A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for 2 years now, its the longest relationship i have ever had. But recently i have started going on dating sites speaking to other men. Nothing has come of this and i am glad, i just do it to make myself feel wanted as my insercurities about myself start to kick in. I love my partner very much but i feel i am running away as i am scared of commitment. I am 18 nearly 19 and he is 28. He wants to settle down get married and have a family. At times i feel he is right and i would love to as i know he would make a fantastic husband and father. I am very lucky yo have him in my life as i have done some horrible things to him and he still stays by my side. I have had alot of rejection and feelings of abandonment in my life. Am i doing the right thing to stay with him or am i just holding on because i am scared that nobody else will want me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your comments they have all been very helpful...and i will take on board everything that you have all said! Thanks again x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): find a counceller to talk to, they will help you starighten out whats on your mind and get over the confusion and help you come to a decision.
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (11 May 2007):
 Hmmm. I think you've hit the nail on the head. It sounds as though you ARE hanging on to him partly because of your own insecurities. If you've had a lot of rejection and abandonment then it's not surprising you feel like this. It's extremely hard to be strong and self-reliant when you've gone through those kind of traumas. (It might be a good idea for you to seek some counselling at some stage about that aspect of yourself).
My feeling is that you should talk to him about this. You don't need to tell him about the dating sites, as it would hurt him, but tell him that you have some doubts about the relationship. You are, after all, very young to be thinking about settling down. Suggest that you give each other a bit of space for a while. Point out that it's better to do this now than find out later that your marriage is a mistake. See if you can work something out together. Maybe don't see each other for three months and see how you feel after that.
It sounds as though he truly loves you and he doesn't deserve to be treated badly. Be honest with him and, while you're not seeing him, question your feelings very intently. Marrying someone because you're needy and they would make a good husband and father is not enough to make a marriage last for possibly 50 years. Be sure that you genuinely love him if you decide to go ahead, even if it takes a couple more years to be sure. I hope that helps a bit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2007): Your still quite young so i dont blame you for being scared of commitment.
Have you tried sitting down and talking to him about this "family" thing.
If you know you love him and that he loves you too, dont try and rush into things.
Take your time and hopefully it would all work out with time.
P.S Remember you are wanted, and thats by someone who wants to spend hes whole life with you.
Stop feeling so insecure!
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