By accepting my wifes affair am I just prolonging the inevitable?
Q. Hi , i have been married for 12 years but this year i found out that my wife was having an affair . We are trying to work things out but she still wants to keep seeing the other man . I am not happy about this and at the moment it has been left that ...
A. 22 February 2010: I think you know the answer to your own question. If this was your sister, or your son asking this advise of you- you would tell them to GET OUT.
You don't deserve this treatment at all. No one does. Think about it- if you treated your wife thi... (read in full...)
She was a virgin and I was a virgin, I lied about being a virgin and she found out. What do I do?
Q. Hello, I met this girl and we hit off, we became really close freinds and had a strong connection emotionally. She told me she had been sexually abused as a child by her father and had a boyfreind for 4 yrs, because i was a 23 year old virgin and ...
A. 21 February 2010: Hey, sounds like things are slowly improving- it sounds far less fraught than previously- remember this is the same girl that very recently said that you had 'messed up her life' and that she 'hated' you.
I hope things work out for you, but don'... (read in full...)
Am I being blind or just paranoid?
Q. I just wanted to know if I'm being paraniod. My bf and I have been going out for 6 months now, we have a age gap of 10 years, he's 21 and I'm 31. I've got 3 kids and he has none. He cheated on me in our third month, told me the truth about it. ...
A. 19 February 2010: Of course it's impossible to know for sure from this distance. But reading your follow up; you sound lovely, he sounds lovely, and your relationship sounds strong, caring and incredibly well matched.
I think that you stand in the best possible... (read in full...)
I have 126 days to ruin his wedding!!!
Q. okay, ive had the guy as my best friend since we were 10 and 11.. we are now 24.. he is getting married in june to his uncle's step child... and he and i have been through everything together... he has always called me to tell me that he loved me ...
A. 14 February 2010: Have you asked him the obvious? -Why is he getting married to someone else if he loves you? And have you established whether he means that he is 'in love with you' or that he loves you as a sister? Either way- would you ever treat someone you... (read in full...)
She said our friendship willbe over if I date a guy of a different race.
Q. Hi i really need advice here as my really close friend has turned round 2 me n sed our friendship is ova if i go out wid this lad (who is coloured) n i ment 2 b meetin him n he has sed that he really likes me n we have never met b4 jst come really ...
A. 8 February 2010: If a friend said to me that 'our friendship will be over if you date a guy of a different race' then our friendship would be over already.... (read in full...)
Should I organize my birthday plans around his access visit with his daughter?
Q. Its my birthday today, i had planned a bbq at my house, when it started to rain i told my bf i was going to change to dinner with friends at a restaurant, he said no i cant come (because he has to drop his daughter off to her mums house at 8pm) just ...
A. 8 February 2010: My answer is going to be very short and sweet. This is not because I haven't read your post, nor because I don't care. I could introduce this answer for ages and ages, but all I really need are two words;
Leave him!
Or three;
Please!
Oh, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't get jealous?
Q. My boyfriend doesn't get jealous. Is this considered a good thing or a bad thing?...
A. 7 February 2010: Is there any reason why he Should be jealous? If there's no reason for him to be, then it's great. He's secure and he trusts you. If there's Genuine reason why he would be jealous (playing games not included- they don't help any genuine rela... (read in full...)
My partner says I am being selfish as I want to be with him all day on Valentines day because that is the day he has access to his son
Q. My partner has a 14 year old son who sees him every sunday 10.30 - 7 to be precise (not an hour less neither an hour more) and he only lives down the road so i can't see why he can't see him whenever. i work saturdays and he has his son sundays so i ...
A. 5 February 2010: Wow- I love the irony that the poster genuinely seems more mature than her older boyfriend! I hadn't realised the extent of the age difference- and yet I honestly think that he's not mature enough for you! ...not that I'm suggesting that you look ... (read in full...)
My partner says I am being selfish as I want to be with him all day on Valentines day because that is the day he has access to his son
Q. My partner has a 14 year old son who sees him every sunday 10.30 - 7 to be precise (not an hour less neither an hour more) and he only lives down the road so i can't see why he can't see him whenever. i work saturdays and he has his son sundays so i ...
A. 4 February 2010: Female anon- can I just say that you made some excelllent points in your last post! You're right- there are many ways that he could reaassure her, even if in the end he finds another time/ makes efforts with the OP in other way. It's rarely a g... (read in full...)
My partner says I am being selfish as I want to be with him all day on Valentines day because that is the day he has access to his son
Q. My partner has a 14 year old son who sees him every sunday 10.30 - 7 to be precise (not an hour less neither an hour more) and he only lives down the road so i can't see why he can't see him whenever. i work saturdays and he has his son sundays so i ...
A. 3 February 2010: I started out agreeing with the earlier replies to this post. I'm not especially fussed by Valentines either way. Its a nice idea, but its fairly irrelevant to any personal relationship- you can be romantic towards each other any and every day. I'm ... (read in full...)
My wife's sexual fantasy excluded me! Should I feel badly about this?
Q. I have a question; my wife and I have been together for 15 years or so. We have talked about sexual fantasies in the past and my wife claimed she never had any, or the ones she did were like me and her having sex in the backyard etc. she said tha...
A. 1 February 2010: But... your threesome fantasy prescribes another woman as well as her- it Definately requires someone else!
Her pizza delivery guy fantasy does nothing of the sort. Just collect a pizza on the way home, fabricate some sort of delivery hat and call... (read in full...)
Should I confess everything to my husband?
Q. i am a wife n a mother. i have been married for the last 5yrs. my husband has gone for offshore job for 2-3 months. last sunday i had sex with my brother-in-law. from that time i am really feeling guilty. should i confess everything to my husband?...
A. 31 January 2010: Is your husband living back at home with you, or is he still away on his offshore job for some time? -It could really help to spend some time together to work things through. ... (read in full...)
My friend is angry that I warned her about her dangerous driving.
Q. Today I went out in the car with one of my friends who passed her driving test about a month ago. Only 1 of the other passengers could drive as well. Basically she was driving way too fast. Dangerously fast. The two of us in the back felt uncomfor...
A. 28 January 2010:
Aww, I think you absolutely did the right thing. Imagine if (when??) she crashes- especially if someone is hurt, how much better will you feel that at least you tried to warn her. -So don't take those words of cautions back!
It takes a whil... (read in full...)
She was a virgin and I was a virgin, I lied about being a virgin and she found out. What do I do?
Q. Hello, I met this girl and we hit off, we became really close freinds and had a strong connection emotionally. She told me she had been sexually abused as a child by her father and had a boyfreind for 4 yrs, because i was a 23 year old virgin and ...
A. 27 January 2010: Okay... I think AskEve made a good point about the link to this page, and at this point, it’s not worth the risk.
Apparently she has told you that she 'accepted your explanation and apology'. Excellent. Remember that.
Okay- so her new issue is... (read in full...)
She was a virgin and I was a virgin, I lied about being a virgin and she found out. What do I do?
Q. Hello, I met this girl and we hit off, we became really close freinds and had a strong connection emotionally. She told me she had been sexually abused as a child by her father and had a boyfreind for 4 yrs, because i was a 23 year old virgin and ...
A. 27 January 2010: Aww, a letter would probably be more personal, and would achieve the same 'hard copy' advantage as her reading this page - giving her something to mull over in her own time. Let her read your words as many times as it takes to make her feel ... (read in full...)
She was a virgin and I was a virgin, I lied about being a virgin and she found out. What do I do?
Q. Hello, I met this girl and we hit off, we became really close freinds and had a strong connection emotionally. She told me she had been sexually abused as a child by her father and had a boyfreind for 4 yrs, because i was a 23 year old virgin and ...
A. 26 January 2010: You sound genuine, sincere and extremely caring. I agree with Faraday- send her a link for this page. Give her a chance to think it over- fair enough if she was thrown at first, but I think once she has read your concerns so eloquently posted on ... (read in full...)
Why the double standard with him?
Q. Ok the other day my bf and I were checking some sites on my pc. He jokingly wanted to see my web history. I refused but he said if I had nothing to hide then why fret? So I let him see it. He also checked my files. Of course he found nothing. Today ...
A. 25 January 2010: Hey, female anonymous. You seem to be in a very similar position to the original poster. The difference being that you are substantially more tied in to the relationship, and also that you have seemingly accepted the way he is acting. Why have ... (read in full...)
Why the double standard with him?
Q. Ok the other day my bf and I were checking some sites on my pc. He jokingly wanted to see my web history. I refused but he said if I had nothing to hide then why fret? So I let him see it. He also checked my files. Of course he found nothing. Today ...
A. 24 January 2010:
That was a fabulou answer for the last poster, 'Sick'.
Exactly catches on to the core of trust, and not just the 'proof' or 'evidence' or the lack it.
I totally agree that you should go to him and talk over your concerns with him, just as yo... (read in full...)
Should I confess everything to my husband?
Q. i am a wife n a mother. i have been married for the last 5yrs. my husband has gone for offshore job for 2-3 months. last sunday i had sex with my brother-in-law. from that time i am really feeling guilty. should i confess everything to my husband?...
A. 22 January 2010: Congratulations! -That must was a brave but necessary act for you to regain piece of mind in the long run. You made the right decision to be honest and I'm really glad it worked out for you!
I think CaringGuy is right to be a little cautious... (read in full...)
Should I confess everything to my husband?
Q. i am a wife n a mother. i have been married for the last 5yrs. my husband has gone for offshore job for 2-3 months. last sunday i had sex with my brother-in-law. from that time i am really feeling guilty. should i confess everything to my husband?...
A. 21 January 2010: Thanks, soon567.
Whoa- Male anonymous, how can you play down or even justify such an act as 'a mistake'?
A kiss, a embrace can be a mistake. Sleeping with someone takes enough time that you've recognised what you're doing and consented to Car... (read in full...)
Fiance won't marry me because of ex sister-in-law's behavior!
Q. My fiance of two years (we've been together a total of 7.5 years and have a two-year-old daughter together) recently told me that he never wants to get married. He proposed on New Years 2008 right when the ball dropped. That summer we had some ...
A. 18 January 2010: Whilst I'm personally not that driven to get married- I would be VERY hurt and offended if after having proposed to me, my fiancé that withdrew his proposal for these reasons!
Please think through what he is saying to you here about how very low... (read in full...)
She is seeing someone but I keep telling her I like her, what should I do?
Q. I am madly in love with a girl. I have told her this but she says she thinks i am an awesome guy but that she is seeing someone. I kept texting her telling her how much i like her but she now doesnt reply. What should i do? I really love her, but...
A. 18 January 2010: It does sound like she was more than happy to keep people unaware that she was involved with someone- perhaps she was trying to keep her options open. I shouldn't feel so guilty if she was intentionally letting you up for a fall. That's messing with ... (read in full...)
Why did he invite his ex to the funeral?
Q. I have just found out that prior to marrying me, my husband who i had been dating for about four monthes asked his ex girlfriend (the mother of his only child who is ten years old) to go to his mums funeral. He emailed her solely and told her first ...
A. 12 January 2010: A lot of posters come on here wanting a specific answer, rather than honest guidance. Often if someone if having an affair they want to be forgiven or told that someone will eventually commit to them. Interestingly, it does not seem to be reass... (read in full...)
What does a break really mean?
Q. Me and my boyfriend been together for 5 months,well My boyfriend said he wanted a break;; but he still wants to see me,he said "he is just stress" but not from me... i dnt understand why we are taking a break,if he still wants me to come over ...
A. 5 January 2010: A 'break' can mean different things to different people, and I think it's important to talk to him about exactly what he expects of you during this, and of course agreeing the same in return. Are you both free to date other people? Is there... (read in full...)
G/f laughed when I told her the size of my penis
Q. I'm 14 and I am with my gf for 2 yrs now. We love each other and O don't think we are going to stop anytime soon. She asked for my penis size wen erected one day so i actually measured it and I got somewhere around 3.7 inches. I told her and well ...
A. 2 January 2010: If your lass had written in to say that her boyfriend had laughed when she told him her bra size; she would undoubtedly receive the advice to break up with such a cruel and insensitive partner.
The same equality works both ways. She doesn't ... (read in full...)
Do women like intelligent men?
Q. Hello, i was wondering, does women like intelligent men? I really love to become a mathematician or a physicist, i mean not the wrong social stereotype of the geek who cant socialize, i mean a guy that is fit + personality + mathematician or physi...
A. 2 January 2010: Aww- Happy New Year to you too, Alex- and Gina too! :)
Do keep us posted on how things work out for you- both courses and young ladies-wise!... (read in full...)
How 'perfect' should a boyfriend be to consider marriage with him?
Q. I have had about 6 boyfriends(apart from the current one), from the time i was 16 till now (am 31), and of the six, five of them had "defects" i couldnt imagine myslef leaving with. This ranged from low self esteem to violence. I have always dreamt ...
A. 30 December 2009: How would you feel if your partner proposed to you in a speech that ended; so... "I might as well stick to this one"?
I don't think that's any good sentiment to build a marriage on. But that's not to say you need to give up on the relation... (read in full...)
Do women like intelligent men?
Q. Hello, i was wondering, does women like intelligent men? I really love to become a mathematician or a physicist, i mean not the wrong social stereotype of the geek who cant socialize, i mean a guy that is fit + personality + mathematician or physi...
A. 29 December 2009: I'd assume that the additional fees are partly government subsidised to encourage growth and development. Or if not, there may be sponsorships available. It’s definitely worth investigating.
The way student loans are calculated in the UK, is b... (read in full...)
Do women like intelligent men?
Q. Hello, i was wondering, does women like intelligent men? I really love to become a mathematician or a physicist, i mean not the wrong social stereotype of the geek who cant socialize, i mean a guy that is fit + personality + mathematician or physi...
A. 29 December 2009: Can you apply for universities abroad? -It can't be that long before you'd start?
I know that some universities in the UK love accepting international students since they somehow manage to wrangle more fees!... (read in full...)
Can I ask why he's suddenly become very consistent with the condoms or not?
Q. Let's skip the safe sex talk cause, yeah I know better but anyway... I've had a friends with benefits relationship with this guy for the past 5 months. He's overall a decent and respectful guy and we used to see each other at least once a wee...
A. 29 December 2009: To my mind, being 'friends with benefits' with someone should give you the comfort and freedom to be able to ask exactly where you stand, without fear of less than romantic truths!
However, do be careful not to appear accusatory, or to give any... (read in full...)
Do women like intelligent men?
Q. Hello, i was wondering, does women like intelligent men? I really love to become a mathematician or a physicist, i mean not the wrong social stereotype of the geek who cant socialize, i mean a guy that is fit + personality + mathematician or physi...
A. 29 December 2009: Ich verstehe nicht!... (read in full...)
Do women like intelligent men?
Q. Hello, i was wondering, does women like intelligent men? I really love to become a mathematician or a physicist, i mean not the wrong social stereotype of the geek who cant socialize, i mean a guy that is fit + personality + mathematician or physi...
A. 29 December 2009: Ahh- the irony- I love it, Mal! ... (read in full...)
Do women like intelligent men?
Q. Hello, i was wondering, does women like intelligent men? I really love to become a mathematician or a physicist, i mean not the wrong social stereotype of the geek who cant socialize, i mean a guy that is fit + personality + mathematician or physi...
A. 28 December 2009: I'd have to turn this question on its head. Would YOU be interested in a girl that actively DIDN'T want an intelligent man?
Hopefully not!
Make the life decisions that you respect, rather than those that someone else might.... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 14 December 2009: Aww- please just run, run away! I don't even think you need to confront her. What good is it going to do? She's consistently messing you about. Just get the heck out of there.
I don't see why everyone is so fond of playing games in their relation... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 13 December 2009: Hey, I'm really sorry to hear that things turned so sour. I agree with you wholeheartedly- she's made herself perfectly clear. Get far away from her and don't look back!
However, I disagree with all these game playing ideas that the most recent p... (read in full...)
How do you become an Alpha male?
Q. Alpha males of the great ape species beat up the other males. This is how they become the alpha males. After they've won, they don't worry about getting females. They can chill out and have whatever female they want. There are guys who are con...
A. 8 December 2009: Hmm- well to be attractive to ALL women, you'll really have to cover all bases...
So basically, become a lumberjack and a contemporary equivalent of Renaissance Man. You will need to be educated- at least to post-graduate/ phd level I'd think. Y... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 8 December 2009: Kudos to you, male anonymous. It's hard to hold your own after so long growing dependent upon your other's love. Especially as they start to take it for granted that you will always be there wanting them.
You're leading a brave route which di... (read in full...)
I don't believe pretty women with breasts make good wives!
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, There's a song that goes "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.." Homely women aren't as sought after and they're not as likely to cheat on a husband or boyfriend. It so...
A. 3 December 2009: Okay... so the implication from your line of thinking would be that; pretty ladies stray because they can... and that 'okay-ugly' women only don't stray because they can't.
Presuming that you are right, it would then follow that women never ac... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 26 November 2009: So- has she completely ended things with the ex? Is she officially making a go of things with you? -And does the other chap know that she is making a go of things with you?
I hope it works out for you. I know what you mean about losing interest... (read in full...)
My wife suddenly won't allow me to have sex with my girlfriend!
Q. [Moderator note: question edited for clarity] Me, my wife, and my girlfriend have been involved for a while. My wife has allowed this because 1) she was my ex fiance and 2)I have an over active sex drive that would make a porn star blush. My wife ...
A. 24 November 2009: Male anon should win something for the funniest opening line here- I am amused!
Although Satindesire's would've been even funnier if she'd suggested that her Husband thought she wanted to awesome campfire when She really just wanted a wad of hard ... (read in full...)
He wants to drop child support in case his wife finds out!
Q. I had a child with a married man. He has to pay child support and he wants me to drop child support because he doesn't want his wife to find out. He tell's me I need to do the right thing or he'll never see his child again (he only see's once a ...
A. 23 November 2009: If your ex doesn’t want to be around for his child then he knows that you’ll have years in which to tell him the truth about why his dad wasn’t prepared to provide for him/ her anyway- because he resents paying child support and because he is ... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 23 November 2009: Honestly, I think maybe she's just found out that, temporarily at least; she can get away with two boyfriends, AND have all the power and attention. And I suspect that's she's exploiting this for all its worth.
Generally hunches that people a... (read in full...)
He wants to drop child support in case his wife finds out!
Q. I had a child with a married man. He has to pay child support and he wants me to drop child support because he doesn't want his wife to find out. He tell's me I need to do the right thing or he'll never see his child again (he only see's once a ...
A. 22 November 2009: Hmm. So on the one hand, he is offering to leave his wife and marry you, yet... on the other hand he is concerned to stop child support payments in case she finds out?
Could he possibly be saying the former to keep you sleeping with him, and the ... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 22 November 2009: Well... you've done everything right. But ...I just don't feel that she's living up to expectations. This should be the second 'honeymoon' period for your relationship... has she even broken things off with the rebound guy at all? -If she hasn't- ... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 20 November 2009: I agree- she could at least contact you to keep you informed what's going on. -Even if it's just a quick text just to let you know that she's okay, or that she will contact you soon or whatever.
As much as I agree with what Duce00 is saying, ... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 18 November 2009: Yep- firmly agreed. It's one thing to 'agree' to break up with him, quite another to Actually do so. You've got to hold her to her word for this whole stand to have been worth anything at all.
But even if there's a merry-go-round or too whilst s... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 16 November 2009: Yeah, I think that the gist of this is exactly what you need. Although ultimatums have always seemed to me as though they shouldn't be necessary if the other person genuinely has the conviction towards the answer that you're hoping for.
What ... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 15 November 2009: Thank you for the follow up. My advice still stands though, and perhaps even more so than before. It sounds to me like you're letting her play you.
You’re seeing her every day, to the extent you’re probably treating her like a girlfriend in every... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 12 November 2009: Ooo- how exciting!
You're doing and saying exactly the right things. You're absolutely right not to persue her or to put your life on hold whilst she's still seeing her 'rebound'. Its unfair on both of you and she's messing both of you about (s... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 11 November 2009: Okay- well; you've done it- you've dared to try. You've told her how you feel and you've asked her if she'd try again with you. Frustration over; regardless of the outcome, at least you know that you've carried out your part as best as you could ... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 10 November 2009: Thank you for the update. A bit of context certainly gives us more of a clue where you're coming from. It sounds like you've both been through a lot, and that this was a very serious relationship for both of you.
Of course it's important that you... (read in full...)
How to steal my ex back from rebound?
Q. My ex and I still talk frequently (almost every day, or more). How do I steal her back from her rebound boyfriend? ...
A. 9 November 2009: There's a great deal of assumptions being made here, partly because you've pointedly given absolutely no indication of why you two broke up. But nonetheless; there’s a lot of ‘you need to’ and ‘you have to’ being said.
The fact of the matter i... (read in full...)
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