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... Send *arina a private message | | | *arina's profile:I'm a qualified professional life coach helping people with their problems in all aspects of life. My goal is to help people lead happy well-balanced lives. A great deal of my knowledge also comes from my own experiences. There have been many! I've lived in the UK for many years as well as the USA, Hong Kong and Taiwan. I'm now back in the land of my birth, which is South Africa...and loving every minute of it! I'm also an artist and writer. People and their feelings are my passion. I believe we all have it within ourselves to make our lives better, whatever our circumstances. That's why I'm here! |
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should two married people have an affair if they have known eachother for a while, but sparks just started?
Q. should two married people have an affair if they have known eachother for a while, but sparks just started?...
A. 17 February 2007: What do you think the answer should be...honestly? It has to be no, doesn't it? If even one person is married it causes terrible complications and heartache for the people concerned and with two married people there are even more affected, ... (read in full...)
How can I get over him? He won't return my emails or texts, it as if he's died!
Q. Hi, Im having a very hard time getting over a married friend of mine with whom I had an emotional affair. After knowing him for 3 years we started becoming closer and ended up going from an odd email to chatting and texting pretty much every day ...
A. 17 February 2007: I totally understand how this feels and how painful it is. The problem is that you become dependent on that emotional contact and communication and when it's with someone you feel so close to there's a huge empty space when they disappear. What ... (read in full...)
I'm really worried about my cousin, she never eats anything and I seen laxatives in her drawer. Should I tell her parents?
Q. Hi im looking for advice on my cousin and would apprieciate any replys i get thanks. Well she's a size uk 8 32 D bust, yes sounds a great figure i wouldnt have minded it a few months back, until recently. I was over at her house at dinner ...
A. 16 February 2007: You're so right to be worried about your cousin. It certainly sounds as though she might have anorexia. If she IS anorexic she's unlikely to admit she has a problem because she hoestly doesn't see it as a problem. That's part of the illness. I ... (read in full...)
He is making me feel guilty for not loving him!!
Q. Why is my husband blaming me for not loving him anymore?, and accusing me of cheating on him (im not). We have been together for 10yrs he has cheated on me , lied about numbers on his phone, looked at other women on the net and commented on their...
A. 15 February 2007: You have two choices: leave him or get him to go to counselling. He doesn't know how to love you and he's treating you very badly. He's provoking you into leaving him because he hasn't got the courage to leave you. All the things he's done have ... (read in full...)
He feels pressured for sex, I feel neglected, What can I do to make this right again!?
Q. My bf and I dont see eye to eye sexually and its now causing major issues. Been together 4 years. Love each other immensely, but I'm down about the whole relationship because of the sex. its not an overnight thing, and has been going on for a ...
A. 15 February 2007: Are you sure your boyfriend still has a high sex drive? He may have erections but does he still have the desire? Do you know if he masturbates alot and do you think that's because it's quicker and easier than having proper sex? Generally, if ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has finally broken up with me because he's too weak to go against his family's wishes. How can I get over this?
Q. Hi All It's Valentine's Day and I'm so broken-hearted. My long distance boyfriend....has finally broken up with me. Not because he doesn't love me, nor want to be with me........but he is too weak to go against his family wishes, and come back...
A. 14 February 2007: This is difficult to answer without knowing the reasons his family disapprove. Let's talk about you first: You must be feeling really bad, I know. Treat yourself as if this is a bereavement. There's nothing wrong with feeling very emotional when ... (read in full...)
Should I go my overseas trip even although I've been issued an ultimatum from my boyfriend?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months and all has been going perfectly. The problem is, I have been planning an overseas trip for 5 weeks at the end of the year. He is having major issues with this and says he doesn't see the point ...
A. 14 February 2007: Go on your trip! Five months is not a long time to be going out with someone and if you don't go and then you break up you'll always regret it. Any relationship that's going to last will last through a five week absence. Does your boyfriend use ... (read in full...)
I met this guy on the internet but I think I've moved too fast, no I'm having doubts
Q. I met a guy on the internet a couple of months ago and we got on really well. We started emailing and texting then eventually calling each other every night for hours at a time. I liked the way he thought about things and we seemed to have a lot in ...
A. 14 February 2007: You are doing absolutely the right thing. If he genuinely cares about you he'll understand you needing to think things over. Our gut feelings are nearly always right, so go with them. It depends a bit on what parts of his personality you're not ... (read in full...)
I have had romantic feelings for both genders...How do I know if I'm bisexual?
Q. I need help with something, it's been bugging me for a while. How do I know if I'm bisexual? I've never had a girlfriend and I've never had a boyfriend but I have had romantic feelings for both at one point. How do I know? and what do I do?!?!...
A. 13 February 2007: Okay, the first thing to be aware of is that it's perfectly normal at your age to have romantic feelings towards other girls. It's kind of as if your psyche needs to test the waters and make a decision. Generally people go for heterosexual sex in ... (read in full...)
We've been together 7 years and I was going to ask her to marry me on valentine's day but now she's dumped me
Q. ok here it goes, my girflriend and i starting dating 6 years ago, she was 17, i was 19, about 4 years ago my gf cheated on me , and lied for a about a year about it, even though i knew , and asked her about it, finally she told me, i wasn't ok with ...
A. 13 February 2007: Oh dear. This is what so often happens if one person in a relationship has a 'fling'. The problem is for the other person to truly forgive and forget. It sounds as though you still have some anger about the incident and this came out in your ... (read in full...)
How can I learn to let go from those that hurt me? Is there something wrong with me?
Q. i just need someone to teach me about letting go. i have such trouble doing it... everytime one relationship ends i hold on to so many things.... so much that it sometimes ruins my next relationship... is there something wrong with me? why is it so ...
A. 13 February 2007: There's nothing wrong with you. It's always difficult to let go of previous relationships, even if you've been treated badly, especially if you're a very caring person. There's a tendency to remember all the good times and forget the bad or to ... (read in full...)
I have this fetish about being attracted to fat women. How do I lose this way of thinking?
Q. I'm a 21 year old male. I've always been attracted to fat girls. The main trouble is, it's more than just a preference, I'm completely obsessed with the thought of them getting fatter, outgrowing clothes, getting stuck, breaking chairs usually e...
A. 12 February 2007: Well, I'm speaking as a large woman and it's lovely when you find men out there who really appreciate us! You're right though that wanting them to get fatter and fatter is a bit of a fetish. It seems that you are turned on by the idea of ... (read in full...)
Horrified that I kissed my good friend's husband, while I was drunk! I feel badly about this- am I obliged to tell her?
Q. I kissed my best friend's husband and I am feeling horrific On Friday night, my best friend, her husband and me got very drunk. We ended up skinnny dipping and when she went inside the house, her husband and I kissed. The problem is that I rememb...
A. 11 February 2007: Personally I don't think she needs to know. It was obviously something that happened because of the drink and as long as there are NO feelings between you and her husband then it will just upset her and your very good friendship unnecessarily. If ... (read in full...)
How can I get my brother to cut me some slack?
Q. I have a troubled and stressful relationship with my brother who keeps trying to get inside me and know my thoughts and sort of try to publicize them and gets joy out of these. He doesn't believe i should have anything personal of my own that he ...
A. 11 February 2007: It sounds as though your brother has a touch of sibling rivalry. Probably he has a certain amount of jealousy about you which he's not even aware of. I'm sure he thinks he's helping you and doesn't mean to be like this. The problem is, as you ... (read in full...)
I'm so nervous, will I have to make the first move? What if she rejects me?
Q. i'm goin to ask this girl to meet me on valentines day so i can give her flowers. i just dont get the feeling she likes me. we talk etc and have dated once before. when i do give them to her i would love to kiss her. but i dunno how? how can i hint ...
A. 11 February 2007: Ooops! I mean: good luck!!! :-)... (read in full...)
I'm so nervous, will I have to make the first move? What if she rejects me?
Q. i'm goin to ask this girl to meet me on valentines day so i can give her flowers. i just dont get the feeling she likes me. we talk etc and have dated once before. when i do give them to her i would love to kiss her. but i dunno how? how can i hint ...
A. 11 February 2007: First off: try to be relaxed about this, although I realise it's difficult when you like someone so much. The thing is she either likes you or doesn't and you can't change her feelings one way or another. When you give her the flowers plan to meet ... (read in full...)
I asked him to the prom he said he had a girlfriend but he'll go as my friend the the girlfriend won't mind!!!! You reckon that's the truth?
Q. I asked a guy to prom as friends, but I like him as more than a friend. He said yes, that he'd like to. I kinda laughingly replied that I was surprised cause I was so sure that he had a girlfriend. He said he does, but that she won't mind if we just ...
A. 11 February 2007: Yes, I think perhaps you're being overly hopeful I have a daughter your age and she and her boyfriend are very trusting of each other. He goes out quite often with girls who are his friends and she has male friends too. The best thing is to ... (read in full...)
I am still so damn confused!!!
Q. This is to thank those of you who took the time to email me back. I haven't had sex with this married man. It just seems as though he and his wife live seperate lives. She does her thing he does his? I really don't know if I should just dump him ...
A. 11 February 2007: I didn't read your first posting but I've also gone through something like this. In my case it took me four years to accept that he was never going to leave his wife and in that time we had sex because I felt that he was the love of my life. I ... (read in full...)
Why am I so unreasonable with my boyfriend all the time?
Q. Hi..been having problems with my boyfriend recently and wanted to see if anyone could give any suggestions. We've been together for 1.5 yrs and I love him to bits. Hes 24 and Im 21. We are quite a volatile couple and can both argue our point ...
A. 10 February 2007: I think there's a combination of things happening here. First: it sounds as though perhaps you're a bit 'needy'. Some of us expect more from the people that we love than they're able to give. You metnion feeling rejected. Is this something you ... (read in full...)
He's been visiting men for man-on-man BDSM sessions!
Q. Help I am dating a guy and we are pretty serious, I am intending to give up my business and way of life to move in with him, he tells me he loves me and I feel the same but due to other difficult relationships in the past I am always wary ... ...
A. 9 February 2007: There are several issues here. First: I would be very wary of giving up your business and way of life to move in with someone who's not being entirely honest with you. If he can keep this hidden there may be other things you don't know. It's ... (read in full...)
I have a really bad anxiety problem, especially when I'm with a girl!
Q. i need help big time! im 20 years old and i think i have a severe anxiety problem! i have a girlfriend and have done for 6 months now. im just going to cut to the chase as this problem is pretty much ruining my love life now! everytime i have had a ...
A. 9 February 2007: Hmmm. This is a difficult situation for you. First: do you have this anxiety problem in any other situations? It would be useful for you to identify if something happened in the past that makes you feel so anxious when with girls. Second: have ... (read in full...)
I want to give her flowers and card on Valentine's Day...what can I write in the card. Any ideas?
Q. i have been planning this for time so just need to know what you guys think. i really like this girl. we've dated before once. we havent talked properly since due to busy at college. i wanna ring her and tell her i need to talk to her it's ...
A. 9 February 2007: What a lovely idea! If I was you I'd say something like: 'I just wanted to say that I think you're great and these flowers are to say thanks for the wonderful date we had. I'd love to go out with you again soon and hope you feel the same. If so ... (read in full...)
I'm so scared I won't find love again...
Q. im really unhappy - i had to break up with my partner after two years because i couldnt cope with him hurting me anymore. He's cheated, lied, not answered my phone calls, made me feel fat and ugly, ignored me and all other horrible stuff you can do ...
A. 8 February 2007: He isn't bothered because he doesn't care about your feelings. It's so difficult to move away from something like this. Your head is knowing but your heart is screaming 'no'. Step back and try to look at it as if you were advising a friend. You ... (read in full...)
I know it's meant to be
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend about 5 months ago as we decided it wouldnt work out with me goin 2 college and him staying on a sixth form as we thought we wouldnt see each other, he moved on and by the end of the month was getting together with ...
A. 8 February 2007: I know this situation well. In fact my son is going through something similar at the moment. This is a very difficult time in your life when all your friends and relationships change because people are going off into the world doing their own ... (read in full...)
Are inter-racial relationships a bad thing?
Q. I am white and i have a black boyfriend is there ANYTHING wrong with that? ...
A. 8 February 2007: Certainly not! Problems only arise in these situations if there's a huge cultural difference, and that's the same whatever the colour of people's skin. I wonder why you're asking this question. Perhaps it's because you've had negative comments ... (read in full...)
I slept with a married man, now I feel awful and don't know what to do?
Q. I have known a man for over 2 years after meeting him through work, he is 48 and I am 33. I am single and he is married with children, whom I have never met, and even though we stopped working at the same place a year ago, we kept in touch from tim...
A. 7 February 2007: Oh gosh. You must be feeling dreadful and it's brilliant that you've explained this so well in your question. This is the whole problem of getting involved with married men. The answer, as you're now finding out is just DON'T! It only ends up in ... (read in full...)
When does the arguing mean its over??
Q. How often do most couples argue? How do you know when the arguments are too much--when they're a sign that, even though you love each other, you need to move on? If you have a terrible, horrible argument--yelling and crying--that's n...
A. 7 February 2007: It's perfectly normal for couples to argue and I personally know couples who have been together 30 years who have huge arguments. However, if they become physically violent then the relationship should end immediately. However, a large part of ... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and obsessed with a 30 year old teacher! I think about him all the time and I just want to pounce on him! Advice please.
Q. I really can't take it anymore. I'm not gonna say I'm "in love" but..I'm 18 years old and I'm sooo obsessed with this 30 year old teacher. I hate the way I feel because i get so distracted in school, im not a psycho stalker or anything but i kinda ...
A. 6 February 2007: If I was you I would assess what it was I liked about him so much. Is it his looks? His personality? Does he make you laugh? What exactly is it that's so special about him? Write those things down and then look at the list. You might find he ... (read in full...)
My husband has been using adult dating sites and met two women... how can I trust anything else he says?
Q. Hi i have been married for 7 years but just recently found out that my husband has been on several dating sites for the last 3 years , eroticy and adultfriendfinder plus several more and has a secret email address.. there were emails from many ...
A. 6 February 2007: I have a slightly different opinion on all this. I'm an experienced user of dating sites and have some idea of how men tick when they join them. The best I can describe it is by saying that they have a wonderful woman at home who they often truly ... (read in full...)
Holiday's are hell without my gf...any suggestions??
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 1 year now and the last 2 week holiday i went on without her was pure hell. Now another holidsay us rolling around and i really really want to go but i dont want to go through the hell of being apart from her again. ...
A. 5 February 2007: It's brilliant that you want to be with your girlfriend so much and miss her when you're away, but it's also very important to maintain your own space when you're in a relationship. Research shows that relationships tend to work better and last ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with him to please my mom?
Q. I am Russian and Lithuanian and my mother wants me too date/marry only a Russian or Lithuanian, well right now im dating an Irish boy, but my mother doesn't like it at all. What do I do? I really like the boy and he really likes me but my mother ...
A. 4 February 2007: I don't think you should break up with the Irish boy to please your family. First have a chat with your mother and find out why exactly she wants you to date a Russian Lithuanian boy. Discuss her reasons with her. Probably she is worried about ... (read in full...)
Worried I've broken my sex-drive by watching too much porn!
Q. I'm 25 and I was single for a few months. And lately I've been watching a lot of porn. I was only masturbating with porn. At least 1 time each day, for a long time. Now I've meet this incredibly attractive women, and we are starting a ...
A. 3 February 2007: There is something you should do first, like go to your doctor and get checked out to make sure there's no medical reason, although that's unlikely at your age. (Don't be embarrassed about this. It happens to far more men than you realise!) I ... (read in full...)
Do guys like the 'bigger" girl or do they all just like skinny ones?
Q. do guys honestly find ""bigger girls"" (im a UK size 16) attractive or do u only go for skinny girls? ...
A. 3 February 2007: Hi! This is a question I asked myself for many years as a size 16. The answer is 'yes'. There are lots of guys who like bigger girls, but they're often too worried about what their friends think to admit it. You'll find as you get older and the ... (read in full...)
Would like a middle-range, middlestress job - any ideas?
Q. I am getting on now and find myself wanting to change career. I have two degrees and have had high powered jobs in marketing until two years ago. Then I did fill-in jobs which were very laid back during my divorce. Now I would like to find a ...
A. 2 February 2007: Hi there,
I've been in a very similar situation! First, ask yourself a few questions and give them some thought. Write down the answers. Ask yourself what you feel passionate about. What have you enjoyed doing all through your life? What hav... (read in full...)
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