A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend is 37 years old.he has not had sex in 4 years.we just started seeing one another and he cant keep his penus hard.whats wrong
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you but it worked today
A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 It may be a medical problem. It may be a psychological problem. In either case a visit to a doctor is a good idea.
However, it may be more simple. If he hasn't had sex for 4 years then quite probably he has become very familiar with the DIY ("Do-It-Yourself"!) method. There is the possibility that even now that he has a relationship with you he still has the same habit - so when it comes to sex with you his performance is somewhat lacking because it wasn't too long ago he "did it". Remember that it most definitely is a habit, and like any habit it's difficult to break and to stop or even to pause for a while to allow the body to adjust to other things.
It may also be that having become familiar with the feel of his own fingers, the sensations you are giving him are so different that it's going to take a while to get used to it - and that's just a matter of keeping at it. Practise makes perfect, as they say!
The biggest problem may be discussing it with him. Masturbation is not something that many men want to talk about, and he may be too highly embarrassed to discuss it with you. The natural reaction is "of course I don't do that!" whether he does or not (this isn't an honesty thing or a matter of trust, it just IS. Don't be offended if he lies about it. He can't help it!). So if you want to find out whether that's the problem and help him to deal with it if it is, you really need to "set the scene" so he's not embarrassed - talking about your own body, likes, dislikes and where and how you find physical pleasure is always a good start to make him far less uneasy about telling you about his. But, of course, it's no good you being embarrassed about talking about yours, otherwise you'll both go round in circles and never get anywhere.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (29 April 2008):
 There are different reasons for this happening but its probably not because he hasnt had sex for 4 years. Some men cant get an erection at all and others cannot sustain it. He needs to go the doctors and get to the route of the problem it may be psychological but the doctor can try and find the cause and medication can help. Good luck and dont take it personally, be there for him and help him through this x
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