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*usan Strict agony aunt

*usan Strict

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*usan Strict's profile:

Writer and publisher of fiction, including books for children and young adults, science fiction, horror, mystery, and some strictly adult fantasy novels.

Married with three children, living south of London in the UK.

And what qualifies me to help people? Many things, I guess, but not least because I had many tempestuous (I like that word) relationships before I finally settled with my permanent partner and realised how fulfilling a long-term relationship can be.

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Survey: how many of you (women) have climaxed during one night stands?

Q.   Non Scientific Survey Etc But how many of you (women) have had an organism on a one night stand - with someone you literally met for the first time on that night - .. not with someone you have known casually for a while - or a friend with bene...

A.   26 April 2008: Why do you want to know?... (read in full...)

I don't want to abandon him while he destroys himself, but at the same time I don't want to destroy myself!

Q.   I'm having serious issues with my ex. He broke up with me because of his low self-esteem and his misplaced belief that I am too young for him. I was absolutely devastated, still am, because it was the last think I expected and I thought we were ...

A.   26 April 2008: He's playing, and it's not a nice game. He's enjoying tormenting you, which is not only unfair it's positively wicked. You really can't let the feelings you have for him get in your way now. Also, you can't let your concern for his welfare ... (read in full...)

What do you feel about the issue of men watching porn together?

Q.   (1).what is the opinion of both men and women about the issue of men watching porn together, even if it is heterosexual porn. (2). My husband likes to go a football game in Florida every year, which I have not caused commotion about. Sometimes...

A.   26 April 2008: I doubt whether it's a problem - at least, it's probably not the problem you are thinking it might be. Men watch strip shows at various venues, clubs etc where the audience is almost eclusively men. Similarly, films are shown at men's clubs, g... (read in full...)

My boyfriend judged me because of my past and the fact I lied about it, so he dumped me! My self esteem is on the rocks now.

Q.   I'm so sad now! I've been dealing with a lot of insecurities and negative emotions, because I have low self esteem and lately it had been sabotaging my life, etc... I was just very low and had support mostly from my family and BF because I have n...

A.   26 April 2008: Honestly, if he judged you for what you have done in the past rather than what you are now, then he's not worth having. The fault is his; it's in his head; it's not your fault. If a boyfriend asks you for the details of a previous relation... (read in full...)

How can I be more outgoing and fun for my boyfriend?

Q.   How do I become more outgoing and fun and not scared to talk to people. Me and my boy friend been on a break for 3 months now. Next week we going out to dinner. I want to show him how out going and fun im. How do I do that....

A.   26 April 2008: First, and most important, don't try to be something you're not. If you are naturally quiet and withdrawn, if that's your normal character, if he doesn't love you for what you are then it's really not going to help to pretend to be something you're ... (read in full...)

Is it okay to date or have a sexual relationship with your cousin?

Q.   I haven't seen my second cousin in 28 years and she a complete knock out. I asked her if she wanted to do lunch and she accepted. We did lunch. I'm just not sure if it's okay to continue this fraternizing. We talk a lot with each other. We have good ...

A.   26 April 2008: Second cousin is generally considered not to be a problem as far as relationships/marriage goes - but laws are not consistent throught the USA and your particular state may possibly still have laws that make it illegal. Although there is a movement ... (read in full...)

I finished with him because he was mean so why am I bothered he is with some one else now?

Q.   my ex, who i finished with 2 months ago because he was a bastard to me, slept wiv somone else lastnite and for sum reason I feel gutted. I feel like im gonna cry. I think that they are seeing each other as well. The thing that makes it worse is that ...

A.   26 April 2008: It's a natural reaction - you don't want him, but the thought of him being with someone else feels horrible. You say you don't want to cry, but that's probably the best thing you can do. Let it all out. Crying, on your own in private, lets out... (read in full...)

I am SO scared to have sex, I was raised to believe it is bad!!! My boyfriend has been waiting for me for years to express our love in that way, help!

Q.   I am 24 years old and I am a virgin. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I love him with all of my heart and want to marry him but I am so scared to have sex. I was raised in the church and to think that sex is bad. I am scared that I ...

A.   25 April 2008: Any church teaching that sex is bad is talking out of their backside. There is no religion that I know of whose teachings are that sex within marriage is wrong or bad. Christianity teaches without a shadow of a doubt that sex in marriage is not ... (read in full...)

I want to be perfect, I want to feel secure!

Q.   I hate myself because: I'm clingy, moody, jealous, insecure, competitive, selfish, I don't trust people, I'm depressive, I'm weak, I have a very bad problem with anger, and because I feel ugly all the time, and not good enough. I have good qua...

A.   25 April 2008: I'm moody. I'm bad-tempered. I'm very competitive. Angry? - you don't want to be around when I'm angry. I'm jealous, very jealous. I always want things I know I'm not going to get. I want to be the best, and I get so annoyed with myself when I ... (read in full...)

Sex toys advice please?

Q.   Hi I want to use some sex toys but here it is not available. So can anyone tell me where are I can get them? And what happens when I use it?...

A.   25 April 2008: You cannot buy sex toys if you are in Pakistan. I have just checked - sale and import is banned, and customs will open parcels and confiscate the contents. I understand that if you travel abroad you can buy and bring back these items for your own... (read in full...)

Are we ready to lose our virginity?

Q.   Well me and my b/f are always conversing. Right...we've had so much together and were thinking about losing both of our virginty together. I really think i love him to go all the way with him. He always tells me he's not going to rush me into doing ...

A.   25 April 2008: My immediate reaction is that you are far too young to be considering it. But it's never that simple, and the decision is yours - no one can stop you if that's what you've decided to do. A few things to think about before you rush into it: H... (read in full...)

I have arranged for my ex to sleep with my friend at my place, should I go out?

Q.   Hey all, I'm in a situation where i don't know have much experience in. My ex g/f and I are on good terms, and we occasionally meet up and still have great sex! Although she has only had experience with a different guy before she dated me. She i...

A.   25 April 2008: Sex is something for people who love each other. I'm not going to try to tell you that no one should ever do it unless they are in a committed relationship, but what you are trying to do is just not right. At the very least, sex should be special, ... (read in full...)

How do I get my parents to allow my boyfriend and I to have a sleepover?

Q.   How do I get my parents to allow my boyfriend and I to have a sleepover? I've asked before and was told no, but that was a year ago. Is this a trust issue or what....

A.   25 April 2008: You don't. If they don't want it then however much you push it, it's not going to work. It probably isn't that they don't trust you; they simply think it is "inappropriate". Yes there are a million and one reasons why it really wouldn't be a pro... (read in full...)

His run up our bill from sex text lines, but it's never his fault! Is it the end of the road for us?

Q.   my fella and i have been together for 6 years, married for 3. during that time, he has run up huge phone bills to sex txt lines, had txt sex with women that he has met in his working day, had pics of a close family member on his phone and pics of ...

A.   25 April 2008: You've got to talk seriously to him - preferably waving the phone bill under his nose at the same time so that he doesn't deny it. "Huge" phone bill? Really huge? Huge in relation to your available incomes, or merely huge in relation to the rest... (read in full...)

What are the chances of getting pregnant using a condom? We are going to have sex this summer.

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, and in the summer we are planning to have sex. I was wondering is there a good time to do it with a less chance of being pregnant? like where the chances are low? we are planning on usi...

A.   25 April 2008: Condoms are about 85% effective at stopping pregnancy (source: Epigee Women's Health - www.epigee.org), which, obviously, means that with everything else equal, you have a 15% chance of getting pregnant - unacceptably high for most people. There... (read in full...)

How do we communicate?

Q.   i love my boyfriend verry much but i feel like we are falling apart. I work long hours and he is studying for college, i understand that it is very important that he dose this and it takes up alot of his time. The problem is... when he's not ...

A.   25 April 2008: Lots of men have trouble talking about their feelings, so that's not unusual. You said you love him, so what do you love about him? Can you list everything you love about him? Can you list anything you love about him? And what is it that he ... (read in full...)

How do I break up with someone that I've been with for over four years?

Q.   How do I break up with someone that I've been with for over four years? we started dating when I was 16, I was a virgin when we met (he wasn't). I am 20 now, in University, and I have just about had it with him. I love him to death and I can't ...

A.   25 April 2008: Just do it. You have already made up your mind that you need to do it, so tell him that you are very sorry, you like him a lot but it's just not going to work between you and you need to move on. If you start to go into the reasons with him, the... (read in full...)

Should I tell my boyfriend my fantasy of being spanked?

Q.   Should I tell my boyfriend my fantasy of being spanked? I have told him many other fantasies and he loves and wants to know absolutely everything but i just feel really stupid telling him this one. ...

A.   25 April 2008: Definitely tell him. Far too many people keep their fantasies to themselves when those fantasies are completely harmless and easily fulfilled. .. AND, spanking is great fun although personally I prefer to be doing it than receiving it. *blush* ... (read in full...)

We're on a break but her nan just died, should I go to the funeral and comfort her?

Q.   Hi back again..... "Hi My girlfriend of a year and a half just told me she wants to go on a break, she says she rushed into the relationship and had just finished a 6 month one and she says she now need time to think and be on her own,...

A.   25 April 2008: Yes, absolutely. She needs you. Go. Be with her for as long as she needs you there, and then leave and tell her you will wait for her to call. Unless you have been through it yourself, you have no idea how it feels when someone close dies. T... (read in full...)

I just give and give. It is so one sided. Is it worth it?

Q.   Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. i love him soo much. i do anything he wants, he hasnt got a job or a license so i drive him everywhere and buy stuff for him. he doesnt invite me out, blames me on our problems and makes me chose ...

A.   25 April 2008: I think you know the answer. If you read what you have written and think about it for a moment, doesn't it suddenly become clear? I'm happy to spell it out if you want, but I think it will be so much better if it comes to you from inside your... (read in full...)

He says his feelings for me are 100% friendship but his actions prove otherwise?

Q.   ive got this friend, were like best mates. i dont fancy him.. and he says he doesnt fancy me.. his feelings for me are 100% friendship. however whenever we are alone together he will sit with his arm round me, or rests his head on me..also, (this ...

A.   25 April 2008: This is typical male behaviour, and very confusing if you can't work out what it's all about. Phiatiger has it absolutely spot on when she says "if you offered he would be there in a flash". What he doesn't want is the commitment of a relationship ... (read in full...)

My playboy boyfriend lies to me all the time, how do I confront him? Please help.

Q.   Hi everyone, I would really appreciate some constructive advice on my problem. I am a complete mess at the moment and I can't stop crying and worrying all the time. Background: I have been seeing my boyfriend on and off for 5 years. We dated fo...

A.   25 April 2008: You don't trust him. He doesn't trust you. The relationship has broken up, then started again, then broken up, then re-started... You think he's lying. He doesn't seem to care what you think... Look, seriously, if it is like you describe... (read in full...)

My husband loves to masturbate and I find this a turn-off! It's coming between us..

Q.   My husband loves masterbating and i find it such a turn off and upsetting? He always masterbate while watching porn when i'm not home and the times we have sex, it's not special cause he had it yesterday or whenever and i know it . It's always in ...

A.   24 April 2008: I'm not sure whether I've already tried to answer this question on another site? Anyway, I suggest that you need to find out what exactly the porn is that he's looking at. There will probably be something that he particularly enjoys - and not ... (read in full...)

Is a 3 year age gap that big of a deal?

Q.   is that okay to continue with my boyfriend who is younger than me? i am 24 and he is 21 what do you think?...

A.   24 April 2008: It's fine. Really fine. A three-year gap is nothing.... (read in full...)

I have reoccurring dreams about a girl I haven't seen in 8 years and never bothered about, why?

Q.   In the last year I have had about 3/4 dreams about a girl I haven't even seen in 8 years. Most recently I had one last night that she was at this party I went to recently and we ended up kissing, and I felt bad when I woke up because I have a ...

A.   24 April 2008: Don't worry about it. Honestly - dreams are odd things and tend to repeat for a while on the same sort of subject. It doesn't mean that you secretly long for this girl. It only means that something awoke a memory in an odd corner of your sub... (read in full...)

I discovered he keeps erotic photos of his old girlfriends too, so now I feel less special to him...

Q.   Hello, I am 47 year old young widow and am dating a 39 year old for seven months now. While I always knew he had dirty photos of his old girlfriend's in his computer, it never bothered me, but I did wonder...... also- he has taken dirty photos of ...

A.   24 April 2008: Respect for each other and each other's privacy is important, and I'm sure you value yours as much as he values his. A number of issues to consider that only you and he can answer: A BDSM lifestyle needs an exceptional degree of trust between... (read in full...)

I discovered he keeps erotic photos of his old girlfriends too, so now I feel less special to him...

Q.   Hello, I am 47 year old young widow and am dating a 39 year old for seven months now. While I always knew he had dirty photos of his old girlfriend's in his computer, it never bothered me, but I did wonder...... also- he has taken dirty photos of ...

A.   24 April 2008: You need to consider seriously whether the "kinky things he likes to do" are things you want to do too. That's the real issue here, not him having photos on his computer - because it's far from unusual for men to have "dirty photos" on their ... (read in full...)

Do creams really work? I have a mild case of frenulum breve.

Q.   Hi I think that i have a mild case of frenulum breve and have been looking online for advice on how to get it sorted. Surgery really and quite obviously the last option but i have heard that regular stretching and steroid creams can help a lot. ...

A.   24 April 2008: Talk to your doctor. It's a simple and relatively painless bit of surgery to sort it out quickly and permanently.... (read in full...)

My new wife was not completely honest about her sexual past...how can I look at her the same way?

Q.   I am married and recently me and my wife had another conversation about previous partners and experiences. I say "another" conversation because the answer this time around is much different than the first time we talked about it when we were dating. ...

A.   24 April 2008: She's still the same person you married, so why should you let it bother you? She wasn't going to mention her previous experiences when you were dating, because in all probability she didn't know you that well at the time, and later on I don't ... (read in full...)

How do I kiss a guy? This is my first boyfriend.

Q.   Hi, i'm 19 and recently met a guy the same age (call him Tom), and he seems to take me out alot, but when he asked the questions about my BoyFriends how many i had i just went all quiet cause in fact i haven't had any at all but have liked some one ...

A.   24 April 2008: Most of it will happen on its own if it's going to happen. You just need to respond when it starts to happen, because if he can't feel that you want it then like many men who are clueless about these things, he won't sense that you really do want a ... (read in full...)

How can a guy express his appreciation for a girl in a way she will enjoy?

Q.   A question for the girls, mainly. What can a guy do or say to a girl to let her know he thinks she's special, he's attracted to her and she makes him feel wonderful in a way she will appreciate and that will make her feel as happy and wanted as ...

A.   24 April 2008: Better than almost anything is to pay attention to her - and so few men can ever do it properly! Notice when she's wearing something new. Notice when she has had her hair done. Notice when she's particularly happy or unhappy or when somethin... (read in full...)

Do girls make passes at guys with glasses?

Q.   Do girls think guys with glasses are nerdy? Im tall, 6'2, im not horribly thin but i am not that muscular and i have glasses so basically i am the normal tall,skinny,nerd. I was wondering if getting contacts would make me more attractive, w...

A.   24 April 2008: Forget the contacts, unless you really, really want them or can't wear the glasses for sport or something like that. If a girl is so shallow she can't see past a pair of glasses then you probably don't want her anyway. Personally I rather l... (read in full...)

Why Won't she Masturbate me?

Q.   My wife and I have been been married 13 years. We have a great relationship and a good sex life. When we make love I often masturbate her before having intercourse, and she enjoys it a lot! I would love her to masturbate me too sometimes but, ...

A.   24 April 2008: Ask her why. If you've been married for 13 years, have "a great relationship and a good sex life", at the very least you must be able to communicate!! It's probably not too complicated - maybe something as simple as "if you do that in the bed ... (read in full...)

Worried about the pain of deflowering, am I ready to take this step?

Q.   Ok, so i'm 16 and i'm just about ready to sleep with my bf. i've already seen his 'package' and he is really big (around 9 inches) and i'm scared that when we sleep together it'll hurt really badly! what do you think? ...

A.   24 April 2008: LJ001 said it all. I just couldn't resist adding... 9 inches??? Really??? I don't suppose you could give me his phone number?... Only joking. Good luck. I'm jealous ;)... (read in full...)

Had oral sex without protection with him last year, and recently found out he has an sti! Should I get checked too?

Q.   Hi, i'm a bit worried as i was seeing a guy last year and we didnt have sex without protecttion (a condom) but we did do oral sex without a condom. A couple weeks ago i found out hes got an sti, do you think it would be a good idea to get checked ...

A.   24 April 2008: Yes. There are quite a few nasties that can be passed on by oral sex - the most common is herpes. Some can't, and some of the worst ones are highly unlikely to pass during oral sex. Most (but not all) would have produced some symptoms by now, but ... (read in full...)

What is he trying to do, by flirting with both of us? We've even had an argument over him!

Q.   im confused over who this lad likes: me or my mate. he texts me all the time n always tells me im funny n that he has a laugh with me, as well as this he tells me he finds me good looking with a nice body. however, when both me n my mate are around ...

A.   24 April 2008: He's probably only playing, and why not? You say he's flirting; well, that's fine. If and when it becomes a seriously relationship with either of you, then that would be a different matter. Right now it's fun; it's a game. He doesn't seem to be ... (read in full...)

Do women tell the truth about their sexual past?

Q.   Do women tell the truth about their sexual past... do they feel men would leave them if they told the truth? be honest and men your thoughts also please. thanks...

A.   24 April 2008: I don't think it's a subject that needs to be discussed between man and woman (or, for that matter, between man and man or woman and woman). Obviously it's appropriate to know of previous partners, but not the details. "I was with him. It didn't ... (read in full...)

I feel so insecure, jealous, like she saved nothing for our relationship, sexually... because of her past!

Q.   Is there a way to detach your feelings from sex because my woman's past makes me look at her in a bad, judgmental way I don't want to feel bad but I feel sick as I can't get thoughts of her with other guys out of my head, its making me desire sex ...

A.   24 April 2008: This is more about you than about her. You're not psychotic, but you're going to have to get the jealousy and insecurity out of your head if you want your relationship to work. It doesn't matter what she did before she met you, or who she did ... (read in full...)

I've been thinking about trying guys?

Q.   Ok guys i have tons of questions so bear with me. Ok so i've been thinking about trying guy cause girls just cause all sorts of problems. But i have LOTS of issues... 1. I want to expierament but idk anyone who would want to 2. I don't know any ...

A.   24 April 2008: Don't rush. I know - that's easy to say and difficult to do. Your sexual balance is still changing at your age, and you don't want to "burn any bridges". It may not be right, but it's a fact of life that many of your male friends probably... (read in full...)

Should I tell him that I really don't like him like that?

Q.   There is this guy that has liked me since forever. I think like in freshman year and I graduated in 07.. So its been a while. I never really liked him but I kinda do. Its like I'm not physically attracted to him, but am to his personality. Well now ...

A.   24 April 2008: Absolutely tell him. But don't put it like that - don't say "I don't like you like that". Something more along the lines of "You're really, really great, but I couldn't ever do any physical stuff with you." Also, keep in mind that holding ... (read in full...)

She is 23 and says she knows nothing about sex. Could this be true?

Q.   I am a male 25. My female friend aged 23 says she dont know anything about sex. She dont know what is masturbation and fingering. She doesnt know what sexual urge is.R there such girls present on earth. Is she a girl or what. She says she will lea...

A.   24 April 2008: Yes it's quite likely she is telling the truth, but if your attitude to her is as you've written then she's not the right girl for you. If you can't respect her views then I suggest you should leave her alone and find someone else. On a slightly... (read in full...)

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