| Latest articles: Retroactive jealousy, the missing tip
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 January 2016: If you are reading this you know there's a lot of stuff in the net about Retroactive Jealousy. As someone who's gone through that decades ago I've read a hundreds of articles and discussion about it myself. There is a lot of misguided advice, and ...
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We are friends with benefits, and while I don't have romantic feelings for her, her having sex with others still bother me. Why?
Q. I have, what is common called, a f**k buddy. She and I both came out of long term relationships recently and sort of found each other. We have known each other for a long time and it just felt right. This has been going on for over a year now. ...
A. 25 March 2011: Obviously you don't have the kind of relationship you really want. You agreed to this relationship but you would like her to be exclusive. And you already know that's not part of the deal. Now, I don't think that "f**k buddy" relationships ar... (read in full...)
I like him but he's ignoring me, how do I get him back?
Q. Hi guys. Me and this guy really like each other. We have been hanging out as friends for the last six months. A couple of months ago, he started working two jobs and I have not been seeing him as much. So we haven't been hanging out like we used...
A. 24 March 2011: If it's an ego matter just go beg him pardon. Let him win, that's all.... (read in full...)
I think I'm in love with 2 men, one of them is my ex
Q. i'm in a bad situation at the moment emotionally because i think i'm in love with 2 men, one is my ex. my ex broke up with me twice in the past and after the first time he pleaded for me to take him back and said he would change. he hadn't and ...
A. 24 March 2011: Very confused indeed. From what you say your problem is how do you try again with you ex and, at the same time, you are sure you new boyfriend is waiting for you just in case you ex is the same old crap. Well. You are both childish and sel... (read in full...)
I wasn't ready for a relationship so we agreed to be friends--but now he ignores me!!
Q. Hey everyone, I met this guy recently and found out that we've crossed paths several times before we actually met. We're in the same program in university, we share the same group of friends, and we've been to the same get-togethers and parties. ...
A. 24 March 2011: Do you really need an answer? It should be pretty obvious by now. He's ignoring you since you refused him.... (read in full...)
How much is too much when not official?
Q. hello everyone! im seeing someone, have been for a few months now, we are exclusive but not official and because of circumstance have decided its unmanageable to make a proper commitment to each other. i really really like him, but the trouble is ...
A. 24 March 2011: Relationship status are so subjective that I don't reckon there will be much difference. I mean, he could be bothered or not. He could be bothered even if you were official. I don't think the status of your relationship will make a difference. It's ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend I kissed another guy? I tried to tell him but he cried
Q. my boyfriend of 6 years off and on has hurt me sooo much over the years. and i've broken up with him numerous times for that reason. but we are together now and i do love him and i think we are pretty strong and can get through anything. but one of ...
A. 24 March 2011: Yes. You should tell him what happened. If you are strong now you should overcome this.
I can't understand cheating, but it's even more difficult to me to forgive cheating. So I find it hard to think what would I do in your place. Under this cir... (read in full...)
My wife lied and told me her previous marriage wasn't finalized after I had married her!
Q. Ok, now check this out. A year and a half ago, I got into a relationship. After she moved here, she began spending time with another man.....a "friend" as she put it. We got married, and 6 weeks into it, she comes to me with the story she has ...
A. 23 March 2011: The whole story looks very strange to me. How come you took her word about the previous marriage? You can't marry someone if you are still married to someone else. That's against the law in my country, in yours and all over the world.
You have to ... (read in full...)
My exgirlfriend contact me after 3 years and I now feel like crap
Q. I know its sad but my first ever gf dumped me 3 years ago and I cant get over it . She dumped me over telephone just saying she didnt care for me anymore. She said that she didnt want to be friends either so I basically cut all ties from her not ...
A. 23 March 2011: Please don't add another pain to your life. I guess you have a lot already. So don't answer or, if you want to, just tell her you don't want to talk to her.
And then, keep trying there are a lot of good girls out there. You will end up finding ... (read in full...)
I want to ask her out, but there's only 3 weeks left of school
Q. ok so there is this girl who lives in the room next to mine at university in residence and she and i usually talk if we see each other or waive if we are in a hurry. anyway about 2 days ago, my roommate and i want for dinner and i noticed that she ...
A. 23 March 2011: What could you lose? If it doesn't work at least you will know you've tried.... (read in full...)
Why are people so judgmental?
Q. Why are people so judgemental? On here there are a lot of aunts and uncles, who seem to think that because a young questioner asks a question about love and relationships, they need to discourage this young person from being grown up and thInking ...
A. 23 March 2011: Your question is more a complain than a question itself. You are mad at grown-ups about the way they answer your questions. And that's only normal because we have been there before, we know how you feel, and we know that there isn't an answer for ... (read in full...)
Why are people so judgmental?
Q. Why are people so judgemental? On here there are a lot of aunts and uncles, who seem to think that because a young questioner asks a question about love and relationships, they need to discourage this young person from being grown up and thInking ...
A. 22 March 2011: "Are you going to look at my age now, and tell me that adults see things differently?"
Yes. Adults see things differently, because that's how life is. As you live you go through things that change the way you think. I totally remember how I used t... (read in full...)
I trust him but I don't trust his ex, and from his text messages it seems he met up with her at 3am last night! I cant talk to him about this so what should I do?
Q. Hi, i need some serious advice.i'm not the kind of person who would normally do this as whenever i have a conflict, i believe i am mature enough to handle it myself. but this is something that is really messing me up.me and my boyfriend have almost ...
A. 21 March 2011: If there is nothing going on, how come he went to the house at 3 am and even if he did that. Why did he hide it from you?
There is no reason for him going to see her 3 am and much less reason for not telling you. In fact, if he hasn't any other opti... (read in full...)
I trust him but I don't trust his ex, and from his text messages it seems he met up with her at 3am last night! I cant talk to him about this so what should I do?
Q. Hi, i need some serious advice.i'm not the kind of person who would normally do this as whenever i have a conflict, i believe i am mature enough to handle it myself. but this is something that is really messing me up.me and my boyfriend have almost ...
A. 21 March 2011: If I were you, I would be EXTREMELY angry. And I would give a d*mn about how wrong it was to read the conversation. Because, in the end, he lied to you.
Of course this could happen with any other person. But this is the reason that makes me not t... (read in full...)
How can I tell him I fake my orgasms without hurting his feelings?
Q. i always lie to my partner that i reach orgasm because i didnt want to hurt his feelings or to get me the wrong way, you no how guys are like,how can i tell him without hurting his feelings...
A. 21 March 2011: Well. Chances are you will hurt his feelings, even if you tell him this smoothly. But not telling him could end up in a real damage (for the couple) in the future. So you will have to tell him, making your best to be gentle and assuring him that you ... (read in full...)
I think she's hiding something and she says "Forget about it"
Q. I have been dating a girl for over a year now. I think she is cheating on me with someone else. They do have "some" history. I tryed talking ro uer and all she says is forget about it or just says nothings going on. I still think shes hiding ...
A. 19 March 2011: Well. I depends on how sure you are she's cheating on you. I reckon you aren't certain, but you are suspicious enough as to not believe her. You have two options, I guess, you leave her and move on without more evidence. Or you set a trap to di... (read in full...)
My son is depressed about trying to help his ex,and I want to help my son!
Q. my son and his partner are both studying they have at his partners insistance moved into a one bedroom flat and have been there for 8 months. His partner has been unfaithful with several other men and the relationship is over however they are ...
A. 19 March 2011: I guess it is very difficult for your son to help her her girlfriend after all that happened. And it is much more difficult for you to help your son. As there is not much you can do (or even he can do) for helping this girl. I would recommend ... (read in full...)
Should or can I ever trust her again? she's had a more colorful past than I knew.
Q. i'm 34 and she's 21. We're married for 15 months. we're fated, have everything in common. however, a few weeks back i asked her which friend she talks to most about stuff. she said no one really, and certainly would never spill details abou...
A. 19 March 2011: I don't get how you two got married without knowing each other better. Of course I don't think a marriage in this conditions could work. But I don't know how much of this is your responsibility. Maybe you would like to add information here... (read in full...)
I've felt treated unfavorably by them, yet should I help my in laws now that they need help?
Q. My in laws have selfishly enjoyed their life, they have always put themselves first. Should i help them now that they both have some health problems? They have always treated me as an outsider, they're thoughtless towards me, my kids and my husb...
A. 19 March 2011: I think that you husband opinion is key factor here to make a decision. If they are so selfish I would prefer to help as long as it doesn't affect my own family. And I would make very clear that what I'm doing is something they wouldn't do for ... (read in full...)
This is gonna sound bad but I want to cheat on my girlfriend..
Q. Hey everyone This is gonna sound bad but I want to cheat on my girlfriend Now before people start getting up on there high horses and accuse me of being a troll and an ass and so on hear me out... About 6 months ago my gf cheated on me an...
A. 19 March 2011: I see you love her but I'm sorry to tell you this relationship is doomed. There is no way this will work out and your visions won't go away. She cheated on you and dumped you. I know you love her but you should love yourself a little bit and move ... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable for me to skip the birthday party if his ex is invited?
Q. I'm 20 and have been with my boyfriend just over half a year. Just over a year ago, he broke up with his current girlfriend of about 4 years because he says he didn't have feelings for her for the last 2 years of their relationship and just stayed ...
A. 19 March 2011: No, I would do the same. Ask your boyfriend to deal with this issue. He has to solve the problem and be sure she is not going. If he refuses to do that you simply skip the party. I'm not telling you to argue with him. If she goes and you don't feel ... (read in full...)
Her ex is sleeping at her house...
Q. I am in a long distance relationship. She has her ex sleeping over at her house. It's been about a month since she broke up with him. A lot of my friends think she's just using me....
A. 19 March 2011: Let's put this clear. Unless there is a VERY GOOD reason for her letting him sleep over, like "his house collapsed and he doesn't have any other place to go", she's using you.
I guess you asked her why he was staying there. What did she say?... (read in full...)
How can I let her down gently? She was a virgin. I was drunk. Her family could be a problem
Q. hello. i slept with my best mates sister the other day. im 20 shes 18 it was just a drunken mistake at a party. but she thinks were together how can let her down gently and without her family finding out. also make thing worse she was a virgin. plz ...
A. 19 March 2011: Being drunk is not an excuse. What you did being drunk is the same you wanted to do before drinking. So you've got what you wanted from her and we are supposed to help you dumping her? Let her down gently? What are you talking about?
In the othe... (read in full...)
Do couples share their passwords with each other or is it a trust issue to deal with?
Q. I have a question about trust. Im having an issue with my bf keeping his password from me. I know its because of trust and im trying to work thru it but with all thats happend its kinda hard to.my question is how many of you share your passwords ...
A. 19 March 2011: I don't share my passwords. And I don't want to know my girlfriend's password neither. I'm talking about email account passwords.
Why? Because I trust her for real. Not because I can read her messages. It's very easy to trust your partner if you c... (read in full...)
I think he's going to dump me and I don't know how to stop it
Q. This is prior to one of my questions some of you helped me on: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/apparently-my-boyfriend-has-changed-his-relationship-status.html But i don't know what I can do anymore....I talked to him about he just says b/c of a...
A. 18 March 2011: Well. You need to suppose why is he going to dump you, at least. I mean, he didn't tell you he will, so you don't have a reason behind this "future action". You need to figure out why is he going to dump you.
Let's suppose he's going to dump you... (read in full...)
I'm seeing my ex's brother in secret...is this the right thing to do?
Q. Basically, i had been going out with my boyfriend for 2 and a bit years, i had kind of rushed into it. Through the time i was going out with him i got to know his brother, my boyfriend worked a lot so sometimes it was just me and his brother in the ...
A. 18 March 2011: I disagree with this. I mean, I don't think that keeping this secret longer will make any good. I guess you new boyfriend has to make up his mind now about what's going to happen in the future. Of course he can tell you one thing today and make a ... (read in full...)
LDR advice? She doesn't accept any of my ideas.
Q. Hello Everyone, So I met my girlfriend online and we've been together for 4-5 months now. (We've known eachother for more then a year) It started out with just talking on msn occasionally but we found out we had much more in common so we sta...
A. 18 March 2011: I'm not sure if I'm missing something. But it seems to me as if she's breaking up for no reason. I mean, a single misunderstanding can't be enough for breaking a good relationship. No matter how mad she was at you. That's the kind of stuff all ... (read in full...)
Should I contact my father? My mom has fiercely protected me from him all these yrs, because he had sexually abused my older half brother and half sister...
Q. When i was 6 years old my biological father was put in prison for sexually abusing my older half brother and half sister. After this my mum took out an injunction preventing him from coming anywhere near me until i was 18 years old. After this he ...
A. 18 March 2011: What do you reckon you will get from him? I know he's your father but, c'mon he abused your brothers. Are you going to contact him so he feels he won something? After what he did?... (read in full...)
She wants to meet this other guy and I'm NOT happy about it!
Q. Hey guys, Btw I love this site. It's helped me make a lot of decisions about my relationship, but I still have some problems. Me and my girlfriend have had a couple of problems. When we last broke up she spilled the beans about things she's don...
A. 17 March 2011: "Should I do the same and keep talking to girls to annoy her back?"
I don't think it's a good idea if you are going to talk to girl only to annoy her. But if you have some girl (friends) to talk to, don't stop yourself from doing that.... (read in full...)
My 16 year old daughter wants to move away to be with her boyfriend, what is the right thing for us to do?
Q. Our 16yr old daughter wants to leave home to live with her boyfriend and his family. They are both 16 and have been going out together for about two and a half years. He, the boyfriend, went to live with his mother after the xmas holidays. His mum ...
A. 17 March 2011: Well. There is two issues here I guess. One is how do you deal with a 16 years old 1000kms away. An the other is how much you will miss her.
Since you seem to trust her very much already: in my own opinion you should let your daughter go there on... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend I lied to him even though it might sabotage our relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months, nearly 5. We have trust issues. He's never done anything to make me doubt his love for me but i've lied to him many times and I created a lot of lies to cover up everything... in the end, it ...
A. 17 March 2011: I guess he will get mad at you anyway. No matter how you tell him this. And I don't think it's worth it.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't like my nude pictures?
Q. Every time I send my boyfriend naughty or nude pictures he doesn't say anything, how do I know if he actually likes them? I am embarrassed, every other guy I have sent them too seems to drive them crazy haha We have been dating for 5 months and he ...
A. 16 March 2011: Maybe he thinks you sent those pictures to a lot of guys already. And finds this ugly, but wont tell you a word about this right now.
If this is what he's thinking I guess this issue will come over later in your relationship and cause you a head... (read in full...)
Why are guys such pigs?
Q. Why are guys such pigs? Ok, so I've recently started talking to a guy from high school. I've been out of high school for about four years, and it's nice to be able to reminisce with him. So we've been talking. And suddenly, he starts telling m...
A. 16 March 2011: "Why are guys such pigs?" The way you start writing your message show us how immature you are. The rest of the message just confirms that.
When a girl flirts with a guy is because she loves to feel the guy gets interested. You know you do it and t... (read in full...)
I was really affectionate and caring towards her, but why did she hurt me?
Q. I'm trying to move on, but it's just too hard and it still hurts. She is with her bf for almost 5.5 years, but it was hard for her. She went through a lot of emotional hurt, cried and is with a possessive guy. I fell for her 3 years ago, and I ...
A. 16 March 2011: Just like she's wrong in staying with that jerk. You are wrong in pursuing this girl who doesn't do what it takes to be better. I don't blame you for what you did so far. You gave it a try and that's ok.
"Will she realize my love some day?"
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't care when other guys hit on me!
Q. This guy in my biology class keeps flirting with me and wont quit. I told him to stop I have a boy friend but he doesn't care and he wont leave me alone. My boy friend saw it today at lunch because the kid tried to lay on me in line and I pushe...
A. 16 March 2011: It depends: do you think this guy could beat your boyfriend up? Are you sure your boyfriend doesn't care?
I think that a girl has to take care of herself and put a limit to other guys. Of course, up to certain limit. If the guy starts being di... (read in full...)
Should I do whatever she wants since I get to keep her?
Q. Hello i'm 19 and still a virgin. I got my first gf a few months ago but weve only met 5 times casue we live a little ways away. I'm nervous about sex being a virgin and all but she wants sex with me as soon as possilbe and threating to break up with ...
A. 16 March 2011: You are 19, you have plenty of time. Just try to meet people and talk to people (not only girls but people in general). That will improve you social skills and make it easy to get a new girlfriend. Just try yo meet people without thinking you are ... (read in full...)
Is it me that makes my man hit me???? Please help!
Q. I don't no what 2 do, my man think's all I'm good for is clean cook and if he not like what I say 2 him I get hit. But he blames me and said if I do what I am told he will not get cross with me and he will not do it 2 me. So is it me that makes him ...
A. 15 March 2011: No. It's not you. And failing to understand this will make you stay in danger. Violence is not allowed at any level. You have to leave right now. I mean, after you read this message you leave and get help from ANYONE. You don't even take a thing ... (read in full...)
Advice Please!!! I'm stuck between two men...
Q. I'm stuck in a situation with two options, both seem right but its hard. option number one....I'm engaged to a wonderful man....Lets call him M, he's sweet,fun, handsome and we have a goodfriendship. I love him, but there are a few red flags that ...
A. 15 March 2011: It seems pretty obvious to me that none of them is the right choice. In the first place you shouldn't marry your current boyfriend because your marriage will fail for sure. Even if you love him, you don't seem able to live together.
The other gu... (read in full...)
She wants to meet this other guy and I'm NOT happy about it!
Q. Hey guys, Btw I love this site. It's helped me make a lot of decisions about my relationship, but I still have some problems. Me and my girlfriend have had a couple of problems. When we last broke up she spilled the beans about things she's don...
A. 15 March 2011: Yes, I agree with SweetSmoochy you should try to move on. This girl looks too immature compared with the kind of relationship you seem to expect. She doesn't make up her mind and keeps you waiting there. I don't think so, very disrespectful.... (read in full...)
LDR advice? She doesn't accept any of my ideas.
Q. Hello Everyone, So I met my girlfriend online and we've been together for 4-5 months now. (We've known eachother for more then a year) It started out with just talking on msn occasionally but we found out we had much more in common so we sta...
A. 15 March 2011: You're right, you need to be face to face in order to throw light over this issue. At least you know that, even if she's not seeing someone else, there is something going here.
I wish you good luck!... (read in full...)
She said she'd be my girlfriend if she was single...which she's not
Q. Falling in love with your best friend is usually a bad ending waiting to happen right? But what if she already told you that she would say yes if you asked her out? hen am I good to ask her out? should I go for it now? I need some help. She is my be...
A. 14 March 2011: "Falling in love with your best friend is usually a bad ending waiting to happen right?"
YES.
I think that CaringGuy can be right and she is someone who would play with you. And you are her second best. Which nobody deserves to be.
Or, maybe... (read in full...)
Is great sex a "must have" in a potential husband?
Q. I've noticed many posts on dearcupid by men suffering from retroactive jealousy. One aspect of it that bothers me is insecurity with respect to whether or not the sex is as good with me as it was with prior men. She's made comments at time...
A. 14 March 2011: I'm not a woman but I will try to tell you what I've learned about this matter.
In the first place, you already know there is no single answer for this question. As every woman will have a different perspective about it. Some women care about si... (read in full...)
LDR advice? She doesn't accept any of my ideas.
Q. Hello Everyone, So I met my girlfriend online and we've been together for 4-5 months now. (We've known eachother for more then a year) It started out with just talking on msn occasionally but we found out we had much more in common so we sta...
A. 14 March 2011: Cupiddd86 dear, if she can't explain why she rejects all the options and she's a little distant at the same time. I reckon she's seeing someone else at you back. And she wants to keep all the options open. I'm sorry but I don't believe in ... (read in full...)
LDR advice? She doesn't accept any of my ideas.
Q. Hello Everyone, So I met my girlfriend online and we've been together for 4-5 months now. (We've known eachother for more then a year) It started out with just talking on msn occasionally but we found out we had much more in common so we sta...
A. 13 March 2011: She can't handle a long distance relationship but she doesn't want you to move there neither. How does she sustain such an argument? Why you moving there is not an option?... (read in full...)
I'm seeing my ex's brother in secret...is this the right thing to do?
Q. Basically, i had been going out with my boyfriend for 2 and a bit years, i had kind of rushed into it. Through the time i was going out with him i got to know his brother, my boyfriend worked a lot so sometimes it was just me and his brother in the ...
A. 9 March 2011: This kind of things just happen. You and your new boyfriend have the right to be happy. Of course you ex will be hurt about this and everyone will judge you. But if you love him, you have to try it. If your ex really cares about his brother and ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend I lied to him even though it might sabotage our relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months, nearly 5. We have trust issues. He's never done anything to make me doubt his love for me but i've lied to him many times and I created a lot of lies to cover up everything... in the end, it ...
A. 7 March 2011: You shouldn't tell him about that as is a really harmless lie (based on what you wrote about it). But you have a lesson to learn here. You can't keep building your relationship over lies because you will make it fail.... (read in full...)
Should I do whatever she wants since I get to keep her?
Q. Hello i'm 19 and still a virgin. I got my first gf a few months ago but weve only met 5 times casue we live a little ways away. I'm nervous about sex being a virgin and all but she wants sex with me as soon as possilbe and threating to break up with ...
A. 19 February 2011: If you want a proper girlfriend, there is bad news. She isn't here already. A girlfriend (who loves you) would never force you into sex. No way. This girl is anything but your girlfriend. In my personal opinion you have to make your mind here a... (read in full...)
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