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Sex has become a chore. I want to have sex but not with him!

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Question - (25 August 2011) 9 Answers - (Newest, 26 August 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. To be honest, he never satisfied me 100%, but I enjoyed being with him. For the past two months, sex has been a chore. I want to have sex, but not with him. I literally get a little pissed off inside when he wants to have sex with me. I try very hard to cover it up and act like I'm enjoying it, but inside, I'm not. I don't know what to do about it.

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A male reader, doublejack United States +, writes (26 August 2011):

I agree with CaringGuy and the others who are suggesting you end the relationship. Based on the additional information I really don't see any other option. It sounds like the only thing this guy wants out of sex is to please himself, unfortunately. You shouldn't have to beg and cry for a man to satisfy you, so your feelings of being pissed off are completely understandable. You deserve a fulfilling sex life... and you just won't get it with this guy. The resentment will just keep growing because he's selfish and doesn't appreciate that give and take is required. The sexual chemistry isn't there.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (26 August 2011):

Honeypie agony auntIf you just "grin and bare it" it's not going to get better. EVER.

If you have tried to coach him in what you like and he doesn't get it, I would say time to find someone who you are more compatible with sexually.

I'm sorry to say that he is not going to be ("pops lips") a mind blowing lover or partner. At least not with you.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (25 August 2011):

angelDlite agony aunti agree with caring guy. i wish i would have got out of my last long relationship sooner (i felt exactly like you do now), instead i carried on, and wasted 2 and a half years with him

x

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (25 August 2011):

Time to move on. 6 months into it and you're feeling like this means he's not the one. Don't waste any more time. He's not the one for you.

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (25 August 2011):

RedAthena agony auntIf you are sexually incompatible and you have already talked to him...end the relationship. Nothing is going to change.

Expecting otherwise is like expecting a fish and a bird to live together.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks guys for all of your feedback so far. I've already tried coaching him and telling him what I like/dont like, but a lot of times it seems that it goes in one ear and out the other. I'm more of a rough sex kind of girl, but it seems like A. That really just isn't his style; he prefers more vanilla/normal sex and moves and B. That if he does try to go rough, sex ends really prematurely if you get what I mean. I literally had to cry one time because he refused to go down on me, telling me that "he never does it and I should be happy that he is clean". Now, he goes down, but who wants to feel like they're twisting someone's arm for something?

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (25 August 2011):

Denise32 agony auntIf there are things you would like him to do, then gently ask him to try out some different moves.

It won't, though, do any good to be critical to his face. That will hurt him and just make everything worse.

If you think that nothing will improve, despite talking with him and tyring to work together for what will satisfy you both, then you need to end it with him before going after someone else.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011):

If nothing can be worked on then end it. Its going to happen eventualy so be more honest about it to the both of you.

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A male reader, doublejack United States +, writes (25 August 2011):

It sounds like you and your boyfriend are lacking in the area of communication. When he does something you like you need to let him know, and when he does something you don't like you need to guide him in the right direction. If he's not getting enough feedback from you, or the right kind of feedback, he is left guessing what pleases you. Acting like you're enjoying something when you're really not may seem like a good idea, but it is actually counterproductive. He's getting the message that you are enjoying yourself, so how is he to know his technique needs work?

If you've already tried coaching him then it might just be a case of the two of you not being sexually compatible. I have opted to end a relationship before because the sex wasn't good. However, from what you stated I don't think this is necessarily the case. Open up to him, and he should be able to learn what kind of sex turns you on.

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