New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap
*usan Strict agony aunt

*usan Strict

United Kingdom  (Female   XML/RSS

Like what she writes?
... Add *usan Strict to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *usan Strict a private message

*usan Strict's Ratings
Excellent62%
Average11%
Poor27%
*usan Strict's profile:

Writer and publisher of fiction, including books for children and young adults, science fiction, horror, mystery, and some strictly adult fantasy novels.

Married with three children, living south of London in the UK.

And what qualifies me to help people? Many things, I guess, but not least because I had many tempestuous (I like that word) relationships before I finally settled with my permanent partner and realised how fulfilling a long-term relationship can be.

< Prev1234567891011Next > [11 pages, 403 answers]

Can someone please help me...Am I depressed??

Q.   I just really need some advice, i guess sometimes it's more helpful hearing advice from people i do not personally know. I'm not sure, but i think I am depressed. I know a doctor can only disgnose someone with depression, but how can one actually...

A.   4 May 2008: I don't think counselling is right for everyone. I don't think prayer is right for everyone. I think that in the end your answers and the strength to move forward has to come from within you, and although counselling, friends or relative... (read in full...)

I'm not cheating but my boyfriend thinks I am.

Q.   I need help, FAST! My boyfriend found 3 messages i'd sent a guy i slept with before.(TOTALLY INNOCENT) He was a colleage, and i HAD to text him regarding work, even though i know i was totally in the wrong for doing it behind my boyfriend's back. ...

A.   4 May 2008: All you can do is to apologise and do your best to explain everything. My guess is that the trust issue will be far more of a concern to him than the drunken violence. It may be a little odd, and my advice to any girl whose boyfriend had been vio... (read in full...)

Am I a lesbian/ bi or just curious?

Q.   i am a 21 year old married female. I have been marries for 6 years and have lately found myself attracted to weman. I have found myself masterbating watching lesbian porn, and i feel horrible about it because i will do it about 5 times in 1 day. I ...

A.   3 May 2008: No. You should not go with a woman to find out if you are lesbian or bi. That's being unfaithful exactly the same as a woman sleeping with a man other than her husband or a man sleeping with a woman other than his wife. There's absolutely no ... (read in full...)

Surely I'm not the only one who's dug the biggest hole she could dig and now cant see a way out?

Q.   hi. i am in a realtionship and have been with him 12 yrs. and through this 12 yrs i have had cancer and nearly lost my 3 month old son. etc..he hs stood by me through thick and thin. we have not had an easy time. my partner loves me very much. but i ...

A.   3 May 2008: Yes, you have dug a hole for yourself. It's easy to say and harder to do, but now you know you are in such a hole then for goodness sake stop digging. Make your choices. Decide who is most important to you. Going on the way you are sounds t... (read in full...)

When did everyone stop masturbating? Or do you still do it?

Q.   Hi, just for curiosity, when did everyone stop masturbating? Or do you still do it? I am 36 but stopped when i was about 20ish. Also, when did everyone start. Males and females should answer...

A.   3 May 2008: About ten minutes ago.... (read in full...)

He doesn't fancy me so why is doing all this flirty sex stuff?

Q.   there is this lad.; who is about 8 years older than me, we have been m8z for quite a few years. wen we first met i had a huge crush on him, which he found out about. but then got over it. recently, over the past year he has been relaly flirty over ...

A.   3 May 2008: This is fairly standard behaviour for many young (-ish) men at a party IF they think they can get away with it. If you didn't like it, you really should have told him to stop doing it. He clearly finds you attractive and desirable, but that doe... (read in full...)

Should your bf keep pics of a hot girl from the past on his phone?

Q.   After a few years with a boyfriend---if a friend sends him a picture of some hot girl--like from the internet or something to his phone, isn't it rude and a little disrespectful of the boyfriend to KEEP that picture or video in his phone? Afte...

A.   3 May 2008: I don't think you are out of line asking him to remove it from his phone. Yes it's quite pleasant and not unreasonable to keep pictures of people you used to know, whether or not you had a relationship with them, but storing on them a phone seems ... (read in full...)

I don't think my friend is in love with me but he wants sex. What should I do?

Q.   im 14 and i hav a freind with benifits whos also 14 (hes my Xboyfreind). we have been seeing eachother for about 5 months and i hav already givin him oral sex. My freinds and family all say that he doesnt deserve me and that i can do better and at ...

A.   3 May 2008: Sex is much, much better if it happens between people who genuinely love each other. That's not a "moral" comment - it's simply a fact. It's a far better experience with someone you love and who loves you. Vague "feelings" are not enough. ... (read in full...)

Why do so many teenage girls have a thing for their male teachers?

Q.   Why do so many teenage girls on this site have a thing for their male teachers? There are so many posts from teenage girls who say they are in love with their male teachers. Some of these teachers are 20 or more years older than these girls, so it ...

A.   3 May 2008: I agree absolutely with "hlskitten" - and I see that we've just had a question here from a teenage boy in love with his female teacher. I think it's rather bizarre, because there's absolutely no doubt that when I was in my teens and early twenties... (read in full...)

Why would he take a condom with him if he didn't expect to have sex?

Q.   My boyfriend went away to Seattle then to california to see his friend 2 weeks ago and he got back monday. When i went over last night i went to get the toothpaste out of his bag where he keeps all the toothpaste etc which he had taken with him, ...

A.   2 May 2008: It's odd, but so many men seem to do that. My partner used to always have one in his bag and I know he never used it because it was there for years and years with the wrapper getting tattier and tattier. I did ask him. He blushed bright r... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to fall in love with your best friend?

Q.   is it wrong to fall in love with your best friend- or have a crush on them? by the way i am a girl and my best friend is a girl. help!...

A.   2 May 2008: You can fall in love with almost anyone at almost any age, and it's not wrong. The real question is whether you should show your love, and that's more difficult to answer. Love can be shown in many ways, and true friendship is one of them. Fr... (read in full...)

Can someone please help me...Am I depressed??

Q.   I just really need some advice, i guess sometimes it's more helpful hearing advice from people i do not personally know. I'm not sure, but i think I am depressed. I know a doctor can only disgnose someone with depression, but how can one actually...

A.   2 May 2008: You may be depressed, but it doesn't sound like you have depression. It doesn't hurt to go and talk it through with a doctor. They are the experts and they can go through it all with you and that may help. Losing someone close makes many peo... (read in full...)

Will he expect me to sleep with him? We've been sex texting and I sent him a raunchy picture of myself...

Q.   I have been sex texting (quite explicit) a guy and sent him a raunchy picture of myself. He is taking me out for dinner next week. Do you think he will be expecting me to sleep with him as I've sent him these raunchy messages? I have already been ...

A.   2 May 2008: He'll certainly be hoping you will sleep with him. If you aren't likely to want to do that, then you HAVE to tell him that before you meet him. He'll probably still be hoping, but if you have made it clear it's not going to happen then he knows ... (read in full...)

I found out my boyfriend joined a sex dating site. I don't know what to do.

Q.   Hey all, where do i start, well im new to this but just so confused ,feel like i could talk to someone better, if they dont know me, than friends who give advice, not saying that we wont become friends on this site but you'll understand when i say ...

A.   2 May 2008: I would have thought he would have been far less calm about it if he were really "up to something". Take it slowly and gently, and don't get stressed unless/until you know for sure there is a problem. As it stands, you don't have any real reason ... (read in full...)

I found out my boyfriend joined a sex dating site. I don't know what to do.

Q.   Hey all, where do i start, well im new to this but just so confused ,feel like i could talk to someone better, if they dont know me, than friends who give advice, not saying that we wont become friends on this site but you'll understand when i say ...

A.   1 May 2008: It may not be nearly as bad as you think. There MIGHT be a problem, but equally there might not. People register on "dating" sites - particularly the smuttier ones, if you know what I mean, for all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with ... (read in full...)

My wife wants to be painted nude. Is this normal?

Q.   Hi my wife would like to have a nude painting done of her and is quite turned on by that fact that people will see it. is this normal or what...

A.   1 May 2008: It's fine, but I think she really ought to consider whether or not you would be happy about it. One of our neighbours, a very "respectable" and quite prim and proper lady, regularly posed nude as an artists' model for over fifty years right in... (read in full...)

It's the same old routine every time. I need more foreplay.

Q.   Whenever i have sex with my bf its always the same routine. i toss him off he fingers me i give him head FOR ages! then he jumps on me and we have sex. And ive tried everything i can but i just cant come straight out with it, i just cant ...

A.   1 May 2008: This is so difficult if you find it hard to talk to him about it. As Tisha said, you need to break up the routine so it's different. I suppose it's out of the question to suggest you tie him to the bed and tell him he's not going to get it until... (read in full...)

I want to ask her out but I don't know how to do it.

Q.   i work at a pizzaria, and there is this girl who comes in alot to get pizza, well i would love to ask her out or get her number, but shes only in the store for about 2 minutes, and everyone is around so they would definatly hear me ask her out, ...

A.   1 May 2008: What about a note saying nothing more than "You're the most beautiful girl who comes in here" - no name, no phone number. Arouse her interest. Take your time. Be a bit different from anyone else who has ever asked her out. Then, maybe, next tim... (read in full...)

He's gone grey and I'm embarrassed. How do I talk to him about it?

Q.   this may seem a bit like a dumb question but my boyfriend is gray/white at 30 and i'm finding it really a turn off and a bit embarrassing- how can i talk to him about it? because i think he needs to do something. I don't think i'm being unreasonab...

A.   1 May 2008: My partner has lots of grey in his hair, and it hasn't changed much since his mid-twenties just before I met him when it went like that. I think it looks rather distinguished (or is that "extinguished"?) Seriously, I don't think too many people t... (read in full...)

Do I have a butt fetish here? Anyone else? Does it make me a pervet?

Q.   Ladies, do you like it when a guy kisses and licks your butt cheeks? Does it make you sexually aroused? The reason I ask is I love doing this for a woman. I think a woman's butt is the sexiest part of her body, so when I see a woman's bare butt, I ...

A.   1 May 2008: Is there a name for a fetish where you like EVERYTHING? If so, Uncle Phil as got it. Great!! But to come back to the question, I don't think it even classifies as a "fetish". Fine. No problem. Wonderful. Perfectly acceptable. In fact it'... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend an expert liar, or worse?

Q.   I am confused as to what to do with my boyfriend. He genuinelly acts like he cares about me and that he loves me. He says that every one is always saying that they love someone but they don't mean it, but when he says it he means it. He is marr...

A.   30 April 2008: I would be very, very nervous about him and his motives. He's been through the mill - by which I mean he is equally at home on either side of the law and is undoubtedly experienced at manipulating people. Just his phrases that you quote should t... (read in full...)

My husband will not stop looking at porn. How can I make him understand?

Q.   My husband will not stop looking at porn. i have asked him to stop but he does it behind my back. when i catch him he turns the argument around on me. i am a heavy woman and i am trying to lose weight. it hurts me because i believe he thinks i am ...

A.   30 April 2008: Just because he looks at porn it doesn't mean he doesn't love you or that he doesn't find you attractive. It makes you feel that he wants something different - something he can see in the porn and can't see in you, and that feels like he is being... (read in full...)

I've been developing some strange sexual fetishes. Will this affect my relationships?

Q.   Hi, I am a 24 year old male from England. I am quite a good looking lad and don't really have any problem getting the girls, the only problem is I am confused as to what turns me on at the moment and it is the wrong sort of girls i attract. Si...

A.   30 April 2008: It's fine. It's not an unusual "fetish", but it most definitely is a fetish. That's not to say that it's bad, it's just not something everyone finds interesting - and there will be some people who find it decidedly unpleasant. Lots of people, far ... (read in full...)

How long does it take a girl to climax through fingering?

Q.   Hi, im quite young and still a virgin. I recently got a new girlfriend which i love very much but she is very shy and has not done much with any other boy except me. She is quite shy, and i have dry fingered her (over her pants), but she doesnt f...

A.   30 April 2008: In answer to your question, everyone is different. Also, you will get better at touching her in the way she needs to be touched as you learn about her body and how it reacts. We aren't all the same and don't all react in the same way. If sh... (read in full...)

She still swears nothing more than kissing ever happened what do YOU think?

Q.   About 2 years ago my girlfriend started a relationship with her ex for about 2 months behind my back (we had been together for 3 years at the time). They had been in an online relationship for years before we were together and talked frequently on ...

A.   30 April 2008: It may not be as terrible as you are probably thinking it is. No one is perfect. You say you love her, and I'm sure she loves you. Few people go through life without at least thinking about having a relationship with someone other than the part... (read in full...)

I stupidly told my friends I was goin out with this guy when I wasnt-How do I get out this mess?

Q.   dear cupid, ive done somethin really stupid, i told my friends i was goin out with this guy when i really wasnt because i was so sick of them bragging about there own love lives, now my friend added the guy i sed i was goin out with on msn and shes ...

A.   30 April 2008: And I think it's fair to say that we're rather proud of you too. Well done. Nicely handled.... (read in full...)

He seems to be no longer interested in sex and I am getting a strong impression that he feels that we are a bit past all that !

Q.   Iam a 53 yr old woman and having relationship problems with my husband of 30 years and it is now to the point where i am having moments of serious anguish.He seems to be no longer interested in sex and I am getting a strong impression that he feels ...

A.   30 April 2008: From what you say I don't think that it's a case of him seeing you as no more than a friend and housekeeper, I think it's more as Tellulah says that he is happy and content being with you and his love may well be far deeper than anything that can be ... (read in full...)

Pregnant with twins and just found out husband is cheating on me, I really need some help please!

Q.   Hi im 7 months pregnant with identical twins and have a 2 year old boy aswell i have just found out tht my husbund is cheating on me. And as been doing so for around 9 months. Im heart broken and i cant look at him or touch him he makes me feel sick ...

A.   30 April 2008: First, you have to stop this woman calling you. That's the last thing you want, to have her on the phone. Tell her not to call, and if she persists then see a solicitor and get an injunction - it's straightforward and doesn't cost a lot (maybe ... (read in full...)

Any advice on sex when I havent finished the course of albothyl suppositories for cervicitis?

Q.   hello, i really need help.... I have been using albothyl suppositories for my cervicitis, my ob said that i should not have sexual intercourse until i have finished all my medication for 2 weeks... the problem is my bf and i where having sex though ...

A.   30 April 2008: I think albothyl is nothing more than an antiseptic/disinfectant? If that's right, then the instruction to avoid sex was most probably to avoid risk of further infection or irritation - quite simply not to risk pushing anything unnecessary into an ... (read in full...)

I can't imagine leaving my family and mainly my son, but I desperately want to be with this other woman-Can I have advice please?

Q.   I have been married for the past 9 years and, like many others I'm sure, the past few years have been rocky ones. I have always done everything in my power to make my wife happy. We have moved 3 times to different homes because she wanted bigger ...

A.   30 April 2008: Try to step back from everything you are feeling and look at it objectively. It's very easy to become infatuated (that may be too strong a word) with someone else when everything is not going smoothly and it's very easy to give yourself lots of ... (read in full...)

Am I the only one who thinks it is wrong for married guys to flirt too much?

Q.   Hey guys, I have a bit of a common problem, I guess. This guy at my work clearly has a 'thing' for me. He also happens to be married. In my eyes this is inappropriate in itself, but someone told me once there is a line. Supposedly some actions ...

A.   30 April 2008: It's fine, as long as it doesn't go too far. If he knows where the line is drawn and doesn't step over if, then it's not a problem. I'm quite happy with my partner flirting and I know he does it absolutely outrageously from time to time. He can ... (read in full...)

I am conflicted and seeking guidance, preferably from other Christians

Q.   I have a serious problem I'm not sure how to explain it fully... I come from a very Christian background and I believe the bible very strongly. I married my husband almost a year ago, and lost my virginity to him on our wedding night. I am a very ...

A.   30 April 2008: The passages in the Bible that talk about "submitting to your husband" deal mostly with allowing him to "bring you to God", and I feel that it is a misinterpretation to take them as meaning you have to do what he says in all things. The most fre... (read in full...)

Does oral sex need precautions?

Q.   hi people,can you plz guide me on how to go about oral sex?i mean should one take precautions during oral sex anf if any then what are they?hoping to get some valuable answers. thanks...

A.   30 April 2008: Re: Comment by "Lazyguy". I did NOT say it was safer, although it may well be. I said you are less likely to catch anything through oral sex but that currently more diseases are passed this way because people aren't as careful. And tha... (read in full...)

I flirted with his enemy to see if he likes me, now he's giving me sad puppy eyes. Did my plan work?

Q.   im 14 i like this guy ..and his friend told me dat the guy i like only likes me as a friend ... i dont get it ... now i did a mission to see if he likes me i flirted with his enemy and his enemy knew because i told him too ..so we were both laughin ...

A.   29 April 2008: Machiavelli would have been proud. For the rest of us lesser mortals I think it's a little sad. You're 14? Considering a career in politics, maybe? Good luck. We'll all need it.... (read in full...)

Does oral sex need precautions?

Q.   hi people,can you plz guide me on how to go about oral sex?i mean should one take precautions during oral sex anf if any then what are they?hoping to get some valuable answers. thanks...

A.   29 April 2008: The summary is that you might be less likely to catch something nasty from oral sex than from conventional sex, BUT there are a number of diseases, some of them very nasty, that you can get from oral sex. Most common diseases caught through ... (read in full...)

My crushes are based on personality, not looks, is this normal?

Q.   Is it normal for me (17) to not have ANY feelings at all about guys who all my friends say are really fit? I really am not attracted to pysical appearence, If I get a crush on sombody it is because of his personality and unless he is dead ugly the...

A.   29 April 2008: Remarkably mature and sensible of you. But the "not talking" is something you need to be more careful with. It's quite natural not to want to "bare your soul" to everyone, particularly when you are clearly more emotionally mature than most of ... (read in full...)

Should I talk to my crush or will he think I'm desperate?

Q.   k suppose i talk to this guy who i have a crush on..is it a bad thing?? do u think he will think that i am desperate..will it make it less challenging since i made the move and he wouldn make efforts further right?? he would be expecting me ...

A.   29 April 2008: Talk, or keep him in your head as a fantasy. The choice is yours. Think it through and think what you really want. If you think you have a chance for a relationship with him then go talk to him or, better, put yourself in a position where he... (read in full...)

I am heartbroken after the break up and my exams are imminent! What do I do?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and we really love eachother. We've been living together and cause fight most of the time over silly things. Infact the phone is the cause of everything. Each time a guy calls me whether just a friend to ...

A.   29 April 2008: You work through it and you concentrate on your exams. I know it's easier to say than it is to do, but you can do it. You focus on yourself, and know that everything will be so much better when your exams are finished and you've done well in them. ... (read in full...)

I stupidly told my friends I was goin out with this guy when I wasnt-How do I get out this mess?

Q.   dear cupid, ive done somethin really stupid, i told my friends i was goin out with this guy when i really wasnt because i was so sick of them bragging about there own love lives, now my friend added the guy i sed i was goin out with on msn and shes ...

A.   29 April 2008: He definitely won't hate you. At worst he'll make those snorty grumpy noises that men make when they are pretending to be annoyed. Even if he doesn't want to go out with you, he'll still be flattered that you could imagine yourself going out with ... (read in full...)

I stupidly told my friends I was goin out with this guy when I wasnt-How do I get out this mess?

Q.   dear cupid, ive done somethin really stupid, i told my friends i was goin out with this guy when i really wasnt because i was so sick of them bragging about there own love lives, now my friend added the guy i sed i was goin out with on msn and shes ...

A.   29 April 2008: Laugh with them if they laugh, and don't worry about it. We all end up looking like idiots at some time or other, and if they're real friends they won't do any more than joke about it anyway. Just a thought (prompted by the post from Nikkii),... (read in full...)

Please tell me aunties does he fancy me or something or am I just dreaming it?

Q.   Hi i'm 13, well there is a porblem but just need to get some advise. I used to like this boy who is 13 and he lately has been acting differently towards me by doing these things: 1) Touched me on the shoulder a few times 2) follows me in sch...

A.   29 April 2008: Yup! He's got it bad! You may not need to tell him at all, because if you do nothing then it's quite likely that he will change his mind completely and suddenly decide he likes someone else better. Or some other boy may suddenly decide that you... (read in full...)

Why do people think first night sex is cheap and the girl lacks self respect?

Q.   Ok guys why do ppl think it is cheap and the girl lacks self respect if they have sex on the first night? I mean after going out on a date and lots of talking? What is the difference between waiting for the second date as some ppl think it is more ...

A.   29 April 2008: Who are these people who think that? Not me. I think that a boy or girl who expects sex on a first date or a second date or a third date or on any date before their new partner is absolutely ready for it has issues that need to be sorted out. ... (read in full...)

*usan Strict's friends

These are mutual friends, so *usan Strict has added them and they have added *usan Strict!

BigSis agony auntBigSis
confused1517 agony auntconfused1517
DearCupid agony auntDearCupid
hamham agony aunthamham
inneedofattention agony auntinneedofattention
JTalbott agony auntJTalbott
little ninja agony auntlittle ninja
lushlass93 agony auntlushlass93
Minelisse agony auntMinelisse
mizz*confused agony auntmizz*confused
oldfool agony auntoldfool
pepper27 agony auntpepper27
supermum agony auntsupermum
Tisha-1 agony auntTisha-1
vickyx1 agony auntvickyx1
WiccanWonder agony auntWiccanWonder

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.109388899996702!