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*ldfool

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My picture is a photo of the Bodhisattva Guanyin (Kannon) taken through the mist. Guanyin is the Buddhist Goddess of Mercy. To quote Wikipedia: "Guan Yin promises to answer the cries and pleas of all beings and to liberate all beings from their own karmic woes". She is also the protector of women and children, a fertility goddess capable of granting children, the champion of the unfortunate, the sick, the disabled, the poor, and those in trouble, and the protector of fishermen, sailors, and generally people who are out at sea.

She is the ultimate agony aunt!

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He told me he did not love me anymore and I am heartbroken.

Q.   I was married for 10 years and have 3 boys. I left my husband a year and a half ago and the boys too. I met my boyfriend a few weeks before I left my husband. Our marriage was already over long before this. It was instant attraction. I was falling ...

A.   10 November 2008: Since I replied last, I found a site that was kind of interesting in view of your first paragraph: "I was married for 10 years and have 3 boys. I left my husband a year and a half ago and the boys too. I met my boyfriend a few weeks before I... (read in full...)

He told me he did not love me anymore and I am heartbroken.

Q.   I was married for 10 years and have 3 boys. I left my husband a year and a half ago and the boys too. I met my boyfriend a few weeks before I left my husband. Our marriage was already over long before this. It was instant attraction. I was falling ...

A.   9 November 2008: "I cry every day and cant stop thinking about him and how in love we were" -- huh? how in love you were? This is very unhealthy. I think you need some serious counselling. This kind of violence is not normal, and your inability to stop thinking... (read in full...)

He said I have a big vagina yet he's the first man I've ever slept with!

Q.   hi everybody, I am writing this so I can have advice about things I don't know. I've just get married lately and I was virgin but the problem is when I had sex with my husband he says that I have big vagina and he hardly feels me. Even although...

A.   3 November 2008: Nothing wrong with wetness! As I said earlier, the answer is exercising and getting control of those muscles!... (read in full...)

Husband having sex with other men...but he tells me...am I crazy?

Q.   My husband and I have been married for 25 years and we have 3 great college-age children. We have a great relationship and a good marriage. Recently he has started having sex with older men. He says its just "sex" and he is not gay. He wants me ...

A.   25 October 2008: Thanks for that extra detail. It's clear that this thing is causing you considerable distress. The knotted stomach is a pretty sure sign of great emotional tension. Have you told him how you feel? I've been in a somewhat similar situatio... (read in full...)

Husband having sex with other men...but he tells me...am I crazy?

Q.   My husband and I have been married for 25 years and we have 3 great college-age children. We have a great relationship and a good marriage. Recently he has started having sex with older men. He says its just "sex" and he is not gay. He wants me ...

A.   24 October 2008: Thanks for that, Fade! Actually, with the strap-on, I wasn't suggesting using it for intercourse. Just that maybe he'd be turned on by the sight of his wife with a hard-on! Some guys find it fascinating. My aim was kinky, not gross!... (read in full...)

Husband having sex with other men...but he tells me...am I crazy?

Q.   My husband and I have been married for 25 years and we have 3 great college-age children. We have a great relationship and a good marriage. Recently he has started having sex with older men. He says its just "sex" and he is not gay. He wants me ...

A.   24 October 2008: I'm aware of the conventional view on these things. And I'm aware that this matter is upsetting you. I was trying to suggest there is another way of looking at it. Maybe it will help defuse your hurt, maybe not. But I really don't feel that telling ... (read in full...)

Husband having sex with other men...but he tells me...am I crazy?

Q.   My husband and I have been married for 25 years and we have 3 great college-age children. We have a great relationship and a good marriage. Recently he has started having sex with older men. He says its just "sex" and he is not gay. He wants me ...

A.   24 October 2008: Oh, speaking of strap-on dildoes. Would your husband be interested in a bit of "homosexual" play with you if you strapped on a dildo? He sounds kinky -- maybe he'd like to be kinky with you! Just a thought.... (read in full...)

Husband having sex with other men...but he tells me...am I crazy?

Q.   My husband and I have been married for 25 years and we have 3 great college-age children. We have a great relationship and a good marriage. Recently he has started having sex with older men. He says its just "sex" and he is not gay. He wants me ...

A.   24 October 2008: I don't agree with any of the previous posters. 1) If you read my other posts you'll understand that I don't agree with the current classification into "straight, gay, bi". The desire for certain sexual experiences has to do with sexual proclivi... (read in full...)

She just told me she was forced to go down on a guy, how long do I have to wait to ask her to go down on me again?

Q.   Over the course of our 13 month relationship my GF has gone down me maybe 10 times, and only once did she stick it out til I came. She swallowed, and it was glorious. When I ask her to do it, she usually obliges, but rarely initiates it her...

A.   23 October 2008: The issue here is not this guy in the past, it's the fact that she won't engage in a sexual act that you want her to engage in. The fact that she continued to see the guy in the past suggests to me that she cares more about people than about se... (read in full...)

She just told me she was forced to go down on a guy, how long do I have to wait to ask her to go down on me again?

Q.   Over the course of our 13 month relationship my GF has gone down me maybe 10 times, and only once did she stick it out til I came. She swallowed, and it was glorious. When I ask her to do it, she usually obliges, but rarely initiates it her...

A.   22 October 2008: Do you go down on her?... (read in full...)

My husband wants me to have sex with another man?

Q.   i need an opinion. i've been married to my husband for 13 years, my husband can't stop thinking about me having sex with another man. we agreed to try swinging a few times even though i was back and forth about it i tried it for him, after ...

A.   22 October 2008: By the way, you say that everytime you have sex he talks about it. Does this mean that he tries to convince you to go and do it? Or is it merely part of his "sex talk", a running dialogue of raunchy talk meant to turn him on while you have sex? ... (read in full...)

My husband wants me to have sex with another man?

Q.   i need an opinion. i've been married to my husband for 13 years, my husband can't stop thinking about me having sex with another man. we agreed to try swinging a few times even though i was back and forth about it i tried it for him, after ...

A.   22 October 2008: I can understand but disagree with the last few posters who expressed repulsion at the very idea of a husband wanting his wife to have sex with another man. I think there are two points: * Neither partner should be forced into doing something ... (read in full...)

My husband wants me to have sex with another man?

Q.   i need an opinion. i've been married to my husband for 13 years, my husband can't stop thinking about me having sex with another man. we agreed to try swinging a few times even though i was back and forth about it i tried it for him, after ...

A.   22 October 2008: See also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compersion and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swinging#Hot_Wife ... (read in full...)

My husband wants me to have sex with another man?

Q.   i need an opinion. i've been married to my husband for 13 years, my husband can't stop thinking about me having sex with another man. we agreed to try swinging a few times even though i was back and forth about it i tried it for him, after ...

A.   22 October 2008: For a bit more perspective on your husband, have a look at this Wikipedia article on "Cuckolding", starting at "Cuckolding as a fetish". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuckolding It may be useful in understanding this.... (read in full...)

My husband wants me to have sex with another man?

Q.   i need an opinion. i've been married to my husband for 13 years, my husband can't stop thinking about me having sex with another man. we agreed to try swinging a few times even though i was back and forth about it i tried it for him, after ...

A.   22 October 2008: This will continue to be a problem as it is obviously something he wants to do badly. It won't go away. It's a common enough sexual fantasy to imagine sexual situations involving other men. With one former girlfriend I loved to talk dirty, s... (read in full...)

What does it feel like when you're about to orgasm?

Q.   Hi so yeah embarrassing in a way but i was wondering like i know some girls can cum, and my boyfriend recently starting eating me out i guess you can say and he said he wants me to finish[cum] but he said i end up not doing it. but i mean i dont ...

A.   22 October 2008: My first girlfriend, who I was with for eight years, could only orgasm through masturbation, to my great frustration. One time during sex she said she needed to pee badly. I tried to convince her not to worry, just do it in the bed. To no avail; s... (read in full...)

I can't get the graphic details of her sexual past out of my head!

Q.   Hi after reading different problems on this site it has given me courage to seek help. I'm 33 and my partner is 25, we met nearly two years ago and things were very confusing for me. She was very open in how she would talk about her sexual past - ...

A.   22 October 2008: Very interesting to read this. Your case shows just how visceral a thing this is. Despite your understanding and rationality, the primitive emotional feeling comes through. But you have the right mental attitude, the right conditions (she was... (read in full...)

He told me he did not love me anymore and I am heartbroken.

Q.   I was married for 10 years and have 3 boys. I left my husband a year and a half ago and the boys too. I met my boyfriend a few weeks before I left my husband. Our marriage was already over long before this. It was instant attraction. I was falling ...

A.   21 October 2008: The signs are unequivocal. The guy does not want you. Pestering him, going round to see him, getting him to sleep with you, giving him an ultimatum, and all the rest of your tactics aren't going to change that; they're going to make it worse. There ... (read in full...)

I'm afraid of giving a hand job...

Q.   Hi, I'm 18 and I'm not very experienced and I'm hopefully entering my first real kind of permanent relationship with this really nice lad. For some reason I am actually really afraid of giving a handjob! Not so much a blowjob because I've done tha...

A.   21 October 2008: Start out gentle. Just a soft warm caress is enough to turn a man on. Keep up the soft gentle touch until he shows signs of wanting something more substantial. At that point you'll need to make your grip firmer. Towards the end you need to be qu... (read in full...)

We were experimenting... could she be pregnant?

Q.   Hi, me and by girlfriend were experimenting the other day. She was wearing shorts and her pants and I had my penis our rubbing against her (on top of her shorts). I didn't cum, and there was hardly any pre-ejaculation cum (was practically dry). ...

A.   18 October 2008: No... (read in full...)

He said I have a big vagina yet he's the first man I've ever slept with!

Q.   hi everybody, I am writing this so I can have advice about things I don't know. I've just get married lately and I was virgin but the problem is when I had sex with my husband he says that I have big vagina and he hardly feels me. Even although...

A.   16 October 2008: I suspect the problem is not one of size but of tightness. My feeling is that you should do exercises to strengthen the muscles of your vagina. He will definitely appreciate it once your muscles are stronger and you can physically "squeeze" his ... (read in full...)

He can't even get it up with me but after, he'll go watch porn and have no problem with erections!

Q.   Why does my husband like porn more than me? He can't even get it up with me any more. He is not able to finish with me any more either. Is the real thing not better any more? How do I get him to want me instead of it. Every time I tell him he has a ...

A.   9 October 2008: Oh yes, with regard to anonymous below, a hand is no competition for a vagina ever, in any way. A hand is functional, a vagina divine. The problem is not that a hand does it better than a vagina, it's the emotional, imaginative, and habitual aspects ... (read in full...)

He can't even get it up with me but after, he'll go watch porn and have no problem with erections!

Q.   Why does my husband like porn more than me? He can't even get it up with me any more. He is not able to finish with me any more either. Is the real thing not better any more? How do I get him to want me instead of it. Every time I tell him he has a ...

A.   9 October 2008: From this forum I can understand that porn can be a problem (sometimes a big problem) in relationships, especially if it interferes with the sexual relationship, i.e., the man would rather watch porn than have sex. What I wrote earlier was base... (read in full...)

My husband's friends are "coming on to me" and it's making me uncomfortable.

Q.   I'm not sure where to begin with this without making it a long drawn out story, so I'll do my best to make it short and sweet. My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years now and during that time we have aquired mutual friends. I'm not ...

A.   7 October 2008: They are taking advantage of your niceness. They see it as a weakness, as a refusal to categorically reject their advances. They need to see that you mean it. The problem is that once this kind of thing gets started, it's hard to stop its momentum... (read in full...)

He can't even get it up with me but after, he'll go watch porn and have no problem with erections!

Q.   Why does my husband like porn more than me? He can't even get it up with me any more. He is not able to finish with me any more either. Is the real thing not better any more? How do I get him to want me instead of it. Every time I tell him he has a ...

A.   7 October 2008: Forgot to mention: Don't see porn as the adversary. If you see porn as your rival, you'll only set yourself up for stress and disappointment. The problem is his inability to have a satisfying sexual relationship with you, not necessarily his ... (read in full...)

He can't even get it up with me but after, he'll go watch porn and have no problem with erections!

Q.   Why does my husband like porn more than me? He can't even get it up with me any more. He is not able to finish with me any more either. Is the real thing not better any more? How do I get him to want me instead of it. Every time I tell him he has a ...

A.   7 October 2008: It does sound like you have a problem. But I can tell you, the more expectations you have of him, and the more you push him to perform, the harder he will find it. There is nothing worse than not being able to get a hard-on when your girlfriend is ... (read in full...)

I'm bisexual and my "friend" is coming to spend the night.

Q.   I'm 17 and I'm bi. I haven't really done a lot with girls but this Friday my good friend is coming to spend the night her and we are planning on doing stuff with each other. I'm kinda nervous. Does anyone have advice on what it will be like? and if ...

A.   7 October 2008: Agree with the previous poster. As a guy, I've learnt that it doesn't pay to be too eager, because it leads to stress when expectations aren't fulfilled. Go with the flow. If something happens, it will be great. If nothing happens, there is always ... (read in full...)

I can't cope with his porn habit-Could our marriage survive this?

Q.   Ok, deep breath, here we go. I'm in a lot of pain at the moment and don't know where to turn so I hope someone out there can help me. I've been married for nine months. Three years ago when we were due to move in together I found out that he'...

A.   7 October 2008: You're well rid of him. Good luck with your life. Without him weighing you down and sucking your blood, things can only get better!... (read in full...)

I feel gross and trashy after my girlfriend told me how 'going down' on her is so disgusting!

Q.   My girlfriend and I have oral sex. I know that she really enjoys it when I go down on her. This morning I wanted to arouse her so I started talking about eating her pussy. She went on and on about how disgusting eating pussy it. How it’s so gross...

A.   27 September 2008: DON'T talk about things like eating pussy in the morning when she doesn't feel fresh and clean. She'll feel dirty and uncomfortable, and she probably finds the graphic descriptions disgusting. DO go down on her when she feels good about her puss... (read in full...)

How can a man move on so quickly?

Q.   Hi, My boyfriend and I were inseperable for 3 years before I went away for a couple months. We had some problems in the relationship I left, but the time away really gave me a new persepective on my relationship with him and I came back with a...

A.   27 September 2008: I wonder. Just as it's possible to make a commitment "to" someone, it's also possible to make a commitment "away" from someone. If you decide to devote all your love and energy to one person, the feeling between you grows and the relationship ... (read in full...)

I am afraid I will marry this guy and divorce to be with a woman!

Q.   so, i am in a relationship with a man. and i always knew i was attracted to girls, but the more serious our relationship gets the more i really feel the lesbian inside of me coming out....Im afraid i am going to marry this guy just to divorce him ...

A.   27 September 2008: Aren't you being a bit narrow here? There are such things as polyamorous relationships. There are people who live in relationships where the partners are free to have other sexual liaisons. There are people who've answered questions on threads about ... (read in full...)

He loves me, but now his wife has found out he doesn't want to know me.

Q.   I have been with someone for the past 3 years but found out 6 months ago that he has recently married. Because I love this person so much I agreed to be the other woman. I know that he loves me and he tells me all the time that it was a mistake ...

A.   16 September 2008: Silly, maybe, but it wasn't all pointless. Now you are very clear where you stand and what will happen if you stay with this guy. You have to get away from this man now, and you know it. So go out and get your own life, away from this sleazebag. ... (read in full...)

How do I cope with my husband's reaction to my past?

Q.   I met my husband when I was 17. I told him I was a virgin but I wasn't. Below is the story. Its a bit long but you need to understand the circumstances. Please bear with it I really need some good advice. At just 16, I met a 23 year old guy ...

A.   14 September 2008: Yos's is indeed an excellent reply. You should listen to his advice. It's perfectly true that his nastiness is not caused by lack of love, and to castigate him for this is not right. He is, as I said, crucifying himself as well as you. He needs al... (read in full...)

I believe this much older guy will only use my friend!

Q.   Hi all. Just a curious question. I have a friend whos 20 dating a 42 year old man with a 15 year old kid.......am i wrong for thinking he's a freak? And now she ses she has feelings for him! Its like dude where do u think this is gonna go? I tell ...

A.   14 September 2008: Now we have a bit more detail. * Not just a friend, but your (ex-)girlfriend. * He got her drunk and got into bed with her. * He's (apparently) trying to control her and make her to stay away from you. OK, in this case it seems that you h... (read in full...)

I am bi-sexual, and my mom has told me, if she finds out that I am bi-sexual, she will disown me, it will kill me if I can't tell her the truth, what do I do?

Q.   im bi and i dont know how to tell my parent my mom already told me that if she ever found out that im bi that she wil say im not her daoughter and it kill me that i cant im afriad what do i do...

A.   12 September 2008: For the record, let me state that I totally agree with Lotusmama's advice, and michelle's advice, too.... (read in full...)

I am bi-sexual, and my mom has told me, if she finds out that I am bi-sexual, she will disown me, it will kill me if I can't tell her the truth, what do I do?

Q.   im bi and i dont know how to tell my parent my mom already told me that if she ever found out that im bi that she wil say im not her daoughter and it kill me that i cant im afriad what do i do...

A.   12 September 2008: There's no one single answer that fits everyone. Lotusmama says she was crystal clear about her feelings at a very young age. I would wager, however, that there are a lot of people who, as the anonymous poster suggested, don't realise their real ... (read in full...)

How do I cope with my husband's reaction to my past?

Q.   I met my husband when I was 17. I told him I was a virgin but I wasn't. Below is the story. Its a bit long but you need to understand the circumstances. Please bear with it I really need some good advice. At just 16, I met a 23 year old guy ...

A.   12 September 2008: Anonymous male, I agree that a lot of women don't understand how this kind of thing hurts for the man. But if you read this post carefully, and not just as another opportunity to hold forth on an issue that obviously touches a nerve with you, you... (read in full...)

I am bi-sexual, and my mom has told me, if she finds out that I am bi-sexual, she will disown me, it will kill me if I can't tell her the truth, what do I do?

Q.   im bi and i dont know how to tell my parent my mom already told me that if she ever found out that im bi that she wil say im not her daoughter and it kill me that i cant im afriad what do i do...

A.   11 September 2008: I agree with lotusmama. Your mum doesn't need to know your bedroom habits. What if you had a bondage fetish. Would your parents need to know? It's really your own private business. I would never have told my father the things I liked to do in th... (read in full...)

I believe this much older guy will only use my friend!

Q.   Hi all. Just a curious question. I have a friend whos 20 dating a 42 year old man with a 15 year old kid.......am i wrong for thinking he's a freak? And now she ses she has feelings for him! Its like dude where do u think this is gonna go? I tell ...

A.   11 September 2008: "But i think 22 years is strange....an kinda sick....being 22 myself i cant remember the last time i dated an infant." "they are both "using" each other, and so it's not a victim thing" I disagree with both these statements. Anyone who thin... (read in full...)

I believe this much older guy will only use my friend!

Q.   Hi all. Just a curious question. I have a friend whos 20 dating a 42 year old man with a 15 year old kid.......am i wrong for thinking he's a freak? And now she ses she has feelings for him! Its like dude where do u think this is gonna go? I tell ...

A.   10 September 2008: But you don't really give enough information, really. He left his wife for a younger woman, but the younger woman left him. Now he wants another younger woman. Apart from a weakness for younger women, I can't see that there is anything terribly... (read in full...)

I believe this much older guy will only use my friend!

Q.   Hi all. Just a curious question. I have a friend whos 20 dating a 42 year old man with a 15 year old kid.......am i wrong for thinking he's a freak? And now she ses she has feelings for him! Its like dude where do u think this is gonna go? I tell ...

A.   10 September 2008: The age gap isn't relevant, and that's all you mentioned in your post. The information you give about his previous behaviour (which is what it seems to be -- I had trouble making sense of it) is relevant. If this guy has a track record with 20-... (read in full...)

Is masturbation a sin?

Q.   I am a christian who masterbates. I want to know whether masterbation is a sin or not. please help....

A.   10 September 2008: "Annalisa, I also noticed that you had no trouble masturbating as a young single woman, and now seek to deny this pleasure to others." Go easy on her! Wasn't it Saint Augustine who said: "da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo" -- "Gran... (read in full...)

How do I cope with my husband's reaction to my past?

Q.   I met my husband when I was 17. I told him I was a virgin but I wasn't. Below is the story. Its a bit long but you need to understand the circumstances. Please bear with it I really need some good advice. At just 16, I met a 23 year old guy ...

A.   10 September 2008: It's a pretty visceral thing for a guy, even if it happened 25 years ago. He feels betrayed and the physical side (even if it's mostly imagined) is causing him great distress. That's why he asks irrelevant questions about penis size. He can't bear ... (read in full...)

Fed up with one position, one sided sex with an older man.

Q.   Hello, I'm a 23 year old female involved with a 56 year old male. My problem is our sex life is pretty much one side. He only wants to have sex in the missionary position since he believes this is the only way to get me pregnant. He tends to fo...

A.   5 September 2008: Glad you've made the break! Good luck with your new life! You're lucky to be away from this creep. I cannot believe how he treated you. ... (read in full...)

Fed up with one position, one sided sex with an older man.

Q.   Hello, I'm a 23 year old female involved with a 56 year old male. My problem is our sex life is pretty much one side. He only wants to have sex in the missionary position since he believes this is the only way to get me pregnant. He tends to fo...

A.   26 August 2008: "I've sort of made a mess of things because I wanted to believe my lover so much". So you didn't listen to a word we said? You believed this creep and you didn't believe us? Now that you've totally ignored our advice and got yourself in deep... (read in full...)

I do not like my physical appearance, and I have very low self-esteem, how do I stop thinking negative thoughts, and increase my low self-esteem?

Q.   1st of all id like to ask God for forgiveness for not appriciating what he gave me. Hi im 18 years old and im very slim and 5 feet and 1 inch tall... I really dislike my physical appearance... everywhere I go people ask me if im 12 yrs old or so...

A.   25 August 2008: Well, this is not a philosophical answer to your question BUT, I love short slim girls. LOVE! And I love girls who look younger than their age. You sound very very appealing! Since you're only 18 I can understand that it's galling to be compared... (read in full...)

Fed up with one position, one sided sex with an older man.

Q.   Hello, I'm a 23 year old female involved with a 56 year old male. My problem is our sex life is pretty much one side. He only wants to have sex in the missionary position since he believes this is the only way to get me pregnant. He tends to fo...

A.   16 July 2008: Hey, I'm 54 and I don't act like that! This man sounds like an insensitive domineering type (to put it mildly) and he's using his age and experience to cow you into submission. The fact that he's been married 5 times and has 13 children also mak... (read in full...)

He loves me, but now his wife has found out he doesn't want to know me.

Q.   I have been with someone for the past 3 years but found out 6 months ago that he has recently married. Because I love this person so much I agreed to be the other woman. I know that he loves me and he tells me all the time that it was a mistake ...

A.   13 July 2008: I would find someone else. Why would you want to be in a situation like this, anyway? I think the only thing that makes it palatable to you was the fact that he seemed to prefer you. That may have been some consolation, but the fact that he doesn't ... (read in full...)

I can't cope with his porn habit-Could our marriage survive this?

Q.   Ok, deep breath, here we go. I'm in a lot of pain at the moment and don't know where to turn so I hope someone out there can help me. I've been married for nine months. Three years ago when we were due to move in together I found out that he'...

A.   7 June 2008: As people may have discovered on other threads, I'm not exactly sympathetic to intolerant wives who can't accept that their husband watches a bit of porn on the side, despite a healthy sex life in all other respects. But in this case I totally ... (read in full...)

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