A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi i am a 28 years old female! I have a problem: it's been 3 years since i got divorced. I never had any physical relationship with my ex-husband so technically i am a virgin! By the way my ex-husband was a big jerk and i don't wanna go into any details but it caused a lot of problem for me as now i guess i am confused and paranoid! Now the problem is i am deathly scared of any relationship and SEX itself! I am very much asexual at the moment! I hate men, I hate women I particularly hate everyone! The very thought of a sexual interaction with someone in "real" scares the shit out of me. I know life is not like that! I can't spend my life living like a hermit! On the other hand i am a hopeless romantic! I daydream a lot about a prince charming like guy like a little girl!! So this is the problem I can handle guys in my fantasies but the the moment i think about someone in real life i want to scream and run away as far away as possible! It scares me and makes me extremely stressed to the point of dying! Please someone help me! What should i do? Don't preach to me! Please i want a practical solution the one which i can follow thoroughly!! Don't advise me to go for therapy because i dont want to besides i don't want anyone in my family to know! They will get worried!
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 It's no wonder you are terrified of getting involved with another man and the thought of sex. You were obviously very badly "burned" by your relationship with your ex-husband.
I do not know whether that was an arranged marriage, or if you met him and dated for a while. I guess generally speaking, in your country men and women are not permitted to date, and if you do meet someone and decide to get involved, there could be serious consequences for you from your family? I'm not trying to scare you, just basing my comments on the (amittedly little) I know about Pakistan.
I know you have said you don't want to go for therapy. Is there any reason, apart from not wanting your family to find out, that you are against the idea?
I realize you don't want to worry them, and I expect they would be very concerned if they knew how unhappy and troubled you are. Even if you haven't talked to them specifically, it's quite possible that they DO realize you are not happy. If you live with your parents it would be almost impossible for them not to pick up on the "vibes" we all send out, knowingly or not.
What do you think would happen if you were to approach them?
How would they react?
Also, how much freedom do you have to come and go from your home? Do you work? Would your family HAVE to know if you decide to get therapy?
Further: is there anyone at all outside your family who you can talk to and know that they will keep what you tell them in strict confidence? In other words, they will not speak of it to anyone, without your specific permission?
I hope this response will be of some help. I really don't know what else to offer. Maybe some of the other aunts and uncles will have some good advice for you.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 Never heard of this kind of phobia before It's a VERY strange thing to be this way. Fear of rejection is a common thing
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