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Retroactive jealousy, the missing tip

This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

17 January 2016: If you are reading this you know there's a lot of stuff in the net about Retroactive Jealousy. As someone who's gone through that decades ago I've read a hundreds of articles and discussion about it myself. There is a lot of misguided advice, and ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [16 pages, 599 answers]

I've given her an ultimatum, him or me. How can we move forward?

Q.   folks in need of some expert help basically giving my gf a ultimatum. Choose him or me. il make this quick basically i made the first mistake by flirting with a girl online, but let me explain, this flirtation ment absolutely NOTHING...

A.   24 September 2012: I agree with Honeypie and anonymous. But there is something I don't get. She started flirting online. Then you did the same, and for that she went to sleep with the guy. In your girlfriend's logic, she can flirt and you can't. What kind of ... (read in full...)

What are my options if my Bf wants to meet up with his ex?

Q.   Hi everyone, Thanks for taking the time to read this. If someone could give me an advice, I would really appreciate it. Ok, after a year of gathering up my pieces from my previous break-up, I found myself again and started becoming serious inv...

A.   20 September 2012: She is still in his head, and he keeps in contact with her. This is wrong in so many levels. If you don't want to be hurt, I think you should break up with him until he's meda up his mind about his ex. Whether he meets up with her or not is irre... (read in full...)

This picture pops up on Facebook of my boyfriend and this girl looking like a couple....is it reasonable for me to have a problem with this photo?

Q.   Hi, so my boyfriend just came back off holiday, we've been quite rocky for a while but since he came back we've been really happy havnt argued once until this photo was uploaded on facebook. I just want advice on whether I'm being in reasonable with ...

A.   20 September 2012: You are right in having problems with that photo. In fact, your boyfriend was wrong in accepting going out in that way. It looks like he and this girl were being introduced to each other. But, let aside that. He should have been careful not taking ... (read in full...)

How do I stop myself from fearing that my girlfriend is cheating?

Q.   How can I deal with my insecurities and my constant fear that my girlfriend is cheating? I've previously been in three serious relationships, and in all three of them it either ended, or the relationship ended up damaged beyond repair, by the g...

A.   17 September 2012: Since you thoughts seem to be irrational, you should consider therapy. You seem to be obsessing about something you consider not real. You say you have nothing to suspect her, at all. And you realize these feelings come from you past. Let's say stat... (read in full...)

I cheated on him 4 times when we were first together, we are now in love and wanting to get married....should I come clean?

Q.   Hello Everyone..I need urgent help regarding this question...I broke up with a guy after being in a relationship for six years..This changed my life.. i became very careless regarding love and lusted for every single guy i knew..I started dating a ...

A.   17 September 2012: I don't think we can answer whether you have to tell him or not. You have to make up your mind about it. Most probably you will never become less guilty with the time, but more. And it's obvious he will dump you as soon as you tell him what you did. ... (read in full...)

He wants long term I dont 

Q.   Hi Everyone, I just want to know what other people would do in this situation. I got out of a 2 1/2 year relationship 7 months ago and it ended badly i was heart broken. I got really really hurt but there's a guy who i went to high school wi...

A.   8 September 2012: Since you are decided to keeping this a short-term relationship, you should let him know this so he can decide whether he stays or not. It won't be nice of you letting him go on over this without warning.... (read in full...)

What's going on with my FWB?

Q.   Hi everyone I am in a really confusing situation at the moment I have been fwb with a man for over 2 year now I liked him in the beginning but the way he treated me my feelings for him went now I have been away abroad for two weeks and I came back ...

A.   8 September 2012: FWB relationships are meant for avoiding all the complicated stuff of human relationship. It's ridiculous having a FWB and then being worried about what could he mean? It doesn't matter at all, you only have sex with him. Not feelings at all.... (read in full...)

I was a virgin and she was not. Now I feel cheated. To me this is a Big Deal. Am I making too much of this?

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend for 8 months and we had sex recently, but she told me she had sex when she was 14 and lost her virginity with her ex. I am 17 and she is 16. I feel like I gave her everything (my first kiss and virginity), and I go...

A.   8 September 2012: Well, what you feel is pretty common in such situation. You are basically jealous about her ex having sex with her before you. Since you are asking about this here, it's obviously a big deal for you. If you are lucky, you will forget about all this... (read in full...)

What do I do about my FWB and how do I tell if he has feelings for me? Alternatively do I consider an LDR with the other guy?

Q.   Hi hope you can help me with this it would be greatly appreciated I met a man who is in the army on a online dating site who is really keen and wanting a relationship with me but I am not sure how I feel about him. This is because I have h...

A.   8 September 2012: 90% of the time, FWB relationships doesn't work because they are based on fear to commitment. That's why you can't ask him face to face. In my humble opinion it won't work. You have to start a relation ship the proper way. ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to stay in this relationship and go behind my parents' back? I only regret the way we met but not meeting him.

Q.   Ok,rewind to start. In a moment of teenage rebellion, I (a typical goodgirl to my parents and teachers) decided to go on to a website which lets you talk to strangers. now, my parents hate the internet for one plain reason: you can talk to stra...

A.   8 September 2012: If he is about your age, I don't see whats wrong with this relationship. Again, as long as he is about your age. Because you didn't mention it.... (read in full...)

How can I get over my inferiority complex and does she fancy other men more than me?

Q.   I've just started a new relationship but cannot tell how enthusiastic she is about things. I understand that these things can't be rushed and I don't want to ruin things by being too full on but I'm getting jealous about the fact that she is always ...

A.   19 August 2012: Of course she will find other men more attractive. You can find other women more attractive. The point is whether she chooses you or no.... (read in full...)

My friends with benefits is jealous, what should I do?

Q.   Hi I could really do with some good honest answers regarding this I have been sleeping with a man for a few months now we are not together as a couple I told him I would like us to be but he said he didn't want a relationship I went out at the ...

A.   2 May 2012: FWB relationships are messy. Because it's a messy concept for a relationship. Being FWB is more like a half boyfriend-girlfriend relationship where one or both members are too afraid of commitment. And chose this kind of label to feel free. But when ... (read in full...)

How can people not think of pornography as cheating?

Q.   I have something bothering me i've read and discussed this and people say that a boyfriend using porn is no different than him imagining someone in his head but I strongly disagree. Masturbating to porn is alot worse it is an actual picture but ...

A.   2 May 2012: Every person places the limit, for what is cheating and what is not, in a different point. In your case, you have your opinion and that's what you should stick to. You have to let your partner know about this, so he can decide whether he would be in ... (read in full...)

Do all men think about is how to get a girl into bed?

Q.   I'm just wondering if all men's goal is to bed a female when they approach them? I feel kind of silly asking this because I know all men want something from the girls that they date... Many of the men that I've dated actually let me know that all ...

A.   2 May 2012: Of course not. Not every man, and not always. Maybe men are more "sexual" compared to females. But every time a man approaches to a women could be a different intention. You can't relay in a general opinion here. It's useless.... (read in full...)

Is it possible to know the baby's father before its born?

Q.   I hv sex with my ex bf without using a condom a day after i hv ex with my bf now am pregnant dont know who the father is. Is it possible for me to know the real father before the baby is born?...

A.   15 April 2012: Nope. You have to wait and then you need testing DNA with them and the child.... (read in full...)

Do I steer my friend away from this not so nice girl?

Q.   I really do not know what to do I have been friends with this boy for two years and in these two years we have grown closer and I do consider him one of my best friends as I can trust him more than some of my girl-friends. Recently, I have realised ...

A.   15 April 2012: About this "not so nice girl" you should talk to him, and tell him what you think about her. Anyway, you should decide whether you love him or not. Do you think you would be pleased if he dates another girl? Can you think of a girl you would like ... (read in full...)

Is it really possible for people to change?

Q.   Hello, Thank you for taking the time to read my question. My question is about if people can really change. I knew this girl who I had feelings for. We went with each other a little while, but she began canceling our appointments with excuses ...

A.   15 April 2012: People can change. But, from what I read about her, I don't think she's going to. She doesn't even regret what she did. My best counsel here is DUMP HER.... (read in full...)

I like girls but have feelings for boys too. Am I gay?

Q.   I have concerns I am young boy who is in in middle school.I get Teased at for have many girls that are friends for example I get called "gay " and well it hurt and I cry due to these name calling. But all also I have thoughts toward my s...

A.   15 April 2012: In the first place you are young, and you have all your life to be anything you want to be. The bullying you are being victim of is not ok, and you should do something about it. Most of those who call you gay because you have girl as friends are ... (read in full...)

Should I hold on to a small hope that her new relationship will not work out or just completely move on?

Q.   So, there is this girl who was a good friend of mine that I eventually started to her care for her as more than a friend. First off, after a few dates, I asked her to wait for me for few weeks, so I could find a job and treat her the I wanted to ...

A.   15 April 2012: It doesn't matter whether her relationship with this guy work or not. If you two were unable to connect by now, what's the point in keep trying? Obviously she has other guys before you in mind. You are not her first priority at all. Even if you feel ... (read in full...)

I made a drunken mistake with my best friend. do I tell my new b/f before he hears it somewhere else?

Q.   Last night I made a silly drunken mistake with a best friend meaning things could be over before they begun with the guy I've been seeing who has now made it official. Do I tell my new boyfriend about this? Or hope he won't find out? Okay, so...

A.   13 April 2012: Well, you weren't in a relationship when you kissed N. So, are you afraid P will be mad if you tell him? Just to make things clear, it will be better if you tell him. Because he could think you kissed your friends after going official with him.... (read in full...)

Why do people think the opposite sex cant be just friends

Q.   Hi just a quick question why do people always assume that a woman and a man can't be friends without there being more to it this man and me met through my step sister and we get on well (as friends) but people always say they don't believe we are ...

A.   13 April 2012: As Tisha and chigirl said, some people just can't accept that because they are unable to have a platonic relationship with someone of opposite sex. Other people can't accept that because, even as they know it is possible, the can't. And they are ... (read in full...)

Torn between past and now

Q.   Dear Cupids, I am extremely confused right now and could seriously do with some advise. Last year I ended a LTR with my partner of 7 years. Our r/ship at first was amazing..and I fel head over heels for this guy...Unfortunately due to several c...

A.   13 April 2012: Having a relationship with someone (you current boyfriend) while you're still in love with you ex, is kind of cheating on him (your current). You should be honest with him and leave him alone. Or at least you should tell him what's going on.... (read in full...)

I want to tell my bf that I want an 'open' relationship but I don't know how to do it! Please advise!

Q.   Ive been with my boyfriend for 12 years, my first one and only. He is a great father and my children are happy and healthy. He has cheated in the past a lot. I felt like cheating too but never did ,not for revenge but I want "other" . After all of ...

A.   24 January 2012: The best you can do is tell him this. Just plain and simple. He will end up replying with yes or no. So, you have nothing to loose. You are asking so he can't be mad. Specially if he cheated in the past.... (read in full...)

Why do people think it's wrong of me to not date within my own race?

Q.   I've had people telling me that I cant "like" other people from different cultural/racial background. I don't understand why because as far as I'm concerned getting to know the individual is far more important. E.g The guy I like is mixed race (ha...

A.   21 January 2012: Totally agree with Starlights. You have to date the guy you like, no matter his race. Some people think that race make people different, but the only difference is physical. Every person has the same value, no matter his/her race.... (read in full...)

She's a keeper but what she did hurt me, should I stay?

Q.   Me and my girlfriend have been together for 9 months. I'm pretty sure that's not a lot for some people. But for me this is my first long relationship. We have been best friends through it all. I really love her so much. So about a month back there ...

A.   19 January 2012: Sorry. She isn't trustworthy at all. She decided to give him a handjob to the guy who forced her to do that in the past? Nope. I'm sorry but there is a lie there. You don't keep seeing a guy who forces you into sex, do you? Of course not. C... (read in full...)

Before he asks, should I tell my b/f who was the last guy I slept with?

Q.   I met my boyfriend at a club event i attend every month, he and i hit it off and since he was from out of state and didnt know anyone i introduced him to my friends, he socializes mostly with a couple i introduced him too, and hes becoming good ...

A.   19 January 2012: Your messages is a little confusing in the first lines. But I understand that your current boyfriend is interacting (or maybe starting a friendship) with the lust guy you slept with. Who is your friend also. Well, I think it would be very unfa... (read in full...)

I've had 2 relationships but slept with 60 guys!

Q.   heya, im 21 and have slept with 60 boys, but only ever had 2 serious realtionships. i know i have to change my ways but i dont know how help !!...

A.   19 January 2012: Well, if you want to change and still you can't. You have to get counseling. Some people (guys and girls) will be ok with your current life style. But obviously you aren't.... (read in full...)

I'm distraught. She's pregnant with the baby we have longed for. But she's not sure who the father is. Do I stay to father a child who may not be mine?

Q.   Any advice would be great because my head is fried, I'm not sure I even want to be with her now. Hi not sure where to start so will start from beginning, me and my fiancée have been together for 4 years. 19 months ago we had a little girl who was ...

A.   17 January 2012: She is to decide if she goes on with the baby. You are not sure if it's yours so you can't decide. If she keeps it, you shouldn't sign any paper in relationship with the baby. You have to make a DNA test once it's born. And then you can reco... (read in full...)

I’m a 27 Year Old Guy with No Relationship Experience. How Do I Let Women Know?

Q.   I'm over 27 and dating. One question I get asked a lot is about my past relationships. The problem is, I haven't had any. I've had one problem or head trip after another. I've also been a loner and a bit of nerd. I can honestly say that I ...

A.   15 January 2012: The answer is pretty obvious. You have to tell the truth, because if you lie then you could be dating a girl who would dump the person you really are. It doesn't make any sense to date a girl making her think you are different from what your are. ... (read in full...)

We are due to be married soon but she lied about being in touch with her ex, and there is this one question from the start of our relationship that is troubling me.....

Q.   haii im in reltionship with my girlfriend for past 3 years..for past 18 months we moved in together...and now we about to get married..the problem is my GF is in love and broke up with another guy as he cheated her before we met and she said to ...

A.   13 January 2012: The problem is she is the only one who can answer what you need to know. If she is not answering, you should not marry her. You have the right to know about this because it's not her past any more. She saw him at your back, during your relationship. ... (read in full...)

I don't see what she gets out of this 'friendship' with this other guy and it is ruining our relationship...what should I do?

Q.   Here it is, been with my girlfriend for coming up to five years now, she has recently started talking to an old guy friend of hers, they never had a relationship but he liked her. I aren't usually too bad with my jealousy but this time feels ...

A.   13 January 2012: I understand what you feel. I have gone through the same. My girlfriend had a couple of friends (male) when we started dating officially. She barely meet them except for one who she used to meet once a week. I didn't like that guy and we went ... (read in full...)

Heartbroken and lost

Q.   I have been dating this girl for about 6 months (I am 32, she is 25). When we 1st met, it was love at 1st sight. She had a tough life growing up and got in lots of trouble but with the help of a very supportive family, she was able to get back on ...

A.   3 January 2012: You seem very insecure, and you can't control your anger. Such combination is like poison for a couple. So you won't be able to maintain a serious relationship as long as you keep being like this. As aunt honesty told you, her phone is her business ... (read in full...)

I'm worried about something going horribly wrong the first time we have sex

Q.   I was wondering how to prepare for losing my virginity. I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 17 and he is a virgin also. We both want to have sex, he's just a little more confident about it. I'm scared that something is going to go horribly wrong. So what are ...

A.   3 January 2012: The worst thing could be you getting pregnant or getting an STD. He must wear a condom and has to put it right. If you are not completely sure, don't do it.... (read in full...)

How to tell your lover you want him as your boyfriend?

Q.   Hello everybody, I have one question.I've been dating with someone for about a half year now. He's not my boyfriend, we see each other once a week or once on two weeks. We usually go to my or his house and we sleep together. Or we go just for a dr...

A.   3 January 2012: Personally I would never start a relationship by having sex. I mean, I like the old fashioned style. Where you start by asking the other one to be your boyfriend/girlfriend. As you started backwards (as a lot of people do) you face this problem,... (read in full...)

I don't like my friend at all but I think he likes me

Q.   Hi, I'm 15 years old, and there is this guy that i have become friends with (A). We've een friends for 3-4 months, and recently I've begun to suspect he might like me. People have told me (but they arent the most reliable. On a scale of one to ten, ...

A.   19 December 2011: There is a good chance you won't be able to let him down gently. Anyway you should let him know you don't love him back BEFORE letting anyone know you like another boy.... (read in full...)

My b/f says that since I have been with others, he needs to have that experience too

Q.   my bf and i have been together for 3 yrs now. I was with other men before we got together but i was his first. i love him very much and he says he feels the same but he wants to be with other women. he says that since i have been with other men he ...

A.   19 December 2011: For some people, knowing his/her partner has had sex with other people is devastating. It usually isn't a matter of them being virgin or not. Your boyfriend is jealous of you having sex with other men. Even if it was before he knew you. It's only ... (read in full...)

I am cheating, but I want to stay with my boyfriend. Is that reasonable?

Q.   a few years back i had this male best friend, (lets call him man A) we were unbelievably close and i started to get some feelings for him. it never really went anywhere until we had a drunken one night stand. time passed and i lost contact with ...

A.   11 December 2011: Yes, you are a bad person. Because a good person won't hurt another one if it can be avoided. And could just choose not hurt your boyfriend and do one of two things. a) You don't have sex with man A b)You break up with your boyfriend and then you ... (read in full...)

Any stories of casual sex turning into something more?

Q.   Does anyone have any stories of casual things turning into something more? I've been seeing this guy casually and it's been great. Neither of us want relationships at the moment so we're both very happy with the way things are. Thing is, we talk ...

A.   10 December 2011: The main question should be "Do you both know what you feel and what can you expect from this?" This kind of relationship usually go wrong when one person starts to feel (or want) more than the other. ... (read in full...)

We were broken up, I thought for good and I kissed another guy and now everything is a mess

Q.   Hi. Ok so I've made a horrible horrible mistake and I need to fix it. Me and my boyfriend have been together about 6 months. We started getting serious, which wasn't good because people at college were coming between us and it just got emotional and ...

A.   10 December 2011: It's very common for couples to break up and then go back again after a couple of weeks. During that time there shouldn't be any problem if you one or the other partner does something with another person. The couple is broken. BUT it usually doesn't ... (read in full...)

My gf cheated on me. Should I spoil things with her new guy or just let her go?

Q.   ok i'm in a dilema should I be a total git and ruin things for her or should I let it go tell her I dont want to hear from her again and explain how much she's hurt me. my gf and i split about a week ago. The relationship had been hard for ab...

A.   9 December 2011: It won't make you any happier and you will end up going down to her level. Walk away from this girl and cut any kind of contact with her.... (read in full...)

Monogamy: How do I get there with the guy I've been with for 2 months.

Q.   I've been dating this guy for 2 months now and I want to know when is it appropriate to ask if he wants to be exclusive at some point. Or at 34 years old - is it just assumed at some point? We are now spending two days/nights a week together. It s...

A.   9 December 2011: Every one thinks differently about this. That's why you two have to talk about being exclusive ASAP. And there is something more, if you are having sex with another one while dating him. You should not tell him you did. Even if you are not excl... (read in full...)

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