| Latest articles: Retroactive jealousy, the missing tip
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 January 2016: If you are reading this you know there's a lot of stuff in the net about Retroactive Jealousy. As someone who's gone through that decades ago I've read a hundreds of articles and discussion about it myself. There is a lot of misguided advice, and ...
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I'm seeing my ex's brother in secret...is this the right thing to do?
Q. Basically, i had been going out with my boyfriend for 2 and a bit years, i had kind of rushed into it. Through the time i was going out with him i got to know his brother, my boyfriend worked a lot so sometimes it was just me and his brother in the ...
A. 18 March 2011: I disagree with this. I mean, I don't think that keeping this secret longer will make any good. I guess you new boyfriend has to make up his mind now about what's going to happen in the future. Of course he can tell you one thing today and make a ... (read in full...)
LDR advice? She doesn't accept any of my ideas.
Q. Hello Everyone, So I met my girlfriend online and we've been together for 4-5 months now. (We've known eachother for more then a year) It started out with just talking on msn occasionally but we found out we had much more in common so we sta...
A. 18 March 2011: I'm not sure if I'm missing something. But it seems to me as if she's breaking up for no reason. I mean, a single misunderstanding can't be enough for breaking a good relationship. No matter how mad she was at you. That's the kind of stuff all ... (read in full...)
LDR advice? She doesn't accept any of my ideas.
Q. Hello Everyone, So I met my girlfriend online and we've been together for 4-5 months now. (We've known eachother for more then a year) It started out with just talking on msn occasionally but we found out we had much more in common so we sta...
A. 15 March 2011: You're right, you need to be face to face in order to throw light over this issue. At least you know that, even if she's not seeing someone else, there is something going here.
I wish you good luck!... (read in full...)
Is great sex a "must have" in a potential husband?
Q. I've noticed many posts on dearcupid by men suffering from retroactive jealousy. One aspect of it that bothers me is insecurity with respect to whether or not the sex is as good with me as it was with prior men. She's made comments at time...
A. 14 March 2011: I'm not a woman but I will try to tell you what I've learned about this matter.
In the first place, you already know there is no single answer for this question. As every woman will have a different perspective about it. Some women care about si... (read in full...)
My Ex is now my friend but he keeps mentioning our past sex life and I'm uncomfortable. Please help??
Q. Hi My bf broke up with me 5 months back. I was devastated for sometime and i got over him. We are good friends now. But my ex-bf keeps talking about our past sex-life with me. I told him that i am just a friend and i dont want to do anything sexual w...
A. 14 March 2011: Maybe he just want to upgrade your relationship to friend with benefits. I can't think of another thing.... (read in full...)
Partner's comments about sex with his ex make me feel insecure
Q. I have been with my partner for five years. When we first met he was not long split up with his girlfriend and although I thought he was over her he was still in love with her. After we first had sex he said that it was not as good with me as with ...
A. 14 March 2011: Yes, you should have walked away of a guy who tells you such a hurtful thing after having sex. No matter how true he thinks it is. He should have be more respectful.
I'm sorry I can't help you with the "tightness" issue. All I can say about th... (read in full...)
LDR advice? She doesn't accept any of my ideas.
Q. Hello Everyone, So I met my girlfriend online and we've been together for 4-5 months now. (We've known eachother for more then a year) It started out with just talking on msn occasionally but we found out we had much more in common so we sta...
A. 14 March 2011: Cupiddd86 dear, if she can't explain why she rejects all the options and she's a little distant at the same time. I reckon she's seeing someone else at you back. And she wants to keep all the options open. I'm sorry but I don't believe in ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I lost my virginity....?
Q. I'm not sure if I've lost my virginity or not because every time I look it up all I ever get are stuff about heterosexual sex. yes, it happened with another girl. which is why I'm not sure about it! I'm very confused. I'm not even sure if it'd cou...
A. 14 March 2011: Mainly there is two concepts of virginity. One can be applied to women only, and it's related to the hymen. If it's broken, you are no longer a virgin. If it isn't you are a virgin even if you had intercourse.
The other concept is related to havin... (read in full...)
How do I make her realize she lost the best part of her life?
Q. Me and my girlfriend had been dating for about 6 months or so and it has been really good until about two weeks or so ago. This past week she has been distnant and very aggravated. She said she was getting bored of her life as a whole along with the ...
A. 14 March 2011: What's the point in being with someone you forced (in any way) to be with you. I mean, I don't want a girlfriend who's with me because I made her life miserable when she left me. I want her to come back to me by herself. If she doesn't come back, I ... (read in full...)
She wants to leave me for another man
Q. what do i do if my girlfriend wants to leave me for anthoner man and i love here to death but she says she cannot take my mouth any more what do i do?...
A. 14 March 2011: I she doesn't love you there's no point in staying with her. If she does, why does she want to leave you? Have you cheated, lied or betrayed her in any way? Maybe you aren't marriage material and you have to change.... (read in full...)
LDR advice? She doesn't accept any of my ideas.
Q. Hello Everyone, So I met my girlfriend online and we've been together for 4-5 months now. (We've known eachother for more then a year) It started out with just talking on msn occasionally but we found out we had much more in common so we sta...
A. 13 March 2011: She can't handle a long distance relationship but she doesn't want you to move there neither. How does she sustain such an argument? Why you moving there is not an option?... (read in full...)
Cheats, but I love him too much to end it...
Q. basicaly, me and my boyfriend have been goin out for long. and the other day he told me he kissed another girl, who i hate because she fancys him. what happened she kissed him, three times that i know off. and he thought it would all be ok if he ...
A. 13 March 2011: I don't get it. What kind of answer are you waiting for? He cheats on you but you don't want to end it. And don't want be cheated neither. You can't have both so, end it or deal with it. No one will make him change, not even you. Unless you break up ... (read in full...)
I was cheated upon and although we're trying to make it work again, I cant get over it...
Q. Hi all, About two years ago I seperated with my wife of hour years because I wasn't happy in the relationship. There was no big drama, we had just got together far too young and hadn't matured before marriage. A few months later I met a girl an...
A. 13 March 2011: I'm going to be a little hard here. The problem is you don't trust her any more. And it's completely understandable because she cheated on you. No matter the other guy blackmailed her with their affair. If she was so worried about him telling you ... (read in full...)
I don't want to have sex until he's committed, but will he commit if we don't have sex?
Q. my question is..i have am in a relationship with this guy i have known for 3years.i truly love him.i have had a lot of failed relationships in the past and with him this might be our 4th time to try make it work.i have never slept with him before.i ...
A. 13 March 2011: "i know as soon as i sleep with him i wont feel secure of m relationship"
Well, that's strange. Because you are worried about a relationship and you know that having sex with him will make things worst. But, you can't have a relationship without ... (read in full...)
I feel used. why do people fake love for you just to make love to you?
Q. hi why do people make like they're into you but they really aren't secretly because all they really want from you is use you for sex while they sneak behind your back to find a bf or gf then they dump you and don't feel bad, wrong or guilty for ...
A. 13 March 2011: When I was in high school I learned that half the guys knew exactly what to tell to a girl to make her believe that he was in love with her. All this in order to get sex. It's a technique almost any guy from 14 and over can learn easily from his ... (read in full...)
There's someone else, how do I break up with him?
Q. I've kind of been seeing this boy(let's call him boy A) and people say he likes me alot. But I do not have feelings for him anymore. We use to be head over heals for eachother but I've meet this boy (boy B) and he told my bestfriend he was going to ...
A. 13 March 2011: The right thing to do is telling A that you don't have feelings for him any more. Of course he will feel bad if he has feelings for you, but this is what life's about. He will feel worst after finding out you are seeing another guy after breaking up ... (read in full...)
I don't want to compete for Max only to lose, and be an even bigger idiot than I feel now. Help!
Q. Alright well i'm 18 years old and at University, and I really like this guy, lets call him max. I kept getting all the vibes that he liked me back, and so i was flirty and chatty around him to try to encourage him asking me out. But then the other ...
A. 13 March 2011: "girlwhoneedshelp" is right. He's making obvious he's yet making his mind about you two. That's a very disrespectful thing to do. Since you are a virgin I would recommend you to take it easy. Don't loose it with the first guy you like. Specially if ... (read in full...)
My mind runs wild when my girlfriend is out with her friends
Q. hi i am currently having trouble trusting my girlfriend of over a year.it has been 5 years since i was in a relationship and that last one she just up and left no reason.i love my girlfriend more than anyopne before but i have trouble whenever she ...
A. 13 March 2011: You are insecure about yourself and you have a lack of confidence. You should talk with your girlfriend and tell her how you feel. Maybe she will try to make you feel reassured about yourself.
If you keep having these feelings you better get a th... (read in full...)
Why do I like this guy when I know he's such a player???
Q. Well I really liked this guy last year and we would talk everyday. So my friend and I went over to his house one night, I was so happy until I saw the real him. He was such a player! The whole night he was touching me all over and when I saw him the ...
A. 12 March 2011: Most girls, specially when younger, would like to be with a bad boy. It's more sexually appealing being with him than being with a typical nerd who would even ask you before touching your hand.
If you want a good reputation and you apprecia... (read in full...)
I once chose another guy over him, but now I want him back! Is it possible?
Q. Last year I liked this guy and we hung out once. We really liked each other but I knew that he had a "thing" with another girl and I really liked this other guy. We hung out all day and all night, but he asked me to hang out with him the next day...
A. 12 March 2011: You made your choice and it went wrong for you. Now you want him.
I will tell you if I were him I would reject you even if I was single. I guess most people doesn't like being the second option. Something like "I liked the other guy but he was a... (read in full...)
How can he be too tired for sex?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have got into the habit of having intercourse everytime we see each other but recently he's been saying "I'm too tired" and things like that. He's making me feel like im unattractive and he doesn't want me, which is silly I...
A. 12 March 2011: You didn't mention how often you meet. But maybe you were doing it to too often. And every person has its own timing for sex.
In the first place don't make him feel like you want him for sex only. And talk to him about what kind of things he would... (read in full...)
Could his sexual inexperience be the problem here?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in our 30's. Up until 2 years ago when we met he'd never had any form of sex, including oral sex. He tried once in high school but couldn't perform. Since the beginning when we began having sex erections have been diffic...
A. 12 March 2011: Well. I guess your boyfriend is going through a hard time when it comes to sex. Which is reasonable for someone who's been virgin for 30 years. And I'm pretty sure he's aware of your frustration with sex. Which only makes things worst for him.
... (read in full...)
My partner is abusive so I am going to cheat on him!
Q. Is it justified for me to cheat if my partner is abusive to me? I shouldn't say justified, but rather is it a good reason. I know I should just leave him, but i don't know how at this point. He hits me and threatens me and verbally abuses me. ...
A. 11 March 2011: You can change the title for "I have a problem so I'm going to f**k up worse".
There is no valid reason for cheating.
If you cheat on a man who abuses you physically you can get killed.
Get some professional help ASAP.... (read in full...)
Men: would you be turned on or freaked out or something else by this?
Q. Hello lovely men of DearCupid :D How are we today? So, picture this... You wake up in the morning with a hard on only to find your girlfriend/mrs was already 'attending' to it... Reaction please? Would you be turned on? Freaked out? ...
A. 11 March 2011: I don't think this is that crazy. As long as she's your girlfriend. But, of course, everyone will have a different thought about this because is too personal. There is no a general answer to this.... (read in full...)
Competition from Girlfriend's Male Friend
Q. Hey guys, I have a question about one of my girlfriend's male friends. For the sake of anonymity, let's call the guy "Tim". The day after my would-be girlfriend broke up with her ex, she spent the day hanging out with one of her long time ma...
A. 11 March 2011: I don't think you are being paranoid now, maybe you were at the beginning but you have found some solid arguments to sustain your doubts.
Technically you can't be jealous because you were not exclusive when she apparently had sex with Tim. But... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lied about having stopped seeing her ex when we first started dating
Q. I've been with my girlfriend about 5 years, and we're considering marriage. When we first started going out it was obvious to me that she still had feelings for her prior boyfriend, but she told me the relationship was done. The topic didn't come up ...
A. 11 March 2011: No, you are not making too much about this. I can tell you I would be pissed of in your place. If you were not exclusive why she lied all this time? Specially if they were seeing to hang up as friends.
I'm sorry but I will tell you what I think re... (read in full...)
Men: Would your potential future wife's sexual history bother you?
Q. I know that when a guy looks for a girl to marry the less sexual experiences the more that guy finds that girl to be attractive. If you were a virgin man would your future wife prior sexual history be a turn off? If your wife swallowed another man ...
A. 11 March 2011: Most people (not just men) are turn off by knowing about their partner's sexual past. It doesn't even matter if you are a virgin or not. Most people don't want to know about sexual past.
There is a good deal of people who would be bothered... (read in full...)
I'm having really weird dreams involving me and my boyfriend!
Q. I'm almost a 15 year old girl and I have been having some really weird dreams about me and my boy friend. I love him more then anything in the world so some of my friends tell me just to ignore the dreams but its just so weird. I don't like just com...
A. 11 March 2011: If "doing something" stands for "having sex" it's completely normal. If it isn't there is not much to say about something we don't know. Anyway, there is no need for you to tell us about that. It's just a dream and it has not literal meaning.... (read in full...)
Do girls realize that they have hurt and lost their rebound and want to have them back?
Q. She's in a relationship with a guy for 4 years plus. She went through a lot of emotional hurt with him. He is emotionally abusive, controlling and possessive too. She broke up but then went back to him many times thinking that he might change. A guy ...
A. 11 March 2011: She loves her boyfriend, even is he abuses her. That's a pretty common pattern and a pretty unhealthy one too.
You better move on and save yourself the pain. You can't save her from what she doesn't want to be saved. And even if she realizes... (read in full...)
What do her questions mean?
Q. dear qupid i like this girl, she's about one year younger than me, and we're close friends (we always come to eachother for advice, and we always hang out). not too long ago, i told her how i felt, and i got a really long responce about how she do...
A. 11 March 2011: In my own personal opinion it's just vanity. She wants to hear you talking about how great a girl she is. She already told you which zone you are, and it's friend zone. If you are not sure about it anyway, the best you can do is ask her why she'... (read in full...)
Would a woman really lead someone on knowing they were taking the piss out of me for a laugh, or is this my low self confidence
Q. I would love some advice on a situation I have at the moment. Not long ago, I moved to a new area and have got myself a job and really settled well. Since starting I have noticed a girl at work who I really like and get on with. Not long after ...
A. 11 March 2011: "Would a woman really lead someone on knowing they were taking the piss out of me for a laugh, or is this my low self confidence?"
There are some women who can do that, and other would never do that. So there isn't a real answer.
I guess you h... (read in full...)
I'm not going to be the in-between sympathy person again! How do I tell her this?
Q. well I have tried my best to avoid this girl because I know it will hurt me to see the one I love hook up with another guy. I have seen it before and I felt so sick for about a week. well that was 2 and a half weeks ago and I only talked to her ...
A. 11 March 2011: What to do? Tell her exactly what you want from her. Tell her you want her as a girlfriend or nothing. If she is going after another boy, the move on. Never be the friend of the girl you like for a girlfriend. Rule number one. If you are her friend ... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend, but I kissed my long lost crush. I feel guilty now, and I need advice!
Q. Hi. I am a 24 year old girl. I fell in love with a guy named Anubhav when I was in high school. Neither could I tell him nor was I able to forget him. After high school I lost all his contacts and never found him. 3 years later I went for a ...
A. 11 March 2011: Again. I can't tell you what to do.
But if you can't with the guilt you have only one option left. Telling him about the kiss and cross your fingers.... (read in full...)
Its been 2 years since it happened, but my husband talks like my affair happened just yesterday
Q. I was transfered 2 work from a different twon for 6months leaving my husband i got involved with a man whom we even had sex, my husband got 2 find out everthng.its being 2yearz bt he talks lyk it jst happend,i hav no say n the house now its 2much ...
A. 9 March 2011: Yes. You should leave him for the sake of you two. Trust can't be repaired. He will never forget and he will always hold this on your head. There is some people who actually get to forgive an affair. But almost no one is able to forget. In your ... (read in full...)
This question is for the guys. What does it mean when a guy says "I never meant to...(e.g. hurt you).)
Q. What is the meaning of "I NEVER MEANT TO"? I thought I knew the meaning of the phrase, “I never meant to”...but now I realise that I don’t. This question is mainly for the MALES. Guys, what is the meaning of the sentence, “I never meant to...(e....
A. 9 March 2011: I don't get it. You are assuming all men are like the man who's causing you trouble. That's very childish of you.
The meaning of the phrase is "I did something which lead to another thing that I didn't meant to do". It can be applied when you do s... (read in full...)
How do I handle someone like this?
Q. HELP! I can NOT stand my boyfriend's sister. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years and just recently, I have started to have these negative feelings towards her. Don't get me wrong, she can be nice and very helpful when it comes ...
A. 9 March 2011: I would recommend being polite all the time. Not getting involved in her business and letting pass anything she can do that will disturb you. She's your boyfriend's sister so you will keep seeing her as long as your relationship lasts. If you marry ... (read in full...)
I made a couple of mistakes, but now he won't take me back.
Q. My boyfriend and I started going out last April after seeing each other for a month. It was amazing and then at the end of November I ended it because I felt that things were going to fast as he wanted to move in with me and said he wanted to marry ...
A. 9 March 2011: You have seriously damaged his trust in you. And the only thing you can do now, I guess, is try to show him you are fully committed to him. Even in a friendship, as it's the kind of relationship he wants now. But before you do that, you have t... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend, but I kissed my long lost crush. I feel guilty now, and I need advice!
Q. Hi. I am a 24 year old girl. I fell in love with a guy named Anubhav when I was in high school. Neither could I tell him nor was I able to forget him. After high school I lost all his contacts and never found him. 3 years later I went for a ...
A. 9 March 2011: "I didn’t tell my boyfriend about this." Because you knew what was going to happen, in the end.
Well. You messed things up because you wanted to take revenge on life. But now you know that's not possible. You can't have both your boyfrien... (read in full...)
Dumped for being too clingy after a 2 month relationship, should I text her after a month?
Q. This is pretty long so im sorry in advance. Me and my ex dated for 2 months and i was her first boyfriend, we're both 18. She dumped me after 2 months saying things like we're not meant to be and i dont feel the same anymore etc etc, but she really ...
A. 9 March 2011: Well, she dumped you after two month because you were too clingy and you are supposed to be immature because you deleted her from your facebook? I guess she's very immature and selfish. When you dump your partner you don't have the right to ask ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lied to me about being a virgin and its really eating away at me now
Q. Hello all, I am in a comiteed relationship from last 4-5 years. When i had sex with my girlfriend for the first time i knew that she is not virgin, i often used to ask but she always refused, but some time back because of my forcing she told me ...
A. 9 March 2011: After four years of relationship, I would recommend you to try to solve your moral issues and ghosts. Because letting her go won't make you any happier. But it will be a hard trip and you have to know that from the start. Within five years you won't ... (read in full...)
I believe I have OCD and its only getting worse...help!
Q. Hello I'm a 15 year old girl, and I have serious case of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder.) I have had it ever since i was about 11years old. I'm not really sure what to do about it, I have not been diagnosed with it, but all the signs are poin...
A. 9 March 2011: You have to see a psychiatrist because OCD is diagnosed and treated by doctors. Not just therapist. And you have already written a good deal of the most common symptoms. Get professional help ASAP because the sooner you treat OCD you have better ... (read in full...)
I'm seeing my ex's brother in secret...is this the right thing to do?
Q. Basically, i had been going out with my boyfriend for 2 and a bit years, i had kind of rushed into it. Through the time i was going out with him i got to know his brother, my boyfriend worked a lot so sometimes it was just me and his brother in the ...
A. 9 March 2011: This kind of things just happen. You and your new boyfriend have the right to be happy. Of course you ex will be hurt about this and everyone will judge you. But if you love him, you have to try it. If your ex really cares about his brother and ... (read in full...)
How long should I wait for her?
Q. I met this girl a year ago, things didn't work out via pointless drama since then, and she moved away for school. (She was moving away anyway) As we were friends before and decided to continue being friends we kept tabs on each other occasionally. ...
A. 9 March 2011: If waiting is not possible for you and you won't leave her. You have one option left only, so you have to keep trying to date her. The problem here is she already told you to wait.... (read in full...)
I think my friend is falling for me, and now I'm falling for him! I don't want to lose our friendhip though. What should I do?
Q. Hi everyone! I know some of you will relate to this. I have a close friend, he's a guy. We've been friends for a long time, and as time goes by it seems like more than just a friendship, it’s like a mutual understanding. We are really very close. ...
A. 8 March 2011: Marry him?... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lied to me about being a virgin and its really eating away at me now
Q. Hello all, I am in a comiteed relationship from last 4-5 years. When i had sex with my girlfriend for the first time i knew that she is not virgin, i often used to ask but she always refused, but some time back because of my forcing she told me ...
A. 8 March 2011: I totally disagree with Annalisa.
Your girlfriend should have faced the fact that you wanted to know if she was a virgin. By not telling you, she denied you the chance to choose a different partner. You have the right to choose your girlfrie... (read in full...)
How long should I wait for her?
Q. I met this girl a year ago, things didn't work out via pointless drama since then, and she moved away for school. (She was moving away anyway) As we were friends before and decided to continue being friends we kept tabs on each other occasionally. ...
A. 8 March 2011: If she has left her ex-boyfriend just a month ago, waiting a couple of months is a good idea in order to make your future relationship work. Which I guess is a good sign for you. If she starts dating you right now you may end up being used.
In th... (read in full...)
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