Like what
she writes?
... Add *arina to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *arina a private message | | | *arina's profile:I'm a qualified professional life coach helping people with their problems in all aspects of life. My goal is to help people lead happy well-balanced lives. A great deal of my knowledge also comes from my own experiences. There have been many! I've lived in the UK for many years as well as the USA, Hong Kong and Taiwan. I'm now back in the land of my birth, which is South Africa...and loving every minute of it! I'm also an artist and writer. People and their feelings are my passion. I believe we all have it within ourselves to make our lives better, whatever our circumstances. That's why I'm here! |
|
Do I need a boob job to get validation?
Q. I'm 16 and I have 32A breasts. My boyfriend had a girlfriend before me with at least a C-cup. He says he doesn't care, but the way he looks at me when I'm in my pj's he seems dissapointed. Do men look at anything other than the size of a girl's ...
A. 15 June 2007: Yesterday I happened to see a video of guys being asked questions about women. One of the questions was 'Do you like big-breasted women?' There were ten guys answering the questions, ranging from late teens to thirties in age. Every single one of ... (read in full...)
I love my fiance, but I cannot be monogamous!
Q. Am I a terrible person? I feel crazy. Crazy woman is an oxy moron, isn't it? I am engaged and set to be married in 5 weeks. I love my fiance, but I cannot be monogamous. I want to feel terrible but I don't. Everyone is telling me not t...
A. 11 June 2007: I think you're not ready to marry your fiance. If you truly love someone, especially in the first few years of a relationship, you just don't want to have a relationship with anyone else. That's the way it is. The fact that you're doing this ... (read in full...)
Does the truth come out when you're drunk?
Q. does the truth come out when ur drunk? I always feel like when i have had a few drinks i always say exactly how i feel, its like u have the confidence to say it. A guy that i know well always tells me her really likes me when he is deunk. he alway...
A. 11 June 2007: Drinking clouds your thoughts. At the time you think you're telling the truth, because that's what you're feeling at the time. However, the day after you often realise you've exaggerated your feelings. On the other hand it does make us talk about ... (read in full...)
Scared my bad jealousy problem will ruin everything! Help?
Q. I have a really bad jealousy problem and im so scared that its gonna ruin my 3 yr relationship what should i do? please help me!!!!!!!!!!...
A. 9 June 2007: Being jealous is usually a sign that you have low self-esteem. If you don't have a view of yourself as a worthwhile person you don't think other people see you as worthwhile either and you fear that they'll prefer someone else.
The first thing I ... (read in full...)
Why does he lie so much?
Q. I have been with my guy for 3.5 years. We've had problems and are working through them. The thing is he lies about everything! Lying is my pet peeve, he knows it, but keeps doing it. I give him no reason to lie, but he just won't stop. His stories ...
A. 6 June 2007: Usually when people lie it's a way of boosting themselves in the eyes of other people. It depends what he lies about. If it's exaggeration or lies about things to embellish stories and so on, then he's probably got a vivid imagination and enjoys ... (read in full...)
My friends are all wrapped up in their boyfriends and don't have any time for me What should I do?
Q. I'm desperate to get outta here. My friends are all wrapped up in their boyfriends and don't have any time for me. I live a long way away from any of my supposed friends. So I am contantly bored and lonely and cry a lot. I want to go. My family d...
A. 6 June 2007: It's good you're happy being single. To be honest, it's your friends loss, not yours. There's no point in rushing into relationships for the sake of it...and anyway it means you're free to do whatever you want! Look at the positive side of it.
... (read in full...)
My friends are all wrapped up in their boyfriends and don't have any time for me What should I do?
Q. I'm desperate to get outta here. My friends are all wrapped up in their boyfriends and don't have any time for me. I live a long way away from any of my supposed friends. So I am contantly bored and lonely and cry a lot. I want to go. My family d...
A. 6 June 2007: Go out there and do what's in your heart. You sound very unhappy and there may be other reasons why, but if you do what makes you happy as a career you'll be halfway to sorting yourself out. I think the idea of going to a performing arts school is ... (read in full...)
Want to move on from just friends but unsure how... I'm not a touchy-feely type person.
Q. I'm a 21 year-old woman, and I've never been in a relationship, or on a date, or kissed, and I've been comfortable with that. But now that I've met somebody I like, and I'm interested in pursuing something, I find myself at a loss. He's my age, ...
A. 6 June 2007: It's tough being shy. It sounds very much as though this guy would like your relationship to become more, and he sounds as though he's being very cautious. He's probably wondering if you really like him or not and doesn't want to make a move in ... (read in full...)
We broke up and I feel that her overprotective Mother had put a strain on our relationship.How do I get her back?
Q. ive just been dumped by my girlfriend who ive been with for about a year. she came over last night and told me that he loves me like im part of her family but doesnt feel as phycally attracted to me as i do to her. im not sure if thats me or anyone ...
A. 6 June 2007: Hi again,
Well, I think you're probably right that all you can do is wait and see what happens. It does sound as though she loves you, but why did she think it was the right thing to do to break up? That doesn't make sense.
I still think... (read in full...)
He got me pregnant but was sleeping with his ex the whole time! Want to meet someone else but don't know how...
Q. i met this really nice bloke who treated me like a princess and really spoiled me and made me feel loved! he had recently split from his girlfriend with which he had to children with! i made him wait 6 months before we slept together as i wanted to ...
A. 3 June 2007: You've been through a terrible time. This guy isn't worth it, but I think you know that. Sit down and write a list of all the things he has done to you and to his ex AND to his children! He's lied, cheated, used you, had no regard for anybody's ... (read in full...)
We broke up and I feel that her overprotective Mother had put a strain on our relationship.How do I get her back?
Q. ive just been dumped by my girlfriend who ive been with for about a year. she came over last night and told me that he loves me like im part of her family but doesnt feel as phycally attracted to me as i do to her. im not sure if thats me or anyone ...
A. 3 June 2007: Poor you. Being dumped by someone you love is utterly devastating. There's no easy way over it, but you WILL feel better. I know you want to keep things around you to remind you of her, but in the longterm this isn't a great idea. These first ... (read in full...)
I'm gay but I don't think my mum believes me...
Q. i really like this girl and she says she likes me i know im a lesbian but she doest know that trouble is i dont really want to be a lesbian because i feel like im the only one round here cus i dont know any and it seems wrong but i guess im guna ...
A. 3 June 2007: I think you sound as though you've thought about this a lot and are being very sensible and mature in the way you're dealing with it. Coming out to your mother is bound to have some repercussions and it sounds as though she's in denial at this ... (read in full...)
He's told me he isn't looking for just sex but he isn't looking for a relationship either, where do I go from here?
Q. I like a guy who i work with and he has told me he likes me back i leave the job in August as i am a temp so i dont have to worry about working with him. I spent the friday just gone at his new house just talking for hours and kissing and just ...
A. 29 May 2007: I agree. I'm sorry, but If I was you I'd walk away from this guy and find someone who wants to be with you. It sounds to me as though he has problems of his own to sort out and you could end up very hurt and confused. Basically he doesn't know ... (read in full...)
My wife says she loves me like a brother and it's tearing me apart.
Q. What is wrong with my wife? I love my wife very much. I love her as a person and adore her physically. I am very warm and affectionate to her. However, I do not feel that physical bond towards me. She says she loves me but so does more so like a b...
A. 29 May 2007: A lot of marriages go through phases like this. Sometimes they improve and sometimes they don't. It depends on the causes. For example, having young children can make women feel very disinterested in sex and touching. Without knowing more about ... (read in full...)
Why is he playing games with me?
Q. I am writing once again - so sorry for doing this... My partner and I are seperating after 6 years. He has promised me that he will see me ok (IE buy me out of our home, so i can put a deposit on another) The thing is, it is going to take ar...
A. 28 May 2007: Hi again. So sorry you're having to go through all this. A lot of people believe that if you live together for some time you become a common law husband and wife and have the same rights as a married couple. Unfortunately this isn't true, but you ... (read in full...)
He's been seein my mate behind my back, he has broken my heart...how could he do this to me?
Q. I've bin with my boyfriend for 7 years, thro out these 7 years we have always been abit rocky but always felt we was in love wiv each other.i've bin thro hell an back wiv this guy, i love the bones ov this man only to find out he's been seein my ...
A. 26 May 2007: You're having a very difficult time with this guy and you've been let down by your mate too. Have you talked to your mate about this? See if you can find out the truth from her. Talk to her calmly and say you need to know.
I think you should a... (read in full...)
Breaking up with my boyfriend will probably cause me to fail the exams. What shall I do?
Q. I've been really hurt. I had to split up with my first proper boyfriend 2 days ago. We were together for a year and had all our 'firsts' together. During the last month of our relationship, he had started be really rude to me, saying stuff like 'I'm ...
A. 25 May 2007: You are the most important person in this right now. It sounds to me as if your boyfriend is being very immature and choosing to treat you like this with exams looming, is extremely uncaring of him.
Personally I would put your relation... (read in full...)
He broke up with me because he said I bring him down. How do I stop the pain I am feeling?
Q. I know my partner and i are over, although we are still in the same house,with him arranging to work away some nights through the week and go away at weekends. He wants me out and I will go once i have my own place again (or move in with relatives ...
A. 25 May 2007: First of all forget all this rubbish about your negativity bringing him down! A loving partner should be there supporting you and communicating with you about any problems that have occurred, rather than running away. That's what loving ... (read in full...)
I have fancied so many boys in my life, it's unbelieveable! but nobody fancies me...
Q. I have fancied so many boys in my life, it's unbelieveable! but nobody fancies me... I really cannot understand why, i always feel i look my best for school and alot of my friends say i'm really bonny, i don't agree with them so much with that - i...
A. 24 May 2007: Aaaaw. I understand very much how you feel. Big hug. First remember that you don't HAVE to have a boyfriend. I know it sometimes seems that everyone else has boyfriends, but in my experience many of those relationships are based on the girls ... (read in full...)
I have fancied so many boys in my life, it's unbelieveable! but nobody fancies me...
Q. I have fancied so many boys in my life, it's unbelieveable! but nobody fancies me... I really cannot understand why, i always feel i look my best for school and alot of my friends say i'm really bonny, i don't agree with them so much with that - i...
A. 24 May 2007: Aaaaw. I understand very much how you feel. Big hug. First remember that you don't HAVE to have a boyfriend. I know it sometimes seems that everyone else has boyfriends, but in my experience many of those relationships are based on the girls ... (read in full...)
My husband says he's "b urnt out" after our 11 year relationship!
Q. My husband says he is burnt out on our 11 year relationship, i dont want to just throw it all away..am I only dreaming that this will work out?...
A. 24 May 2007: Your question is a bit too short to answer properly without knowing the circumstances. In most marriages there are phases when one or other partner feels 'burnt out' with the relationship, but in the majority of cases this can be worked through ... (read in full...)
I'm too insecure to let him go!
Q. I have told my boyfriend i feel trapped...i cant alk to him, he bores me but i am too insercure to loose him! There is amn in my life i have known for 6 years and slept with 2 years ago once as a mistake! He is a great guy and always cheers me up ...
A. 24 May 2007: I know this is very difficult for you, but it's extremely important that you learn to be happy alone. The worst thing you can do is enter relationships purely because of your own insecurities. It sounds to me as though that's what's happening ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is worried I'll become an alcoholic like my dad!
Q. MY dad is an alcoholic. He used to be aggressive but he's not anymore just narky. he can drink from 5 gasses - 3 bottles a night of red wine. He's an ok guy when he's sober. he cant say 'i love you' because of problems with his parents. My ...
A. 15 May 2007: There are two questions here really. First: if you have an alcoholic parent it doesn't mean you'll also be an alcoholic. There is more chance of it, but in fact many children of alcoholics are more aware than others of the dangers of alcohol and ... (read in full...)
How do I make my friends understand how much the aspberger syndrome affects my everyday life?
Q. I have recently been diagnosed with asperger syndrome. When I tell my friends they don't seem to really take in how hard it is for me to do the things they do. Whats the best thing to say to them? Any help would be much appreciated...
A. 15 May 2007: Hi,
This must be very tough for you. Asperger's people often have a very high IQ despite their symptoms and other people sometimes don't realise this. I've copied a piece from a medical website at the end of this, which lists the symptoms... (read in full...)
How can I control my anger?
Q. My boyfriend split up with me due to the fact that he couldn't continue with the stress of work and a relationship. We concluded to be friends. I soon found out that he'd lied to me about a hell of a lot of things and he'd said some stuff about...
A. 13 May 2007: This is a horrible situation to be in. No wonder you feel so angry. First: accept that you have a right to be angry and if you really need to let it out then thump a pillow! Sport is another way of getting rid of some anger, so, if you can try ... (read in full...)
Married with young kids...feeling like I want to be with another man! Should I risk it?
Q. hi i,m feeling abit confused and don't know what to do. I'm nearly 23 and have been married for nearly 3 yrs and have two children 4 and 2 1/2. i met my husband when i was 17 and have only been with him since. my problem is that i keep thinking ...
A. 13 May 2007: Don't. I realise you must be wondering if the grass is greener etc and, as you say, that's natural when you've settled down so young and with the responsibilty of young kids. However, I can promise you that the 'right' man is hard to find and if ... (read in full...)
Depsite being in a 2yr relationship I'm checking out other guys on the web!
Q. I have been in a relationship for 2 years now, its the longest relationship i have ever had. But recently i have started going on dating sites speaking to other men. Nothing has come of this and i am glad, i just do it to make myself feel wanted as ...
A. 11 May 2007: Hmmm. I think you've hit the nail on the head. It sounds as though you ARE hanging on to him partly because of your own insecurities. If you've had a lot of rejection and abandonment then it's not surprising you feel like this. It's extremely ... (read in full...)
He's married and I like him alot! I am down because I know we'll never date...what should I do about my feelings?
Q. I have very strong feelings for a married man(38) with 3 children. I think about him all day, everyday. I work with him through a charity organisation so am in touch with him now and again and am always trying to think of reasons to contact him. I ...
A. 11 May 2007: You already know the answer to this question. This guy is married with three children. There's never going to be anything in it for you. At most you'd have a fling and end up getting very hurt, not to mention destroying the lives of his wife and ... (read in full...)
I'm jealous at everything my bf does if it doesnt involve me!!! Help!!!
Q. I think I am jealous of my boyfriend!!! I've been with him for 9 months now and I have never felt like this before. Just recently I've been getting jealous. Whenever we talk on the phone I feel he pays more attention his brother and sisters more...
A. 9 May 2007: It sounds to me as though you have a huge insecurity of your own which is making you feel like this. It also may be that your boyfriend is sometimes not being sensitive about the fact that he is better off financially than you.
What you need to ... (read in full...)
I stopped him before he penetrated me, but Im still worried Im pregnant!!
Q. I was fooling about with a boy 9 days ago he was touching me and we were both naked i was pretty drunk but i stopped him when i cud feel his penis around my vagina so he didnt penetrate me.i took a pregnancy test today and it was negative. but im ...
A. 9 May 2007: If this ever happens again please visit your GP immediately and ask for a 'morning after' pill. Unfortunately it will be too late for that after 9 days. The pregnancy test you did is probably correct, but to be sure you could either do a couple ... (read in full...)
Two guys at work are fighting over me! Who do I choose?
Q. At work I've met these two guys and I don't know who to choose between - they both have asked me out. They have even started to dislike each other because they both want to go out with me and they both tried to play off of each other to win me over, ...
A. 8 May 2007: There is no reason why you should have to commit to one guy over another if you have only just met them both. However, if you decide to see them both for a while before making a decision then you'll probably have to suffer them slagging each other ... (read in full...)
We were married 18 years, split up, now she is contacting me again but is sleeping around!
Q. I'm a 42 year old guy, married for 18 years and split up for a year or so. We had problems for the last couple of years and we both decided instead of working things out, we split up. After I left she got a boyfriend instantly which told me sh...
A. 8 May 2007: Hmmm. This doesn't sound too good to me. It seems that your wife is scared of being alone and single. Initially she had a boyfriend so she was fine, but after that ended she made contact with you again. I suspect she was lonely. However, it's ... (read in full...)
I'm 29 and have 3 children and my fiancee told me today he's leaving me! I'm heartbroken-what should I do?
Q. i'm 29 and have 3 children and my fiance told me today he's leaving me. he says he can't cope anymore since i had post natal depression as i'm different now from when we first got together. our wedding was next year, i'm devastated as my whole ...
A. 6 May 2007: Apologies. I meant counsellor, not councillor, in my reply below!... (read in full...)
I'm 29 and have 3 children and my fiancee told me today he's leaving me! I'm heartbroken-what should I do?
Q. i'm 29 and have 3 children and my fiance told me today he's leaving me. he says he can't cope anymore since i had post natal depression as i'm different now from when we first got together. our wedding was next year, i'm devastated as my whole ...
A. 6 May 2007: I am so so sorry to hear what a tough time you're having. It's hard to answer this without more information about your circumstances.
My first instinct is to suggest you get some help. Visit your GP and explain and ask to see a councill... (read in full...)
It's not a competition.... is it?
Q. What are your thoughts on whether or not a man and a woman "complete" each other in a marriage? Don't you think they both have something to bring to the table to offer the other one that the other one may be lacking?...
A. 6 May 2007: All relationships are different and I don't believe there's an easy answer to this question. Sometimes couples complement each other and one provides what the other lacks, but I know couples where they are both very similar and that's what holds ... (read in full...)
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and I'm confused about our relationship. He says he doesn't want to get married or have kids with me and he doesnt see our relaationship anywhere in the future.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and I'm confused about our relationship. He says he doesn't want to get married or have kids with me and he doesnt see our relaationship anywhere in the future. When i asked him if he still loves me hs says ...
A. 5 May 2007: This guy sounds as though he's either not ready for commitment or else has something to hide. (I assume you're sure he's not already married for example. I'm only saying that because that's a typical line that comes from men when they're committed ... (read in full...)
We have forbidden this 23 year old man to see our 17 year old daughter but he won't!
Q. my husband and i have a 17 yr. old beautiful daughter that claims to be in-love with a 23 yr old male. we have tried to keep this relationship from happening, but the more we fought it the more they were determined to be together. we both told the ...
A. 3 May 2007: Step back. The more you're against this relationship, the more you're pushing them together. Would you rather alienate your daughter, or get to know her friends? I would try to change tactics altogether. Get to know this guy. Invite him into ... (read in full...)
I don't want to feel like I am using him as a form of blackmail in any way.
Q. Ok here goes. After being apart for just over 12 months my ex and I are starting to get close again. We didn't break up because we didn't love each other but over a silly fight that escalated out of hand. We never really resolved the issue and we ...
A. 3 May 2007: Marriage is hard work. Nobody would dispute that. We all have times when who we live with gets on our nerves and we have rows. Actually, it's quite healthy to have rows, as long as it makes you both communicate how you REALLY feel.
The point is... (read in full...)
I was just curious if there are any products out there that could whiten/lighten my skin?
Q. I was just curious if there are any products out there that could WHITEN + LIGHTEN my skin. When I was small I was born with pale white skin. Since I am older and the sun is out more frequently in my area my skin has been tan. I would like my ...
A. 28 April 2007: There are probably products out there that will TELL you that they can lighten and whiten your skin, but it's a load of rubbish.
I'm worried that you want to do this. If your skin is seriously darker and dull looking then go and see a doctor a... (read in full...)
Treated me well until I got attached, Now hes got me where he wants me hes awful to me!!
Q. i have become a emotional wreck,i have been divorced for 2 years.i got my own house and my 14 year old son lives with me,wasnt to much worried about dating,but thought it would be nice to find someone one day to settle down with and spend the rest ...
A. 27 April 2007: Your gut feeling is telling you the right thing. This guy is bad news for you. Think about it: he's single (there'll be a reason)and you know he's done this before. There are some men who are subconscious women haters. They do exactly what this ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 5 years has been hitting the pub a lot recently.
Q. My BF of five years has been "hitting the pub" a lot recently. He goes through these little independence phases every once in a while. I sit at home with our two boys and wait. Then he says he will come home ina few hours and doesn't. On the ...
A. 27 April 2007: There are two issues here. The first is hwther or not your boyfriend is becoming dependent on alcohol. This would explain why he feels the need to go to the pub so often. If you have any fears of this then I would contact someone like Al-Anon ... (read in full...)
| *arina's friends
These are mutual friends, so *arina has
added them and they have added *arina!
|
