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I'm too insecure to let him go!

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 May 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 24 May 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have told my boyfriend i feel trapped...i cant alk to him, he bores me but i am too insercure to loose him! There is amn in my life i have known for 6 years and slept with 2 years ago once as a mistake! He is a great guy and always cheers me up and tries to help me...but he also confuses me? He tells me he likes me and if he wanted a girlfriend i would be the one for him? After months of no contact? I like him and think he is amazing but worry he is out of my league and having me on! I am confused and don want to do the wrong thing?

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A male reader, Cag Lee "Apollo" Adarma United Kingdom +, writes (24 May 2007):

Cag Lee "Apollo" Adarma agony auntI disagree with DV1

Yes you should leave your current bf if you feel there is no future in it but NO you shouldn;t get with the other guy cause yes he's having you on..OBVIUOUSLY

and Frank is right, grow up and stop being a puppet to others validation.

find ways to validate yourself and make a relationship a connection rather than something to prop your ego

The Capt

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A male reader, DV1 United States +, writes (24 May 2007):

DV1 agony auntYou should break up with your boyfriend and go to the person who makes you happy. The longer you let things continue, the more hurt you will cause. You need to be happy with yourself before you can date. Don't be too hasty to hop into another relationship.

DV1

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A female reader, Carina South Africa +, writes (24 May 2007):

Carina agony auntI know this is very difficult for you, but it's extremely important that you learn to be happy alone. The worst thing you can do is enter relationships purely because of your own insecurities. It sounds to me as though that's what's happening here. Your current boyfriend isn't right for you. He bores you and you feel trapped. How will you feel about him after another few years together? All you're doing is stringing him along for your own needs and that's very cruel and hurtful in the longterm.

Something may or may not happen with the other guy, but the point here isn't whether or not he'll go out with you, but rather if you want to be with your current boyfriend. Work that one out first and make a proper decision which isn't based on who else might go out with you. If you finally split up with him and lead your own life then you'll have the opportunity to meet many other guys. Don't be in too much of a rush to settle down with the first person who cares for you.

I suggest you try to boost your own confidence and self-esteem. Start to concentrate on sorting out your own problems. Write to me further if you want help with that. Once you love yourself and feel more secure and happy with yourself you won't have these sort of problems. I hope that's helped a bit.

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (24 May 2007):

Frank B Kermit agony auntIt is time to put down the dolly and grow up. You are 18-21 and you need to start taking some responsibility for your relationship and love life.

You ARE going to make mistakes. It IS going to happen. That is how you LEARN. If you fear that, you fear all of life, and that means you never get to have what you really want in the end for fear of trying and failing.

-FBK

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