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male
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30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently been diagnosed with asperger syndrome. When I tell my friends they don't seem to really take in how hard it is for me to do the things they do. Whats the best thing to say to them? Any help would be much appreciated Reply to this Question
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reader, WastedLife  +, writes (18 May 2008):
There's a lot written on Asperger's and most is written for parents regarding children. Much of that is hopelessly wrong, though there is a growing set of resources for teens and adults with this syndrome. Check out Asperger on Yahoo Groups. My first suggestion is that you don't mention Asperger's to friends at all - certainly not unless you know them very well and they are mature.. Forget psychotherapy - it is based on empathy and most therapists have no clue how to even communicate with an Aspie. Insight therapy has been found to be counterproductive with Aspies, so don't even try. Some drugs are useful, but it is unlikely that you will be able to get them prescribed - Ritalin is mildly helpful and a class of illegal substances as been anectdotally found to be quite helpful, but of course, not available. Often, neurotypical folks refuse to believe the reality of Asperger's because the person is quite functional in all areas of social life except dating/mating. They may be genius level IQ and may even earn a fortune. This is very disheartening, but needs to be faced.
For most Aspies, the real challenge is relationship. Let go of the non-aspie ideas like "self-esteem", and focus on self-respect. Be proud of who you are because you have values and integrity, not a mindless belief that you are "good". Recognize that life dealt you this hand, and plan to play it as best you can, regardless. Above all, use your analytic skills to find solutions even though so many folks don't believe they exist.
What you can do is use your intellect to analyze and understand what others expect. Work hard at observing, watch faces and people interacting in movies - not just watching the movie for the plot. Notice the body language, and copy it in a mirror. Very hard work, but it is helpful.
Consider taking an acting class - in fact, I'd like to see someone teach an acting class for Aspies only, with and understanding instructor. It would involve a lot of role-playing and coaching, including explaining why a certain movement or action is important, down to a detail of how to hold your eyes, or move them. Lots more work!
Most of the work in the field so far has been driven by frantic mothers demanding help for their kids - mostly sons. What we need is more organizations that are formed by and composed of Aspies, such as GRASP, in New York, founded by Michael Carley. It's not perfect, but a step in the right direction. Feel free to PM if you have a specific question, and I will try to answer as time permits. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (15 May 2007):
 Hi,
This must be very tough for you. Asperger's people often have a very high IQ despite their symptoms and other people sometimes don't realise this. I've copied a piece from a medical website at the end of this, which lists the symptoms. You won't have all of these, but perhaps you could print it off and give it to your close friends, so that they understand more about the condition. Also, I would ask your parents if they can arrange for you to talk to someone about how to deal with Aspergers. There's lots of professional help out there, so take advantage of it.
You could also explore the internet to find out more. There's a very good site: www.aspergerhelp.com which will answer a lot of your questions. I hope this has helped a bit.
Engaging in one-sided, long-winded conversations, without noticing if the listener is listening or trying to change the subject
Displaying unusual nonverbal communication, such as lack of eye contact, few facial expressions, or awkward body postures and gestures
Showing an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects, such as baseball statistics, train schedules, weather or snakes
Appearing not to understand, empathize with, or be sensitive to others' feelings
Having a hard time "reading" other people or understanding humor
Speaking in a voice that is monotonous, rigid or unusually fast
Moving clumsily, with poor coordination
Having an odd posture or a rigid gait
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