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female
age
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*organ1234x
writes:I am in some real need of help here. Or maybe just a little support. Its a long story but here goes...ok so after 25 years my husband left me, my kids were 18 and 23. My daughter moved in with her then boyfriend. My son,who was my best friend in the whole world, but was somewhat challenged by life, he was in special ed all through school, but he did really well and he got a great IT job in a school. So we plugged along after the divorce, it was tough but we hung in there. Not much money but had each other. My son died 3 years ago. My Dad had died a few years before that and left me a small townhouse. When my son Chad died, I was and am heartbroken still. I bought a house for my divorced daughter and her 2 kids and myself. We struggled for a couple of years with some of her behavior issues. She is now 33. Then she met a neighbor guy who lived with his parents, hes 33 too. He had messed up his life, 3 DUI's, a child out of wedlock hes paying CS for and sees every other weekend. Well pretty soon hes moved in. Ok I thought he was paying my daughter some money to help with expenses. I found out 2 months ago he has not paid a penny. So she asked him to pay the electric bill, $150. fine he gave her a money order ( he doesnt have a checking account as he is hiding his money from his ex). He is also from a welathy family and works in his fathers business. Well the next month I asked for some money as they were going to shut off the electricity... 2 weeks later nothing. Well I told my daughter thats it, hes out,she screamed at me and we got into a fight. NOw guess what, here I am in my own house, living in the basement, they are in the upstairs room and suddenly im the bad guy????? I dont know what to do, I feel so all alone. I love my grandkids who live here thats the ONLY reason I dont kick them out. Oh and shes in some kind of custody battle with her ex. I dont want to tell any of my friends as they will trash my daughter and right now I cant handle that. Please just a few kind words to let me know I did the right thing and to hang in there....
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 October 2017):
 Oh it is your house, and you are one off them mothers that will do anything for there children. You have always put everyone first but when are you going to start looking after yourself? I understand it is scary to live alone, and to not have your daughter and especially your grandchildren around, but you also cannot allow her to walk all over you. It is your house and your rules. Please stand up for yourself. Do not ask but tell your daughter he needs to move out and that it is your house, she may very well threaten to leave as well this is where you stay strong and tell her that is her choice. I wish you luck, please keep us updated.
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female
reader, Morgan1234x +, writes (29 September 2017):
Morgan1234x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much... I appreciate your comments, and you would not believe how much it has helped me. Blessings to you
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reader, Riot2017  +, writes (29 September 2017):
If that house it's your house, then you should not live on the basement. Period.
You need to set the rules clear: if they want to live in there, rent free, they need to help you out with the expenses. At your current stage in life, it's hard being able to afford having your family in there, rent free.
If everybody in your house is struggling, then everybody should pull their own weight to some extent, or help keeping the house afloat.
Next time your family doesn't want to pay the electricity bill, LET THEM CUT YOUR ELECTRICITY. That will help them realize that you are serious when you say you need help with the electricity bill. Also, if no one pays for the water bill, then fine, let them cut your water, regardless of how hard and painful it is. If a week goes by without you guys having water, so be it. They need to learn the lesson that bills don't pay by themselves, and that if they don't pitch in to contribute to maintaining the house, you are not going to be always paying for them.
Do the same thing with the Internet bill, cable bill, etc, until your 33 year old kids realize that they need to act like adults and pay for the bills.
If that doesn't help, then you should start requesting rent money, even if it's symbolical. They need to learn to be grown ups, and you should stop letting them step over you and let you be the paying adult always.
A family it's supposed to be a team, right?
Regarding your daughter, it seems like she is being manipulative and entitled, which is a bad thing for you.
If you have any extra cash out there, go to a therapist to help you cope with this complex situation. The solution to this problem might be simpler than you thin, and your therapist may be able to see it right away.
Best luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2017): Dear Morgan, You are absolutely wonderful and unbelievably courageous! :) Hang in there... You've been through so much, you deserve some happiness now... Would it be possible for you to involve your ex-husband to deal with your daughter's situation? She might be willing to listen to what her father would have to say? Best of luck...
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reader, Morgan1234x +, writes (29 September 2017):
Morgan1234x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your reply. I know I seem weak and i guess i am, its very very hard to be alone. But i know you are right. I pray to God for strength and thank you for validating me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2017): Excuse me?!! Here's one of those posts where the answer is obvious; but the OP is apparently using the site just as a place to vent. Often in such cases, the author has no intention of taking the advice. I'm going to respond to you and plant a seed of wisdom. What you do with it is your business. You're a wonderful person in need of tough-love.
Here we go, my dear!
Kick your daughter out! Yes, I said kick your daughter and her boyfriend out of your house. If she has no place for the kids, their father has every right to take care of them. Your daughter doesn't have to be the victor of the custody-battle, if she isn't the better parent.
If she had her act together, you wouldn't be taking care of a 33 year-old woman with two kids; and a loser who hides his money, and won't help you out. He's depriving his own child of financial-security; but your daughter sees something special in him no one else sees. The electrical power is about to be shut-off; and that will give her ex the evidence he needs to prove your daughter can't provide a safe and stable environment for the children.
I recommend that you appeal to social services and the power company for hardship relief. If you need help, don't be proud! The bill for $150 is nothing! You pay more in groceries!
You're a mother. A mother's love and instincts are so powerful; there is no other force of nature to compare to it. You sometimes have to kick the baby-birds out of the nest; before they can fly. You've lost your husband, yet you and your son plugged along until he died. He cared enough to repay you for being the mom you are before he left this world. You haven't given yourself any time to properly grieve, or come to terms with your losses. Instead, you took your daughter in, only to bring more grief into your life.
Where does it stop???
If your grandchildren have to live with their father; it will teach your daughter a lesson. How to make wiser decisions; and to put the welfare and security of her children above everything. She has to work and provide for her kids just as you have. According to the very example you have set yourself. She is too busy chasing men, and dragging the children around. Using them as a pawn against their father in spite. If he was abusive or there is evidence he was unfit; she'd win the custody-battle hands-down. So there must be a glitch somewhere; and their father is much aware of it.
There are powers of goodness higher than ourselves at work. There is a divine force even stronger than motherhood, and that force will correct both your and her mistakes. I see things heading in a direction that you can't stop. It's for the benefit of the children. The innocent by-standers in all of this mess.
Those children belong in a stable home. You belong in a stress-free and peaceful home. You've worked hard, and your job raising your children is done. That loser in your house belongs in his own home; and your daughter needs to get her life in order. She must prove she is worthy of the custody of her children. She's building a good case for her ex; if she isn't fit to do that now. Making excuses for her is enabling her to continue down the wrong path; and on top of it, you let her confront you in your own house?!! Shouting you down! The one putting food in her stomach, providing shelter for her and the children. Although you're struggling yourself. I can't tell you to go against your heart; but circumstances are working against that.
Put that mooching man-boy out of your house! He has a lot of balls leeching off struggling women! Give your daughter 60 days to find herself a place to live. She is never to raise her voice to you for any reason under your roof. If you see deep in your heart that those children would be better off with their dad, you had better be the better woman in all this; and get the heck out the way.
Some forces you can't fight; because angels look out for children! If God wants those kids with their dad, nothing you can do will stop that. It's time you had some tranquility in your life. Oh, He's looking out for you too!
God bless all of you!
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reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (29 September 2017):
I am sorry for the loss of your son and for how your daughter has turned out. Your daughter knows that you are one of those women who put her children above all else and is using that and your grandchildren to take advantage of you.
I'm guessing you have put your family and others ahead of yourself your entire adult life. When are you going to put you first? If you don't know one else will.
Tell your daughter the freeloading cheater she has living in your home has to go. She and the kids are welcome but not him. If she chooses to go with him that will be sad but it will give you room to breath. And time to be you.
You say you have friends reach out to them for help and support. There is no reason for you to live like this.
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