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... Send *usan Strict a private message | | | *usan Strict's profile:Writer and publisher of fiction, including books for children and young adults, science fiction, horror, mystery, and some strictly adult fantasy novels.
Married with three children, living south of London in the UK.
And what qualifies me to help people? Many things, I guess, but not least because I had many tempestuous (I like that word) relationships before I finally settled with my permanent partner and realised how fulfilling a long-term relationship can be. |
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Should the child always come first before a relationship?
Q. Should the child always come first before a relationship? I am dating a widowed guy with a kid who prefers to give up sex with me if his daughter (seven) wants to sleep in bed with us that night. He doesn't ask me if I mind first. Every major li...
A. 16 June 2008: Four years is NOT a long time ago to have lost someone close. It's no time at all. Understanding THAT may be your biggest problem.
And as for "the twelve year old who responded", I think she understands very well.
I'm not going to say any... (read in full...)
Should the child always come first before a relationship?
Q. Should the child always come first before a relationship? I am dating a widowed guy with a kid who prefers to give up sex with me if his daughter (seven) wants to sleep in bed with us that night. He doesn't ask me if I mind first. Every major li...
A. 14 June 2008: A child's NEEDS always come first. Always.
A child's WANTS should always be considered, not automatically accepted as being essential.
If the kid wants to sleep in bed with both of you occasionally, then take it as a compliment that ... (read in full...)
Does alcohol consumption kill sperm?
Q. can i get pregnant if the guy drinks a lot and we had sex after?? Does that kill his sperm?...
A. 14 June 2008: Yes, you can get pregnant.
Yes, drinking alcohol tends to reduce the production of sperm - but not nearly enough to avoid the risk of getting pregnant. Also, it weakens the sperm. It's probably not a scientific description but what it amounts ... (read in full...)
Having a partner is not everything but I don't really want to spend the rest of my life on my own, any helpful advice would be so appreciated
Q. I split up from my partner in september because he cheated on me, it was the most painful time, emotionally and financially, i,m now starting to get on my feet at last and i can tell you, it hasn't been easy as i did love him to bits and i thought ...
A. 13 June 2008: I think the main thing is not to be too nervous of new people.
You may think that men you meet are only after one thing - well, it's the same advice as should be given to a girl dating for the first time: you don't have to do ANYTHING you don'... (read in full...)
Is "spoke and wheel" a sex position, and if so, can you enlighten me?
Q. I have recently heard the term "Spoke and Wheel". It is clearly a reference to a sex position but one I have never heard of previously. Can you enlighten me?...
A. 13 June 2008: IF I remember correctly, it was YOU, Uncle Sneaker, who strained his back, not me.... (read in full...)
I'm confused on my sexuality!
Q. i dress like a boy.. act like a boy.. want to be a boy.. what does this mean? should i get a sex change or what? i know i'm a tomboy but i really want to be a boy. and have all the qualities of a boy. everyone calls me a little boy and i don't get ...
A. 13 June 2008: It's fine. Be what you are and what you feel.
You most certainly shouldn't be thinking about a sex change. Quite apart from anything else, you said you like boys and they like you - and there's no doubt that many boys would much prefer to have ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to have sex without protection and still not get pregnant?
Q. is there a time when you can have sex without protection and stil not get preg?...
A. 8 June 2008: No.
There are times during your monthly cycle when there is much less chance than others, but there is no time when you are absolutely safe.... (read in full...)
A teacher's helper is scaring me. What should I do?
Q. for the last few months i have been in a new set for science the teacher is ordinary but theres a helper hes about 61 in that age range hes nice to people but sometimes he acts wierd around me hell sit there staring at me and ill look away scared ...
A. 7 June 2008: Start by discussing it with your parents. Tell them exactly what he does, when he does it, and why it's making you uncomfortable.
Take it slowly. Make sure you pick a time when your parents are able to give you their full attention, and make sur... (read in full...)
What is an orgasm? What does it feel like?
Q. What is an orgasm? What does it feel like. Do you moan during sex as my bf keeps on asking me if it hurts when i moan or do you only moan when you have an orgasm?...
A. 7 June 2008: You'll know when you have one.
As LJ001 says, moaning during sex isn't unusual and doesn't necessarily mean an orgasm.
I think orgasm is different for different people - and quite definitely there are different types of orgasm that one person ... (read in full...)
My lie came to light and now my husband wants nothing to do with me.
Q. My husband left me last year because of a lie I told about my past. I have apologied for this over and over but he will have nothing more to do with me and is filing for divorce. I have tried calling, writing letters and everything but he will not ...
A. 7 June 2008: First, Waz I apologise for "going off on one".
Second, to the original asker of the question: It's a horrible situation, but I think you have to see that both of you have behaved disgracefully. You couldn't really have believed it was right to... (read in full...)
My lie came to light and now my husband wants nothing to do with me.
Q. My husband left me last year because of a lie I told about my past. I have apologied for this over and over but he will have nothing more to do with me and is filing for divorce. I have tried calling, writing letters and everything but he will not ...
A. 6 June 2008: You're very persistent, Waz. But you are completely wrong. You are completely misinterpreting the rules and the law. In fact, you are misunderstanding what you yourself have quoted from the government web site. You are confusing the rules ... (read in full...)
My lie came to light and now my husband wants nothing to do with me.
Q. My husband left me last year because of a lie I told about my past. I have apologied for this over and over but he will have nothing more to do with me and is filing for divorce. I have tried calling, writing letters and everything but he will not ...
A. 6 June 2008: That was Uncle Sneaker, not me.
But as it happens, I agree completely. It's absolutely disgraceful behaviour.
And Britain, all constituent parts of it, recognises marriages abroad as legally binding in the UK assuming the laws of the coun... (read in full...)
He says the warts come from him suffering from diabetes, now I'm having them too! Is he being honest with me, or what is going on?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months and everything was going really well. Just after Christmas he noticed warts on the end of his penis, which he said were most probably linked to his diabetes. (this had been making the skin quite tight and ...
A. 6 June 2008: You need to see a doctor.
Warts, any warts, are nothing more than ugly skin growths caused by a virus in the top layer of the skin. They can spread by skin contact or by contact with other things that have very recently been in contact with the... (read in full...)
Is there any treatment for a person who is gay?
Q. hi is there any treatment for a person who is gay??????...
A. 6 June 2008: There's no treatment, because it's not a disease.
Being gay is simply what you are or what you aren't.
In theory it may be possible to change your feelings of sexuality by being given large doses of the appropriate hormones under careful me... (read in full...)
Sexual Harrassment at work - how can I make it stop?
Q. i recently started a new job which i love the man who was head of my department was selected to train me, after only a month he started to put his arm around me, and make sexuall remarks, this has now delveloped into him groping my bottom, and also ...
A. 6 June 2008: I agree with Waz on this one.
Although he probably deserves a good slap or worse, you don't want to ruin the job that you love or cause trouble if it can be avoided.
I think that before you even start the "Perv Alert!" or similar, you cou... (read in full...)
Are chavs victimised?
Q. are chavs victimised do you think?...
A. 6 June 2008: Try these definitions:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chav
Actually, Uncle Sneaker is just being paranoid about it because he drives a "chav car" and wears a baseball cap while he's driving it. I keep telling him he's far too... (read in full...)
I still love my girlfriend but I like guys too!
Q. Ok. so I dont know if im bi or what. I started dating this girl a little over a year ago and then she moved but we are still going out and im very much in love with her..but in december i slept with this guy four times. i only told her about the one ...
A. 6 June 2008: To the asker of the question, it doesn't really matter whether you are bisexual or not. It's not something you need to "decide".
What you do decide, eventually, is who you love and who you want to be with. The difficulty is always making t... (read in full...)
I still love my girlfriend but I like guys too!
Q. Ok. so I dont know if im bi or what. I started dating this girl a little over a year ago and then she moved but we are still going out and im very much in love with her..but in december i slept with this guy four times. i only told her about the one ...
A. 6 June 2008: Brilliant, anonymous.
Accurate, and irrelevant. If you check carefully, you'll find that the death penalty required by that verse in Leviticus is the normal one for what would generally be described as "ritual transgressions" relevant to that tim... (read in full...)
We are now at the stage where we just don't have sex, my wife says she cannot explain her lack of libido; I do not know how to save my marriage!
Q. Hi I am a 29 year old man and i have been with my wife for 5 years married for 3 of them. We have a little girl who is nearly two and we both dote on her. Just after we were married our sex life appeared to change dramatically, I understa...
A. 5 June 2008: Take her out. Make it "formal". A meal out, just the two of you, once a month at least. Arrange it right now. It doesn't have to be an expensive romantic dinner.
Do the little things that you might have done when you first met her. Hold her... (read in full...)
How can I come to accept that he lied to me about his age?
Q. Hi, I'm 23 and my bf and I have been together for 5 months now. I've always thought he was 38 but some weeks ago I discovered he is actually 42. I had my suspicions so I took his ID while he was asleep. Then I wrote a note and left. When he ...
A. 5 June 2008: If something as minor as that means so much to you, then I think you should seriously question whether you ought to be in this relationship. Either you love him for what he is, or you don't.... (read in full...)
I nearly had sex with my Mum's 37 year old friend
Q. I'm 16, and I fancy my Mum's 37 year old friend. I have since I first met her, but I knew nothing would ever happen between us. But the other night, she was at my house with my Mum, and they had a few drinks. My Mum went to sleep on the couch, I ...
A. 5 June 2008: It's Tisha's fault.
The tongue of dog goes IN the cauldron...... (read in full...)
Should a break up be over something big?
Q. How do you 'know' when its over in a long term relationship? Is it a bad idea to break up because of a loss of the spark/feeling attracted to other people (i.e. normal kinds of relationship issues) or should it be something more substantial, i.e. ...
A. 5 June 2008: The "spark" always fades. And you can always re-light it if you both make the effort.
A long-term relationship is about being able to get along together. It is, simply, a partnership. You can't expect to share everything you do, nor always h... (read in full...)
My ex has a narcissistic personality disorder and no one in her life will help her but me!
Q. I'm positive my ex-girlfriend has a Narcissistic Personality disorder. I once told her of my suspicions that she may have a mild bi-polar disorder called hypomania on the phone after we broke up and she flipped out. So, then I sent her a letter with ...
A. 5 June 2008: Rey, I've looked at the info you sent me in some detail and researched some of it thoroughly. You know the bit I mean.
I have to say that I think you really do need to step back and take a long, hard look at yourself as well as at this situatio... (read in full...)
I get turned on by the thought of my wife with another guy. Is this normal?
Q. Hi am i normal, i find that i get realy turned on by the thought of my wife with another guy. she like to talk dirty about other guys when we have sex. ...
A. 5 June 2008: It's not normal. It's not abnormal.
It's one of those things that some people fantasise about. Most men, I think, find the thought of their wife or partner being with someone else distasteful to say the least, but if it's a fantasy that does it ... (read in full...)
I nearly had sex with my Mum's 37 year old friend
Q. I'm 16, and I fancy my Mum's 37 year old friend. I have since I first met her, but I knew nothing would ever happen between us. But the other night, she was at my house with my Mum, and they had a few drinks. My Mum went to sleep on the couch, I ...
A. 5 June 2008: Tisha asks why she wants to hear a followup. And DiovanLestat wants to know too. And so do I.
Why is it that I get a sudden picture, vaguely Shakespearian, of the three of us around a cauldron on a "blasted heath" muttering strange inca... (read in full...)
My ex has a narcissistic personality disorder and no one in her life will help her but me!
Q. I'm positive my ex-girlfriend has a Narcissistic Personality disorder. I once told her of my suspicions that she may have a mild bi-polar disorder called hypomania on the phone after we broke up and she flipped out. So, then I sent her a letter with ...
A. 5 June 2008: If I understand NPD and hypomania correctly, both are relatively mild personality disorders - although it may not seem mild if you are on the receiving end of it. Certainly proper diagnosis by an expert would be ideal, but if she is resisting that ... (read in full...)
I had anal sex, is there any possible way I might be pregnant?
Q. I'm 16, My boyfriend and I have been messing around and have only had anal sex! I have missed my period and I'm very moody! It there any possible way that I could be pregnant? Please help I'm so scared!...Thank You...x...
A. 4 June 2008: It really is highly unlikely that you could be pregnant from anal sex.
As has already been pointed out, the sperm would have to leak round and then find its way all the way up inside... and not only that, but sperm will only survive for a very, ve... (read in full...)
I nearly had sex with my Mum's 37 year old friend
Q. I'm 16, and I fancy my Mum's 37 year old friend. I have since I first met her, but I knew nothing would ever happen between us. But the other night, she was at my house with my Mum, and they had a few drinks. My Mum went to sleep on the couch, I ...
A. 4 June 2008: Hey! Don't blame the British.
"The Graduate" was an American film...
... (read in full...)
Am I psychic?
Q. Heyy ! Im getting rather freaked out . I think i have physic ablilities. This has only happened twice but it only begun recently. First Occasion: I had a dream about a man in a bear suit in some toilets , the day later the exact same bear outfit +...
A. 4 June 2008: If you want to believe that you are psychic then that's fine with me.
You don't have to read the paper or listen to the radio. Hearing it in the distance or catching sight of a news article is more than enough. Your subconscious register... (read in full...)
Am I psychic?
Q. Heyy ! Im getting rather freaked out . I think i have physic ablilities. This has only happened twice but it only begun recently. First Occasion: I had a dream about a man in a bear suit in some toilets , the day later the exact same bear outfit +...
A. 4 June 2008: No, you're not psychic. Not from the evidence of those two events anyway.
The chances are that you saw a trailer for The Apprentice before dreaming about it - you may not even have realised you were seeing it, but sure enough your subconsc... (read in full...)
I nearly had sex with my Mum's 37 year old friend
Q. I'm 16, and I fancy my Mum's 37 year old friend. I have since I first met her, but I knew nothing would ever happen between us. But the other night, she was at my house with my Mum, and they had a few drinks. My Mum went to sleep on the couch, I ...
A. 4 June 2008: Anonymous female has a very good point.
If this was a girl asking the question about a man, the answers would probably be very different. Double standards? I got all sorts of comments questioning my judgement when I suggested there was nothing ... (read in full...)
Does it mean he doesn't love me if he lied about the porn?
Q. I am torn because my bf of about 8 months looks at porn. I found videos he dowloads, web cams vids and short movies. I am very hurt and feel betrayed. I asked him in the beginning if he looked at porn and he said no. Then i found it on the comp. I ...
A. 4 June 2008: *sigh*
Stop feeling insecure. Men ARE strange. We probably wouldn't love them if they weren't.... (read in full...)
Does it mean he doesn't love me if he lied about the porn?
Q. I am torn because my bf of about 8 months looks at porn. I found videos he dowloads, web cams vids and short movies. I am very hurt and feel betrayed. I asked him in the beginning if he looked at porn and he said no. Then i found it on the comp. I ...
A. 4 June 2008: Because men and women are DIFFERENT.
Our emotions aren't like theirs. Our sexdrive isn't like theirs. Our hormones aren't like theirs.
The hurt you feel is in your head, not in his actions. He doesn't love you any less because he looks... (read in full...)
I feel as I am running out of solutions and am considering prostitution...
Q. i want to be a prostitute i am struggling with money at the moment and i need some to help me life and enjoy myself i live in england does anyone no of how i can do it or of any agencies to call ? ...
A. 4 June 2008: Quite apart from any moral and emotional issues, becoming a prostitute, in the UK at least, tends to be a downward spiral. As a journalist, I interviewed a large number of "sex workers" at various levels of the "profession", and I can say with ... (read in full...)
We have been together for only about a month and he already wants to touch me intimately, what to do?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a month and he is already wanting to touch me in private places, he is also wanting to have sex. have deep feelings for him, but im not to sure how to react to this, what should i do?...
A. 4 June 2008: You don't let anyone touch you intimately or sexually until YOU want them to and until YOU are absolutely ready for it.
If he cares anything at all for you, then he will respect that. And if he doesn't, then the sooner you find another boyfrien... (read in full...)
I nearly had sex with my Mum's 37 year old friend
Q. I'm 16, and I fancy my Mum's 37 year old friend. I have since I first met her, but I knew nothing would ever happen between us. But the other night, she was at my house with my Mum, and they had a few drinks. My Mum went to sleep on the couch, I ...
A. 4 June 2008: Uncle Phil! I'm shocked!
If she was drunk, the poor woman will be SO embarrassed when she remembers what happened.
Before you rush to phone her and leap into bed with her (and if you are in the UK and over the age of 16 there's absolute... (read in full...)
I have really bad BO! Why is that?
Q. Why is it that after i take a shower i still smell? All over my body! Feet, underarms, and vagina? i have really bad body order! why is that! i take like 3-4 showers a day! ...
A. 3 June 2008: Are you sure?
I mean, are you sure you smell? Do you sweat excessively? Has anyone else commented that you smell? Is it only the underarms, feet and groin that appears to smell, or can you smell it if, for example, you sniff the skin on your for... (read in full...)
If I am pregnant, could he go to jail?
Q. I have been dating this real great guy for awhile now, and im 17 and he's 23 and we are already planning on getting married when i turn 18. A few weeks ago we had unprotected sex and i am worried that i could possible be pregnant. I was wondering ...
A. 3 June 2008: Even if it's illegal in your state, it would be very unlikely a court would send him to prison if he is in a serious relationship with you, if you have just had a baby, and by that time you too are over 18.
Despite the idiocies of some of the stat... (read in full...)
Weird bumps on my private parts. What's going on?
Q. I have these bumps on my private part.i have never had sex,so I couldn't have an STD.What's going on?...
A. 3 June 2008: I can't reply to the message you sent me giving more details.
The answer is that you MUST go to the doctor as soon as possible. It probably isn't anything to worry about, but it sounds as though it requires treatment and may become somethin... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work without the physical spark?
Q. I have been through a marriage break up about 1.5yrs ago,I have met somebody else we get on great but sometimes I really do not want the physical side of things..can a relationship work without a spark..? We have been together 6mths....
A. 2 June 2008: Yes, it can work.
I do think it would be a great pity to miss out on the joys that a physical relationship can give you, and I think it's worth making a real effort to re-capture the sparks of physical desire, but I don't think the sexual side of ... (read in full...)
My best friend doesn't like gay or bi people!
Q. One of my best friends is a great friend, but she discriminates against gay and bi people. Our other friend says she might be bi and when my best friend found out,she says, "Eww,that's nasty. Let's not hang around her". Best friend knows, but still ...
A. 2 June 2008: Tolerate her views, even though you know she's wrong.
Sure, some people find it uncomfortable to be around someone who is gay - in exactly the same way that some people find it uncomfortable to be around someone who is disabled, or someone ... (read in full...)
Weird bumps on my private parts. What's going on?
Q. I have these bumps on my private part.i have never had sex,so I couldn't have an STD.What's going on?...
A. 2 June 2008: Describe the bumps.
Do they itch? Do they hurt? Do they hurt if you press them? What colour are they? Are they hard? Soft? What part of your private parts are they on? Have you got them on the tops of your legs too? Or anywhere else?... (read in full...)
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