friend's wedding. he was utterly and almost unconsciously drunk. He didnot know who I am when I entered the room he was with this awful girl. Trousers down, she was correcting her clothes, not sur...
A. 28 May 2008: Yes of course you forgive him if you genuinely love him and he genuinely loves you.
Everyone makes mistakes - sometimes very serious ones. What you might not forgive would be if he had had a relationship with someone over a period of time. Y... (read in full...)
If I love my boyfriend why do I feel like cheating on him when the occasion rises??
Q. why is it that i love my boyfriend and i cant seem to live without him but when ever i notice a new guy i feel like cheating i feel like i wanna start something new with someone else.....
A. 28 May 2008: Many of us feel like cheating when there's someone new and exciting around, and I think that if they were being honest you would find that most men would admit to feeling like that far more than most of us do.
It's a feeling that we generall... (read in full...)
I'm too shy to ask for his e-mail address face to face...
Q. Hi, i was just wondering does anyone know a site, were i can find someone's email adress, please any help would do. Thanks i relly need it, as i'm too shy to ask face to face. Please it would be doing me a great favour....
A. 28 May 2008: I'm afraid you are unlikely to find an e-mail address without asking the owner what it is - although if the person has registered on one or more contact sites and you know the username then you may be able to send a message through the site.
There... (read in full...)
My ex said she had a one night stand, why is this cutting me up?
Q. Okay, here's the situation... My Ex-Girlfriend I broke up with in November was my first love and real relationship, I broke up with for treating me horribly and because I suspected she had Hypomania calls me everyday. She gets drunk then calls...
A. 27 May 2008: Rey,
It's still possible that I've got this badly wrong, but the more I read of what you are saying about her and about yourself, the more I'm convinced that whether you realise it or not you are very much in love with her - and it seems to... (read in full...)
Try Jesus, 9 out of 10 jews can't be wrong.
Q. Good Evening London. Theres times when i come to this place and i lose all hope and faith in mankind. It seems to be that time of year where the birds and the bees are at it.. how they manage that i'll never know. And everyone if meeting n...
A. 27 May 2008: How did you think that an article with a title that starts "Try Jesus..." wouldn't turn into a "religious thing"?
* puzzled *... (read in full...)
We know what a 69 is but whats a 35?? Are there any more numbers that mean sexual acts??
Q. me and my friend were wondering whats 35, we know whats a 69...and would there happen to be more of these that mean sexual acts??...
A. 27 May 2008: LOL, Uncle Sneaker. If you think you're 21 again then you can give it a try. You won't find me hanging by the legs from anything, that's for sure!!
I wonder whether 55 could be "spooning"?
And whether 88 is two large lesbians?... (read in full...)
We know what a 69 is but whats a 35?? Are there any more numbers that mean sexual acts??
Q. me and my friend were wondering whats 35, we know whats a 69...and would there happen to be more of these that mean sexual acts??...
A. 27 May 2008: Try "17".
It's like "69" but involves one of you hanging from a trapeze (or similar) by the legs.... (read in full...)
I want to write a book. Where do I start?
Q. Hi everyone. I want to write a book but I am not an experienced writer. I have so many ideas and would love to become a writer for a living but do not know where to start. I got a C grade for G.C.S.E English but feel as though that is not good...
A. 27 May 2008: And proof-read your writing SEVERAL times before you send it to anyone else.
Then you won't make mistakes like writing "we-written" when you mean "well-written".
:(... (read in full...)
I want to write a book. Where do I start?
Q. Hi everyone. I want to write a book but I am not an experienced writer. I have so many ideas and would love to become a writer for a living but do not know where to start. I got a C grade for G.C.S.E English but feel as though that is not good...
A. 27 May 2008: You write.
You write anything and everything that's in your head. The more you write, the better your writing will get.
You read what you've written - preferably out loud - and criticise it yourself as though you had just paid money for it!
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hits me and calls me names. I don't know what to do.
Q. Ive bin with my boyfriend now for 2 years, at first he was lovely now he hits me pushes me, calls me names fat, ugly etc, wont help with the kids if he dont get his own way. one is his. he works in the day he comes home helps a bit with the children ...
A. 27 May 2008: The answers from M! and Isabella are good, but could you tell us a little more, please.
What sort of thing sparks off his unacceptable behaviour? Is there something that starts off the pushing, hitting and calling you names?
You say he "w... (read in full...)
What is the best way to "come out"?
Q. What's is the best way to be "OUT"? I'm afraid to tell everyone that I am a bisexual? Or worse, a gay? Anyone can help me?...
A. 27 May 2008: So don't tell them, if it worries you. Your sexuality is no one's business other than yours and any partner you have.
You don't have to announce it to the world if you don't want to - you just go find a suitable partner and let other people k... (read in full...)
Would I be going too far with this cross dressing roleplay?
Q. Hi,my boyfriend and I have got into where I transform him into my girlfriend,we both enjoy it and the sex is GREAT.I have the chance to borrow a friends house for a long weekend and wonder if I should kidnap my boyfriend/girlfriend and keep him/her ...
A. 27 May 2008: It's not going too far IF (and only if) you make absolutely sure it's what he wants before you start.
This sort of roleplay can be wonderfully enjoyable in a trusting relationship, but you really do need to be sure it is with his consent.... (read in full...)
Too much porn in my face
Q. For me, it is not that porn is available that is the issue. It is not being able to leave my local freesheet in the bathroom anymore (it contains ads for sheds, second hand wellies and baby rabbits) because it also contains a whole load of...
A. 26 May 2008: Much to my suprise, the more I think about this the more I find myself agreeing with it.
Don't get me wrong. I think "porn" - or, at least, erotica - is perfectly acceptable and something for adults to enjoy rather than to ban or to be ashamed ... (read in full...)
Is it a sin to be gay?
Q. I'm not too sure how many people will answer this question but I'm going to give it a try .... does it say anywhere in the bible that it's a sin to be gay? if it does what exactly does it say ?? I think I'm bi and that's why I'm asking .... ...
A. 26 May 2008: Hi HonningKanin,
I find the Koran rather contradictory about homosexuality. There are several places that it seems to say quite clearly that it is a transgression that should be punished, and yet it also seems to promise that men who reach pa... (read in full...)
Is it a sin to be gay?
Q. I'm not too sure how many people will answer this question but I'm going to give it a try .... does it say anywhere in the bible that it's a sin to be gay? if it does what exactly does it say ?? I think I'm bi and that's why I'm asking .... ...
A. 25 May 2008: Actually, HonningKanin, no it doesn't.
You are quoting from the King James version, that is most probably a mistranslation.
The original Hebrew is: V’et zachar lo tishkav mishk’vey eeshah toeyvah hee, and the exact translation of it is debatab... (read in full...)
Try Jesus, 9 out of 10 jews can't be wrong.
Q. Good Evening London. Theres times when i come to this place and i lose all hope and faith in mankind. It seems to be that time of year where the birds and the bees are at it.. how they manage that i'll never know. And everyone if meeting n...
A. 25 May 2008: I disagree completely.
It doesn’t matter that many, many of the questions asked show a complete lack of basic knowledge and common sense. “Stupid” is subjective, and “stupid” is a label applied by those who do not understand and, more importan... (read in full...)
Am I confusing girls by being "That Nice Guy"?
Q. When I read your article, it really hit me hard. I am that nice guy that you discribed. The only thing is that I am not afraid to approach females. In my life, I have appoach many women in bars, clubs, book stores etc. My problem is that for one, I ...
A. 21 May 2008: "Nice guys finish last"?
Last? Or "lasting"?
Immature and shallow women might like the rugged caveman who sweeps them off their feet and doesn't given them a moment to think about it before they find themselves in bed with him. Sure, it's... (read in full...)
My ex said she had a one night stand, why is this cutting me up?
Q. Okay, here's the situation... My Ex-Girlfriend I broke up with in November was my first love and real relationship, I broke up with for treating me horribly and because I suspected she had Hypomania calls me everyday. She gets drunk then calls...
A. 20 May 2008: Hi Rey. Yes, I take your point, and I found your earlier post. You have the opportunity to actually see her behaviour, so I guess you could well be right. If I understand hypomania correctly (and human behaviour and behaviour disorders are my ... (read in full...)
My ex said she had a one night stand, why is this cutting me up?
Q. Okay, here's the situation... My Ex-Girlfriend I broke up with in November was my first love and real relationship, I broke up with for treating me horribly and because I suspected she had Hypomania calls me everyday. She gets drunk then calls...
A. 20 May 2008: You don't say in what way she "treated you so badly" and made you break up with her back in November.
From your description of her, she sounds fairly scatty (that may be a UK-English-only word!) but not necessarily hypomanic. Hypomania usua... (read in full...)
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