A
female
age
13-15,
anonymous
writes:Im sleeping with a maried man and i thibnk i might be falling in love with him. Im jealous of his wife and i cant handle that he has just had a baby with her. what should i do?
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jealous, married man Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Madison83  +, writes (25 May 2008):
I agree with the previous writer to not tell her. Speaking from experience, I was dating my boss after working together for 4 years. I knew his wife and watched her have two children with him. This is before we began seeing each other. Once we began to make it more than a work relationship, I developed feelings which in evidently turned towards jealousy to her, even though she was a wonderful person and had nothing to do with it. I ended up telling her about us, and I in the end lost out on the best thing of my life. I didnt appreciate what we had and the value he played in my life, and will always always regret what I did. It wasnt a good thing. Speak to him about how you feel. He might get a little scared but he'll appreciate your honesty and understand where your coming from. It will also make you feel better to actually get it out, and share it with him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Even though the logical answer is to leave him alone, it's so much harder than that. But honestly, more than likely in the long run you will be the one hurt. I too am involved with a married man, and I know that once it ends I am the only one that will be heart broken, but I am willing to risk it to enjoy the time we do have together. I would never tell his wife... I value our friendship to much. He means a lot to me. My friends have told me to leave him alone, and I can't. There is a bond between us. We have worked together for almost 2yrs, we have been involved for almost a year, a0nd he has recently become my boss. I love him (not in love), I don't want to let him go, and don't want to lose what we have.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (27 April 2008):
What the heck are you doing? Stop sleeping with him. Don't let yourself fall in love with him - it will only end in tears, probably yours. Honestly, if he has a wife and a new baby, he will always put them before you. That's really hard, but it's true. So save yourself now - get out while you can!! And also think about her and the baby - it's not fair to jeopardise their life as well. They haven't done anything to deserve this. He's the one who is being selfish, and you'll all get hurt. Don't let him do that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): It's really unfortunate that you're in this situation so young. Plenty of grown women in their 20s and 30s can't handle this situation very well.
You can break off all contact with him now and get hurt, or you can break off all contact with him later or get hurt a lot worse. It's that simple. There is no possible outcome that does not get you hurt. It's only a question of how badly.
And I know that somewhere deep down, you probably want and hope that he'll leave his wife for you. This is fantasy and not reality.
Like another answerer said: He is not cheating on your loving relationship with his slutty little wife. He is cheating on his loving wife with slutty little YOU.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (27 April 2008):
 Stop sleeping with a married man?
Life is complicated enough, and yet there is no shortage of willing partners who are unattached if you make the effort and find them.
It's all going to get very messy - it always does. You'll be hurt one way or another. He'll be hurt and torn two ways. His wife will be hurt the moment she finds out, and more so when it's all kicking off. Worst of all, the baby will be hurt with all the emotional turmoil going on all around. It's just not realistic to think that even the youngest of babies isn't going to feel some of the extreme emotions that everyone else will be feeling and, resilient as children are, some it it will stay with him/her for the rest of his/her life.
Actually, it's worse than that. At your age, it's quite likely that someone will get the police involved once it all comes out into the open. You may well be labelled as the "victim" here, but you know the truth of it and you are really the only one who is in a position to sort it out before it's all too late.
It's not fair. None of it is fair. It's not fair to you if you love him, but it's far more unfair to everyone else.
Get out of it as smoothly and calmly as you possibly can. Then go and find someone else to have a normal relationship with.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (27 April 2008):
 Are you really 13-15 years old? That just makes this all more tragic and frustrating.
He is married. That makes him legally and morally HER man. He is not cheating on you with her. He is cheating on her with you. She's his wife - the woman he was deep in love enough with to want to marry - and the mother of his child, you're his bit on the side.
You need to stay away from this guy, women should not screw over other women like this. You'll be a million times happier with someone who is available and who can be your man because this guy will always be hers. Even if the marriage doesnt work out, he will always have made a baby with her and she will always be the mother of his child, meaning he has a lifelong tie to her. You dont need that kind of burden and jealousy on you. If you're jealous of them having a baby, you will always be jealous because that child is not going anywhere. So cut your losses, meet a new guy who is single and is not a liar / cheat / irresponsible man, husband and father and get on with your own life.
Brooke.
ps if you really are falling in love with him, you'll be doing HIM a favour as well as yourself by staying away from him. His wife WILL find out. Maybe not today or tomorrow but sooner or later one thing is for definite, it will all come out and everyone - including your parents - will be told about it. Meaning he'll be up on statutory rape charges.
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (27 April 2008):
 ummm ... leave him?
Be alone and figure out why you want a man that is not available. Wanting a man that has promised himself to another woman is a sign that you are lacking something inside, something that only you can fill. Once you figure it out and you heal yourself, you will be ready to have a healthy relationship with an available man.
Whatever is wrong in their marriage is for the two of them to solve. Even if he were to leave her and his brand new baby for you, that would not mean that he loved you and that you two would live happily ever after. It would mean whatever problem he has inside that kept him from being faithful to her would be brought into a relationship with you.
Rationalize your relationship all you would like ... you know, deep down inside, that it would not work because it is not healthy.
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