A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:okay, ive had the guy as my best friend since we were 10 and 11.. we are now 24.. he is getting married in june to his uncle's step child... and he and i have been through everything together... he has always called me to tell me that he loved me and goodnight.. and still does even though he is getting married... they dated for 2 months before getting engaged.. he still calls me and wants to "meet" and have sex and mess around... I've told him no because he is getting married... and we can't do that any more... and no, i'm not some whore... he was just the one who has always had my heart. i am completely in love with him and he knows it... he told me yesterday that he is getting married in 4 months.. and i have 126 days to ruin his wedding... i dont want to be the cause of him not getting married... what do i do?? what would you do???
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female
reader, Share Bear  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 Have you asked him the obvious? -Why is he getting married to someone else if he loves you? And have you established whether he means that he is 'in love with you' or that he loves you as a sister? Either way- would you ever treat someone you loved in this way? -invite them to your wedding to someone else and ask them to st next to your parents whilst you made vows committing you to someone else for the rest of your life?Even if he does believe himself to be 'in love' with you, he has promised himself to another, and you deserve to be treated so much better than his 'bit on the side'!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, I'm going to the wedding... and sitting beside his mom... his dad is his best man... and he asked me to sit with his mom and sister.. so, that is where I will be... we still talk daily... and when we got off the phone last night, he said.. goodnight i love you... and i said... goodnight... and hung up... so, he sent me a text and said.. no i love you?? and i said... ur getting married.. can't say that and he said fine... but i know we love each other... i just want to scream... cause his woman has NO clue what is going on.. she is completely blind about the whole thing!!! Sad part... he works for my brother-in-law as a farmer.. has since he was able to walk. he is my brother-in-laws first cousin.. so, there is NO way I will EVER get away from him... cause, i ride the tractors in the fields every summer.. and will continue to.. even if i'm not with him... i'm just taking things one day at a time...
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (14 February 2010):
 Miamine,
Yes, rawr1645 is only 14, and telling it as she sees it. You're right about that. I didn't mean to come down hard on her!!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 February 2010):
 Denise, rawr1645 is young and 14.. She's still hopeful enough to think love conquers all.. we are older, we've had a bit more experiences, we can see signs to show us that this guy isn't acting like real Prince Charming dose.. Love is strong, but it needs two people to feel like this, two people in love can sometimes conquer mountains.. But this is not two people in love. The guy is getting married, he only sex sometimes with his "friend". Yes he calls her and says sweet words, but us old women know, "ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS".. words are cheap and easy to say, but a wedding ring and wedding day tops a hundred "I LURRRVEEE you"... A guy who loves you, wouldn't be able to stand the torture of you marrying someone else, a guy who loves couldn't sleep comfortable every night with another woman while you are so far away..
Let him get married, and hell go to the wedding, look pretty and still see if he can say his vows.. If it's love he can't get married or won't stay married, and you have him in a couple of years. If it's love, he'll say the words and stay happily married. That's why you leave him alone, the choice is his, if he loves you, well eventually you'll get him.. In the mean time, he's with someone else, and they might be soulmates.. get on with your life, the guy is engaged to be married, there is nothing you can do about that.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (13 February 2010):
 I'm really happy that you have told him no, and that you recognize that he is going to get married to someone else, so having sex would taint both of your good characters. I will ask you however to think of this situation through a logical approach.
This guy and you have been friends for how long? And he just met this other girl and is getting married to her and not you? That means that while you guys may be friends, he doesn't want to be with you in the way that he wants to be with his fiance. By the sounds of it in fact, he is actually trying to use you. That's not what good friends do. They don't use their friends to go behind their soon to be wife's back in order to have sex. You will never convince him to drop her for you, because he didn't even want to be with you even when he was single. And apparently he isn't even a good friend, because he is lying to his wife and to you by attempting to use you for dirty cheating sex.
He's not a good guy, and it sounds like (as unfortunate as it is) you should stop being friends with him. Forget about the wedding, and forget about this guy who is using you. Find someone who appreciates you both in friendship and perhaps even romantically and consider yourself lucky that you aren't stuck with this guy. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (13 February 2010):
He's about to be married. This means he will (or should be) committed to his wife; not sleeping around with anyone else! You know this, so my recommendation is to cut him out of your life COMPLETELY.
Don't go to the wedding (assuming you've been invited, that is); don't phone, email, or text him - UNLESS and only if it's to say you are finished with him, now and for the rest of your life. Once said, hang up! Don't give him a chance to argue or try to get you to change your mind.
This man has no regard for you, no respect, no desire for your well-being - he only sees you to have sex,(apparently) hasn't even asked you out on dates!
Lastly, don't try and ruin his wedding. Let him get on with it - and if a year or two from now he decides to get divorced and get back with you, then "no way, hosea"!
You deserve MUCH better than this. I completely agree with what everyone else has said (except for the poster who told you to go for it).
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A
female
reader, Princess D.  +, writes (13 February 2010):
 Miamine, I couldnt have said that better!!!!!I would like to add that this guy is probably laughing to himself because 1)he knows u love him and you ain't going nowhere and 2) he is getting the sex with ease.Please hunny dont lower your self esteem for this guy who knows he is hurting you but doesn't care.Go out there and find someone who will sweep you away and propose to you from the bottom of his heart and love you and treat you right. Please cut all ties with him, he belongs to someone else. He wasn't meant for you.Hunny be strong and all the best. Do not go and ruin his marriage because what goes around, comes around remember that!!!!! I know you love him but go out and meet new people and don't tell him you love him anymore. He knows you'll be there when he need you, you're making it too easy for him.Once he sees you are happy and dating someone else, you will see some changes in him, maybe not major changes but slight changes.That's how some men are. They want women to stay open and avialable while they go out there all about so when things take a wrong turn or messes up, they'll know you are there waiting on them. Don't be so low.God Bless!!! Keep me posted
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 February 2010):
He's known you for 14 years, he's had sex with you and still he hasn't ever thought to marry you. Yea, he loves you probably, like he loves the women of his family or he loves his best friend. But he doesn't love you enough romantically. There is nothing on earth you can do to change his mind and make him fall in love with you. A guy who knows you for so long, who has had sex with you and still goes off and proposes marriage to someone else, is someone who can never be yours.
Give up, find some respect for yourself. Definitely stop sleeping with him, and don't tell him you love him no more. When he's married all the phone calls will stop anyway, his wife won't like it. Don't embarrass yourself at the wedding, if you must, just don't go. Pull away, and leave this guy in the friend basket, he has nothing to offer you anyway.
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A
female
reader, r_a_w_r1645 +, writes (13 February 2010):
 im only 14 but i say go for it!! other wise ur gona regret it later. hell realize that he wants u and not that one chick. i mean who gets engaged 2 months after dating??? go for it dont be afraid. go to lunch, dinner or something tell him u dont want him to go thru with this and tell him how muchh u love him
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