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My gut tells me to leave him alone but my heart misses him

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 September 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 8 September 2011)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I've been seeing this guy for about six months now. (We work in the same building, on different floors, and have known each other for four). Anyway, we are both in other relationships but came together because we were both unhappy. We hook up but have never been out on an official date. I've questioned him about this on several occassions and he always says that we will go somewhere but we have to be careful. I have recently separated from my relationship but I have not suggested that he do the same. Lately he appears to be distancing himself from me. I spoke with him on the phone over the weekend and I told him that I could really use a hug. Well, the next day at work, he came to my office and we talked like normal. Then he states that I'm slipping because I didn't bring him any lunch or drink. He proceeds on and states that I didn't deserve any form of affection from him that day. I asked him if he was serious or just joking. He told me he was serious and he would not show me any affection that day. I was very hurt. He later called my office and left a message asking me if I'd found another boyfriend already. I reluctantly called him back and told him I was just returning his call. I didn't say anything else, neither did he. I told him he could call me later. He didn't and I don't feel inclined to call him cause I feel he was wrong. Do you feel he's taking advantage of me? My guts are telling me to leave him alone, but my heart misses him so much.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (8 September 2011):

TasteofIndia agony auntHere's my opinion as to what to listen to. Generally, there are four parts working together inside of you making decisions. Your heart, your brain, your gut and your "ladybits".

Your heart softens, and that can lead to bad decisions.

Your brain second guesses and over-analyzes. That can lead to bad decisions.

Your ladybits... NEVER listen to your ladybits unless picking out a stripper for your BFF's bachelorette party.

But your gut - your gut is usually right. Your gut, or your instinct, knows the healthiest decision, and it usually takes the other three parts of you into account.

If your gut says no (and I agree), I say listen to it. Good luck!

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (7 September 2011):

Denise32 agony auntThis man sounds like a real jerk! FORGET him - listen to your head, not your heart!!

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