A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a prison pen pal, and have been writing for a few months. There is definite connection but last night he asked if we can be in a relationship. I'm in the UK and he is in the US. I am kind of a 'loser' out here in real life. I am 34, still a virgin, no prospects. I live with my folks and don't have friends. so its not like I will be giving up my life for him- I'll just have someone who loves me. By the way he doesn't ask for money.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eek +, writes (25 December 2011):
 wow you have got yourself in a pickle. Your not a loser you was just looking for someone to take an interest in your life and this guy somehow filled the gap. You know its not going to work though and you need to get out in the big wide world and meet a real man who can love you for who you are and that you can have a real relationship with.Happy Christmas and good luck.
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (24 December 2011):
 Do you even know what he is in prison for? Is he dangerous? Do you know if he is even telling you the truth about why he is in prison?
Im sorry but this isnt the greatest plan.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (24 December 2011):
This is such a messed up idea. You should have a platonic 'pen-friend' friendship if you want, but if you want a relationship you should address the issues that are stopping you from having one now. You can have a 'real life' relationship with someone close to you, who knows the 'real' and physical you, and only then you can say that you know someone who truely loves you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2011): Will you feel safe going over there on your own? He wont be coming to the UK with a prison record, and its a possibility he will be put on the next flight home.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2011): I think it's wonderful that u were or are saving urself for marriage. U r yg and have ur whole life ahead of u. In the states we have online dating services as I'm sure there r in England. Why not try one of those instead of pen pailing a prisoner. Maybe on some level u avoid real relationships w people. Hence, a prisoner in another country is "unattainable.".
What would u do if he got out and caught a flight to England? How would ur elderly parents feel about it?
Wouldn't it b better to see someone, feel better about urself, and find the right person instead? Why not go out and if ur working try a makeover if you feel insecure about ur looks, say. Get a new hairstyle or color, wear makeup if u don't and buy a new sexy outfit.
At 34 u are still yg to find mr right, settle down and have a kid or two. There are alsoalot of guys that prize a girl with virtues that still has her virginity in tact. Goodluck to u.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2011): My boyfriend chose an online girl over me once.we live in england and the girl lives in america.i was devastated and thought it was pathetic that he did that . it didnt last with them and he asked me back.you and this man arent in love.its infatuation and a fantasy world.it will fizzle out.please dont waste your time with this.you can find a man in real life who lives close to you who really loves you.it might take time but it will happen.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (24 December 2011):
 What you have with this person isn't real. You have to tell yourself that now. He cannot love you, he has never met you.
What you have to do is find a way to love yourself first. You will never find what you are looking for until you do.
I believe that you need to see a counsellor, to be given the skills that you'll need to get rid of this 'loser' image of yourself. Living at home and not having friends, you probably don't have anyone to talk to who could help you. You are probably at the stage that you wouldn't even know where to start. That is why a counsellor is necessary. Many, many people get to the stage that you are at, and feel that they are worthless. They end up being used by people who are only out to take advantage of their vulnerability.
You must not give up hope. You are not a loser, and you do have prospects.
But you do need help, and you need it now.
You are still young, and with help, can have a full and productive life that if filled with love. But you won't find it in letters to a prisoner in another country. Not that there isn't a place for letter-writing with prisoners. But this isn't what you need, and that is all that's important at this time. So please, please, get yourself the help that you need. You deserve to live a happy life. If you don't know how to find a counsellor, just make an appointment with your doctor, and he/she will be able to advise you as to where to go. Don't give up, this is your life. xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2011): I don't think tying yourself down to someone in another country, in prison, is really going to be good for you. For some reason you have avoided dating and relationships and this would just create another reason in your mind to keep from getting out there and dating.
You have to be emotionally available to move forward in life and meet people. Getting caught up in a fantasy world about a man you probably will never meet will waste more years of your life where you will remain avoidant in your parents home, writing letters and fantasizing.
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