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I like girl A but am dating girl B

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 September 2017) 12 Answers - (Newest, 14 September 2017)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I became really good friends with these two girls who are best friends. I liked them both but had a crush on girl lets say girl A. I never told girl A this. We had different styles and the few convos we did have she always talked about dating this guy or how this dude was a total flake. Then girl B started to make advances on me one night. I told her I liked her and she confessed she was falling for me and wanted to be with me. We hung out a few times and kissed a couple more times.. Hanging out with girl B just didnt feel right and I turned into a passive prick. I started to see everything she did as being wrong..both of them have got to see it? She got drunk one night and I couldnt stand her. Some of her stories and things she did. I was judging her but at the same time just going along with her. It was like my mind knew my heart wasnt in it. I need to break it off with her but how do I do that without looking or being a doormat? I just spent the last few weeks kissing you.... I feel horrible that I let this drag out like i did. I dont see how either them will want to be friends after this. Girl A is who I wanted and now I think Ive shot myself in the foot here.

View related questions: best friend, crush, drunk, kissing

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (14 September 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntYou have made a mess off this, and I severely doubt you will ever get girl A now, the only thing you can do from this is learn that you cannot treat girls like this for your own benefit. They do have feelings.

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A male reader, Roboaxe United States + , writes (14 September 2017):

Roboaxe agony auntYeah....you did shoot yourself in the foot.

Next time, go for the one you really want.

End it amicably. You can't go after her friend, trust me, she won't want you in any shape or form.

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A male reader, Sam Wilson United States + , writes (12 September 2017):

Sam Wilson agony auntHello Poster,

Ive always been the boy looking through with rose colored glasses and I have to say there is no easy way out of this.

Tell the truth, be the honest man and treat B like the friend she was. Tell her that you are not feeling it with her and dont let her go through the heartbreak of dragging it on and behaving like a jerk.

I am sincerenly sorry but you have ruined your chances with A the second you reciprocated Bs feelings. Spare them the trouble and dont pick apart there friendship by trying to get to A. Just end it with B, and try to salvage your friendship with the two if they still let you.

For the love of god dont approach A and tell her she was the one you want and you want to be with her, it isnt gonna work, and you are gonna look like the bigger jerk. Friends tell each other everything, and support each other, and you are already the guy who behaved like a passive dick to one of them.

But you do owe the two of them the truth. Although everyone is highly against this, you can still tell A the truth, admit that you like her and treated B the wrong way as a result.Check how they respond, it isnt gonna be easy, it requires a lot of courage but its for the best. Please step off afterwards and give them the space they deserve. Let them decide if they can forgive you.

Best of Luck, but they are right , accept your faults and hope to find Girl C.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2017):

Yep, you've shot yourself in the foot alright. Learn from this.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 September 2017):

Honeypie agony auntLOL @ YouWish!

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (11 September 2017):

YouWish agony auntPS, and now I'm going to have to eat every F*** chicken in this room. LOL

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (11 September 2017):

YouWish agony auntSeriously, if you ACTUALLY liked girl A and you treated Girl B the way you say you did, Girl A is going to ***HATE*** you. Best friends TALK about the guys in their lives, and if you are being a "passive prick", as you say, you blew it with BOTH of them.

Think logically here! I have a best friend who got dumped by a guy who really didn't treat her well, and I, as her best friend, was there to pick up the pieces of the hurt YOU caused, and then you approach me about wanting to be with me?? I'd tell you to POUND SAND! I don't betray best friends for starters, and I already have your number and know just who and what you really are.

Your best best now is to break up with B, forget about A, and learn your lesson when you someday meet girl C that you can't do that with women. We're not placeholders.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (11 September 2017):

I meant to say:

"like you were stupid and disposable-male matter."

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (11 September 2017):

You want to play the middle-man between two best friends; but still come-out smelling like a rose, after ditching one for the other?

Dude, are you nuts; or just being a prize dick? Why would you want to break-up a couple of best-friends? You turned sour on one of them, after you got mean and judgy. Simply because you felt you had another option on the table.

If you think you have the stones to pull it off, go for it!

Just so Girl B can tell Girl A what a prick you were to her.

Then they both can take pure delight in kicking your cherry-picking ass to the curb!

Don't be a wedge between friends. Imagine if it was you and your bro. She decided you're a dweeb; so she plots to kick it with your bro. They show-up dating to your face; like you were stupid and disposal-male matter. How would you like that?

Step-off, dude! You need to get some sensitivity-training!

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A male reader, Riot2017 Mexico +, writes (11 September 2017):

When you date two girls that are friends, you won't be able to date the other girl because that's boyfriend etiquette. The only way for you to date with the other girl, is if they end their friendship, which many cases that won't happen because sometimes friendships are strong.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (11 September 2017):

N91 agony auntI agree with Honeypie.

Are you being serious here? These girls are best friends. Do you think they haven't had conversations about you? Do you really think girl A would crap on her best friend for you?

You went for the girl you didn't want and now it's come back to bite you in the ass. Tough shit man. You already messed B around enough, don't try treading on her toes even more with her best friend.

Accept that you messed up and next time go for what you actually want without using someone else in the process.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 September 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI think you made quite a few mistakes here,

1. you settled for B when you really wanted A. Not fair on B.

2. You treated B like garbage because she wasn't A. Again, not fair on B.

3. You feel sorry for B but haven't ended it. Making her believe you care. Again... NOT fair.

4. Now that you think A might dig you, you are ready to dump B. So now you want to give A a try....

Holy hand-grenade, how cruel can you be? Do you not realize that A and B are human beings, not your personal game pieces?

Have you considered that A talked about all these other guys because she knew B liked you? She was being B's wingman. Or that she didn't really like you enough to pursue you.

Also, if they are BFF's A (if she has any sense) won't touch you with a 50-foot pole and rightly so. Friends talk. Hopefully, B has told A all about your dickish behavior.

End it with B in a NICE manner. That you just don't see you two being a good match long term and you wish her well. DO not go into your dick mode and dump her over text with some lame-ass excuse.

LEARN from this. If you start seeing someone and she isn't a person you WANT to be with, END it NICELY. And End it before it gets too involved. Don't hang on to a girl because you don't want to "hurt" her feelings -especially not AFTER you behave like a total DICK to her. That does NOTHING for you. Being mean to someone because she isn't someone else or because she takes the verbal diarrhea pouring out of your C mouth (to quote The Dog from GoT) doesn't give you the right to act like this! It's down right disgusting. And it WILL go around. Other girls will know and will stay away from you. Hopefully. At least til you LEARN how to treat others.

You have put yourself in the 26-29 age group but your action is closer to a teenage boy. (no offense to teens)

GROW UP and be a DECENT human being.

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