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... Send *arina a private message | | | *arina's profile:I'm a qualified professional life coach helping people with their problems in all aspects of life. My goal is to help people lead happy well-balanced lives. A great deal of my knowledge also comes from my own experiences. There have been many! I've lived in the UK for many years as well as the USA, Hong Kong and Taiwan. I'm now back in the land of my birth, which is South Africa...and loving every minute of it! I'm also an artist and writer. People and their feelings are my passion. I believe we all have it within ourselves to make our lives better, whatever our circumstances. That's why I'm here! |
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My boyfriend of 5 years has been hitting the pub a lot recently.
Q. My BF of five years has been "hitting the pub" a lot recently. He goes through these little independence phases every once in a while. I sit at home with our two boys and wait. Then he says he will come home ina few hours and doesn't. On the ...
A. 27 April 2007: There are two issues here. The first is hwther or not your boyfriend is becoming dependent on alcohol. This would explain why he feels the need to go to the pub so often. If you have any fears of this then I would contact someone like Al-Anon ... (read in full...)
I don't like small talk when I meet someone! Have I got poor people skills?
Q. I think I have bad people skills, so I'd like some opinions on what everyone thinks about small talk and chit chat. When I meet someone new, I always think to myself that I should say something more than "Nice to meet you" and/or "How are you doi...
A. 26 April 2007: I used to feel exactly like you so I know what you mean. Some of us are worse at small talk than otheres, and it is that feeling that we're being insincere. However, there are things to keep in mind:
Everyone likes to talk about themselv... (read in full...)
Can you be overfat, even if your not over weight ?
Q. I was just wondering, can a person be over fat even though they may not be overweight on the scales? I say this because i am 5ft 4.5 and 8st (112 pounds?) but feel really fat. I cant face mirrors and have started buying bigger clothes to hide my ...
A. 26 April 2007: You are not fat if your weight and height are as you say. In fact I would imagine you're just right! Do you exercise? It mat be that you feel a bit 'flabby' because you don't exercisew enough and that perhaps makes you feel fat. The first thing ... (read in full...)
My sister's marriage is over-so how do I show some support and help towards her?
Q. I just learned yesturday that my sister is having problems in her marriage. Her husband has medical issues, but has become addicted to the pain medication. He lost his job a while ago (not due to the drugs), but my sister has been the main income ...
A. 14 March 2007: Just the fact that you are there and that you care will help your sister a lot. She'll need to talk about everything that's happened and how she's feeling, so listen to her. Try not to interrupt or make judgements. Just be sympathetic. If there ... (read in full...)
I find it insulting that my gf still does things with her ex bf! How do I handle this?
Q. I finally got my life on the right track and have had a steady and stable girlfriend for the last 2.5 months. I think she is the one. However, she is still in contact with her ex-boyfriend, who also happens to be her mechanic and is one of her good ...
A. 14 March 2007: I think you should trust her. A good relationship has to be built on trust It depends how serious her relationship was with him. If it was a longterm serious thing then you have a right to be concerned, but if it ended after a short time, then I ... (read in full...)
He's making her choose and giving her ultimatums all the time. How can I tell her he's no good for her?
Q. My friend has been in a 2 month relationship with a boy 3 yrs older than her (she is 17, he is 20). (She talks to me a lot with her problems). Somebody claimed that they were so in love with her he wanted to marry her! Her new boyfriend knows she ...
A. 13 March 2007: It's difficult to know whether or not it's a healthy happy relationship, but I agree that it's not good for him to be giving her ultimatums. Obviously her friends are very important to her and they should not be cut out of her life. However, from ... (read in full...)
How do you know when to let go??
Q. My fiance and I have been together 8 years now and are now engaged for the second time. Between the two engagements we broke up, but remained still "close" friends. Now we are planning our wedding and we can't stop fighting; little things are make ...
A. 11 March 2007: This relationship sounds as though it's doomed to fail when you already have so many problems. It seems that you have a good fundamental love for each other but aren't communicating very well. Don't forget that marriage is for life, so if you have ... (read in full...)
I have been married for 8 years and want out!!!
Q. I have been married for 8 years and am so sick of his moods. My husband has turned into a miserable old man, constantly moaning about how rubbish his life is, I'm sure he's going through the male menopause. I really think it's time to get out, I ...
A. 11 March 2007: Your husband sounds as though he's very miserable and I'm not surprised you're thinking about leaving. I'm assuming he hasn't been violent, but if he has then you're right to get out of there fast. However, have you tried to find out why he's so ... (read in full...)
I always produce a lot of discharge during sex, is this normal?
Q. i have always produced a lot of discharge during sex and i'm not sure if it's normal, i am too shy to ask my gp, it does affect my sex life and an ex had once asked me why i get so wet. is there something i can do about this?...
A. 10 March 2007: It's perfectly normal and, as the person below has told you, it shows that you're turned on. Some women do produce a lot more lubrication than others but there's certainly nothing unusual about it. Most men find it a turn on for them too because ... (read in full...)
I'm eating more to get a more curvier look! Is this like an eating disorder?
Q. hey! im not worried about this but just curious. im 16 and have had a boyfriend for the last month and a half. whenever we hug he always feels my hips and my curvy bits (not my boobs) and stuff. now recently i have heard from a lot of people that m...
A. 10 March 2007: No, it's not an eating disorder, but I would worry about it developing into a problem if you try to please your boyfriend. The most important thing is to be happy with yourself and what you want. If you're happy to be a little curvier then that's ... (read in full...)
Just broke up with him and I'm in so much pain...please healp me!
Q. please help me, i have jst broken up with my boyfriend and in lots of pain any advice?...
A. 10 March 2007: This is such a bad feeling. It physically hurts. Everything the others have said is true: time does heal, although it doesn't feel like it right now, I know. Asking your friends for help is a great idea. I'd just like to add that you need to ... (read in full...)
What might I be able to do to ease her mind and give her strength and what would you do in my shoes?
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for just over a year now. It's been great and out of the year we've, all in all, managed to spend about 6 months together. We love each other very much and both get along great with each others families...
A. 9 March 2007: I agree with Bella. None of us know what's going to happen in life and all sorts of things can change for all kinds of reasons. When you have a chance of happiness then grab it and enjoy it. It's not clear why you're unable to get together for ... (read in full...)
He wants to break up with me to think things over, Does he not love me or does he want to date other girls ??
Q. Hey, I have a problem which has recently reli been getting me down. Ive been with my boyfriend for a year now and he is now saying that he is contemplating breaking up with me, because he needs time to think about things. But i knw im only young bu...
A. 9 March 2007: I think he's probably being honest with you when he says he doesn't know and needs time to think it over. I agree that there's no way you can force someone to love you. What is meant to be will happen and the best thing you can do is give him the ... (read in full...)
What can I get my boyfriend for his 16th birthday?
Q. I've use this site for lots advice with love situations and queries so i may aswell ask my favourite people who give me the best advice. Im 16 and its my boyfriends birthday on the 4th of march and i dnt have a clue what to get him..plus hes really ...
A. 2 March 2007: How about an Amazon voucher? Then he can get a book or CD of his choice. Also something like his favourite chocolate would be nice. Or get tickets for you both to go see a film or band he wants to see. My son's 16 and he'd love any of those ... (read in full...)
Why at the age of 40 am I behaving like a lovesick teen?
Q. Why am I obsessing over a guy with whom I know a relationship would never work? Rick and I have been friends for many years, we are both part of a large group of friends who regularly meet up for nights out. Around 4 years ago I was dropping a b...
A. 1 March 2007: You may be feeling like a lovesick teen because there's something happening here! Which one of you is saying it can never happen or is it the circumstances....for example is one of you married? If neither of you are attached then I think there's a ... (read in full...)
We have regular sex but I want to try something different.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have regular sex but i we want to try something different my fiance dosent want to suggest anything just incase it up sets me and im dont want to incase its not what he wants any one got any suggestions, people have said karma ...
A. 1 March 2007: I think it's great that you're both willing to try new things and are both worried about upsetting each other! That shows an excellent caring bond. Make an agreement that whatever you each like there's no obligation to do. There's nothing wrong ... (read in full...)
Parts of my life really get me down, any tips on how to make me feel better?
Q. Hello, parts of my life is really getting me down at the minute and i'm just wondering if you've got any tips to try and help me feel a bit better about everything. I've been in love with this guy for 2 years now, yet he only pays me attentio...
A. 28 February 2007: Aww...You need some help! First, the guy: if he's only paying you attention when he's lonely or bored then you don't need him. Seriously, you can find someone who loves you for who you are and doesn't use you in this way. Second, your 'friend': I'm ... (read in full...)
Is there life after death? Is there hell and heaven? Is there reincarnation? Do we wake-up, and find out we're all aliens?
Q. hey this is a very wide question but hopefully itll mean i get more peoples opinions on it!! what you think happens when people die, is there life after death? my dad died recently and i cant help thinking whats happened to him so i'd like to know...
A. 28 February 2007: Both my parents have died, so I kind of know how it feels. If you think about it we each hold a tremendous amount of energy in our brains and bodies. This is what I think of as the soul. When we die the energy has to go somewhere. Where it goes ... (read in full...)
She picks on EVERYTHING I do! She even says if I fall asleep before her, I'm neglecting her!
Q. I am 3 years into a relationship.I`m aware of my bad points.I even told her my negative points from day one. Now 3 years down the line she`s constantly nagging and bringing up my bad points. She organises everything we do,without a thought. I am ...
A. 27 February 2007: This lady is very insecure. I guess it's because of problems she had in her previous marriage. I'm concerned that she's been sex chatting and sending pictures of herself to men. Have you not discussed this with her? You must talk to her about why ... (read in full...)
Can a relationship survive long term knowing that there is a very good chance that you will never live together?
Q. My boyfriend of two years was spending almost 5 nights a week at my house, he has never been married/engaged or had children but has now said that he needs to spend more time on his own, which i am ok about as he is most of the time very much ...
A. 27 February 2007: It's actually becoming quite common for people to have what they call a 'semi-detached' relationship when they spend part of the week living separately. I believe it can work well as long as both parties have their own lives to lead and are ... (read in full...)
She broke up with me, I told her I loved her and she called me "Pathetic." What do I do now?
Q. My girl friend broke up with me and I have been trying to get her back. I tell her i cant live without her and i always remind her of how much i love her, she then calls me pathetic, what should i do now?...
A. 27 February 2007: I know you're feeling very hurt and broken hearted but this girl doesn't appreciate you. You've shown her your feelings and told her you love her and she's calling you 'pathetic'. That's an uncaring and unkind thing to say to anyone. If you ... (read in full...)
Help! I feel stuck in a time hole...
Q. I need help please.. I am stuck in a time hole, I can’t move on or even more forward with my life because I freeze with the reaction of the women that loved and I spent almost one and half year of my life with. We had our arguments and things...
A. 26 February 2007: Poor you. My impression is that this woman decided to be cold and blunt breaking up with you because she knew you still had hope of getting back together. It sounds as though she kept you around until she found someone else just in case. I agree ... (read in full...)
He says my daughter and I provoke him-we make him take things out on us! What should I do?
Q. My husband and I are both in our mid 30's and have been married almost a year. Prior to getting married, we dated for 7 years. He works in law enforcement and I believe that is the root of his temper. He gets upset over many different things and ...
A. 25 February 2007: I think your husband is probably suffering from stress and unfortunately he's taking it out on you and your daughter. This is extremely bad for your self-esteem and confidence. I'm glad you're finding some emotional support elsewhere, but this ... (read in full...)
He was drunk when he said he loved me. Can I get him back?
Q. Ex drunkenly told me he loved me 3 nights ago. We went out for a leaving do and i didn't drink. My ex kept looking at me all night. I hardly said a word, other than i can do better than him. He was sick on my car and he's coming to clean it ...
A. 25 February 2007: It seems to me you have nothing to lose by asking him. Sometimes people say things they don't mean when they're drunk because their judgement is clouded, but sometimes they tell the truth. The only way you can know for sure is to remind him of what ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is really depressed, how can I help him?
Q. I need some help...it's about my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a half a year, and he's depressed. I'm trying my hardest to make him feel better but I really don't know what I should do. Ok, he's adopted and the only blo...
A. 25 February 2007: My heart goes out to your boyfriend. What a tough time he's had. I honestly think he would be best to go for professional counselling, but it sounds as though it might be hard to persuade him. Try talking to him about what counsellors can do to ... (read in full...)
She's just a friend but lately...she's been offering more lip than cheek, when we kiss! What's happening with this woman?
Q. I have a very good female friend who I see weekly. We are both married. A couple of months back I went to see her at her home and when we greeted she got more of my lips than my cheek. I dismissed it as simply a kiss between friends. Recently I lost ...
A. 24 February 2007: I don't think you're reading too much into this. You've obviously picked on something that has changed in your relationship with your friend and it may be that she's developed stronger feelings for you. It could also be that she's feeling ... (read in full...)
This girl I've loved for 4 years has a boyfriend, what should I do?
Q. The girl i've loved for 4 years has a boyfriend, what should i do? So, theres this girl who is a very close friend of mine, i have seen her have many bfs thru the years and ave seen her been hurt a lot. Now she has a stable relationship wit...
A. 23 February 2007: Sounds as if you have two choices: you walk away and forget her, or you talk to her about how you feel. You don't need to tell her how you feel about her current boyfriend, but let her know that you love her and are there for her if she ever ... (read in full...)
I need tips on how to quit smoking! Is 'cold turkey' the best way forward?
Q. Hello All; I've been a smoker for 15yrs and i need to quit asap. I love it but now i have this ugly raspy cough that erupts in the most inconvenient moments, let alone my discolored nails and palid skin. Should i cut down gradually or jus...
A. 23 February 2007: Yes, several tips! First there is an excellent book by Allan Carr about giving up smoking that has a very different approach to most books and it really helps. In there it explains why cutting down never works. Basically you need to see giving up ... (read in full...)
What's the qiuckest way to forget the past and move on with the future? Any ideas?
Q. whats the qiuckest way to forget the past and move on with the future and like bad past that you dont want to think about and forget....
A. 22 February 2007: It depends what bad thing in the past it was, but generally a good start is to write a list of all the positive things that came out of it. For example, something good you did, or something new you learned about yourself. Anything you can think ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and from a church going family. I like this guy who likes to party and smoke sometimes. Should I go for it?
Q. hey! im 14 years old and a freshmen but i think im pretty mature fir my age. not to sound conceited but theres a couple guys who would like a chance with me but i come from a strict, church going family. im falling for this very hot senior but has ...
A. 21 February 2007: You have to think about this a bit. First I wouldn't get involved with anyone who's still seeing someone else. It can only lead to you getting hurt. If he splits with the other girl and still likes you then maybe. However, would he change? Well, ... (read in full...)
I can't feel any love for my boyfriend any more, I've sufferred depression, do you think this is the cause? I still want to be with him but I feel numb...
Q. This is so wierd but for some reason i just cant feel love for my boyfriend anymore. I know however that i want to love him, and he is the only person i want to spend my days with but lately i havent been able to feel emotion, ive been numb. A ...
A. 21 February 2007: Yes, it's quite likely that your battle with depression has affected your emotions. Depression is a serious illness and affects your brain chemically. It takes a while to get over, so don't be too hard on yourself. If you're on anti-depressants ... (read in full...)
My best friend is really good looking and I get so jealous of her. How can I stop being so jealous?
Q. Recently, I've been getting jealous of my best friend. Shes gorgeous and most people look at her. It makes me feel insecure about myself, and it makes me feel ugly. I can't talk to her about it because it just sounds stupid... How can I stop being...
A. 20 February 2007: This seems difficult, I know. It sounds as though you need to boost your self-esteem. Remember that everyone has good and bad things about them. Looks certainly aren't everything. Often girls who are gorgeous looking don't build up a great ... (read in full...)
We argue alot and we both hate admiting when we're wrong. Days go by without us speaking and we can't go on like this, what should I do?
Q. My boyfriend and i have had a few fall outs over the past few months - nearly once a month. Thing is we both think we're right and i won't apologise to him for something i believe he has done wrong and vice versa. So we spend days not speaking and ...
A. 20 February 2007: Oh dear. Is there a particular thing you argue about all the time? Bear in mind that arguments occur when you've both built up anger inside about something. You need to identify those things and talk about them before they become an argument. ... (read in full...)
Could I be depressed because I'm going away?
Q. I'm feeling depressed but I don't know why. the oinly thing I think it could be is this. I'm going travelling for 6 months and I won't see my parents until June when I'll be in Australia. I also won't see my friends and I'm worried they'll all forg...
A. 20 February 2007: If there's nothing else that you can think of that's making you feel down then I think you're right about the reason you're depressed. Although it's tremendously exciting to go off travelling, it's also kind of scary to be away from everything ... (read in full...)
I can't be his friend when I know I love him but I can't sit on the sidelines any more either. Help!!!
Q. I have been seeing this guy for 3 years now, it has been an on/off relationship because his ex is still infatuated by him and uses there son to get his attention. I havent met his parents or anyone of his friends so on that side of the relationship ...
A. 18 February 2007: I have to ask: are you sure he's not still married? It's just that a lot of his behaviour sounds like someone who's hiding his other life. In what circumstances did you meet his son and what age is the son? Other than meeting his son it seems ... (read in full...)
Do long relationships work? I'm moving to New Zealand at the end of this year and my girlfriend is in the UK
Q. I am 16 and am in love with a girl of 17. We've been going out for 6 months, and are really happy together. However, I've just found out from my parents that we are moving to New Zealand at the end of this year. (We both live relativly near to each ...
A. 18 February 2007: I've been through this myself at the same age, so I understand totally. Long distance relationships can work sometimes. The best thing to do is have an agreement with her that you'll stay in touch and stay friends. You can email and Skype each ... (read in full...)
Did she just use me for attention and love??
Q. We work together. She was a good friend whom I had feelings for. She already has a guy and so turned down my overtures. But later, I found out that she has this flirtatious streak in her where she loves getting attention from guys. So I told her ...
A. 18 February 2007: This is a really difficult situation. It doesn't sound as though she's been using you. I get the feeling she really cares for you, but the problem is her family and the commitment she's made to marry the other man. Is it impossible for her to ... (read in full...)
I'll be staying at his parents house for 2 weeks! I'm nervous about it...any tips to help me?
Q. I've made plans to go see my LD boyfriend, and I'm going to be staying with him for 2 weeks. Here's the thing. His plans to buy a new apartment fell through, so he's had to move back in with his parents for a short while. Nothing permanent, but h...
A. 18 February 2007: His parents sound like very nice people and they're probably just as nervous about meeting you! Two weeks is a while but after the first couple of days you'll fit into the routine of how they do things and soon relax. Have you told your boyfriend ... (read in full...)
My wife died..and I want to get close to her twin. Would my wife have wanted this?
Q. my wife passed away i want to get close to her twin would my wife want us to be happy...
A. 17 February 2007: I'm wondering how long ago your wife died. There's a tendency to try to fill the void after the death of a spouse and quite often this will be someone like a best friend, or in your case a twin sister. Ideally you should make no major decisions ... (read in full...)
He went back to his ex...I need closure on this! Should I email him?
Q. I started seeing a guy Id been talking to on a dating site. We seem to hit it off really quickly once we'd met and things became prety intense. We were in contact everyday.He spoke about us going away to visit his friends and he met some of my ...
A. 17 February 2007: I don't see any harm in emailing him to ask questions. There's nothing worse than being dumped with no explanation. However, don't build up your hopes that he'll answer them, or change his mind. Whatever his reasons, you're going to have to ... (read in full...)
should two married people have an affair if they have known eachother for a while, but sparks just started?
Q. should two married people have an affair if they have known eachother for a while, but sparks just started?...
A. 17 February 2007: What do you think the answer should be...honestly? It has to be no, doesn't it? If even one person is married it causes terrible complications and heartache for the people concerned and with two married people there are even more affected, ... (read in full...)
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