| Latest articles: Retroactive jealousy, the missing tip
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 January 2016: If you are reading this you know there's a lot of stuff in the net about Retroactive Jealousy. As someone who's gone through that decades ago I've read a hundreds of articles and discussion about it myself. There is a lot of misguided advice, and ...
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She broke up with me for another man. Does she want me back now? What should I say to her?
Q. Two years back, I had a girl friend whom I loved so much. She had all the qualities I would need in a woman. I love her and did everything in my capacity to make her happy. We co-habited for two years in Kampala Uganda during my studies. When I ...
A. 9 April 2011: And you will keep feelings for her. But you know this relationship could never work after all she did to you. And trying to be together will make no good to her nor to you. You have to move on, that's all.... (read in full...)
Is he right about our relationship? Will I be missing out? Will we both end up getting hurt?
Q. i'm 18 and i'm dating a 26 year old. though unorthodox, we persued our relationship. through the protective older brothers and sisters, judgmental extended relatives, and questioning parents; we came out as happy as ever and perhaps ...
A. 9 April 2011: You are meant to choose what kind of life you want. You can't be everything at the same time. So, that's what life is like. Many time you have to decide to follow one path and that means not following other path. You choose something over another ... (read in full...)
I want to get married, but she had 1 minute intercourse with a man while we were on a three month separation...Should I let this bother me?
Q. I been with my girlfriend for a very long time and we both are thinking about marriage. We have everything we want in one another. I just have question if everything you and your girlfriend did sexually was both of your guys first besides a a ...
A. 7 April 2011: This problem (she being sexual during the break) is as big as you let it to be. A lot of couples go through cheating (proper cheating, not like this) and then they cope with that and go on. Other couples just can't get over things like this. So if ... (read in full...)
I want to get married, but she had 1 minute intercourse with a man while we were on a three month separation...Should I let this bother me?
Q. I been with my girlfriend for a very long time and we both are thinking about marriage. We have everything we want in one another. I just have question if everything you and your girlfriend did sexually was both of your guys first besides a a ...
A. 7 April 2011: Since it was "your break" she was in her own right to have sex. You can't even argue it was planned before hand. But in the end it doesn't even matter. The question here is are YOU going to let this bother you? If you can't handle this you w... (read in full...)
I took a guy's virginity and stopped talking to him cold turkey. Now I feel guilty, what should I do?
Q. About three weeks after ending a five year relationship with my ex I started talking to a guy and things went off great. It was honestly really amazing, he was perfect. I ended up having sex with him, and he had told me before hand that he was a ...
A. 7 April 2011: Well, if you have already hurt him enough, it would be better just living him alone. So he can move on and find someone who's worth it and loves him. Don't get me wrong. I know you were going through something ugly and you didn't hurt him on purp... (read in full...)
Moving in with my boyfriend and his 2 friends, but I dated one of the friends a few years ago! Will it be awkward?
Q. Right about our one year anniversary, my boyfriend, his two closest guy friends and I are all moving into a house together. Yes... I'll be living with three guys but I'll be in my boyfriend's/our room. Unfortunately, I dated one of his friends for a ...
A. 7 April 2011: Everything is possible. Which kind of guys are they? Which kind of girl are you? I mean with the right people that could end up in a very interesting orgy. And with other kind of people nothing could ever happen. It's true, with so many variable, ... (read in full...)
Is he right about our relationship? Will I be missing out? Will we both end up getting hurt?
Q. i'm 18 and i'm dating a 26 year old. though unorthodox, we persued our relationship. through the protective older brothers and sisters, judgmental extended relatives, and questioning parents; we came out as happy as ever and perhaps ...
A. 7 April 2011: The question you have to ask yourself here is: I am a person who puts herself over the rest (including the person I love)? I mean, you can go party and have fun without having sex with other people. Whether you are faithful or not depends on you, ... (read in full...)
Do I still need to get checked for STD's?
Q. So, i had sex for the first time back in October of last year and haven't had sex since then. The guy had many sex partners before me. We used a condom, but i was wondering when i have a check up this week with my doctor should i ask for a STD ...
A. 7 April 2011: You should always include STDs check in your routine medical check. Because sex isn't the only way you can caught an STD. And it's always better to find out sooner than later. About you sexual relationship, since he used a condom you were protect... (read in full...)
She broke up with me for another man. Does she want me back now? What should I say to her?
Q. Two years back, I had a girl friend whom I loved so much. She had all the qualities I would need in a woman. I love her and did everything in my capacity to make her happy. We co-habited for two years in Kampala Uganda during my studies. When I ...
A. 7 April 2011: She had the chance to choose between you and the other guy. And you already know what she did. So her decision is made and I don't think it's a decision she can change now. I mean, where do you stand if she is choosing you for you financial status? ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can't stay hard during sex and it’s upsetting me? Does anyone know why? Need advice!
Q. My boyfriend can’t stay hard when it comes to sex. I accidentally fell pregnant with his baby, but never knew at the time he was on Viagra, which he has now run out of. I never noticed he had a problem until now. He tells me it’s not me and that it ...
A. 7 April 2011: You have to let him know he's going to ruin your relationship if he doesn't take care of this. He has to see a doctor and find out what's going on. Maybe Viagra is not the solution here.... (read in full...)
We aren't technically dating yet but I slept with someone else. Should I feel guilty?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for the past two months, but we are not dating yet. We talk every day and we hang out once or twice a week but we have talked about where the relationship is going and we both know that we will probably start dating in ...
A. 7 April 2011: Who can tell you how guilty you have to feel. I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. What matters is how guilty you feel. Specially if you start dating now. And you end up finding out he was totally into you already and he has been faithful to you.
... (read in full...)
GF just told me she was promiscuous in college. Can't get it out of my head.
Q. I have been in a serious relationship with this girl for over a year now. We live together and split everything and love each other so. Out for drinks the other night we got on the subject of past sexual history. We didn't divulge our numbers but ...
A. 7 April 2011: "Is this something that will always be in my head and I just have to get past it over and over again?"
Yes. Once you have the image in you head it will never leave you. But you will stop feeling sick about it, eventually. The real question... (read in full...)
What my girlfriend really wants? I'm so confused now... Please help!!l!
Q. Please help me! I can't understand my girlfriend now, i can't explain it so please let me copy and paste our conversation. Is she testing me or what does she want really?? If she wanna go then why doesn't she break up with me? Why she want me to ...
A. 7 April 2011: It's way too long and difficult to read. I'm sorry, I read the first part. And I guess she told you she's having sex with other guys and you still want to be her boyfriend.
Well, I wouldn't accept my girlfriend having sex with others but if it's ... (read in full...)
He says I shouldn't talk about the past and should just trust him
Q. Dear Cupid, My BF and I have been dating exclusively for 3 months (dating 4). Should he be in love with me by now if we're seeing each other 3-4 times a week? I'm concerned he's not over his long-term partner which was followed by a painful ...
A. 7 April 2011: "Should he be in love with me by now if we're seeing each other 3-4 times a week?"
Eggs are ready once you boiled them for ten minutes, love is kinda difficult to tell. :)
What to do? Well, what can you do?
You have two options here, you tr... (read in full...)
I'm ready but do I want to lose it just yet?
Q. Ok ill try and keep this short. Im a Male of 16 years of age and still in secondary school. In year 7 - 8 I went out with a girl who i really like and to be honest i havent liked anyone as much as i have liked her. I recently found out that she ...
A. 7 April 2011: I'm not sure what your question is.
I mean you have no obstacles to loosing your virginity, but you haven't made your mind yet. Well, we can hardly decide for you.
I will try to make a kind of general answer here.
If you have to choose... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says my past makes me unclean
Q. I feel really down. I have been with a guy for about 2 years now... He is a sweet guy that cares for me and goes out of this way to get me what I want. The problem is hes 2 years younger.. people say age is just a number and I know that. But I have ...
A. 7 April 2011: I think that telling you how bad your boyfriend is, and how wrong he is, is a waste of time. You will read a lot of people here trying to get you mad at him.
I prefer going right to a simple point. He doesn't approve your past, so he doesn't ... (read in full...)
Would it be ok to give my ex some self help books?
Q. I know I am going to get a lot of negative comments about this, but I would like a suggestion nevertheless: I am just out of this thank god short relationship with a guy who clearly falls in the commitment phobe category, lots of push and pull, ...
A. 7 April 2011: I don't believe in karma, nor do I believe in God. I don't even believe in my own shadow. And yet I think you could give him the books just for his own good. And that shouldn't harm you nor him. In fact I guess he could benefit from the reading. But ... (read in full...)
Why do I cry so much over this boy?
Q. why do i cry so much over one boy? i like him and we used to talk quite a bit but then a girl in my year asked him out with me and he said no hes a year and 7 months older than me now he doesnt talk to me at all and he deleted me from facebook...
A. 7 April 2011: You have to realize that you only liked him. He wasn't your boyfriend nor the last boy on earth. So please, take it easy. What are you going to do after your first break up?
He has overreacted obviously, because he's too young. But the only thi... (read in full...)
Bizarrely Friends With Benefits
Q. Hello, fellow DearCupid users! Okay, my situation is a little complicated...I met this guy online, and crazy as it sounds we really hit it off straight out the gate - our first conversation over IM went on for 7 straight hours - so we arranged t...
A. 6 April 2011: You seem to have fallen for him already. And you are doing crazy things like agreeing to a FWB in order to keep contact with him. At the point where I wonder if you will be able to keep your promise and let him go peacefully if he finds someone ... (read in full...)
Is there any way our fooling around could have caused pregnancy?
Q. I'm extremely scared, probably freaking out a little too much. But I need help. My boyfriend and I were in his car fooling around this past weekend. Clothes were on. By accident I put my hands on the inside of just the top of his jeans and it felt ...
A. 5 April 2011: In the first place you shouldn't be doing this if you are not ready. And from what you wrote here you are not ready for sex. Anyway, if you can get pregnant by doing that, yours would be a case for studying over in the human fertilization tr... (read in full...)
My boyfriend sleeps at his ex's house when he goes to visit his son!
Q. my boyfriend still stays the night at his ex wifes house when he goes to visit his son. i have been told by a nother girl that he still has sex with his ex wife when he goes to visit, and that they dont sleep separately. of course i asked him and he ...
A. 5 April 2011: "is it unreasonable to ask him not to sleep over?" Well, it is funny you are asking this. Of course he can't sleep over at her ex's house. It even doesn't matter if they are having sex. It's very disrespectful of him and you should break up ... (read in full...)
Should I keep up with the no contact until she comes crawling back? Will she even come back to me?
Q. what is the best thing to do here is my situation. I dated this girl for a short periods of time but i really put my heart into the relationship. I always sent her good morning text and sweet dreams texts. I would have eyes for her and her only. We ...
A. 4 April 2011: Maybe she isn't that into you. Maybe she didn't made any mistake. Because you treating her like a princess isn't enough for a relationship. If she doesn't like being with you, no matter how good you are to her, there is no point in being into a ... (read in full...)
My dad walked in on me.
Q. My Dad walked in on me naked in the shower the other day, was very embarrassing for both of us. Should I talk to him about it or just ignore it?...
A. 3 April 2011: What would you like to talk about? Such accidents happen and there is no need to talk about this. The sooner you forget it the better.... (read in full...)
I'm so hung up on her and now she's with someone! How do I get over her?
Q. The girl I liked told me she has just starting going out with someone else. I am properly hurt and I really don't know where I can go from here. She did lead me on as well, my friends told me not to get hung up on her but I did, and I regret it ...
A. 3 April 2011: Start meeting other girls. You will end up finding someone you like and is worth it.... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has been less affectionate lately... or am I over reacting?
Q. My girlfriend has been acting different lately. We used to have sex three to four times a week, now we barely do it once, she even stopped taking the pill... but what I dislike most is that I don't feel she enjoys it as much anymore (we were...
A. 3 April 2011: Well. If you were talking about a five years old relationship I would say it just normal. As, with the time, every couple tends to be more used to being together. And certainly all romantic stuff tends to disappear.
But this happening only six mont... (read in full...)
How should I answer him?
Q. I'm really scared and confused. I don't know how to answer him. Yesterday he asked me to answer him whether I like him or not and he really need an answer. I said I don't know because it was april fool yesterday AND I'm really worried as he told me ...
A. 2 April 2011: Let alone april's fool you should tell him you like him, if you like him for real. Anyway, he's very immature if he told you he likes you and your friend. And the fact that he likes your friend doesn't mean your friend likes him. So why would you ... (read in full...)
It's complicated. Is my ex still in love with me?
Q. Hi there. Okay so I went out with this boy when I was 16 for 2 and a half years. We were each others first loves. Anyway things finished on a bad note and we lost contact for a while. However, we got back in contact later on. We became friends a...
A. 2 April 2011: He obviously isn't over you and I guess being in contact with you isn't helping. I mean, you two can't keep this middle term relationship. As you two seem very confused about what you really want. You should make up your mind. If you want to be ... (read in full...)
Now that I'm ready, she has a boyfriend. What can I do?
Q. Hi. i met a girl in school and we became very close that people thought we were dating but we weren't. she tried 2 make me more than a friend but i resisted because i was not ready 4 a relationship. Recently, I found out that she has a boyfriend and ...
A. 2 April 2011: You missed your chance with her, you should keep this to yourself and move on. In the future if she is single again you can try again. If you tell her this she will be pissed off by your attitude. And you will ruin a future chance to ask her out.... (read in full...)
I am not too keen on kids and don't want my step child living with us!
Q. Hi there and thank you for reading this in advance. I am going to be very honest here so here goes. I am 45 and married to a man who has a child with another woman. Before we were married my husband rarely saw the child because the mother would not ...
A. 1 April 2011: If you don't want to live with the child you should divorce. If you aren't thinking about divorce already, I don't know what else could you have in mind. I mean, if the mother doesn't want the child your husband will have to keep it. So, from now on ... (read in full...)
How do we tell our friend that his girlfriend is cheating without everything blowing up in our faces?
Q. Hi. Any advice given on this would be greatly appreciated or anybodys oppinions or view points. Im in university, have a great group of girls that im close to and i have a wonderful boyfriend that ive been with for a year and a half. However i ...
A. 30 March 2011: You could arrange for someone outside this group, someone unknown, to call this guy and tell him his girlfriend is cheating. Of course your friend won't take it for real in the first minute. But I guess that should plant the seed of distrust on h... (read in full...)
His photography is creeping me out
Q. My boyfriend recently took some pictures of my teenage daughter and her friends in a running race. However for the last couple of weeks I have noticed that most evenings he continually goes back to these pictures for hours retouching them in photo...
A. 30 March 2011: What I think is: why, if he's having nasty thoughts about them, does he looks these pictures without hiding what he's doing?
Nevertheless anything is possible and everyone here including you think he's a pervert, already. So you should delete t... (read in full...)
Kissed another guy and I have a BF help!
Q. I did something I feel really awful about but I don't know if this makes me a bad person or what I should think. I got pretty drunk with my friends and this guy was hitting on me and started kissing on me. I was really uncomfortable and I felt ...
A. 28 March 2011: If your boyfriend dumps you after this he won't be overreacting, just reacting to what you did.
Yes, kissing another guy when you have a boyfriend is cheating. Even if you were drunk. Because you don't get drunk at a party with guys if you have... (read in full...)
I had sex with someone else while we were on a break and now he says I am 'dirty' to him, what can I do?
Q. My boyfriend who I love more that anything else told me we should take a break so he could deal with some issues. A week later I saw he was taking someone to prom and I knew he liked her. Out of jealousy and a need for security, I had sex with a ...
A. 28 March 2011: There is a couple of things I don't get here. 1. Why did he break up a week before prom? I reckon he could have planned that. What else beside taking this girl to prom have happened between them. Maybe they had sex too. 2. Why, if you love ... (read in full...)
I just don't want to have sex with him anymore
Q. I am a 27year old female who has been in a relationship with a guy for 4years now. We have had a daughter together and we live together in a home with his parents. For the past 2 years after i had our daughter i am not interested in having sex with ...
A. 28 March 2011: Are you having sex (or planning to have) with another guy?... (read in full...)
Boyfriend can't get over the fact that I slept with his mate before we got together.
Q. Hi I've been with my boyfriend 5 months but we had this spark from the moment we got together. Unfortunately I had a fling with his friend before I got with my boyfriend. I only was seeing his friend for 3 wks then he ended it. Then 2 weeks after th...
A. 27 March 2011: Since you slept with his mate in the past and your boyfriend is aware of this, there's nothing to fix here. It's a matter of whether your boyfriend will be able to deal with this and get over it. Which, as long as he keeps contact with his mate wi... (read in full...)
I know it was in the past but I feel so hurt, confused and betrayed.
Q. Hello, i'm currently 19 years old and have been with my partner for just over a year and she's also 19. Today, we were (for some reason) discussing old partners and laughing about it until it got a bit more serious and the discussion of ou...
A. 27 March 2011: There's a lesson to be learned here. Sexual past is something you never discuss with you current partner. Because there always something that bothers your partner or yourself. Some people (very few) can actually discuss it without any problem. Some ... (read in full...)
First he says he wants friends with benefits, then he says he wants to be with me, what does he want?
Q. So today, I had a date...or hang out day...with a guy I like. He knows I like him and he's told me he likes me too. But I had asked him if it was a date, he said he wasn't sure. And when I brought up what we were, he said "I'm not sure." Throughout ...
A. 27 March 2011: He wants FWB and backed off his word because he realized you don't want that. Right now he's figuring out how to get what he wants (fwb) without calling it friends with benefits. I guess you want a serious relationship so you should move on.... (read in full...)
Will I win the war against him drinking beer?
Q. Gud day aunts ive got a question. Ive been dating this guy for 3months now, before he would send me messages and we would chat everynight before we sleep. 2weeks ago we had sex and now i feel like things are changing. He still calls, send message ...
A. 26 March 2011: If he doesn't think he has a problem and he's unwilling to change. It's a lost war before you even begin to combat.... (read in full...)
Would you be friends with an ex who cheated emotionally?
Q. I really need your help. We broke up about 4 months ago because she was cheating emotionally. After breakup she started dating the same guy. Now they have broken up and she contacted me by email and wants to be friends with me and see me for ...
A. 26 March 2011: I don't find being friends with an ex, a good idea at all. But being this an ex-partner who cheated on you, it would be absolutely ridiculous.... (read in full...)
Am I in the wrong for keeping the pic of a guy who means nothing to be but is associated with my holiday memories?
Q. Do you think i'm in the wrong? i have a photo of this boy i met on holiday when i went away for a week when i was younger. My bf of 4 years is telling me i should get rid of it and asked me why i kept it in the 1st place. The reason i kept it...
A. 26 March 2011: I guess it depends on who was that boy for you. If he was just a friend and nothing emotional or physical happened between you two, I guess your boyfriend shouldn't be bothered. It would be different if that boy means nothing to you now, but there ... (read in full...)
Guy A versus Guy B...How do I choose?
Q. 2 years ago, I became friends with this guy, he had a girlfriend, who I was friends with, so we started as just friends. I had NO intentions of dating him. I was single and started dating this other guy, things were going well, until, my friend ...
A. 25 March 2011: Well. Cheating is always a bad idea. And what happened to you proves that proposition. Anyway, you now have to choose between two men. And I don't reckon it's a matter of your family or children liking one guy or another. It's up to you. If yo... (read in full...)
Am I asking too many specific questions about her sexual past?
Q. My girlfriend and I are very much in love and very open in talking about our sexual past, although I tend to ask a lot of questions and she does not. I know she feels a bit uncomfortable talking about detail, so I don't ask too many questions, but ...
A. 25 March 2011: Do you reckon someone is going to give you the right answer. I mean there are so many answer as people. If you take a look around you will read about a lot of different experiences. In fact, what really does matter is what your girlfriend thinks ... (read in full...)
During argument I told BF he was with me just for sex and now he won't have sex with me!
Q. hey I'm in this relationship since 4years and we both love each other alot and everythin was great until we had a breakup 2months back it was becoz of the family issues now we are together again and everything is the same as it was before but when...
A. 25 March 2011: He's teaching you a lesson.... (read in full...)
We are friends with benefits, and while I don't have romantic feelings for her, her having sex with others still bother me. Why?
Q. I have, what is common called, a f**k buddy. She and I both came out of long term relationships recently and sort of found each other. We have known each other for a long time and it just felt right. This has been going on for over a year now. ...
A. 25 March 2011: Obviously you don't have the kind of relationship you really want. You agreed to this relationship but you would like her to be exclusive. And you already know that's not part of the deal. Now, I don't think that "f**k buddy" relationships ar... (read in full...)
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