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I can't cope with his porn habit-Could our marriage survive this?
Q. Ok, deep breath, here we go. I'm in a lot of pain at the moment and don't know where to turn so I hope someone out there can help me. I've been married for nine months. Three years ago when we were due to move in together I found out that he'...
A. 7 October 2008: You're well rid of him. Good luck with your life. Without him weighing you down and sucking your blood, things can only get better!... (read in full...)
Does it mean he doesn't love me if he lied about the porn?
Q. I am torn because my bf of about 8 months looks at porn. I found videos he dowloads, web cams vids and short movies. I am very hurt and feel betrayed. I asked him in the beginning if he looked at porn and he said no. Then i found it on the comp. I ...
A. 23 June 2008: I think you made the right decision.
As you may have gathered, I personally think that your feelings about porn are over the top and totally hard line, but since that is how you feel there's not much help for it. That was really the only way to g... (read in full...)
I suffer from a tremendous amount of guilt and shame for having sex before marriage! Will guys hate me?
Q. I feel rather confused. I've always believed in God (Im a Christian/Anglican) but have never really been to church much but still believe in God and also the morals and values from my religion. To me thats the main thing that draws me to it, I ...
A. 13 June 2008: troubledtoomuch has it right.
There are at least two things here. One is your feelings of guilt as a Christian.
The second is how the guy is going to react. I put up a post about the psychology behind some men's negative reactions to fin... (read in full...)
I'm female and I watch lesbian porn. does this mean I'm bi?
Q. I am a straight female and I watch lesbian porn, it turns me on and I of course when I first started doing it I wondered why I did. I've been dating this guy for 4 years and everything was perfect up until 3 months ago. My brother told me he was gay ...
A. 12 June 2008: You sound great to me!... (read in full...)
I need advice on oral sex...
Q. Okay ... I need tips. I am a complete novice at oral sex. I've decided that I want to start doing it to my b/f, but I don't know how. I know that his ex used to do it on him, and I feel terrible that I just can't. I started by tasting his pre-...
A. 12 June 2008: You don't have to put it in your mouth from the start.
Start with light kissing and breathing on it, to tease him a bit. Then go up and down the underside of the shaft with hot, wet lips. The underside is the part that has all the feeling.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend snogged another guy and she doesn't know that I know!
Q. My girlfriend of almost 16 months is just back from holiday and she snogged another guy while very drunk and she doesn't know i know. I found out thru reading one of her emails she sent to a friend where she stated she wouldnt tell me because she ...
A. 11 June 2008: Or are you just scared to force the issue /lose her? It all sounds like excuses to keep hanging on.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend snogged another guy and she doesn't know that I know!
Q. My girlfriend of almost 16 months is just back from holiday and she snogged another guy while very drunk and she doesn't know i know. I found out thru reading one of her emails she sent to a friend where she stated she wouldnt tell me because she ...
A. 11 June 2008: You've got to clear the air now. Hanging around with the idea of falling out of love with her or getting revenge is kidding yourself, wasting your own time and hers, and threatening to introduce some major twisted psychology into the ... (read in full...)
My older BF lately does not satisfy me in bed. I cheated on him once and I feel I may stray again!
Q. Hi Im 29 years old. My partner of 7 years is 45. Our sex was great at the beginning but as we got older it started to stop he wouldn't even do foreplay. I cheated on him once and told him i was pregnant with another man's baby. I only did it becau...
A. 11 June 2008: 45 is not old and he should have a lot of mileage in him yet. So age isn't really the decisive factor.
The problem is that he's not satisfying you sexually any more. This is something that happens in a lot of relationships, which is why there ar... (read in full...)
Am I being just another married man who wants to have his cake & eat it?
Q. I should start by saying that this is going to sound very stupid coming from a 57 year old man, but it is honestly causing me a great dilemma. Over the last 6 years we have spent many fantastic holidays in Phuket, staying in the same res...
A. 11 June 2008: You had an affair. It was a bit different from the normal. Don't worry. You wouldn't be the first man to go to Thailand and fall in love with the local women. There are any number of white men who stay there for one reason and one reason only: the ... (read in full...)
I'm confused by this break up, all he said is he doesn't deserve me and that I can do better!
Q. I need advice please, i am a 27 yr old female and have just broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years a week ago. We were living together for 2 years. I happilly gave up my job and former life to make a life with him. I am at a job i enjoy, i passed ...
A. 11 June 2008: Even if it hurts, you want to hear a better reason for terminating a three-year relationship than "You could do better than me".
Either he doesn't want to tell you the real reason (e.g., you snore in bed, his mother doesn't like you, or he found... (read in full...)
How do I walk out with my dignity intact? I am not a slut!!!
Q. I broke up with my bf last night. He kept bothering me about my past. In my past I made out with two strangers (older than me) when I was drunk. I also had a friend with benefits. I remained a virgin though. So I got fed up and broke up with him ...
A. 11 June 2008: It's sad how easy it is to label people. The problem is that we are all too often defenceless against such behaviour. If you protest, people start to take notice and wonder if there might not be some truth to it. If you ignore it, people still ... (read in full...)
I suffer from a tremendous amount of guilt and shame for having sex before marriage! Will guys hate me?
Q. I feel rather confused. I've always believed in God (Im a Christian/Anglican) but have never really been to church much but still believe in God and also the morals and values from my religion. To me thats the main thing that draws me to it, I ...
A. 11 June 2008: I don't think that comparison with previous men is necessarily most the important factor for men. That seems to be a peculiarly female perspective.
The thing that hurts men is more related to "sexual politics". A man doesn't usually have an oppor... (read in full...)
My ex says he will marry me now but only if I let him have anal sex!
Q. my ex bf wants me back now that I have a new bf, he is a good guy and while we lived together I had everything, except marriage and kids, he wants to give that now, but wants me to have anal sex with him, he says if I do not do it he won`t be able ...
A. 11 June 2008: To the aunts and uncles who've replied:
To tell you the truth, the anal sex part doesn't seem to me that important. I think the guy is trying to be provocative and just ending up sounding crass. We don't know exactly how he said it. Maybe he is ju... (read in full...)
Do I cheat on my wife now that she cant have sex for medical reasons?
Q. DEAR CUPID I AM MARRIED FOR 15 YEARS MY WIFE HAD AN OPERATION ON HER BACK AND NOW SHE DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX SHE HAS LOST HER DRIVE BUT I AM STILL VERY RANDY. DO I SLEEP AROUND ON HER AND NOT SAY ANYTHING.SHE DOES NOT WANT ANY SEX ANYMORE PLEASE ...
A. 10 June 2008: I think you are justified in seeking sexual release elsewhere.
How you arrange this with your wife is the tricky question. You could do it without telling her, but she would know. You could tell her, but it might cause her great distress... (read in full...)
Why does she not like this as part of me giving her oral sex?
Q. What is the role of the vagina in cunnilingus? My wife has taught me the techniques that give her pleasure in oral sex. However I have always been puzzled by the fact that she seems to get no particular pleasure from me insertng my tongue in her ...
A. 10 June 2008: That's a question that I'll have to ask my next sexual partner!
I'm not particularly stuck on pushing my tongue right in, but I do like to use a stiff tongue on the entrance of the hole. Maybe not a "sweet spot" but seems to have some kind of ... (read in full...)
My ex says he will marry me now but only if I let him have anal sex!
Q. my ex bf wants me back now that I have a new bf, he is a good guy and while we lived together I had everything, except marriage and kids, he wants to give that now, but wants me to have anal sex with him, he says if I do not do it he won`t be able ...
A. 10 June 2008: First, I'm wondering, if you don't like making love to him any more, what is there to go back to?
I guess it depends on your values system. If anal sex is a small price to pay for a lifetime of being supported economically, then the ex is for you.... (read in full...)
I my love only worth 11 thousand euros?
Q. hi cupid, me and my husband just got married and he said he love me, he wanted to buy a house and lot for me, cost 11thousand euro" is that all he can give to me? is that all how much he love me? shall i not complain and accept what he can give, ev...
A. 10 June 2008: I am sure that Collaroy is right. There are probably huge cultural differences. That's why we need to know more.
For example, you may feel that you've married a well-off foreign man, and that he should be able to give you a good life that would be... (read in full...)
His actions don't agree with his words... is he playing me? can he really be in love with me?
Q. I am 18 years , my boyfriend is 25 years old. we have been together for about 6 months. This is the longest relationship i have been in. in the first month and a half that we had been together i lost my virginity to him and then three months into ...
A. 10 June 2008: Having doubts is natural in this situation. The guy yielded to the easy temptation of sleeping with his ex when he'd already started a new relationship.
I agree with DiovanLestat. What has his attitude been over his lapse of fidelity? How sorry wa... (read in full...)
I my love only worth 11 thousand euros?
Q. hi cupid, me and my husband just got married and he said he love me, he wanted to buy a house and lot for me, cost 11thousand euro" is that all he can give to me? is that all how much he love me? shall i not complain and accept what he can give, ev...
A. 10 June 2008: The other thing we forgot to ask is where are you two living? Are you in Malaysia together?
The fact that you are earning your own salary and that he doesn't give you money every month sounds like a rather strange financial arrangement for a hu... (read in full...)
How do I initiate foreplay? Also how do I give a blowjob?
Q. i dont kno how to start the fore play,, actually i do how do i start the giving a blow job since i never gave one before how do i mak ethe first move with that?...
A. 10 June 2008: A blowjob is not simply "sucking". That is the worst kind of blowjob you could give.
The best way to start is to kiss him in lots of places, especially on his chest and tummy. He'll be in huge suspense to see if you'll actually go down that far... (read in full...)
I my love only worth 11 thousand euros?
Q. hi cupid, me and my husband just got married and he said he love me, he wanted to buy a house and lot for me, cost 11thousand euro" is that all he can give to me? is that all how much he love me? shall i not complain and accept what he can give, ev...
A. 10 June 2008: Are you a wife or a mistress? Worrying about how much a man gives you is the sign of a mistress.
If you are married, you are in it together. If 11,000 Euros (which sounds awfully cheap for a house) is a good bargain, you should be happy for the ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend snogged another guy and she doesn't know that I know!
Q. My girlfriend of almost 16 months is just back from holiday and she snogged another guy while very drunk and she doesn't know i know. I found out thru reading one of her emails she sent to a friend where she stated she wouldnt tell me because she ...
A. 10 June 2008: Drunkenness IS an excuse, but not a very good one.
She did something wrong, she had guilty feelings (which she showed through her cryptic text messages), and she decided not to tell you because she doesn't want to split up.
I think you should... (read in full...)
I never orgasm during sexual intercourse, but when I masturbate I do... why is that so?
Q. I'm a very sexually active 25 year old female. I have been having sex on and off for about 7 years. I have noticed that i NEVER orgasm with sexual intercourse, but when i masturbate manually with my own fingers inside, i can orgasm in less than 10 ...
A. 10 June 2008: Also, you say you're very sexually active. I'm not sure if this means with one partner or many partners, but perhaps you haven't met the right partner yet. If you find a guy who knows how to turn you on, it might be good to let him gradually learn ... (read in full...)
I never orgasm during sexual intercourse, but when I masturbate I do... why is that so?
Q. I'm a very sexually active 25 year old female. I have been having sex on and off for about 7 years. I have noticed that i NEVER orgasm with sexual intercourse, but when i masturbate manually with my own fingers inside, i can orgasm in less than 10 ...
A. 10 June 2008: Yes, this is a common problem.
I'm a little intrigued, though, the usual thing is "I can't orgasm through vaginal intercourse but I can through clitoral stimulation". In your case, it seems that you're perfectly capable of reaching orgasm through ... (read in full...)
Embarrassing skin rash that won't stop itching! Help
Q. Can somebody help me? For the past two weeks or so now, I have felt this horrible itching downstairs. As a result, this has developed into some sort of skin rash. This isn't the sort of thing I want to seek help about from a doctor, so does ...
A. 9 June 2008: Try
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tinea_cruris
and see whether it fits what you've got.... (read in full...)
Embarrassing skin rash that won't stop itching! Help
Q. Can somebody help me? For the past two weeks or so now, I have felt this horrible itching downstairs. As a result, this has developed into some sort of skin rash. This isn't the sort of thing I want to seek help about from a doctor, so does ...
A. 9 June 2008: I'd suspect jockstrap itch. It's a a persistent and itchy fungal infection in and around the male genital area. I had it on the leg where it rubbed against the testicles. You could see a doctor, but even your local pharmacist could probably suggest ... (read in full...)
I like giving men blow jobs - am I gay?
Q. I have always wanted to know what it was like to give another man a BJ. I answered an ad and got to know this guy. I went over to his house and gave him a BJ. I did enjoy it! Now my problem is, I want to do it again. I like giving the BJ pa...
A. 8 June 2008: I find amazing the arrogant male voices chiming in to declare categorically that you're gay or bi. These men are totally unimaginative and insecure in their sexuality.
If you don't think of yourself as gay, you're not. The thing is, you don't LO... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is the least popular in the class and I have to face nasty comments for dating him! What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend is the least popular kid in the class and everybody is like,"ur really going out with him?!" and I don't know what to do because it's really bugging me and I dont want to dump him. What should I do?...
A. 8 June 2008: Glad we could help!... (read in full...)
I suffer from a tremendous amount of guilt and shame for having sex before marriage! Will guys hate me?
Q. I feel rather confused. I've always believed in God (Im a Christian/Anglican) but have never really been to church much but still believe in God and also the morals and values from my religion. To me thats the main thing that draws me to it, I ...
A. 7 June 2008: I'm just trying to think. Is there somewhere in the Bible that says you have to be a virgin at marriage? Just curious.
There are an awful lot of things that people equate to Christianity that are simply conventional social morality and have not... (read in full...)
I want to try cunnilingus one day but I feel it's disgusting... how to get over this feeling? How to start?...
Q. i want to try cunilingus one day because the i hear it's satisfying to ladies. but i feel it's disgusting. can anyone tell me how it feels like in your mouth and how it smells? i have this feeling there's a bad oduor in there. how do i start?...
A. 7 June 2008: First, don't rush into it. As you get more and more into sex, you'll naturally come to appreciate the fragrance of a woman. And they do have a fragrance -- from the fragrance of their mouth, to the fragrance of their skin, to the fragrance of their ... (read in full...)
He says I should turn a blind eye to his cheating, is he right?
Q. i have been with my bf for 3 years, i knew he has been cheating. we have discussed why do men cheat? and he answered that man can have sex with other women but not having any feeling for them, so i should not get upset. as long as he is nice to me, ...
A. 7 June 2008: You're looking for advice on tactics.
I think you can reveal that you peeked at his email. And ask him what they meant.
If he becomes self-righteously indignant about how low you are for snooping in his email, you are perfectly within your righ... (read in full...)
My GF's past is eating me up inside, partly because the long distance favours my idle mind to produce negative thoughts about her. Help?
Q. My gf and i have been dating for the past 1 1/2 years. I has been long distance relationship since we started going out. Every month i make a trip to see her and she does the same. After our 1 year anniversary we decided to have a conversation about ...
A. 7 June 2008: Join the club! This is one of the most debated questions on Dear Cupid.
It's very common for guys to be hurt by this kind of thing and become depressed by it. No one can tell you "Stop it!" because it just doesn't happen that way. No matter h... (read in full...)
My lie came to light and now my husband wants nothing to do with me.
Q. My husband left me last year because of a lie I told about my past. I have apologied for this over and over but he will have nothing more to do with me and is filing for divorce. I have tried calling, writing letters and everything but he will not ...
A. 7 June 2008: "The current husband knew about this for quite a while until he decided to divorce me/ nullify me and is obviously using this as a get out to cut down on the financial settlement."
This seems to be the heart of the matter.
... (read in full...)
Will I ever find that special girl, who's never had sex with anyone before me??
Q. Why does it seem like the whole world is having sex, when I've lived for 19 years and am still a virgin? My friends that I've known for many years are all in these serious relationships with girls that they liked for so long, and are now constantly ...
A. 7 June 2008: I understand how you feel. Don't be too upset about it. The world is bigger than you think, and there are lots of different people out there (not in the same school, town, or even country as you) who aren't slipping into the easy sexual ... (read in full...)
He says he's suffering from loss of sex drive, but has been using porn as 'relief.' I'm confused!
Q. My partner has confessed that he is suffering from loss of sex drive. I recently found porn on his PC and he says that he used it as relief. He said that if guys don't have sex for a long time, their testicles fill up with semen and it can cause ...
A. 7 June 2008: Incidentally, my experience is that low sex can be an emotional thing. A man's biggest sex organ is his brain. If the brain is "sexually depressed", it can have a major impact on sexual desire.
On the other hand, the body (testicles, sperm pr... (read in full...)
He says he's suffering from loss of sex drive, but has been using porn as 'relief.' I'm confused!
Q. My partner has confessed that he is suffering from loss of sex drive. I recently found porn on his PC and he says that he used it as relief. He said that if guys don't have sex for a long time, their testicles fill up with semen and it can cause ...
A. 7 June 2008: At a guess, low sex drive could be caused by something in your relationship. If he's unhappy, or something is bugging him deeply, it's quite possible that his desire to have sex with you is diminished. But it would have to be something quite ... (read in full...)
I can't cope with his porn habit-Could our marriage survive this?
Q. Ok, deep breath, here we go. I'm in a lot of pain at the moment and don't know where to turn so I hope someone out there can help me. I've been married for nine months. Three years ago when we were due to move in together I found out that he'...
A. 7 June 2008: As people may have discovered on other threads, I'm not exactly sympathetic to intolerant wives who can't accept that their husband watches a bit of porn on the side, despite a healthy sex life in all other respects.
But in this case I totally ... (read in full...)
I'm a young girl attracted to older men
Q. Okay, I am a 17 year old girl. Since I was about 14 I have only been attracted to older men. And I mean older. 40-60's. I don't find a single guy around my age attractive at all and I haven't in forever. At school the only crushes I have developed ...
A. 7 June 2008: There's nothing abnormal about younger women liking older men. What is abnormal is a society that presumes to tell you it's abnormal.
The only caveat is, don't go poaching married men. They are probably the most attractive mature men of all, but... (read in full...)
He wants me to just forget about his cheating...
Q. my husband of 13 yrs, had an affair with someone I know, lasting 18 months. I always knew there was something going on, but was told bt=y him, that I was mad. He physically abused me, continued to want sex, and told me I was ungrateful, and had ...
A. 7 June 2008: So his 18-month delusion included lying to you, physical abuse, giving you an STD, and telling you were ungrateful, IN ADDITION TO betraying you with this other woman? That's some delusion!
Now he's asking you to just "forget about it". It sound... (read in full...)
Do any men like giving oral?
Q. I have only ever been with the one man in my life and he does not enjoy performing oral sex on a woman. He claims that men just DON'T like it at all. This may be a stupid and very obvious question I should know the answer to, but because I have o...
A. 7 June 2008: I'm adapting my reply from another thread:
Love it! Didn't use to like it so much when I was younger, but now it's my favourite! The moment I see that magical place I want to bury my face down there!
The flesh down there is sweet and juicy,... (read in full...)
Does it mean he doesn't love me if he lied about the porn?
Q. I am torn because my bf of about 8 months looks at porn. I found videos he dowloads, web cams vids and short movies. I am very hurt and feel betrayed. I asked him in the beginning if he looked at porn and he said no. Then i found it on the comp. I ...
A. 7 June 2008: I don't think men have a monopoly on lying.
At any rate, as far as I can see, this is an open and shut case. He's shown by his behaviour (fibbing and carrying on with his downloading of porn) that he won't change. You've shown that you are abso... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a girl to not like oral sex on her?
Q. My girlfriend doesn't like me giving her oral sex and is really squeamish about it. I feel as if its because she has a problem with me. I've only gone down town once and that was for about a minute. I've never heard of a girl who didn't like oral...
A. 6 June 2008: Love it! Didn't use to like it so much when I was younger, but now it's my favourite!
The flesh down there is sweet and juicy, and you have free range from the love button at the top down to the gates of paradise down the bottom. It's wonderfu... (read in full...)
My marriage has quickly become angry and bitter over my husbands job opportunity in another country... how should I handle this?
Q. My marriage has quickly become angry and bitter over my husbands job 'opportunity'. He works for a finance company who wants to set up offices in Australia (either Sydney or Melbourne they are not sure which at the moment) and they have asked him ...
A. 6 June 2008: I agree with Aunt Audrey. This has come up so quickly, and you are considering a decision that will totally upset your original ideas of what your life was going to be like.
I realise that Australia has a reputation of being a "lifestyle place" a... (read in full...)
Is this real oral sex (or just cheating)?
Q. hey If a girl give you oral sex in condom is that a real oral sex or not....
A. 6 June 2008: Stop trying to kid yourself. It's real sex -- although it is a bit safer than not using one.... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a girl to not like oral sex on her?
Q. My girlfriend doesn't like me giving her oral sex and is really squeamish about it. I feel as if its because she has a problem with me. I've only gone down town once and that was for about a minute. I've never heard of a girl who didn't like oral...
A. 6 June 2008: The first thing is to find out what the actual cause is. I'd say she's self-conscious about the odour. Since you've only done it very briefly, it doesn't sound like she finds the sensations too intense down there.
To try and get her to let you ... (read in full...)
Does it mean he doesn't love me if he lied about the porn?
Q. I am torn because my bf of about 8 months looks at porn. I found videos he dowloads, web cams vids and short movies. I am very hurt and feel betrayed. I asked him in the beginning if he looked at porn and he said no. Then i found it on the comp. I ...
A. 6 June 2008: There is so much on this thread that I missed something important:
"that last post was kind of confusing, should i confront him for lying about not doing it anymore? I am hurt he did it when he said he wouldn't. i want to know why he lied."
... (read in full...)
Does it mean he doesn't love me if he lied about the porn?
Q. I am torn because my bf of about 8 months looks at porn. I found videos he dowloads, web cams vids and short movies. I am very hurt and feel betrayed. I asked him in the beginning if he looked at porn and he said no. Then i found it on the comp. I ...
A. 6 June 2008: No, Wizard of Waz wasn't being rude.
You've asked us for our advice, and we've given it. People are trying to encourage you to see the bigger picture about men's liking for pornography, including the covering-up aspect.
They are also trying ... (read in full...)
Does it mean he doesn't love me if he lied about the porn?
Q. I am torn because my bf of about 8 months looks at porn. I found videos he dowloads, web cams vids and short movies. I am very hurt and feel betrayed. I asked him in the beginning if he looked at porn and he said no. Then i found it on the comp. I ...
A. 5 June 2008: First, Heidi328, although your photo is kind of small, wow, you're a looker!
Now with that out of the road, I think you've got to sit down and consider your relationship with him. And the big question is: IS HIS LOOKING AT PORN (AND LYING ABOUT IT... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is the least popular in the class and I have to face nasty comments for dating him! What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend is the least popular kid in the class and everybody is like,"ur really going out with him?!" and I don't know what to do because it's really bugging me and I dont want to dump him. What should I do?...
A. 24 May 2008: Thanks for the update, and sorry to hear that things are still difficult.
First, let me say that when you're young you feel you've got to be like everyone else. It won't always be like this. People around you will gradually blossom and develop ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is the least popular in the class and I have to face nasty comments for dating him! What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend is the least popular kid in the class and everybody is like,"ur really going out with him?!" and I don't know what to do because it's really bugging me and I dont want to dump him. What should I do?...
A. 12 May 2008: To hell with the rest of the class!
You must see something in the guy that they can't. Have a bit of courage and stick to your choice. What would they know about him, anyway?
It's just a mob mentality. As you grow older, you'll find more and mo... (read in full...)
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