New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login237971 questions, 1048734 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

How do I tell a good friend that I don't like him romantically?

Tagged as: Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 June 2017) 9 Answers - (Newest, 23 June 2017)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So..I have a guyfriend whom I've known for over 5 years. He once told me in the past he liked me but I didnt feel the same way. I never did. He texted he likes me and wants a response. How should I say I don't like him romantically. He's a good friend though.

View related questions: text

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (23 June 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntYou need to be honest with him, if he is a friend then don't lie. It is not easy to say something like this to a friend but he does need to know the truth. So just tell him that you are flattered but you only see him as a friend.

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, Capri2 Argentina +, writes (18 June 2017):

You say: "I don't like you romantically. I see you as a friend only" and you have to be ready to see him go. He won't stay as a friend, and if he does he's going to suffer a lot. You should allow that to happen.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 June 2017):

Honeypie agony auntEDIT...

I wrote:

Do beat around the bush...

I meant:

Don't beat around the bush...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (16 June 2017):

Tell him you see him more as a big/little brother (depending on his age). As such, while you are very fond of him and want him in your life, you do not - and will not - see him in a romantic light.

I can understand you not wanting to lose a good friend but, equally, you need to question whether it is fair on HIM to hang out with you when he obviously has a far different agenda to you in terms of your relationship. If you have boyfriends, it must be very hard for him to witness when he has romantic feelings towards you. Perhaps you need to say, as kindly and gently as possible, that you do not see your relationship with him ever being anything else but good friends and that, as such, HE needs to choose whether to continue to hang out with you as a friend or to find new friends.

I would not be having this conversation in text though, rather on the phone or in person.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 June 2017):

Honeypie agony auntDo beat around the bush, just tell him. Say:" you are a good friend and that is how I see you, I don't see you as a romantic option for me".

If you have already told him this before it should come to no surprise or shock to him.

If he likes to flirt with you, DO NO flirt back nip it in the bud. No need to make him think you actually have romantic feelings for him.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (15 June 2017):

Tell me...what's wrong with an honest answer? What is gained by withholding the truth?

You can deliver the truth in a straightforward manner, but offer it with compassion. You are speaking to a beloved friend. Then there are times when dealing with stubborn hard-headed people; that we have to clobber them over the head with it. They will understand, and come to their senses once they digest it. We just want what we want, but we can't always have it!

I go out of my way to be kind, over-protective, and sometimes my care-taker nature might make me coddle a bit. My boyfriend warns some of our friends; don't ask him unless you want the truth!!! Can you handle it?!! They come to me, because they love and trust me. I never let them down. Friends for life! I hate to be lied to. They know that!

I say tell him. " I care for you as one of my oldest and dearest friends, but I'm sorry but I will not cross that line." Less said, the better. Too much information only makes him feel worse. Treat him like a man. If he takes it hard. Leave him alone. Go completely silent. Don't baby him. He will manipulate your guilt. It's a natural response to protect his male-ego.

Don't hold-on to a conditional-friendship. If you can't be open and honest, and if you'll be let-go for telling the truth; then it wasn't a true friendship. There are ulterior motives behind it all.

I don't mean slash and gut people. That's what nasty assh*les do. They have evil-intent. That's narcissistic.

If he developed romantic-feelings; he's got to know he has to pull them back, or move on. You shouldn't take advantage of those feelings; because it boosts your ego knowing some guy has the hots for you. If it's not that, fear of losing his friendship is still not totally honest. It does feel good to be the object of someone's desire. That is nurturing their infatuation. It isn't fair to them.

So is it empathy, or ego! I say...both! You may think: "But he might hate me!" That's called emotional or psychological-blackmail! Holding it over your head, and counting on your silence as a green-light.

He wants to be more than friends; so you have no right to manipulate his feelings. You're not doing that intentionally; your subconscious-mind sometimes acts independent of your intentions. Soaking it up for what it's worth. Stop him, and he won't give it anymore. You'd miss it! Unfair! Wrong! That gets the buzzer!

Tell him the truth; so he'll stop making passes and flirting. So the poor guy can stop waiting for you to reciprocate. He's a big-boy, not a child. He already knows the answer; but he is being persistent. He hopes to wear you down and change your mind. As Benjamin Franklin said: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained!" He thinks there is a 50/50 chance.

Be honest and tell him now. If you lose him as a friend, he might not have wanted you in that context anyway. Feelings do change without notice. I do understand that. I'm wise.

He just might be using his friendship as a life-buoy. To stay afloat when he's been rejected. His love-life might be a little stagnant, and you're the sweetest female he knows. You're close, dependable, loyal, sexy, female, and convenient. That's how and why platonic-relationships change. Loneliness ignores the boundaries; or the feelings were always there, and friendship was under false-pretense. I call it "fishing in a barrel;" when you use your friends to appease your romantic cravings.

Sometimes curiosity gets the better of you, and a guy wonders what sex would be like. He'll test the waters!

In any case, you'll get tired of him hitting on you. It's awkward, and sometimes irritating. He'll be embarrassed; but he's a grown-man. He's tough. He's secretly jealous when you date someone else. It's cruel to string him along anyway.

He'll be a martyr and quietly swallow his pain. Hating you for that!

Have you ever pissed him off? I'm sure in five-years you've had at least one major falling-out. Did he mince words or bite his tongue? If he held back, he let you have your way to use that as collateral. You should love me, I always let you win! You're always right! That's just flattery and pandering. Not friendship.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (15 June 2017):

N91 agony auntYou need to be straight with him and tell him you don't see him that way. Be prepared for him to distance himself though as you know he likes you more than a friend.

To be honest, I think it would be quite unfair of you to keep trying to hang out with him after you tell him though as he will always have hope of something happening as long as you're speaking. It may be a good idea for you to cool things off with him and not speak as much and let his feelings die down.

I wouldn't be surprised if this could be the end of your friendship though as it's never nice to be rejected off someone and it's even harder to take if you stick around them.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (15 June 2017):

Denizen agony auntJust tell him you want to keep him as a friend long term and that you don't want to complicate things. He should get the message.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, judgedick France + , writes (15 June 2017):

judgedick agony auntthell him what you told us , you don't need to make a long rigmaroll , keep it like you did here short and sweet , that we wish to keep him friendship and not get into a romantic relationship with him

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "How do I tell a good friend that I don't like him romantically?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312520999996195!