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Was a Bj the first night too soon? Do you think we have a chance at dating and him respecting me?

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 February 2013) 7 Answers - (Newest, 23 February 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone, I'm 27 years old and a few weeks ago I met a man at a party.

We hit it off right away and spent the entire night talking and drinking, he got tipsy and invited me to stay the night there with him but I laughed it off and offered that he take me on a date some other time instead.

We went on a date a week later, to dinner then back to his house. We kissed for a while and one thing led to another and I gave him oral sex.

I really like him, we got along very well, and my question is do you think we have a chance at dating and him respecting me or did me giving him a blow job on the first date ruin my chances at a relationship?

View related questions: blow-job, oral sex

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (23 February 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntDepends on him and how you go from here.

I slept with my last husband on the first date... it was fine.

what you have to do now is see if he likes you for more than sex.

so the next time he contacts you... it needs to be to take you to dinner or a movie or a concert or a museum... not

'hey come on over and watch a movie'....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013):

Depends on the guy OP, we really can't say.

I have to say though OP this guy is very much about banging you as a priority so far.

He tries to bring you home that night at the party and immediately after the dinner that's where he wants to get you too.

So far OP everything points to him just wanting to bed you and going through the motions to get it.

Whether he's the kind of guy who won't respect you for giving it up so soon is one thing but if you want more than just sex you may want to hold off going to back to his, there's only one reason we want you back at our place. So if you want this to me more than just a guy you hook up with, say good bye at the end of your dates and go home. He'll be patient with you if he's really interested, he'll subtly pressure you to go back to his if not.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013):

I think it just depends on the guy and the chemistry.

There is something about this "respect" issue that I think some women miss: It's not really a turnoff that you did something with HIM so quickly - the turnoff is because it suggests that you are liable to have been that quick with other guys too.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (23 February 2013):

Guys don't care as much as most people think. The issue is that you have to switch this from a booty call thing into a relationship, which can be tricky.

Go out with him and don't sleep with him. Maybe give him a little tease or two about "the future". If he quickly loses interest then you have your answer.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (23 February 2013):

YouWish agony auntYeah, given that he tried to get you into bed right from the party, and given that even on the first date, he got you into his house and got physical to this degree shows that he wanted quick sexual gratification from you. He didn't want to take the time to get to know you.

He already doesn't respect you, and you don't respect yourself enough to say no to a guy for fear that you're not good enough to catch a guy without sexual activity.

There are exceptions to the rule, however. My half-sister had wild sex in the back of her car with a guy she had just met, and they are now married for going on 21 years. They have a 20 year old daughter and she has a 29 year old son from a previous relationship.

So we'll all see, I guess, but the trend shows that going after quick sex isn't a good sign at all.

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A male reader, Capri2 Argentina +, writes (23 February 2013):

In my opinion it was way too soon. Of course, I tell you that as a man and knowing what guys are like around here. I'm not sure what's the popular thinking over there.

If I were him, most probably I would think you use to give blowjobs on your first dates. Which implies you use to give oral sex to guys you barely know. Which implies you have done that to a lot of guys. So I would never take you seriously.

I know this is a judgmental behavior and it's wrong. But I'm being honest here.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013):

I have a feeling a lot of people will write and tell you no.

Me personally, I've had sex on two first dates in my lifetime and both of those dates led to multi-year relationships.

I really think it depends on the chemistry and how you carry yourself. If sparks are flying and you're confident and comfortable with your sexuality as opposed to coming across as needy or "giving in" to what the guy wants, it's definitely not the end of the world. There is a difference between having sex to make someone like you and having sex because you are a grown adult woman and you want to have sex.

Again, can only speak from my own experience here :)

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