A
female
age
36-40,
*ovemeright11
writes:i can't understand why me and my boyfriend have such problems when it comes to sex? Yesterday we had sex but none of us got off. So we said oh well lets just try tomorrow. So tomorrow comes and I put a sexy little dress on in the hope that he will notice and come on to me. And if not I will try to come on to him and I hope he falls into it. Well it did not go as planned and started getting late so I straight out ask him are we going to have sex? in a very ca;lm way. He says no. this makes me upset and cry and I can't understand why. he feels bad not but still does not want sex and wishes I was not so down about it. The thing is I was looking forward to it all day cause we agreed to try the next day.my sex drive is very out of control I feel. SOmetimes I have no clue what the real issue is.Due to a sad problem in the past, when i was 16, and the loss of my virginity then, I think it messed me up a bit, I feel. I think my reactions to things can be uncontrollable. I have a counselor and usually talk to her to help me out but I just feel like it as made my sex drive very odd. I have no clue what else to say but please help me if you have any clue on what to say thank you. :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): I quote "Due to a sad problem in the past, when i was 16, and the loss of my virginity then, I think it messed me up a bit." I think this may be a large part of the the problem here, do you think that all males want is sex? Relationships are so much more than sex, it's about having fun, being relaxed in each others company and the safe feeling that if you have a "off" sex day that the other person understands. I also think that your more experienced than your boyfriend and your fantastic sex drive may make his sex life look rather shaming. Reassure him by telling him that he's doing a good job. As for your sex drive, only a girl knows her body best, buy some sex toys (make sure you tell your boyfriend that all your female friends have them, otherwise he may think that he's doing a bad job) and use them discreetly when he's not around. As a final and last resort, if your sex drive is so out of control have you though about some very close FEMALE friends to masturbate with? But be careful, your man, like so many others may see this as a break up issue. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): since you're already seeing a counselor I"m not sure what else we can say that would be helpful to you that you haven't already heard..? if you're not getting a handle on the problem despite counseling then maybe you need to change counselors or speak up more to your counselor and play a more active role in your counseling sessions to get more out of it??could it be hormonal and maybe hormone treatment will help even out your sex drive??
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (26 August 2011):
 Possibly there isn't anything wrong with your sex drive, maybe his is just on the low side. You need to talk to each more.
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