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age
26-29,
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writes: My boyfriend keeps asking for money indirectly. He would say my mom is not giving me money we can't date. Or he would go directly like 'can i ask you something? No leave it'. If I say tell me he would ask me. I mean I am not so rich. I don't have a job. I am a student. What am I supposed to do. It just ruins my mood.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 December 2011):
 It is a scam. 99.8 percent this is a big fat lie, that he made up to get money out of you. In the off chance it is true....3 days in jail will not kill him and will teach him to stay out of trouble.
Wake up girl, you need to let him go, this is not the right guy for you.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Well no problem, the cousin can give him money, she can sell the ring..
The guy is an idiot. He just wants money. Dump him, don't ever see him or talk to him again, he is too expensive for you, your a poor student.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 This is ridiculous..now you just need to dump him.
Secretive relationships are very hard to maintain and never work out how you want them to. It's best to break up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): Tell him you always loved him for how honest a young man he is and how he knows serving jail time will be a short time. Its just 3 fricken days.
I hope no one receives and email from you asking us to help you pay out money. Because Turkey is ripe full of Con Artists and your BF sounds like one, and possibly this story.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 November 2011):
 tell him you will visit him in jail....
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Ok now he's really showing his immaturity by playing mind games with you and making up stories.
If he really was going to the police station and needed bail out money, surely has parents or older siblings to bail him out???
Its not your job to satisfy his greed for control.
He sounds to me in my honest opinion
greedy, manipulative, selfish.
Think carefully before you commit to such a person who is clearly trying to manipulate you.
I know you care for him and as such im talking from experience, i've personally encountered those with the characteristics he is displaying and clearly the way you are feeling tells me he is not very good for you dear.
Keep away from him if you want to keep your sanity!
I hope this helps you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe is also 17. And guess what ?? I did what you guys said and he is now making up a story that police arrested him and left him only for him to pay them in three days or he d be in jail. and then emotionally black mailed me that he ll miss me. He even said his one cousin called and said he can take her ring and sell it and said who is she to me and blah blah blah. I love him but i cant take this anymore.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2011):
stop giving him money
you are 17 at most how old is this boyfriend of yours?
what you say to him when he says he needs money to date you is "oh well sorry then we can't date as I have no money to share"
it will be horrid for you at first but it will be a better picture for you eventually of what this boy feels for you.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (29 November 2011):
I understand you cannot be seen... but doesnt he have any friends with homes... some place somewhere far you could both go and hang out?
I know alot of people who keep their relationships discreet in such countries, it is possible.
You dont need a ton of money to do it.
Your boyfriend shouldnt be asking you for money in the first place especially when you dont have it.
Thats not love, that just sounds like he's USING you in my honest opinion. I can understand its hard to hear such words but this is from my experience dear.
I Hope this helps you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe live in a country where we have to keep our relationship a secret and we cannot afford to be seen.
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female
reader, Starlights +, writes (28 November 2011):
It doesnt sound like your shy, it sounds like your scared of saying NO to him.
If you want to be stopped taken advantage of, the best thing is to say NO when he asks you for money because you dont have the money.
If he's a good man he would compromise with you.
Find out what his thoughts are.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 November 2011):
Unfortunately we can't tell him for you, nor can we hold your hand while you tell him. We even told you what to say! The rest is up to you.
I don't understand why he rents a cabin and takes you to a cafe? That's expensive! Just go for a stroll around your area, have lunch at your home! It's free!
We've already helped you with the advice provided; we can't help you any further. So listen to the advice provided and say something that simple to him, or don't and let him drain you dry of money. But don't come back here asking for us to help you when we clearly already have.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 November 2011):
Honey, being shy does not mean being DUMB, and sorry but you are acting dumb. You are being taken adavantage of.
a) He does not need money to go out with you, you could just walk and if he liked you that would be enough for him ( And what does it mean he's afraid of going out ? Is the police after him, is he a vampire, what ? ) b ) he does not need YOUR money to take you out on dates, he can get his own, by working or asking his family, not you.
c ) if he stops taking you out , unless you give him money... well,please try to use your brain and not your hormones only : what does this would say about him, the kind of person he is ? Or about how much he likes you, how much he cares about you? ... If he says : I can't be with you unless you give me money- well that means he cares about MONEY not about you, and you need to get rid of him right away !
You just have to say , no sorry, I can't give you anything from now on so please don't even ask.
If you can't bring yourself even to say something that simple, you should not date anybody at all. It's dangerous for you . You are too vulnerable and weak , and very likely to be victimized and exploited, sexually, emotionally and finnacially.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe is afraid to go out. And again he is asking for money. Pls i beg you guys to help me! he always take me to a cafe and hire a cabin. and i feel stuck. I dont want to deal with it and i cant walk away from it.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 November 2011):
What's there to be shy about? He's your boyfriend so you have to COMMUNICATE with him.
Tell him, "Sorry but I will not be giving you anymore money. If you need money then you should get a job..or ask your parents for money. So stop asking me."
Put your foot down and firmly tell him!! No wonder he keeps on asking, because he knows you can't tell him no.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am a little shy to say this out loud. :( you guys are right but i cant say this. I am very shy. And i have given him money alot before. Please please please help! I beg you all!
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (26 November 2011):
oh and btw, if he really really loves you... he wont ever ever stop meeting you!
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (26 November 2011):
It sounds like your boyfriend is lazy to get a job.
Like tennisstar88 said the guy needs to get a job.
He cant expect you to fund him.
There are alot of things you guys can do without much money like going for walks, sightseeing.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 November 2011):
Why does he have to have $$ to meet with you? You guys can go out for walks in the park, picnics with food from home, there are dates that don't cost money.
Again, he needs to get a J-O-B if he wants money. He should be ashamed of asking you for $$.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey! Thanx tennisstar. But what if he says we cant meet. I dont wanna stop meetin.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): Why would you want to be with a man who uses you for money?
He should be able to have money and its not your responsibility to give him a cent. Its his responsibility to get himself a job and make his own money.
Tell him no, get a job.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 November 2011):
Tell him to get a job. Also, tell him that if he doesn't stop asking you for money that you will dump him.
DON'T give your boyfriend money (you don't have), he won't pay you back. They never do.
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