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Why is he pursuing me so relentlessly, despite my attitude? He has a partner already

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Long distance, Three is a crowd, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 August 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 26 August 2011)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

I am currently involved with a long distance relationship/friendship that's puzzling.

This person claims they are "in a relationship", yet has been pursuing me relentlessly. I have received flowers, money, clothing, letters, cards and other gifts. He has given me his home, cell and work numbers.

He calls, texts, writes and visits me. I have his home address,have met some of his friends and one cousin.

Originally, we reunited on FB as just friends only.

I am single and don't have a boyfriend. I kept stressing our "friendship," but he keeps telling me he wants my love and that he loves me.

We have spent time together at his home and mine, although we live in different states. I told him that after these visits, we should no longer have contact with each other, a fling is a fling, and if he is in a relationship he should concentrate on that and leave me alone.

He told me he is bored and tired of her, but they have been together for a few years and "you just don't s--t on a person who has been kind to you."

He told me it's not like she is one of his family members. Yet, he has not come out and told her about me.

Recently, I told him to stop calling me, and that I would not see him when I came to his town on business.

He texted me, called me ...I didn't respond. He kept calling and texting that he missed me..he even said he is his own man and this other woman doesn't own him.

He told me he is used to talking to me ...it's a habit now and that he is still going to call me no matter what I say.

I feel he has a hidden agenda, but can't guess what it is?...HELP

View related questions: cousin, flowers, long distance, money, text

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011):

I would say you are the one with the hidden agenda.

You keep telling him that it's over but you keep going back to him so your actions don't match your words. Maybe you think you can turn a fling with a married man into something more and have convinced yourself it's more than just sex to him. It's not. He keeps pursuing because you keep giving in.

He keeps getting what he wants (read:SEX) while your hidden agenda (read: more than SEX) goes unfulfilled.

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A female reader, Aunty Susie Australia +, writes (26 August 2011):

Aunty Susie agony auntI'd be blocking him from my life, phone, facebook, the lot. He's messing with you, and her both.

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (26 August 2011):

RedAthena agony auntI would be rather creeped out by a man who said that no matter what I say he is going to keep pursuing me.

He wants to keep the fling open. You do not have to. If you close it anything else he does is stalking and there are laws against that:)

The other woman may not OWN him. No human being should be owned, but she probably does not know he has a side dish!

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