A
female
age
36-40,
*arriedmommy
writes:hi i,m feeling abit confused and don't know what to do. I'm nearly 23 and have been married for nearly 3 yrs and have two children 4 and 2 1/2. i met my husband when i was 17 and have only been with him since. my problem is that i keep thinking about a couple of my ex's and thinking about what it would be like to be with another man, i know this is natural of a women who married and had kids young but i,m thinking about leaving my husband and start to live a little. The problem i have is i love my husband more than anything and we have great sex and brilliant arguments, we get on great, so i,m not sure if i can throw all that away. i,m i just being greedy wanting what i can't have or should i act on it and risk loosing what i love so much?
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female
reader, marriedmommy +, writes (13 May 2007):
marriedmommy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you carina, what you said really makes sense to me and i,ve just registered myself with a gym to get some me time back to see if that helps... thank you for taking time to comment xx
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 May 2007):
 You should not leave your family. Notice I didn't say husband. If you decide to cheat, or leave, then it should be you alone. That means leaving the kids with him as he IS settled and knows where he's at in life. I bet that doesn't sound nice does it?
What do you think you'll gain out of this? Better sex, better dinner chat, better house, more money? Or will you start all over and have three more kids with another man and eventually arrive at the same mental place you find yourself in now? If you're wondering if the sex with another man would be thrilling, I imagine it would. Something different and new.....how long does new last? One week, two, a month ??? Then what, another new dude?
What do you feel you're missing? The grass is not always greener on the other side...it's greenest where you water it. You should try to liven up what you've already got and be thankful you're in a good place in life. What do your really have to gain by leaving?
As for loving your husband more than anything, a person who really loves another, would NEVER do what you're contemplating. It's OK to have the desire to have sex with another guy. Fantasy is normal. It's Ok to be attracted or to wonder. That doesn't mean it's worth the gamble. If you could steal a million dollars but risk going to jail for 50 years, is it worth it.....no kids no family, no life.
Love and marriage is never straight forward or easy. Sometimes when we've got it all, we don't even realize it. Think about what you've got and what you might possibly find. It sounds like you've already got a good thing going on.
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A
male
reader, forgonepath  +, writes (13 May 2007):
I don't know how open you are with your husband but you could try suggesting a threesome etc. to your husband. Some guys are more open to such suggestions than you might think.
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (13 May 2007):
 Don't. I realise you must be wondering if the grass is greener etc and, as you say, that's natural when you've settled down so young and with the responsibilty of young kids. However, I can promise you that the 'right' man is hard to find and if you've found him, you're very unlikely to find someone else out there. All you'll do is create huge problems in your relationship and possibly end up hurting your kids too. You obviously love your husband and it would be completely stupid to lose him. You'd regret it for the rest of your life. We all have moments of weakness and temptation, but you're a better person if you can resist.
Try to find some interests elsewhere that take up your focus and passion. Think back to something that gives you huge pleasure (dancing, painting, hockey...whatever) and put your spare energies into that. When you have young children it's very easy to lose sight of yourself and your needs. Make sure you get some time to do the things you want to do and I'm certain this urge will fade.
You can live a little without sacrificing all the good in your life. Good luck.
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