A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i really like this girl and she says she likes me i know im a lesbian but she doest know that trouble is i dont really want to be a lesbian because i feel like im the only one round here cus i dont know any and it seems wrong but i guess im guna have to face it i am what i am but its doing my head in, also when i ask her she says she's straight. I dont want to end up liking her if this is just a phase or she is just really confused because we're not like in a proper relationship but we say we love each other and that i dont get it, plus to make things worse i dated this lad just to make sure i was gay and now he likes me, trouble is i dont want to tell him i'm gay because i'm not ready to come out yet. I've told him i dont like him but he still likes me and i dont want to be horrible 2 him.Trouble is i always get drawn back to him because mum keeps going on about him and keeps us talking iv told her im gay but i dont think she thinks im being serious how can i deal with these things there driving me crazy ?
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female
reader, Carina  +, writes (3 June 2007):
 I think you sound as though you've thought about this a lot and are being very sensible and mature in the way you're dealing with it. Coming out to your mother is bound to have some repercussions and it sounds as though she's in denial at this stage. Be patient with her as I'm sure she'll learn to accept and be happy for you in time.
I would be careful to take things very slowly with your friend. I'm sure you would like to have a gay relationship but you need to be certain the other person is comfortable with their sexuality. I would suggest you get some support dealing with this. There are two websites which will help: www.outproud.org and try looking at www.psychpage.com/learning/library/gay/comeout, which explains a bit about how parenst feel. Have a browse on the internet and see if you can find a local lesbian group in your community who you can talk to. Your best advice will come from people who have been through the same things.
As for the guy, you don't have to be horrible to him, but be firm and tell him you're not interested in going out with anybody at the moment. Perhaps you could also talk to your mother again and calmly explain that you're really not interested in this guy and suggest she also reads up a bit on lesbianism so thast she can understand where you're at. I hope this has helped a bit. Good luck.
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