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I'm a married man, and I prefer masturbation to intercourse. Any ideas?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 October 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 November 2008)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I am having some problems with my sex life. I am a 28 year old male and have been married for 5 years.

My wife and I waited to have sex until after we were married. I was not a virgin and she was. After about 5 years of marriage I am finding that I like to masturbate more than I like to have vaginal intercourse. It feels much better and I can achieve a much better orgasm.

My wife is very religious and masturbation is really bad. I don't like doing it in secret because I don't like the fact that she can catch me nor do I like the fact that my children could catch me. Having sex is really not that enjoyable even though my wife has gotten much better over the years.

I have talked to her begged her and pleaded with her to do the kinkle muscle exercises and they do help but she won't do it for me. Does anyone have any ideas?

View related questions: married man, muscle, orgasm, sex life, vagina

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A male reader, oldfool Australia +, writes (18 November 2008):

oldfool agony auntOh, and I consider this woman's attitude a prime example of the damage that religion can do. Not all religious people are like this. There are many, many open-minded religious people. But when prudery and religion come together, they do more help than harm. Religion provides an EXCUSE for such people to maintain unhelpful and uncompromising attitudes.

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A male reader, oldfool Australia +, writes (18 November 2008):

oldfool agony auntThis is a communication problem. Your wife has blocked your suggestions for resolving this issue in a mutually helpful way. This has driven you to masturbation, which you regard as a second-best solution.

Making a goal not to masturbate so much is the most ridiculous suggestion I have heard. The problem is getting your wife to take your suggestions seriously and improve your sexual intercourse.

I'm not sure about the state of your relationship and your sex life. Your relationship also appears to be subject to religious issues, which may get in the way.

My first suggestion would be to try and improve your own sexual performance. The usual suggestion is oral sex -- cunnilingus. If she is uptight and a prude, that might not work, but at least try and make the experience as pleasurable as possible for her. Then you may even interest her in taking it further :)

The fact that she doesn't approve of masturbation makes it all rather awkward. A less conservative person could be told and would take the hint. A woman who is so disapproving of normal sexual activity is hard to get through to.

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A female reader, cflove007 United States +, writes (18 November 2008):

MY husband of three years prefers masturbation over intercourse. I am very self conscious of myself and it makes me feel very in adequate and then I think that may-be he goes some where else to have intercourse. What can I do? He has a very nice body and sexual body parts that turn me on as well. What can I do to incourage him to have sexual intercourse with me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008):

well, you get what you pay for. did the last two answers help you out? how about a little guy perspective. okay, so you don't enjoy sex with your wife much anymore. you never said that you really did right after you were married either, so i can't really tell if this is something new or not for you. also, what is it you're fantisizing about when you masturbate? you explained how it feels better, but not why you like it better, if that makes sense. the reason i ask is i'm wondering if there is another underlying reason for all this, other than just learning to like sex with your wife again. who are you thinking of having sex with when you masturbate..... a woman other than your wife? a guy? a helpful fantasy does not have to end a marriage, rather it can enhance it. if you want, try posting back with some more insight about what drives you to masturbate, other than lackluster sex with your wife all of a sudden. xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008):

Do you use some kind of lubricant when you masturbate or do you do it dry? Are you using porn when you masturbate or are you only doing it when the body signals it needs a release?

You may have conditioned yourself over time to prefer masturbation over sex, with time you can revert. Do as the previous aunt said and wean yourself off of masturbating, your body will want sex and if your wife is the only release your penis gets, it will appreciate her more.

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