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My mother always gives me such a hard time

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Health, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 September 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 15 September 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, *o-one writes:

Have you ever felt heart ache ?

well I have. The feeling of light pain and sour when you're really depressed,and I had one experience for my dying grandma, another one for myself.

My mom is a very traditional woman.she always wants me to learn everything a woman sould know,but at the same time,she wants me to become a doctor(but I love literature which she doesn't approve ).

I'm a high school senior now,so I have a lot of exams and pressure.Howere, everytime I come home, she'll ask me to do this and that,but to be honest,it's driving crazy.I don't even have enough time to sleep,and now I have to make time for things that aren't emergency.But I can't tell her,cause she won't listen(trust me I had tried before but all I got was a slap on face)I don't know what I sould do.I'm afraid I will suffer from depression.

View related questions: depressed

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A female reader, no-one United Kingdom +, writes (15 September 2017):

no-one is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks for you to spend time answering my questions .Some of your methods seems very useful, and I will like to give it a try.thanks a lot.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 September 2017):

Here's an idea. Do some of your studies before coming home from school.

Get a large sheet of paper and make a list of each of the chores you have to complete each day. Tack the list to the refrigerator. At the bottom of the list write in big letters: "I have to study!"

How can your mother expect you to become a doctor, if you don't study and make good grades?

Soon as you get home from school, do your chores and checkoff the list as each chore has been completed. Don't give her a chance to tell you what to do. She can see it on the list. There are only so many things she will need you to do. What does she do all day? Sit and watch TV? Is the house a total wreck everyday? Why does she treat you like a slave?

You're a teenager. If we believed every story we're told; there wouldn't be a single decent parent on the planet.

According to most stories from teens; parents are horrible people who torment you and beat you unmercifully. They make terrible demands and abuse you. They go through your stuff, and don't like your friends. They spy on you. They keep you locked-up in the basement or the attic; and feed you slop through a hole in the door. The windows are blacked-out so you can't see daylight. They hate all your boyfriends for no reason. They will not let you date until you're 27.

Is there no father in your house? He sits back watching as your mother smacks you around and abuses you? In what country is it part of cultural-tradition to abuse your children?

What's wrong with your mother? Is she mentally-ill? She spends a great deal of her time thinking of ways to make your life hell. Shouldn't she be reported to Child Protection Authorities? Your grandparents, father, siblings, all sit aside, and watch her mistreat you like that?

I think maybe you need to use the idea I gave you and learn how to organize your time. Get to bed early so you can get some sleep. No house is so messy that you spend hours cleaning and working; unless you live in a huge mansion. Then why doesn't your mother hire a maid?

I might believe your mother might have a mean side, and that she expects a lot from you. I'm more inclined to believe she is demanding and insists that you to be responsible and disciplined. To a teenager, all this might seem like torture. If you are abused; then call for help. There are teenage help-hotlines for abused-kids. Find one on the internet if she is so horrible.

Hitting you is socially-unacceptable. It is considered abusive. If she is traditional...well? I know how obstinate and snotty teens can be, without uttering a word. Some old-school parents have a remedy for that. I take it your mother is one of them.

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A male reader, Riot2017 Mexico +, writes (13 September 2017):

Sorry to hear that OP.

Your mother is a toxic person, and you need to find help coping with her, and setting healthy limits between you and her.

When you have a chance, go and see a therapist who can help you handle your mother's toxicity.

Best luck!

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A female reader, no-one United Kingdom +, writes (12 September 2017):

no-one is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I have only 135 days before the exam to college happened.As for now,I take simulation tests and school exams every two weeks.And there is no use talking to her cause I tried it before.She not only slapped me,but also said some hurtful words.She said that she shouldn't have given birth to me ,I don't belong to this family, she sould have killed me when I was little.She said "I'm your mother.I have the right to dominate my daughter"And those words hurts me to no ends.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (12 September 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntOP I had to prepare for my exams and pay all the bills and keep my flat clean as I lived on my own. Can you and your mum have an adult conversation? Maybe tell her your exams coming up are stressing you out and you feel like you have no time to study. Their must be a lot of housework to do if you are not finding time to sleep? When are your exams?

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A female reader, no-one United Kingdom +, writes (12 September 2017):

no-one is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I have chorces to do ,too.On weekends I have to do every housework except cooking. I'm not whining for doing housework because I know that I will need those skills in the future.And to be honest, I've been learning to do those thing since I was five, so I know how to do most of the works. What I really means is that right now I don't have time for it.I'm going to go to college next year so I have to prepare for exams.

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A male reader, Riot2017 Mexico +, writes (11 September 2017):

Mothers are genetically designed to be that way.

What you should do is learn to say NO, and set healthy limits.

You don't have to do everything she says, you have priorities. Mothers don't always know what's better for you on the long run, so if you are into literature JUST GO FOR IT. If you regret it, you can always end up in med school.

Good luck!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 September 2017):

Honeypie agony auntI have 3 teenage daughters (no sons) and they ALL have "domestic" chores. NOT because they are girls but because having chores is part of life. They are all old enough for me to not have to run around behind them and pick up after them. They do dishes, they take the trash out, they keep their rooms clean and feed the cats. NOT a lot of chores to be honest (compared to what I did at that age) but THIS is what they do to get an allowance and it's also to TEACH them some skills they WILL need when out on their own.

Learning how to cook, to clean, be neat, organized and help out around the house is NOT something "evil" or giving you a hard time. You are not a princess who should be waited on hand and foot by your mother. Helping her out is part of life. It's how SHE teaches you things for later in life when NO ONE will be around to pick up after you, to cook or clean for you.

Stop sulking and BEAT her to it. You know what needs to be done, so DO IT before she ASKS.

If I HAD sons they would be doing the SAME things as my girls. My girls can cook (nothing super elaborate but they do know how to cook quite a few things and once in a while are in charge of making dinner. They have fun with it and I get a night off from cooking! Win-win!

You sound like you are whining.

Your mom shouldn't slap you - I agree. But you should act like an entitled brat either.

You are at the age where being a kid with no responsibilities are over. Welcome to adulthood.

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